I always think it is strange that some things I can share here that I can't speak of in person. Sometimes it is easier here because I can pause and cry and re-think what I am trying to say that when I am looking someone in the face it is much harder to explain.So the hurricane last September was not the only storm that I survived last year. I turned 50 and thought that I was well on my way to menopause which the Doctor told me I was right on track. But this storm I have fought a lot longer. This one is inside of me and even though the pain has been very real there are no outside signs of my pain. There is no bruise or cast that I have worn but there are scars.
I have battled female problems for years. At first it was just bad periods and infertility. I make it sound like that wasn't a lot but the periods were pretty bad and the infertility well that don't go away easily. After Brian and I were married in 1998 we wanted to have kids. I thought we would have kids but we had already lived together 5 years and as hard as it is to put into writing I lost a baby I didn't know I had. I don't remember the date or the year but I know the feeling of not knowing why the pain hurt so bad for my period. I must be one of the most naive women in the world. After the fact I realized what it was I had just been through. That morning I sat on the couch having what my body was trying to tell me were some sort of contractions. My brain doesn't listen very well to my body. For the most part I have always fought the pain and stood up to the tiredness. In 2011 I paid the price for ignoring my bodies signs with the help of a wonderful Doctor. I had to have a blood transfusion.
After the transfusion I felt really good and couldn't remember feeling that good in a long time. It was like a miracle. A few days after the transfusion I had so much energy. The Doctor told me to never let myself feel that bad again. Not to long after that I had a procedure called and ablation to hopefully lessen the severity of my periods which it did for years. This to me was the sign that there would never be children which was a really hard pill to swallow. I have mourned for children I never had. Which is hard to explain to a woman that just wishes she had 5 minutes to herself. And as of last year I thought I was going to make it to menopause my Doctor said she felt I was right on track to be normal for that stage. Well, like I said in the beginning the hurricane was not the only storm I survived. My abnormal periods have been more and more abnormal. Lasting 3 or 4 weeks and worrying me that I was going to again need another transfusion. So I visited the Doctor again and after a biopsy and a ultrasound. She told me that I really need to have a DNC so that she can see what is going on inside me. I think how ironic that I don't want to loose a part of me that I have never had a use for.
In most women a uterus bares children as well as pain. Mine has only bared me pain. So why would I want to keep this appendix of my female organs. Because for some reason my brain says well God put it there for a reason. Sometimes I think the reason I had one was not for the children part but to share the pain I have bared. Like I said at the beginning I have a hard time sharing some of this face to face but if someone comes to me and expresses a problem related I will be more than happy to share that I have survived what they are going through. I once told a women that had a miscarriage it is a club you don't know exists until you belong. Lots of women belong and again there is no mark on the outside that shows what she has been through. The scars are on the inside. Sometimes it will show as tears on the face of a woman at a baby shower or a child's birthday party. Sometimes it is an inappropriate remark that she didn't mean to hurt anyone but since no one knows how she struggles with her own pain it is hard to express both the pain and the remorse for the untimely remarks.
A few weeks after the DNC back for a follow up and it became a pre-op visit for a hysterectomy. Everything from the DNC was benign but... but the doctor couldn't see everything and there is still a chance that there could be cancer. Well that is really all you had to say and even my scared stiff self knows that the hysterectomy is the way to go. I know some of you have anxiety and let me tell you at this moment this day mine was on high alert but if the doctor you go to is worth their salt and mine is. She sat there and held my hand literally until I understood what I needed and we had a date. 5 days later. Well there is no point putting it off. I have already paid my insurance deductible for the year and why worry any longer.
So I have 5 days to prepare for a surgery that will take me 4 weeks to recover from and Christmas and everything else. Well there were no Christmas tree or decorations last year between the two procedures I just didn't have it in me. But surprisingly I wasn't scared. The anesthesiologist the month before had made me get clearance from a cardiologist so I really wasn't worrying about anything but getting my Christmas shopping done in the next couple days and asking for the time off from work.
