The Man and his Legacy

 Last night I found out that one of my favorite people in the world passed away on my birthday earlier this year. This is one of those people that made a difference in my life. A store manager I worked for at Eckerd. It is funny how I worked at one store for a long time had 4 different managers. But once I became a Service Assistant which was a key carrying cashier that could open and close the store. I moved around to many different stores in the area and learned to work with all kinds of different people. As a rule it always seemed like I was in a particular store between 8 months and a couple years and by then usually ready to move on. I can name the stores I worked by location by store numbers by store managers. I can tell stories about customers and employees at each one. I can tell you lessons I learned at each place. 

Store #7 on Missouri and Rosery. I already knew when I got there that a store is a family. One more dysfunctional than the next. At this store I was about 25 years old. The man that was the manager there a silver haired soft spoken man named Andy. He was one of those people that you rarely saw get mad and things seemed to roll off of him. He ran a neat and organized store. I think he had been in the Navy when he was younger. His wife Comfy always stopping by dropping off lunch for someone. I can remember Andy calling me one late afternoon. "Jeanne, I left my sandwich in the refrigerator. Please eat it." These were little things. Who knows I might not have had any money and he intentionally left it or it could have just been an accident but he really never made the people that worked for him feel poorly about themselves and he certainly wouldn't have let one of them go without anything they needed. 

I learned working with him that sometimes there are people in the world you have to help them improve themselves without making them feel like there was anything wrong with them. We had quite a few young people that worked in the afternoon and weekends. They were all like his children. There was one that would call out because he didn't have a ride to work. So, instead of leaving him to sit home. Andy or Comfy would go pick him up and bring him to work. Not having a ride wasn't going to get you out of work. It also saved me from being short handed. I would take that same kid home at night after work. I got to where if Andy wasn't there I to would go pick him up. We had a young girl that worked there. She was in her late teens. I remember when she came in and told me she was pregnant. Again, just like my own child I would feed her and make sure she had whatever she needed. There was a young man that worked in the pharmacy and he had long hair and at that time Eckerd was a fairly conservative company to work for. Guys with long hair weren't easily accepted by upper management. But instead of telling the kid to cut his hair, when we had store visits. Andy would send him on lunch or send him to Publix. I can remember going outside and finding him sitting on the bench in the shopping plaza and letting him know all clear. He could come back to work. An earring or long hair didn't make you a bad person or a bad employee. Just made you different.

Andy and Comfy welcomed their dysfunctional family into their own. I took their daughter and son's wedding pictures. I know some of the young people that worked at the store lived in their upstairs apartment. This was a family I wanted to be a part of. When I was at this store was the time when I had first started seeing Brian and five years later, Andy and Comfy were at our wedding. 

I was thinking today that it was about 27 years ago when I worked for him. I realized that he was probably about my age when now when I worked for him. His silver hair made him seem older but I would guess in his 50s at that time. Amazing how time changes my perspective. Back then I was the young Assistant trying to learn my way and he seemed to be the Jedi Master with all the answers. He always made me feel like whatever was wrong could be fixed. Maybe it was a jack of all trades kind of thing. Whatever you needed he seemed to have the answer or a solution and if he didn't well his sure footed wife Comfy certainly did. 

Now all these years later still a part of my Eckerd Family but a regular part of my life. A sure thing that the first Christmas card received each and every year is going to be from Andy and Comfy including family pictures. We had a Eckerd get together at my house maybe five or so years ago. I remember it being so important to me that Andy and Comfy were able to come. I always felt like if I needed something really if I needed anything and I called this wonderful couple they would be able to help me. I don't know that I learned to be selfless from them but I most definitely honed my skills of selflessness and giving while working for him.

I knew he had cancer. Like I said, these are people I think of all the time. The kind you know are always there. I am so sorry for Comfy and her children's loss. Really the whole world lost a really great guy on my birthday this year. But God now has a really great angel. Andy you will be missed.

