Well enough of what got me out of bed and on to what I was thinking about. Last Thursday at work I was asked to make a change. A change I said, I would never make, just about an hour before I was asked to make it. Then the weekend of pondering, even list writing the pros and cons, why I should or should not make the change. But then Friday I was asked to do something outside of work that coincided with this change at work. Which made me think well maybe I should make that change. (For those of you that know how my mind thinks at this time of the night, Michael Jackson's song Man in the Mirror just popped into my head. Make that Change...The funny thing is the not wanting to change upset me. Because in my mind this change well I had made it before. I made it for mom and now to change again...Well was I leaving mom behind. I know to some there is no logic. Mom passed away more than two years ago. But it seems as life goes by there she is. And when I say it upset me I didn't even know what was the part that upset me until a friend at work that asked the question, "what is the reason you don't want to change?" The tears rolled down my face. Mom! Just like now after I have made my decision. Stuck my neck out, I am going to try something new that I have been told that I will be good at. Here is the other thing. When you are really good at something it is hard to go on to something else that you don't know. Right now anyone ask me a routing question? How do you get rid of all the jobs? How do you know who to give them to? To me it is logic and magic rolled into one. And I am really good at it. I am not the fastest or the smartest. But I am really good at putting jobs on techs in what to me is fair and logical way. And I use my magic to fix the problems the techs have.They call in and say they have already talked to 3 different people and they couldn't solve but in less than two minutes I get that customer's TV on or their modem to be online. There is one tech that when he hear "Dispatch, this is Jeanne", the first thing out of his mouth is "Thank God it is you." Here is the kicker I really love it. I love fixing things and solving problems. I don't need to be the smartest or the fastest but I am really good at what I do so why in the world would I change?
As we all know everything changes. Not me but everything around me. And that is it. I don't like change. I am perfectly happy being perfectly happy, with what I have and where I am but then there is that part of me that can be better. I mean it took years before I could loose one pound and somehow over the past couple years I have lost nearly 50. I am never the hare but always the tortoise in the race. Slow and steady. But when these two opportunities came up at the same time and the one made me think well if I try that, then I can try this and I want to try this. I know I am vague but see nothing has been said at work or outside work for that matter and not that I have a bunch of work friends that read this but I like to keep things to me for now. Maybe not wanting to mess up the magic that brought both these opportunities together at the same time. So I am going to try both. Mom would be proud of me for the outside of work opportunity. And she and I would have adjusted to the other Like said, I made this change before see, I used to eat dinner with her every Wednesday night but then when I started working at night that changed. Neither of us liked that we wouldn't have that but then we had Friday. Friday was my day off that Brian usually had to work. So I would take her and grandma where ever they needed to go and go to lunch and the thrift store and even though I haven't done those things in years that is why I have off of Friday and Saturday. But starting next week that will change. Even now after sitting here for an hour thinking about this the tears roll down my face. Funny how people have an affect on me. Even when they aren't here. Man I miss her.
