Birthday Surprise

Today would be mom's 75 th birthday. Me the genealogist has always found it interesting that some days seem to repeat in a family that my birthday was the day my aunt and uncle got married and that one of my sisters birthday was my grand parents anniversary and that same sister had her daughter on another sister's birthday. We sometimes had 3 birthdays grouped together so we would share a celebration. My brother, my dad and I are birthdays are all within 2 weeks so we shared. My mom and grandma were within a week and then came the derby and mother's day and another sister's birthday. See things group together. Well in the youngest generation I have a niece who's birthday is the day before mom's and a great niece that is the day after. Unfortunately mom didn't live to see the princess be born. She loves Elsa or maybe she is Elsa. Parenthesis around mom which basically fill the gap this time of year that mom and grandma left empty. Gives a reason to celebrate when otherwise we might be sad or reflective. Well, I am always reflective.

That is what I am writing about this early morning. My niece who's birthday was yesterday. She turned 18 a milestone of birthdays. But in this time of Pandemic my sister wasn't sure what to do for her birthday. For my friend's birthday years ago I had her flocked. Where they put out a bunch of flamingos in her front yard and a big sign that said she turned 50. She lives on a busy street so it was quite the seen and well worth the money for the fun. So my sister and I looked into this last week to see if someone still does that sort of thing and a we did. The company FlocknSurprise. The owner was great. Well we decided we have too much time on our hands and we made signs to go along with the cows that were put out and the rather large sign that said, Holy Cow. Any cow pun we could come up with and some were udderly ridiculous. That was the sort of thing that we made enough to spread across the yard. Everyone contributed signs. And she had no idea. Her younger sister told her she approved of the birthday surprise which I guess in teenage lingo it was cool. At one point she told her sister they were getting a real cow for her. My sister bought cow bells for everyone.

Last week I started thinking about writing a letter to my niece. To share some of my memories of her life and to show her that sometimes things don't work out the way you think they are going to but they do work out. I told my sister last week in front of my younger niece and she joked Aunt Jeanne is writing a 3 page card. I said well, it is 3 pages long but may be more when I am done.Well as the wind started to pick up this very early morning and the thunder and lightning woke me. I got up for a drink and saw I had a text message on my phone. My now adult niece text me a mile long text thanking me for the letter and the poems. See I tied things in life to poems like Robert Frost The Road not Taken and Emily Dickenson's The Brain is Bigger than the Sky. I wanted to share things she might enjoy as well as show people have different ways of expressing themselves. At first I only added the titles of the poems and a short quote but I decided that she may not google them so I would print them out for her to read. I told her yesterday when she opened the card that she didn't need to read it now and I hoped she could read cursive since I wrote it by hand, I joked otherwise you will have to have your mom read it to you. But she assured me that she could read cursive and would read it.

That mile long text I got that I will probably save and never delete. A simple text message which validated my existence. I know that seems extreme but one of the things my mother used to say was it wasn't so bad that I didn't have kids. That I had already raised my brother and sisters and two parents. By the way that doesn't make a childless woman feel any better. But this morning my niece said that she loved experiencing things with me. That she enjoyed reading my memories and comparing them to her own and how we see things different but she likes to see things with me to see how I understand them to be. Because I know something about the world. As even the non-parent that I am I know that if a 18 year old acknowledges an adults opinion of anything is significant.

So today on my mom's birthday I have been validated as a person by a younger generation. Maybe not my own child but that of my sister's. The trips we take were so that I could have a few days per year to share life with 3 kids that I love. And in the last 5 years we have visited Thomas Edison's house, snorkeled with a scientist, visited a butterfly garden, gone on glass bottom boat ridesl seen wild horses (nay, nay's) as the girls called them and gone to a Submarine Museum.


All the while not sure if what I wanted to share was what they wanted to experience, but I learned today that they do enjoy the times we spend together and I do make a difference. That makes life worth it and we are going to plan a trip to some museums this summer.

Kids Life

Back at Thanksgiving I wrote about the holiday and the kids that live across the street. These kids live in a group home. We have lived across the street from this group home for 17 years so those kids back then probably have kids of their own by now. The thing I wrote about at Thanksgiving was my frustration with the kids and the people that worked there. How within the month of November I guessed the police had been out 30 times to the house. I under estimated by a lot. It was more than 60 times. My frustration made me take action and after visiting the police station and actually being told if there was anything wrong they would be shut down. Give me a break if the cops have been at the same address 60 times in one month the least there is, is something wrong.

Well today I am sitting in my front window and the kids are playing tether ball and yesterday I actually saw one of the adults that worked there out playing ball with the kids in the street. Now I know some of you think I am crazy but I wanted to walk out and say Thanks... So this morning as I started to sit down at the computer I thought I have some outdoor toys in the garage. I went out and found them and took them over. The boys that were out playing I asked if they could check with someone that worked there to see if I could give the toys to them. They came back out with the same adult that was out playing with them yesterday. I explained that I live across the street and I appreciate the work they are doing and the improvements that have been made. I handed over the stuff to the boys and they said thank you and have a nice day.

I did ask the adult if there was anything they needed and if so to let me know and I said we live just across the street. I explained my experiences and he had not worked there back in November but he knows what I am referring to.

To say that I was pleased would be an understatement.

The thing I wanted to write about is life experiences and that some are different than others and just because people don't have the same experiences that you did doesn't make them less of a person. It just makes them different. Those boys don't have parents that love them in the traditional sense. I don't know if they do at all, but I know that people care and those kids know who they are.

People with children always say they want better for their kids. Better by the standards of which they were brought up. If you grew up working hard maybe you want your kids to play more. Maybe my childhood I worried to much about others and I would hope that if I had a kid they wouldn't have to worry but that wouldn't mean I wouldn't want them to work hard and play hard. Everything in proportion. I know that kids today don't have responsibilities and I understand the world is different than when I was a kid. I am pretty sure what I would want my kid to be able to do is different than others. Kids need to know right from wrong and there are consequences. They need to learn who they can trust and how to manage money. These are the things that will make your kids good adults.

When my nieces and nephew were young I would hold them and talk to them like they were adults. Telling them things about making good choices and things I wanted to do with them when they got older. My one sister came home and asked what I was doing. I said, telling them all the things they won't want me to when they are older. God, I love those kids.  I teased my nephew he had to love me more than his mom so he would take care of me when I get old. I don't think my mother or grandmother thought that way but after taking care of both at the end of their lives I know how important it is to have someone that cares taking care of you.

I know I have covered a bunch of subjects but while you are home with your kids maybe show them how to pay the bills. They don't have to know that you worry about where the money is coming from just show them that it is due and you have to pay it. The rest they will learn in time.