Hello God, It is me...

 The other day I read an article about a phone booth at the Burning Man event in Nevada that had a sign out that said talk to God. The person wrote that people were waiting in line. Reading that it instantly brought tears to my eyes. What would I say? The first thing that came to mind is how is mom? I continued reading the article and the person wrote that he had serious questions for God. Like is the Bible truly Your words? I have thought about that before. Back in the day when it was being written not many people could read or write. Scholars and Monks. Maybe one of them sat down one night with a pen and vellum (they didn't have paper) and wrote a story about the time of Jesus and the creation of the world. So, I find that a valid question. My other thought is do you talk or do you listen. Do I want to tell God what is bothering me today? In theory he already knows so then maybe I should just listen to what he/she has to tell me. Maybe Jeanne, you don't need to worry so much about things. Somethings are going to happen and worrying or not is not going to change the outcome. Seems like really good advice.

The more I read I found that people are lined up to talk to God in a phone booth but in this day there are less and less going to church. So do people feel that a phone booth is just as likely a place to talk to God as any. One thing I have said about myself for quite sometime is that I am not religious but I am faithful. I believe there is a God. I don't even know if believe is the right word. I know there is a God. There has to be. No matter your belief in how the world started weather Adam & Eve or a big bang. All the creatures of the world and the stars and planets. There had to be a power that created it all be it in 7 days or in an instant. Imagine all the things in my body that it takes to type these words. My brain thinks them, sends a message to my fingers which know where the keys are in the dark to type them and my eyes are able to read them on the screen and back to my brain that understands that my words can be understood. 

As I read the first article, I kept thinking who is God. A shrink, a priest, someone with some ability to council. Someone who knows who has had one too many and who is very serious in their purpose or pursuit of God. 

The second article I read was different. I learned that not only can you wait in line to talk to God from the phone booth that when you pick up the receiver that a light shines straight up to the heavens. There is also a place not far away that there is another phone and if you find that phone. You can be God. Now, I feel that we are unstable ground and the more I read the more I knew that this could be a person calling asking God for prayers for a mother or child that is sick but it also could be a person crying for help. This such situation happened to the person who was God. The person said something about thinking about doing something they had tried before but not been successful at. My first thought was Lord Help him he is talking suicide. I am not sure if the person on the phone was thinking that instantly. They asked will doing this thing make you happy and the person in the phone booth said yes. The person playing God said, you should do what makes you happy. I don't think that is totally true number one. Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem and you don't know that the thing that will make one person happy will not hurt another. How could you imagine death could make you happy. See, now Jeanne is thinking I don't like this. I don't like it at all. The more I read of the second article the more I learned that not only is there the God person on the phone there are others sitting around listening to a speaker able to hear the person on the phone in the  confessional of a phone booth as well as the God person's responses. Since all stories don't have happy endings. That year at Burning Man someone did commit suicide. I don't know if it was the person in the phone booth or not. I learned that the person playing God felt strongly enough they weren't sure if they would return or ever play God again. Back in their real life they took a class at work and the person giving the class was talking about such a situation and said, if someone is talking like that you have to ask directly "Are you thinking about suicide." Even reading the words seemed harsh to me but if the person is truly thinking that way they need help from someone who isn't playing God. Someone who has real experience with dealing with whatever the underlying issues are that has gotten this person to this place.

During this pandemic I know that some people find solace in being home. Feeling safe. Others feel isolated. I am going to say I have felt both. I am not and never have thought of suicide. Just to be clear for those that are worrying about me taking this line of thought this far in the middle of the night. I want to live and I want to be happy and have no interest in hurting myself or others. I said once in a post that my pendulum of happiness is just weighted to the sad side sometimes. The last few days I have felt that weight. I don't know if it is literally the extra pounds of being home all the time. I have thought about it and other than going to work I thought I was home a lot before. But being at home all the time at first I thought this gives me time to be productive at home. That time I would be driving to and from work. I could clean something, sort something, throw out something. That feeling didn't last long. Then my drive home as Brian called it I would lay down and read my book and decompress from work for 30 minutes and then do whatever it is I do. Cook dinner, wash dishes, take out the trash, do laundry. You know all those things. 