The day of the surgery I was at the hospital bright and early and the doctor came in and assured me that all was going to be fine. She said she would see me in the morning and if all was good and it will be I will be able to go home before lunch.
Well surgery went well and I remember waking up as I was in the elevator on the way to my room. I was pleasantly surprised to be in a room by myself. I heard Brian talking to my friend Lisa as I woke up. I was feeling pretty good considering. I remember the nurse explaining about the button for the pain medicine that I could push when I needed it. She asked what is your pain level on a scale of one to ten. I was almost embarrassed to say 3 maybe... Well after a few hours she said are you going to need that pain medicine. I said, I don't think so. I am not saying this didn't hurt at all. Just saying I have had worse periods then this surgery pain wise. I ate late because no one brought me my glasses and I couldn't read the menu without them. But after eating I rested and watched the tv channel with the classical music and pretty scenery. I was up early in the morning catheter out and sitting up in the chair already eating breakfast when the doctor walked in around 6am. We talked about things and my grossly over sized uterus and she said if I go to the bathroom and eat a little more I was good to go home. We talked about the level of pain and laughed. She said, she didn't want to say anything ahead of time but she had a feeling that my pain would be nothing compared to what my periods had been. I was in no rush but she got things going that by the time Brian got there before lunch I was eating and ready to go.
Those first couple weeks no driving, no lifting and rest. So I followed her directions and hung around the house watching Hallmark movies between Christmas and New Years and next thing I know I was on my way to the doctor for my first follow up appointment.
Now it has been a year since then and strangely I still have not gotten rid of all the paraphernalia that comes along with that time of the month but I can safely get rid of it now. I did stop loosing weight and have gained back 10 of the 40 pounds I had lost. But this year is get back on track and loose the next 40 pounds. I am glad I had a doctor that understood my pain and my anxiety. If it wasn't for her I may still be suffering with pain and who knows what other issues we avoided since I took her advice.
I can't say that I always follow the doctors instructions but I do listen and since she took the time to explain the whole thing and not sugar coat any of it. It all went well. Again big thanks to Dr. Jennifer Hayes.
Showing posts with label period. Show all posts
Showing posts with label period. Show all posts
Sunday, January 13, 2019
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
A Storm Brewing Inside
Today I want to say it is very cold outside. Less than 50 degrees and even though the sky is blue the wind is cold and the air colder. So with the fireplace going I decided I wanted to write what I can about the last few months and show my gratitude for some people that I need.
Between life and my body and a rough hurricane season I have had a tough time these last few months. I was anxious about my out of wack periods and Hurricane Irma, so nervous I wasn't sure which thing to worry about. So I talked to a friend about my anxiety and saw the doctor about my period, and we then had Hurricane Irma and tree fell on our house but by December we had a new roof. So, Thanks to John and his crew for fixing the roof and it is as good as new.
The period thing was not so quick to resolve. I had ultrasounds and other tests that you probably don't care to know about and I had trips to the doctor and finally a recommendation for a DNC. This seems simple but I am not a simple person. It took some convincing, hand holding, reassurance and more convincing that this needs to be done. But the day before Thanksgiving it was done.
So prior to this outpatient procedure you have to have pre-surgery registration and testing. Now I know you know that I am an anxious person but all this testing and what are they testing me for and what are they going to find and what are they going to make me do that I am not comfortable with. Well the answer was nothing. Checked my blood pressure and an ekg. Oh yeah that, well I knew that that would not be normal. My normal is not normal by others standards but the hospital wanted a second opinion on that. Now I have known for a while my mortality is a big part of my anxiety so going to a cardiologist is kind of scary for me but again. These nurses and doctors and other people of this office were so kind to me that really the things in my head were scarier than what happened. The cardiologist signed off and even did an echocardiogram. I am good to go for my outpatient procedure the day before Thanksgiving. So Thanks! to the people at this office that helped. And if you are in this position and you help others through what are everyday procedures to you but not for the rest of us again my very humblest thanks.
