Tropical Breezes blowing through my Memories

I look out the window this afternoon and see the leaves blowing in the trees. The slightest of drizzle coming down. The sun is shining to the south but to the north and west it is dark. I look out from my desk and that tropical breeze reminds me of afternoons when I was young. Sitting out on the dock across the street from our house. 

I think for me it was the quiet place. The water lapping up on the seawall and under the lower section of the dock. On a good day we would be swimming or fishing from there. But on a day like to today I would sit quietly by myself looking at the houses across the bay and the water. I don't recall what I would think about. I think it was just my place to not be in the house with so many other people. My place to sneak away. I can't count the times my mother would come up behind me and startle me as I sat there watching the world go by. What are you doing over here? she would ask. Just watching the boats I would say.

One breezy day I know it was before a storm, I can't name which. I can only say it must have been expected to be bad because there were people anchoring their boats out in the middle of the bay. Watching them set the anchors and draw out the line to give their boat plenty of room to move with the wind. People moved their boats out to the safety of the bay to prevent them from battering into the dock as the wind blows and the tide rises. People that weren't prepared could go out the next day to a sunk boat or a grounded one. 

Labor Day weekend 1985, Hurricane Elena was one of those storms couldn't make up her mind which way to go and kind of hung out in the Gulf over the weekend. My brother and sisters we were all in our teens and spent the evening putting down the storm shutters. We weren't sure what we were doing but we were pretty sure we were going to leave the beach. It was late or early in the morning after midnight and we got all the windows covered and everything in the yard picked up and we left the house. There were no cell phones and I am not sure how or why but I ended up in the auditorium of Clearwater High with my boyfriend. The next morning we went to the Eckerd store at Cleveland Plaza and I remember the power was out but we had battery backups for the registers so we were able to ring up customers. I remember that I had no shoes on. They were probably in the car but I hadn't planned on working. Somehow I found that my family was at a house out off McMullen Booth Rd. My dad knew the people but the rest of us didn't. It was very strange. We spent the rest of the weekend watching tv in a strange house with people we didn't know. I was so anxious to get back to see if there was any damage to our house. As soon as I heard they were getting close to opening back up the causeway I got in my car and decided I would go sit and wait near the bridge to go home. I did and our house was high and dry as always. To this day 35 years later the house has never had the water rise higher than the bricks in the front yard. Which leaves about 3 more feet the water would need to rise to get even to the front steps.

There is something about watching a storm. Watching the water level drop in the bay was always a strange site. For those without the knowledge could find it fascinating to walk where there would usually be water but Mother Nature will teach her lessons, what goes out must come back and sometimes with a vengeance. More than once I have seen the bay water level go way down and then see the water come back up into the bay and the beach wouldn't flood from the west but instead from the east. So much water would push up into the bay it had no where to go but to head back over the beach and back out into the Gulf. 

One such storm was in the 1990s a no name storm as locals called it. Not even a tropical storm. More like a winter storm that lost its mind. I was living on my own by this time and had a roommate. We had gone out and it was raining pretty good at the bar we were at we were sitting outside watching Johnny Carson on TV and talking about the rain. When we got home he said, "are you sure it has never flooded here?" I told him, " not in my lifetime." Well, that changed that night. He woke me at about 3am and said, "you have to look outside." We looked out the back door and the water was rising in the street. I felt that are cars were safe. He had parked his in the driveway and pulled right up to the garage and I was parked right next to his in the grass. The water rose so high that night it actually came inside the garage. We had about two inches of water in the garage but again still needed at least another six or more inches to get into the house. We stayed up that night until daylight. Watched the water rise. There is a fire hydrant across from the house and the only part that could be seen was the the very top. That morning the power was out. We took his car and went out to survey the damage and get some breakfast. We found cars sitting in the street that would normally be in driveways. Signs blown down. But more water damage than wind. Remember this is salt water. So I took my car to a friend to have it cleaned and detailed. It had some water inside on the floorboards. I only drove it one more time and that was it. It wouldn't start again. The damage from the saltwater was so severe the car was totaled. For the next week or two a regular site would be cars being towed off the beach. Lots of cars with saltwater damage.

The next time we had to evacuate was 1998 Hurricane Georges. It was September 25 I remember because the next day my sister was getting married. But the church she was to get married in was in the evacuation zone as well. Her husband had to go pick up the priest from another church he was staying at while evacuated to take him to the Moose Lodge where there reception was to be held. We did the whole thing in one place. It was an all day event since people had no where to go and the weather was horrible out. People just stayed. We finally had to have the DJ stop playing so that we could get people to go home and we could clean up. Then just six weeks later Brian and I got married and on our honeymoon on Sanibel Island we woke to check the weather and saw the guy from the weather channel was on Sanibel Island. The power went off before we knew what was happening and we went to breakfast to find their power out as well. But they gave us juice and told us of the storm that was coming. When the power came on we had our breakfast and went out and watched the storm.