I really never liked the idea of working at home. I felt like there would be no separation. I had to walk past my work computer to get to this one to write this post. I have to push the chair out of the way to open our front door if someone comes over. On the other hand taking a shower and putting on a pair of shorts and a shirt and walking across the house is a nice commute. Not wearing shoes is an excellent benefit which out weighs jeans day which our company doesn't do anyway. So there are plusses and minuses. 

Yesterday however I really could have used being around other people. I was in a worrying state. Monkey brain they like to call it. When your brain just jumps from one thing to another. I used a breathing exercise and I reached out to a friend at work through instant message instead of walking over to her desk on my break and crying and telling her I hate that I worry. But luckily she was able to make me laugh through an instant message. And for a few moments we talked about unrelated things and my mind got back to where I needed it to be and I was able to continue on with my day. And made it. 

I think part of my problem is Social Media the constant bombing of the left and right telling me why they believe what they believe and why Mo or Jo should be President. The news of all these hurricanes battering the Gulf coast. This pandemic we have been living through. So here I am at 6am. My thought was I wanted to get to the part where I asked God if the library in heaven was as big as the sky and can I read any book and when I am done come back and get another. Can I spend my day floating on a cloud next to an ocean or a swimming pool. I know everyone talks about the food but I just need to know there is peace.

 I really just don't want to worry. Thanks for listening God. 

Drinks are on me

 All right. So I couldn't think of anything to write but it is nearly 6am on a Saturday morning and I am up staring at a blank page. I instantly play a game of solitaire on the computer to hope that I will stop thinking and go back to bed but when that doesn't work I go to a creative writing website with writing prompt ideas. I read through the list as though it is a check list. Done that. No, not that. No, not tonight. Maybe. Then I see the subject. Drinks on me. I can do that. I have a story that I don't think I have told here before.

When I was about 23 years old I took a job as a portrait photographer in Kmart. I didn't work directly for Kmart I worked for another company that provided the service in the store. I know it isn't exactly fashion photography somedays it was more like shooting for National Geographic. I think we had a week of training. Learning how to set up and break down the studio. How to load the camera with a 100 ft roll of film in a dark bag. Well if you know what Mary Tyler Moore's hair looked like back in the 1970's then you can feel your way through getting the film set. It was a mobile studio and you would be in a particular area for a long weekend like Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Then home a few days and back at it in another city. Making your way around the state.

On Wednesday I would leave the house with the studio packed into my car and would head to where ever we were for that week. Every six weeks or so you would be back in the same area. I think the first week I was out I was in Fort Lauderdale. And for example there may be 6 or 8 Kmart stores in that area so there would be that many photographers. I remember this guy that I trained with his name was Jeff. He was a few years older than me and had been doing the job for a year or so. He helped me set up the studio and showed me the tricks to get a kid to smile that was crying or how to pose a family. These were the days of film and negatives and there was no showing them the image or even seeing it for myself other than through the lens of the camera. 

In the evening photographers would stay at the same place they stay every time they were in that area. We stayed as a group and usually got a better rate. Most were mom and pop places as I recall. Jeff explained that some of the people shared rooms to cut back on their expenses basically so you can keep more of the per diem we got. I think we got $30 per day for our room and maybe $15 for food per day. So if you didn't spend the $30 per night on your own room and you only spent $10 that left you $20 extra dollars a night. That first week I think I wasn't so sure about sharing a room with others. I think I shared with another girl on the road. But since Jeff and I were fast friends. The next week I was sharing a room with 3 other total strangers and spending way less money on my room with more money to spend.