Surprisingly a huge weight was lifted when I left that office with the all clear. I was so surprised but realized I had worried about my heart being the problem with my blood pressure and all but my healthier choices this past year have helped with my weight and my heart is ok. Which is amazing to me. I know you are thinking I thought this was about her female problems. So did I. But it wasn't. The female stuff didn't worry me like my heart but I really didn't realize it until this moment. Anesthesia also scared me but that was because of a previous bad experience and this time the day before Thanksgiving. I had my DNC and it went well. The doctor was pleased, the anesthesiologist was like I would have been ok with that ekg and here I was doing this thing a month or so ago I would have sworn I would not. Even though the outcome still concerned me the doctor said that she couldn't see everything she wanted. All results benign. So great back to work in a few days and we are good. I feel a big but coming...
Well then I get a call from the doctors office and she would like to talk about the results. The results were good they just told me that morning. But ok. I made another appointment and I thought I know where she is going and if everything is good and they said it was, why would she still want to do a hysterectomy? I am not going to worry about it. How mature of me to think.
Well I didn't worry. I was pretty darn sure I was not going to have a hysterectomy when I walked into her office two weeks later. It is the middle of December and here I am back at the doctor. Unless she tells me something really convincing I am not having a hysterectomy. That period is both literal and figurative. I mean I haven't had one since October life is good. Absence even makes my heart grow fonder of my period. I had no intention of removing this appendix of my female organs. I swear I know I get my stubbornness from my parents but man sometimes I even amaze myself how stubborn I am. But this doctor and I we have a history and let me say she is a gift from God. She has withstood my stubbornness only because she has practiced with my mother beforehand but I have subjected myself to more tests than I can shake a stick at and as stubborn as I am I know she has my best interest at heart. And having periods for months at a time is not normal and not good for anyone and even though everything before came back benign and with some medical details added that I prefer not to share with the class I said yes. Wait I said yes. Much quicker probably than she thought. But let me say she would have spent as long as it took to show me she why I needed to have this done. Just as she did 4 weeks earlier for a procedure. No cutting, no hospital stay and no recovery to speak of. So it is getting close to the end of the year and I know I have already paid my deductible for this year but there is no way. Oh this lady thinks of everything. She saved a surgical spot for me before the end of the year. She knows I am not made of money and as much as I wanted to go home and think about it I was going to have a hysterectomy in 5 days. This lady is so special to me and if you ever need a recommendation I will gladly tell you her and her staff are awesome. And as I re-read what I just wrote the tears are coming down my face because they all made me feel like it was ok to worry and be upset and anxious.
So we are getting deep here but 5 days later and here we are with a new roof and yes I am having a hysterectomy. All the things that worried me are behind me. I know that I have cried and worried a lot about this over the last few months but this is it and it is all happening so fast I don't really have time to worry but I have nothing left to worry about. This is in my best interest. The doctor has done every test and tried to find a way to allow my worry and attachment to my uterus to allow me to keep it but it is not in the cards. Again the pre-surgery testing, less than before and good thing because we only have 2 days now since it was Friday when I found out and today is Monday and my surgery is on Wednesday. I let my family know and a few friends but that was it. I am doing this.
Wednesday morning I was nervous but good to go. Let's just do this thing. In 4 weeks I will be back to work and in 6 weeks a new women some say. I don't know that I want to be new but here we go.
Here she is the doctor of doctors waiting for me to be prepped. I asked what are musical selection is for today and she said that they had 50s music on tap but she said no we were going to have Christmas Carols. She told me I would probably not remember any of this but wait there is more. The anesthesiologist his name would make you laugh and yes I remember he who I told I was so nervous he tried to lighten the mood by sharing some anesthesia humor. As I am signing the paper to say ok again these people don't think I am going to remember any of this but I do, he said, " This lady once asked what happens if I don't sign the paper and he replied a lot of screaming." I laughed then I think it was the drugs but honestly I was beyond anxious and if he would have been the guy a few weeks earlier I may have called the whole thing but I went with it and thought Brian would appreciate his humor and signed off and here we gooooooo.
