So, Tonight watching one of my favorite shows I learned a new word. The word is Generativity which as Dr. Bull (the main character on one of my favorite shows Bull) defined it as a person driven to help others and the belief in the future. To me it was no matter how bad things are they will be ok or better? and Webster says that it means a need to nurture or guide others. It is a psychology term. A trait people gain in their 40s-60s. Basically this is the time in your life you are going to leave your mark. Especially for those that have children but since I don't we will ignore especially. I thought 40 is a little late for leaving a mark on your kids if you had them when they are 20 or 25 well your mark has been left for better or worse. So I am going to say that I would believe that people start thinking about the hill they have been climbing to get to be 50 or so years old. Ironically I am very familiar with said hill. And how as they reach that point they look both back at what they have done and forward to what they want to accomplish. They also are re-evaluating the timeline they imagined when they were 20 and how the world was going to stop for them and how they would break through the glass ceiling.
Now of course when I was thinking about this word since the beginning of the show and now some 4 hours later the word is still with me and sleep is not. I thought I would see how this word fits with me. Of course in the episode of Bull we have an hour to find a man innocent of a murder he didn't commit and he was totally aware of at the time. I, like Bull's character because he himself though he would never admit it might just have a little bit of this Gernerativity in himself. For the most part wants to believe the best of people and will defend those he believes in until the end. Hey now that sounds like someone I know. He used one of the people that works for him as an example that her life has had ups and downs but over-all has been alright by her definition even though other less optimistic people might say she has had it rough but rough is ok because it makes you stronger. Oh now I think I am breaking out into a Kelly Clarkson song. Again sounds familiar.
If I was going to analyze my on generativity I would say that I do believe no matter how tough things are they are going to be ok. And that those tough things make me who I am. And for the most part I like who I am. There have been times in my life I might not have thought that.I mean I have always thought myself strong but I don't think I always liked how I portrayed strong. I used to think that strong meant loud and in front of everyone. Just ask anyone that worked with me from when I was 17 until I was in my 30s, but as I got older I have learned that speaking very quietly to someone is sometimes gets their attention better than yelling and it makes people listen. Not that I am but in movies when ever the bad guy is going to tell you something he really wants you to hear he makes you lean in to listen. So I have learned that by not yelling and making people lean in they do sometimes hear what I am saying and maybe I can make a difference to the future generations even if they are not my own children. See I knew especially didn't apply to me.
I have learned in life that it does make one feel better sometimes to help others. And well I could live off of that feeling. There are times I do get sad because I feel like if you bought me a gift and it isn't something I like that you don't get me and I used to think that was sad because the person didn't care but I think the saddest thing is maybe they don't know me and that is most likely my fault. Now up until this point I had not a tear in my eye but see that sadness from people not knowing me that hurts. Is because I don't show people the true me or do I protect myself from being hurt that I don't let many in. Hmm. I thought this was about my mark on the future but if I don't let anyone in how can they remember me. Of course I had to just stop because I was breaking into song again. "I will remember you."The next line of the Sarah Mclachlan song says, "Will you remember me." So here we are now I am not so sure I like the word if it is all about people thinking of me after I am gone. What my mark on the world is. I really like the idea better as Bull put it, A person that believes in the future. Well I do believe in the future and no matter the good the bad or the ugly. It will be ok. And on that I will say that I am a generative person. Ok one last song. It is 3 o'clock in the morning and it looks like it is going to be another sleepless night. Ding, Ding Ding if you guessed Crystal Gayle you are playing along well. On that note get it, musical note. Good Night.