 I quickly learned that that extra money was drinking money. Each night after a hard 9 hours taking kid and family pictures we would all go somewhere and get dinner and then of course there was a bar that they frequented. We would all hang out and drink until the wee hours of the night and then back to the room to crash until we had to get up and do it again the next morning. After a few days I was getting the handle on the schedule and after a few weeks I had my small circle of friends that I hung out with and shared a room with and drank with. Jeff had a friend much younger even younger than me Tadd. Tadd was an over the top kind of guy but they were both great fun to be with. Tadd liked to sing and he loved singing Whitney Houston. Granted this is 1990s so everyone loved Whitney Houston. I can not remember a specific song buy I can picture him arms spread and belting out some ballad of hers as though it was his own. One night while sitting at the bar drinking. Jeff and I came up with a game. We would choose semi randomly a person at the bar that we didn't know and buy them drinks. The bartender couldn't tell the person who was buying the drinks for them and we would continue to buy drinks for this person until we were ready to leave and then tell them it was us. 

I don't know if this sounds as fun as it was. It was a endeavor in people watching. How does the person react? Do they get mad? Some did. If they are with other people what are they doing. The whole time they are looking around the bar trying to figure out who was buying them drinks. And the whole time the bartender knows his tip depends on him keeping our secret. 

Now I didn't last at this job very long. As much as I love taking pictures I prefer nature to families. The saying goes never work with kids or animals. I am not sure if that saying has anything to do with photography but after doing the job for a while you get it. Which I guess is why as young people we would go out each night drinking. Almost every memory I have from those 6 or 8 weeks that I did that job I remember the people I worked with like Tadd and Jeff and the fun we had going out in the evening. Telling our stories of the day. The kid that I caught about to fall off the poser from more than 6 feet away, that had two parents with their hands on the child as they fell. The family of 12 that would barely fit within the space of the backdrop. Trying to arrange them so I could see them all in the shot. I do remember one child by name Abigail. I only remember because she said her name about 100 times and to her it was a three syllable name Ab-i-gail.

We definitely had favorite bars. When we were in Dothan, Alabama one week and Panama City, Florida the next. The bar in Dothan was so much fun that we drove the hour and a half each way just to go to the same bar two weeks in a row.  Another place we went was in Douglas, Georgia and it was cold out and the bar was outside and we were freezing doing shots of Jagermeister. Most who know me would not believe that I would be doing shots of anything but back in the day with these guys I would not blink an eye at a shot of tequila either. 

As it got closer to Christmas the company needed more people up north and I drove my Mustang loaded down with my photo studio on my own to Pennsylvania and then on to New Jersey. I know it was for the money and the adventure. I can remember me getting up there and getting out of the car freezing in shorts that I was comfortable in when I got in the car in Florida. I stayed with a friend of mine that lived in New Jersey for that week to save money. I am pretty sure I quit after that week. Instead of like 50 sittings in a week I was doing that every day. People lined up to get their kids Christmas pictures. It was pure insanity. 

It has been more than 30 years since those days. I have not seen or heard from either of them in that long as well. Don't even recall their last names but the memories from that time are with me forever. I think it is a lesson in life. Some moments last a lifetime and sometimes the memories do. I would not trade the time I did that job for anything. I needed a change in my life and I did it in an unimaginable way.  Cheers.

Tropical Breezes blowing through my Memories

I look out the window this afternoon and see the leaves blowing in the trees. The slightest of drizzle coming down. The sun is shining to the south but to the north and west it is dark. I look out from my desk and that tropical breeze reminds me of afternoons when I was young. Sitting out on the dock across the street from our house. 

I think for me it was the quiet place. The water lapping up on the seawall and under the lower section of the dock. On a good day we would be swimming or fishing from there. But on a day like to today I would sit quietly by myself looking at the houses across the bay and the water. I don't recall what I would think about. I think it was just my place to not be in the house with so many other people. My place to sneak away. I can't count the times my mother would come up behind me and startle me as I sat there watching the world go by. What are you doing over here? she would ask. Just watching the boats I would say.