Next thing I remember I was in a hospital room with Brian and my friend Lisa. Hmm. I don't remember the ride to the OR like I did a few weeks ago or being transferred to the table in OR. Yeah. The first time I remember all that. But here I am and it is all over and Brian is telling me I did great. The doctor talked to him and said everything was good. I remember laying there thinking what was I so worried about. The nurses were great. The only thing is that my glasses were with my clothes and they had not kept up with me. I ate soup and kept it down and that evening still no glasses some nice lady read the menu to me and I ordered food. No pain med pump so they took that. My IV was annoying because every time I moved it would start beeping. Not that they minded but they did have it moved even though it did beep more not nearly as much as it had. My sister came by and my friend Tracy and Brian came back I think.
I slept through the night and at 6 am after have blood drawn at 4 and watching tv for a couple hours the doctor came in and asked me some questions and she said, I didn't want to say it ahead of time but I thought this would be less painful for you than your worst period. Errrk. That is the sound of me hitting the breaks. But surprisingly so far less painful. Now I am still getting some pain meds through my IV but I am feeling pretty good at this moment and I told her the story about the anesthesiologist and she couldn't believe that and that I remembered that and the whole Christmas Carol thing. She said I had to go to the bathroom and walk a little and I was good to go home.
By 12:30 that afternoon. Less than 24 hours after having my surgery I was on my way home and feeling good. I know Christmas and New Years they passed me by but with just some ibuprofen for pain the first few days home I think I have done really well. I know there are those of you thinking when does the other shoe drop. But today is two weeks later and I have been following the doctors instructions and taking it easy and not driving and have stayed home a lot but I am feeling pretty good. Tired at times but really pretty damn good. Not lifting anything. No pain. The doctors office called this morning and again benign results. I love this doctor of mine. I know all her patients are not like me and she is probably thankful for that. So tomorrow I am allowed to drive and take myself to the doctors office and follow up.
Knowing all is well I want to Thank all the people who have held my hand and told me things were going to be ok. If you have driven me in the last two weeks or brought me food or flowers or taken me to lunch your friendship is worth so much to me I could spend all day thanking you and to those of you who have listened to me on the phone or at work or anywhere else I could have told someone what I feared. Thanks for helping me through all of this. Even friends that had their own things going on and took their time for me. I know but these people mean the world to me and they are probably the only ones left reading. Thanks and if I can ever return the favor I would be happy to.
So as a rule I don't name names but I am making an exception today. Dr. Jennifer Hayes and her staff have hearts as big as the world. I didn't just start going to her office a few months ago when this last bout of problems started. Dr. Hayes and I have a history. I have been seeing her for more than 5 years. I have always felt that whatever she recommended was in my best interest but sometimes the fear of the unknown stood between me and my best interest. Not this time. Everything in its time and this was my time to have the surgery. Thanks Dr. Hayes and everyone in your office.
Happy New Year 2018! Here she comes that new woman.
Between life and my body and a rough hurricane season I have had a tough time these last few months. I was anxious about my out of wack periods and Hurricane Irma, so nervous I wasn't sure which thing to worry about. So I talked to a friend about my anxiety and saw the doctor about my period, and we then had Hurricane Irma and tree fell on our house but by December we had a new roof. So, Thanks to John and his crew for fixing the roof and it is as good as new.
The period thing was not so quick to resolve. I had ultrasounds and other tests that you probably don't care to know about and I had trips to the doctor and finally a recommendation for a DNC. This seems simple but I am not a simple person. It took some convincing, hand holding, reassurance and more convincing that this needs to be done. But the day before Thanksgiving it was done.