2003 we moved off of the beach which is a good thing since in 2004 we had 4 hurricanes that year. Mom evacuated for the first but got more stubborn after that and stayed home for the rest. We worried but she always ended up safe. 

My last I have written about before just 3 years ago this week I would have been sitting here sweating with no power for five days after Hurricane Irma. No way to write this blog having a tree fall on the front of the house. We still weathered the storm. 

As I sit here as the sun is setting thinking about all the storms they are now just a breeze in my memory.

A Storm Brewing Inside

Today I want to say it is very cold outside. Less than 50 degrees and even though the sky is blue the wind is cold and the air colder. So with the fireplace going I decided I wanted to write what I can about the last few months and show my gratitude for some people that I need.

Between life and my body and a rough hurricane season I have had a tough time these last few months. I was anxious about my out of wack periods and Hurricane Irma, so nervous I wasn't sure which thing to worry about. So I talked to a friend about my anxiety and saw the doctor about my period, and we then had Hurricane Irma and tree fell on our house but by December we had a new roof. So, Thanks to John and his crew for fixing the roof and it is as good as new.

The period thing was not so quick to  resolve. I had ultrasounds and other tests that you probably don't care to know about and I had trips to the doctor and finally a recommendation for a DNC. This seems simple but I am not a simple person. It took some convincing, hand holding, reassurance and more convincing that this needs to be done. But the day before Thanksgiving it was done.

So prior to this outpatient procedure you have to have pre-surgery registration and testing. Now I know you know that I am an anxious person but all this testing and what are they testing me for and what are they going to find and what are they going to make me do that I am not comfortable with. Well the answer was nothing. Checked my blood pressure and an ekg. Oh yeah that, well I knew that that would not be normal. My normal is not normal by others standards but the hospital wanted a second opinion on that. Now I have known for a while my mortality is a big part of my anxiety so going to a cardiologist is kind of scary for me but again. These nurses and doctors and other people of this office were so kind to me that really the things in my head were scarier than what happened. The cardiologist signed off and even did an echocardiogram. I am good to go for my outpatient procedure the day before Thanksgiving. So Thanks! to the people at this office that helped. And if you are in this position and you help others through what are everyday procedures to you but not for the rest of us again my very humblest thanks.

Surprisingly a huge weight was lifted when I left that office with the all clear. I was so surprised but realized I had worried about my heart being the problem with my blood pressure and all but my healthier choices this past year have helped with my weight and my heart is ok. Which is amazing to me. I know you are thinking I thought this was about her female problems. So did I. But it wasn't. The female stuff didn't worry me like my heart but I really didn't realize it until this moment. Anesthesia also scared me but that was because of a previous bad experience and this time the day before Thanksgiving. I had my DNC and it went well. The doctor was pleased, the anesthesiologist was like I would have been ok with that ekg and here I was doing this thing a month or so ago I would have sworn I would not. Even though the outcome still concerned me the doctor said that she couldn't see everything she wanted. All results benign. So great back to work in a few days and we are good. I feel a big but coming...

Well then I get a call from the doctors office and she would like to talk about the results. The results were good they just told me that morning. But ok. I made another appointment and I thought I know where she is going and if everything is good and they said it was, why would she still want to do a hysterectomy? I am not going to worry about it. How mature of me to think.

Well I didn't worry. I was pretty darn sure I was not going to have a hysterectomy when  I walked into her office two weeks later. It is the middle of December and here I am back at the doctor. Unless she tells me something really convincing I am not having a hysterectomy. That period is both literal and figurative. I mean I haven't had one since October life is good. Absence even makes my heart grow fonder of my period.  I had no intention of removing this appendix of my female organs. I swear I know I get my stubbornness from my parents but man sometimes I even amaze myself how stubborn I am. But this doctor and I we have a history and let me say she is a gift from God. She has withstood my stubbornness only because she has practiced with my mother beforehand but I have subjected myself to more tests than I can shake a stick at and as stubborn as I am I know she has my best interest at heart. And having periods for months at a time is not normal and not good for anyone and even though everything before came back benign and with some medical details added that I prefer not to share with the class I said yes.  Wait I said yes. Much quicker probably than she thought. But let me say she would have spent as long as it took to show me she why I needed to have this done. Just as she did 4 weeks earlier for a procedure. No cutting, no hospital stay and no recovery to speak of.  So it is getting close to the end of the year and I know I have already paid my deductible for this year but there is no way. Oh this lady thinks of everything. She saved a surgical spot for me before the end of the year. She knows I am not made of money and as much as I wanted to go home and think about it I was going to have a hysterectomy in 5 days. This lady is so special to me and if you ever need a recommendation I will gladly tell you her and her staff are awesome. And as I re-read what I just wrote the tears are coming down my face because they all made me feel like it was ok to worry and be upset and anxious.