One breezy day I know it was before a storm, I can't name which. I can only say it must have been expected to be bad because there were people anchoring their boats out in the middle of the bay. Watching them set the anchors and draw out the line to give their boat plenty of room to move with the wind. People moved their boats out to the safety of the bay to prevent them from battering into the dock as the wind blows and the tide rises. People that weren't prepared could go out the next day to a sunk boat or a grounded one. 

Labor Day weekend 1985, Hurricane Elena was one of those storms couldn't make up her mind which way to go and kind of hung out in the Gulf over the weekend. My brother and sisters we were all in our teens and spent the evening putting down the storm shutters. We weren't sure what we were doing but we were pretty sure we were going to leave the beach. It was late or early in the morning after midnight and we got all the windows covered and everything in the yard picked up and we left the house. There were no cell phones and I am not sure how or why but I ended up in the auditorium of Clearwater High with my boyfriend. The next morning we went to the Eckerd store at Cleveland Plaza and I remember the power was out but we had battery backups for the registers so we were able to ring up customers. I remember that I had no shoes on. They were probably in the car but I hadn't planned on working. Somehow I found that my family was at a house out off McMullen Booth Rd. My dad knew the people but the rest of us didn't. It was very strange. We spent the rest of the weekend watching tv in a strange house with people we didn't know. I was so anxious to get back to see if there was any damage to our house. As soon as I heard they were getting close to opening back up the causeway I got in my car and decided I would go sit and wait near the bridge to go home. I did and our house was high and dry as always. To this day 35 years later the house has never had the water rise higher than the bricks in the front yard. Which leaves about 3 more feet the water would need to rise to get even to the front steps.

There is something about watching a storm. Watching the water level drop in the bay was always a strange site. For those without the knowledge could find it fascinating to walk where there would usually be water but Mother Nature will teach her lessons, what goes out must come back and sometimes with a vengeance. More than once I have seen the bay water level go way down and then see the water come back up into the bay and the beach wouldn't flood from the west but instead from the east. So much water would push up into the bay it had no where to go but to head back over the beach and back out into the Gulf. 

One such storm was in the 1990s a no name storm as locals called it. Not even a tropical storm. More like a winter storm that lost its mind. I was living on my own by this time and had a roommate. We had gone out and it was raining pretty good at the bar we were at we were sitting outside watching Johnny Carson on TV and talking about the rain. When we got home he said, "are you sure it has never flooded here?" I told him, " not in my lifetime." Well, that changed that night. He woke me at about 3am and said, "you have to look outside." We looked out the back door and the water was rising in the street. I felt that are cars were safe. He had parked his in the driveway and pulled right up to the garage and I was parked right next to his in the grass. The water rose so high that night it actually came inside the garage. We had about two inches of water in the garage but again still needed at least another six or more inches to get into the house. We stayed up that night until daylight. Watched the water rise. There is a fire hydrant across from the house and the only part that could be seen was the the very top. That morning the power was out. We took his car and went out to survey the damage and get some breakfast. We found cars sitting in the street that would normally be in driveways. Signs blown down. But more water damage than wind. Remember this is salt water. So I took my car to a friend to have it cleaned and detailed. It had some water inside on the floorboards. I only drove it one more time and that was it. It wouldn't start again. The damage from the saltwater was so severe the car was totaled. For the next week or two a regular site would be cars being towed off the beach. Lots of cars with saltwater damage.

The next time we had to evacuate was 1998 Hurricane Georges. It was September 25 I remember because the next day my sister was getting married. But the church she was to get married in was in the evacuation zone as well. Her husband had to go pick up the priest from another church he was staying at while evacuated to take him to the Moose Lodge where there reception was to be held. We did the whole thing in one place. It was an all day event since people had no where to go and the weather was horrible out. People just stayed. We finally had to have the DJ stop playing so that we could get people to go home and we could clean up. Then just six weeks later Brian and I got married and on our honeymoon on Sanibel Island we woke to check the weather and saw the guy from the weather channel was on Sanibel Island. The power went off before we knew what was happening and we went to breakfast to find their power out as well. But they gave us juice and told us of the storm that was coming. When the power came on we had our breakfast and went out and watched the storm.