So prior to this outpatient procedure you have to have pre-surgery registration and testing. Now I know you know that I am an anxious person but all this testing and what are they testing me for and what are they going to find and what are they going to make me do that I am not comfortable with. Well the answer was nothing. Checked my blood pressure and an ekg. Oh yeah that, well I knew that that would not be normal. My normal is not normal by others standards but the hospital wanted a second opinion on that. Now I have known for a while my mortality is a big part of my anxiety so going to a cardiologist is kind of scary for me but again. These nurses and doctors and other people of this office were so kind to me that really the things in my head were scarier than what happened. The cardiologist signed off and even did an echocardiogram. I am good to go for my outpatient procedure the day before Thanksgiving. So Thanks! to the people at this office that helped. And if you are in this position and you help others through what are everyday procedures to you but not for the rest of us again my very humblest thanks.
Surprisingly a huge weight was lifted when I left that office with the all clear. I was so surprised but realized I had worried about my heart being the problem with my blood pressure and all but my healthier choices this past year have helped with my weight and my heart is ok. Which is amazing to me. I know you are thinking I thought this was about her female problems. So did I. But it wasn't. The female stuff didn't worry me like my heart but I really didn't realize it until this moment. Anesthesia also scared me but that was because of a previous bad experience and this time the day before Thanksgiving. I had my DNC and it went well. The doctor was pleased, the anesthesiologist was like I would have been ok with that ekg and here I was doing this thing a month or so ago I would have sworn I would not. Even though the outcome still concerned me the doctor said that she couldn't see everything she wanted. All results benign. So great back to work in a few days and we are good. I feel a big but coming...
Well then I get a call from the doctors office and she would like to talk about the results. The results were good they just told me that morning. But ok. I made another appointment and I thought I know where she is going and if everything is good and they said it was, why would she still want to do a hysterectomy? I am not going to worry about it. How mature of me to think.
Well I didn't worry. I was pretty darn sure I was not going to have a hysterectomy when I walked into her office two weeks later. It is the middle of December and here I am back at the doctor. Unless she tells me something really convincing I am not having a hysterectomy. That period is both literal and figurative. I mean I haven't had one since October life is good. Absence even makes my heart grow fonder of my period. I had no intention of removing this appendix of my female organs. I swear I know I get my stubbornness from my parents but man sometimes I even amaze myself how stubborn I am. But this doctor and I we have a history and let me say she is a gift from God. She has withstood my stubbornness only because she has practiced with my mother beforehand but I have subjected myself to more tests than I can shake a stick at and as stubborn as I am I know she has my best interest at heart. And having periods for months at a time is not normal and not good for anyone and even though everything before came back benign and with some medical details added that I prefer not to share with the class I said yes. Wait I said yes. Much quicker probably than she thought. But let me say she would have spent as long as it took to show me she why I needed to have this done. Just as she did 4 weeks earlier for a procedure. No cutting, no hospital stay and no recovery to speak of. So it is getting close to the end of the year and I know I have already paid my deductible for this year but there is no way. Oh this lady thinks of everything. She saved a surgical spot for me before the end of the year. She knows I am not made of money and as much as I wanted to go home and think about it I was going to have a hysterectomy in 5 days. This lady is so special to me and if you ever need a recommendation I will gladly tell you her and her staff are awesome. And as I re-read what I just wrote the tears are coming down my face because they all made me feel like it was ok to worry and be upset and anxious.
So we are getting deep here but 5 days later and here we are with a new roof and yes I am having a hysterectomy. All the things that worried me are behind me. I know that I have cried and worried a lot about this over the last few months but this is it and it is all happening so fast I don't really have time to worry but I have nothing left to worry about. This is in my best interest. The doctor has done every test and tried to find a way to allow my worry and attachment to my uterus to allow me to keep it but it is not in the cards. Again the pre-surgery testing, less than before and good thing because we only have 2 days now since it was Friday when I found out and today is Monday and my surgery is on Wednesday. I let my family know and a few friends but that was it. I am doing this.