So we are getting deep here but 5 days later and here we are with a new roof and yes I am having a hysterectomy. All the things that worried me are behind me. I know that I have cried and worried a lot about this over the last few months but this is it and it is all happening so fast I don't really have time to worry but I have nothing left to worry about. This is in my best interest. The doctor has done every test and tried to find a way to allow my worry and attachment to my uterus to allow me to keep it but it is not in the cards. Again the pre-surgery testing, less than before and good thing because we only have 2 days now since it was Friday when I found out and today is Monday and my surgery is on Wednesday. I let my family know and a few friends but that was it. I am doing this.

Wednesday morning I was nervous but good to go. Let's just do this thing. In 4 weeks I will be back to work and in 6 weeks a new women some say. I don't know that I want to be new but here we go.
Here she is the doctor of doctors waiting for me to be prepped. I asked what are musical selection is for today and she said that they had 50s music on tap but she said no we were going to have Christmas Carols. She told me I would probably not remember any of this but wait there is more. The anesthesiologist his name would make you laugh and yes I remember he who I told I was so nervous he tried to lighten the mood by sharing some anesthesia humor.  As I am signing the paper to say ok again these people don't think I am going to remember any of this but I do, he said, " This lady once asked what happens if I don't sign the paper and he replied a lot of screaming." I laughed then I think it was the drugs but honestly I was beyond anxious and if he would have been the guy a few weeks earlier I may have called the whole thing but I went with it and thought Brian would appreciate his humor and signed off and here we gooooooo.

Next thing I remember I was in a hospital room with Brian and my friend Lisa. Hmm. I don't remember the ride to the OR like I did a few weeks ago or being transferred to the table in OR. Yeah. The first time I remember all that. But here I am and it is all over and Brian is telling me I did great. The doctor talked to him and said everything was good. I remember laying there thinking what was I so worried about. The nurses were great. The only thing is that my glasses were with my clothes and they had not kept up with me. I ate soup and kept it down and that evening still no glasses some nice lady read the menu to me and I ordered food. No pain med pump so they took that. My IV was annoying because every time I moved it would start beeping. Not that they minded but they did have it moved even though it did beep more not nearly as much as it had. My sister came by and my friend Tracy and Brian came back I think.

I slept through the night and at 6 am after have blood drawn at 4 and watching tv for a couple hours the doctor came in and asked me some questions and she said, I didn't want to say it ahead of time but I thought this would be less painful for you than your worst period. Errrk. That is the sound of me hitting the breaks. But surprisingly so far less painful. Now I am still getting some pain meds through my IV but I am feeling pretty good at this moment and I told her the story about the anesthesiologist and she couldn't believe that and that I remembered that and the whole Christmas Carol thing. She said I had to go to the bathroom and walk a little and I was good to go home.

By 12:30 that afternoon. Less than 24 hours after having my surgery I was on my way home and feeling good. I know Christmas and New Years they passed me by but with just some ibuprofen for pain the first few days home I think I have done really well. I know there are those of you thinking when does the other shoe drop. But today is two weeks later and I have been following the doctors instructions and taking it easy and not driving and have stayed home a lot but I am feeling pretty good. Tired at times but really pretty damn good. Not lifting anything. No pain. The doctors office called this morning and again benign results.  I love this doctor of mine. I know all her patients are not like me and she is probably thankful for that. So tomorrow I am allowed to drive and take myself to the doctors office and follow up.

Knowing all is well I want to Thank all the people who have held my hand and told me things were going to be ok. If you have driven me in the last two weeks or brought me food or flowers or taken me to lunch your friendship is worth so much to me I could spend all day thanking you and to those of you who have listened to me on the phone or at work or anywhere else I could have told someone what I feared. Thanks for helping me through all of this. Even friends that had their own things going on and took their time for me. I know but these people mean the world to me and they are probably the only ones left reading. Thanks and if I can ever return the favor I would be happy to.

So as a rule I don't name names but I am making an exception today. Dr. Jennifer Hayes and her staff have hearts as big as the world. I didn't just start going to her office a few months ago when this last bout of problems started.  Dr. Hayes and I have a history. I have been seeing her for more than 5 years.  I have always felt that whatever she recommended was in my best interest but sometimes the fear of the unknown stood between me and my best interest. Not this time. Everything in its time and this was my time to have the surgery. Thanks Dr. Hayes and everyone in your office.

Happy New Year 2018! Here she comes that new woman.