2003 we moved off of the beach which is a good thing since in 2004 we had 4 hurricanes that year. Mom evacuated for the first but got more stubborn after that and stayed home for the rest. We worried but she always ended up safe. 

My last I have written about before just 3 years ago this week I would have been sitting here sweating with no power for five days after Hurricane Irma. No way to write this blog having a tree fall on the front of the house. We still weathered the storm. 

As I sit here as the sun is setting thinking about all the storms they are now just a breeze in my memory.

Birthday Surprise

Today would be mom's 75 th birthday. Me the genealogist has always found it interesting that some days seem to repeat in a family that my birthday was the day my aunt and uncle got married and that one of my sisters birthday was my grand parents anniversary and that same sister had her daughter on another sister's birthday. We sometimes had 3 birthdays grouped together so we would share a celebration. My brother, my dad and I are birthdays are all within 2 weeks so we shared. My mom and grandma were within a week and then came the derby and mother's day and another sister's birthday. See things group together. Well in the youngest generation I have a niece who's birthday is the day before mom's and a great niece that is the day after. Unfortunately mom didn't live to see the princess be born. She loves Elsa or maybe she is Elsa. Parenthesis around mom which basically fill the gap this time of year that mom and grandma left empty. Gives a reason to celebrate when otherwise we might be sad or reflective. Well, I am always reflective.

That is what I am writing about this early morning. My niece who's birthday was yesterday. She turned 18 a milestone of birthdays. But in this time of Pandemic my sister wasn't sure what to do for her birthday. For my friend's birthday years ago I had her flocked. Where they put out a bunch of flamingos in her front yard and a big sign that said she turned 50. She lives on a busy street so it was quite the seen and well worth the money for the fun. So my sister and I looked into this last week to see if someone still does that sort of thing and a we did. The company FlocknSurprise. The owner was great. Well we decided we have too much time on our hands and we made signs to go along with the cows that were put out and the rather large sign that said, Holy Cow. Any cow pun we could come up with and some were udderly ridiculous. That was the sort of thing that we made enough to spread across the yard. Everyone contributed signs. And she had no idea. Her younger sister told her she approved of the birthday surprise which I guess in teenage lingo it was cool. At one point she told her sister they were getting a real cow for her. My sister bought cow bells for everyone.

Last week I started thinking about writing a letter to my niece. To share some of my memories of her life and to show her that sometimes things don't work out the way you think they are going to but they do work out. I told my sister last week in front of my younger niece and she joked Aunt Jeanne is writing a 3 page card. I said well, it is 3 pages long but may be more when I am done.Well as the wind started to pick up this very early morning and the thunder and lightning woke me. I got up for a drink and saw I had a text message on my phone. My now adult niece text me a mile long text thanking me for the letter and the poems. See I tied things in life to poems like Robert Frost The Road not Taken and Emily Dickenson's The Brain is Bigger than the Sky. I wanted to share things she might enjoy as well as show people have different ways of expressing themselves. At first I only added the titles of the poems and a short quote but I decided that she may not google them so I would print them out for her to read. I told her yesterday when she opened the card that she didn't need to read it now and I hoped she could read cursive since I wrote it by hand, I joked otherwise you will have to have your mom read it to you. But she assured me that she could read cursive and would read it.

That mile long text I got that I will probably save and never delete. A simple text message which validated my existence. I know that seems extreme but one of the things my mother used to say was it wasn't so bad that I didn't have kids. That I had already raised my brother and sisters and two parents. By the way that doesn't make a childless woman feel any better. But this morning my niece said that she loved experiencing things with me. That she enjoyed reading my memories and comparing them to her own and how we see things different but she likes to see things with me to see how I understand them to be. Because I know something about the world. As even the non-parent that I am I know that if a 18 year old acknowledges an adults opinion of anything is significant.