Wednesday morning I was nervous but good to go. Let's just do this thing. In 4 weeks I will be back to work and in 6 weeks a new women some say. I don't know that I want to be new but here we go.
Here she is the doctor of doctors waiting for me to be prepped. I asked what are musical selection is for today and she said that they had 50s music on tap but she said no we were going to have Christmas Carols. She told me I would probably not remember any of this but wait there is more. The anesthesiologist his name would make you laugh and yes I remember he who I told I was so nervous he tried to lighten the mood by sharing some anesthesia humor. As I am signing the paper to say ok again these people don't think I am going to remember any of this but I do, he said, " This lady once asked what happens if I don't sign the paper and he replied a lot of screaming." I laughed then I think it was the drugs but honestly I was beyond anxious and if he would have been the guy a few weeks earlier I may have called the whole thing but I went with it and thought Brian would appreciate his humor and signed off and here we gooooooo.
Next thing I remember I was in a hospital room with Brian and my friend Lisa. Hmm. I don't remember the ride to the OR like I did a few weeks ago or being transferred to the table in OR. Yeah. The first time I remember all that. But here I am and it is all over and Brian is telling me I did great. The doctor talked to him and said everything was good. I remember laying there thinking what was I so worried about. The nurses were great. The only thing is that my glasses were with my clothes and they had not kept up with me. I ate soup and kept it down and that evening still no glasses some nice lady read the menu to me and I ordered food. No pain med pump so they took that. My IV was annoying because every time I moved it would start beeping. Not that they minded but they did have it moved even though it did beep more not nearly as much as it had. My sister came by and my friend Tracy and Brian came back I think.
I slept through the night and at 6 am after have blood drawn at 4 and watching tv for a couple hours the doctor came in and asked me some questions and she said, I didn't want to say it ahead of time but I thought this would be less painful for you than your worst period. Errrk. That is the sound of me hitting the breaks. But surprisingly so far less painful. Now I am still getting some pain meds through my IV but I am feeling pretty good at this moment and I told her the story about the anesthesiologist and she couldn't believe that and that I remembered that and the whole Christmas Carol thing. She said I had to go to the bathroom and walk a little and I was good to go home.
By 12:30 that afternoon. Less than 24 hours after having my surgery I was on my way home and feeling good. I know Christmas and New Years they passed me by but with just some ibuprofen for pain the first few days home I think I have done really well. I know there are those of you thinking when does the other shoe drop. But today is two weeks later and I have been following the doctors instructions and taking it easy and not driving and have stayed home a lot but I am feeling pretty good. Tired at times but really pretty damn good. Not lifting anything. No pain. The doctors office called this morning and again benign results. I love this doctor of mine. I know all her patients are not like me and she is probably thankful for that. So tomorrow I am allowed to drive and take myself to the doctors office and follow up.
Knowing all is well I want to Thank all the people who have held my hand and told me things were going to be ok. If you have driven me in the last two weeks or brought me food or flowers or taken me to lunch your friendship is worth so much to me I could spend all day thanking you and to those of you who have listened to me on the phone or at work or anywhere else I could have told someone what I feared. Thanks for helping me through all of this. Even friends that had their own things going on and took their time for me. I know but these people mean the world to me and they are probably the only ones left reading. Thanks and if I can ever return the favor I would be happy to.
So as a rule I don't name names but I am making an exception today. Dr. Jennifer Hayes and her staff have hearts as big as the world. I didn't just start going to her office a few months ago when this last bout of problems started. Dr. Hayes and I have a history. I have been seeing her for more than 5 years. I have always felt that whatever she recommended was in my best interest but sometimes the fear of the unknown stood between me and my best interest. Not this time. Everything in its time and this was my time to have the surgery. Thanks Dr. Hayes and everyone in your office.
Happy New Year 2018! Here she comes that new woman.
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