So today on my mom's birthday I have been validated as a person by a younger generation. Maybe not my own child but that of my sister's. The trips we take were so that I could have a few days per year to share life with 3 kids that I love. And in the last 5 years we have visited Thomas Edison's house, snorkeled with a scientist, visited a butterfly garden, gone on glass bottom boat ridesl seen wild horses (nay, nay's) as the girls called them and gone to a Submarine Museum.


All the while not sure if what I wanted to share was what they wanted to experience, but I learned today that they do enjoy the times we spend together and I do make a difference. That makes life worth it and we are going to plan a trip to some museums this summer.

Kids Life

Back at Thanksgiving I wrote about the holiday and the kids that live across the street. These kids live in a group home. We have lived across the street from this group home for 17 years so those kids back then probably have kids of their own by now. The thing I wrote about at Thanksgiving was my frustration with the kids and the people that worked there. How within the month of November I guessed the police had been out 30 times to the house. I under estimated by a lot. It was more than 60 times. My frustration made me take action and after visiting the police station and actually being told if there was anything wrong they would be shut down. Give me a break if the cops have been at the same address 60 times in one month the least there is, is something wrong.

Well today I am sitting in my front window and the kids are playing tether ball and yesterday I actually saw one of the adults that worked there out playing ball with the kids in the street. Now I know some of you think I am crazy but I wanted to walk out and say Thanks... So this morning as I started to sit down at the computer I thought I have some outdoor toys in the garage. I went out and found them and took them over. The boys that were out playing I asked if they could check with someone that worked there to see if I could give the toys to them. They came back out with the same adult that was out playing with them yesterday. I explained that I live across the street and I appreciate the work they are doing and the improvements that have been made. I handed over the stuff to the boys and they said thank you and have a nice day.

I did ask the adult if there was anything they needed and if so to let me know and I said we live just across the street. I explained my experiences and he had not worked there back in November but he knows what I am referring to.

To say that I was pleased would be an understatement.

The thing I wanted to write about is life experiences and that some are different than others and just because people don't have the same experiences that you did doesn't make them less of a person. It just makes them different. Those boys don't have parents that love them in the traditional sense. I don't know if they do at all, but I know that people care and those kids know who they are.

People with children always say they want better for their kids. Better by the standards of which they were brought up. If you grew up working hard maybe you want your kids to play more. Maybe my childhood I worried to much about others and I would hope that if I had a kid they wouldn't have to worry but that wouldn't mean I wouldn't want them to work hard and play hard. Everything in proportion. I know that kids today don't have responsibilities and I understand the world is different than when I was a kid. I am pretty sure what I would want my kid to be able to do is different than others. Kids need to know right from wrong and there are consequences. They need to learn who they can trust and how to manage money. These are the things that will make your kids good adults.

When my nieces and nephew were young I would hold them and talk to them like they were adults. Telling them things about making good choices and things I wanted to do with them when they got older. My one sister came home and asked what I was doing. I said, telling them all the things they won't want me to when they are older. God, I love those kids.  I teased my nephew he had to love me more than his mom so he would take care of me when I get old. I don't think my mother or grandmother thought that way but after taking care of both at the end of their lives I know how important it is to have someone that cares taking care of you.

I know I have covered a bunch of subjects but while you are home with your kids maybe show them how to pay the bills. They don't have to know that you worry about where the money is coming from just show them that it is due and you have to pay it. The rest they will learn in time.

My younger self

I was just looking for an idea for a writing prompt and it said to write a letter to your 14 year old self.

What would I say to that girl? Often if asked if I could do it again would I? I have always thought no. When I think of all the years that go by for some reason the hard things always come to mind first. I don't first think of my successes. So why would I want to relive my failures. Would I succeed where I failed the first time. Or would I fail where I first succeeded. Would I know the difference.

I wouldn't want to take a chance that I somehow wouldn't have met Brian. I don't know which things I would risk not doing that made me the person I am and which things I would do different that would change my entire life.

But if I was to give a 14 year old today advice about life.
Be true to yourself. 
Be honest with everyone. The truth is so much easier to remember. And the first rule I have always referred to is Never go back. 
Don't write anything down you don't want everyone to read. 
Don't say anything you wouldn't say in front of your mother.

Dear young girl,
Maybe you are related to me, if so I know you have opinions on everything. My mother was the queen of having an opinion. As her youngest grandson Paul would call her Bull Headed. A funny thing for her to be called since when she was young her family referred to her as Sitting Bull.

Mom did what she wanted and if that meant standing out behind her work smoking a cigarette with the men she shouldn't have been associating with in that day and age. Well, she did it. That same woman taught us that your station in life isn't important if you are a good person. Rich or poor it just doesn't matter. Mom grew up in a time and place where you didn't associate with people that were different than you. Yet somehow she taught us there are good and bad people everywhere.

A great piece of advice for you is that middle school and high school seem like forever but as you get older you will realize that those years are just a blip on the screen and there is so much more after that.  When people are mean it is usually because they truly don't like them self. They hurt others to make them self feel powerful. But those are the weakest people. They throw their weight around to see what they can get away with. Be nice and walk away. Always remember: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is advice as old as the written word but there are no truer words. There is actually satisfaction to be had by being nice to someone that can't say a nice thing to you. As one of my favorite store managers told me just tell them to have a nice day. What can they say back to that. Well, I had a lady throw a box of medicine at me once because I told her to have a nice day. Still makes me smile today.

You will not be able to do everything right and you will treat people poorly. You will make mistakes. Recognize them as just that and improve yourself. You will befriend people you shouldn't and when you realize it cut your losses and walk away.

I have told the story many times that a boyfriend that I had been with for years. I thought we would get married after high school. Thought we would have kids and live happily ever after. It didn't work out that way and once I caught myself lying to him. I knew that I had to walk away. The friend I went to when it was over, funny thing is that was where he was going also. He had been seeing her behind my back. I sometimes think I wasted the years crying over this guy that I was just trying to please and there was no way I could. He didn't ever worry about making me happy. That is something to look for. If someone says they love you and they won't stick their neck out for you or defend your honor. You might want to think about not defending their's anymore.

A rebound is a rebound. Don't try to make it more. If a bad thing gets you out of a worse situation take it for what it is and keep it moving. It may seem counter productive but sometimes even a bad move is better than staying where you are.

 Realize that your time is precious don't waste it. In the same vain sometimes you have to be quiet and by yourself. Be happy with that person you are with. Know that she has a pure heart and means well. If she doesn't help her to do better. Yes, be nice to yourself. You are worth the effort.

True friends are the family you choose. Choose wisely and they will last forever. When they ask your opinion tell the truth but all the same expect the truth when you ask that of them. That is how you will know your friendship is pure. Those are the relationships that can last a lifetime. I can tell you I have been blessed with friends. Friends that tell me the truth and lift me up when I am down. And in the same turn I will lift anyone up that I can.

One truth in life is everything changes. Love where you are but know it isn't forever. Years of school become years of work. And one job sometimes leads to another and other times it leads to unemployment. Whatever happens keep moving forward.

I hope after reading this that you know you are capable of whatever you want to do. You can love others but have to love yourself first. That doesn't mean to hurt others for your own gain. The people you meet on your way up the ladder of life, they will be there on your way back down. Weather they help you or hurt you may depend on how you treated them.

Whoever you are know you are loved. That those that came before you, tried to make the world better for you. When I say hello to a stranger it was in hopes that someday someone will say hello to you when you need it. Smile and let them know how much it means to you. It may be what they needed to hear.

Love,
Aunt Jeanne