So it has been awhile old friend since I have written. Ironically we got a new computer and I thought I would write more but life gets in the way. Lots of things going on but none I want to talk about directly.
Sometimes when I write I use metaphors to explain my feelings about a subject without speaking directly of the subject. Part of that is the non-confrontational person that doesn't want to argue and I believe what I believe and you believe what you believe. You want to share your opinion write your own blog or post but don't hijack something I wrote to spout off your opinion or feelings. I know this may seem harsh but it is the private me staying private. I had to delete something I wrote because I did not want to share things that others did. I had to remove part of me for the sake of myself.
That really upset me. Really. See I know people that scroll past hum drum life and people thrive on showing others what they ate for every meal and how it came out (literally). Me I only want to give up a little and leave the rest to be a mystery. It is easier for me that way.
Easier because the computer does not show emotions. I have never used those little emoticons. Guess I can't reduce my feelings to a single symbol. That is the problem. I cannot reduce my feelings to words which I feel others can understand even though they may very well. And again I don't want you to share what I am not sharing.
This whole thing ties into work and a class I took a few weeks ago. I am still trying to figure out if the supervisor wanted me to learn about myself or to learn that I am different or to learn that other people don't get me and I don't always get them. I did realize why some people rub me wrong and I am sure why I rub others wrong.
The class I took was a Myers-Briggs assessment. Myers and Briggs are a mother daughter team that developed a questionnaire to determine peoples personality preferences. Preference is their word not mine. I, who have no training believe that people do not choose their personality. But I guess years of studying had made scientific types decide that you choose. I think people do choose what they show but I do not think you choose what you are. That is like saying I choose to be left-handed or I choose to have brown hair. Brown hair is what I came with and if I choose I can change it to blond not really. I would choose auburn, only a little just a subtle change. There is too much of me I am not willing to let go of.
I will unlike the class tell you right away that I was with some confidence a ISFP. Which is to say that I am an Introvert, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving type person. Throughout the class we learned about the different personality dichotomies or opposites and how people of each type think and feel differently. Dichotomy is a 50 cent word. Today a young person might call it a buzz word or to say a good word to use when you are trying to show off some level of vocabulary weather you have it or not.
I have always found psychology interesting. I like understanding how the brain works but I sometimes find my brain at odds with what scientists believe. Like I found it interesting that most of the people in the class were interested to find out the results of their questionnaire. I found myselfndifferent to what the results showed. But as we went through the class we were given examples of different sides to each type and were asked to choose which we thought we were. So since I did not make you wait for what their results were I will not make you wait to know that I choose the exact same ISFP. So am I that confident about the person I am. I question a lot but I do not question who I am.
Everyone knows what an extrovert or introvert are. Extroverts outgoing, introverts reserve. So to say at most times I am a reserve person would be an understatement. Introvert I am.
Next pair not so easy for me to choose and with less confidence did the questionnaire find my responses to be Sensing. The other option is Intuition. Which is why I had a hard time deciding which way to go with this one. I use intuition a lot but I guess I do have a preference to things that I know are fact that I can touch, see or smell, things I know to be real.
Third pair Thinking or Feeling. Now I do think a lot but it is with my values and compassion that I think. So yes I am most definitely a feeling type.
Lastly, Judging or Perceiving again no so confident because spontaneous is not a word most would use to describe me but I am flexible and adaptable. I am far from organized or methodical unless it comes to something that has to go in that order. Otherwise I have been known to find my own way in both life and work. So perceiving it is.
So all of that said, still not sure where that leaves this girl at 3AM on Christmas Eve writing a blog. No it is not that everything is ready for Christmas. No we do not have a tree or decorations up. We have been very busy this year and other things have come first. Don't get me wrong. I love a real tree. I love the lights. I love the smell of the pine tree or fir tree. But again other things have gotten in the way.
Still trying to find the words I want to say. I have probably lost most by now but remember I don't write this for you it is for me. And I am not sleeping so I am still writing. Why am I so private? Why will I share some things with a stranger that I would not share with my friends. I don't know. It is hard for me. I know some things are hard for some people all the time and some things are hard for others none of the time. Some people just go with the flow.
So for the last week I was away and resigned myself to the fact that there is nothing I can do in Alaska to change anything in Florida so I just have to live the Alaska life while I am there. Partially in ignorant bliss. Partially too busy to worry.
The funny thing is it was not until I got back to Florida and was on my way to work today and started to cry out of the blue that I realized. "Back to life, back to reality" as sung by Soul II Soul in 1989 version of "Back to Life". Not a favorite just an appropriate song for the moment.
I don't know if the song is a request to a loved one to help them change or a prayer to God for the same. I will choose a prayer because I don't believe one is truly going to change for another person.
Yet asking God, "However do you want me, However do you need me", seems like a reasonable request. We have returned, "Back from the fantasy". So it is the "back to the here and now, yeah" that I worry about the part I truly cannot control. The part where I am the passenger not the driver, the part where I am a cog in the wheel of life. Trying like hell to roll along. I guess if I am going to follow the song "look it is me writing on the wall". Literally so I guess I have to end this with "However do you want me, However do you need me." God, Please let me know what I need to do. Please let me know how to patient when even mine have run out. Please let me know...(Those three dots are all the unspoken prayers I ask for tonight.) They are for everyone's unspoken prayers.
Tonight I guess there is no moral of the story. I first wrote, "There is no light at the end of the tunnel" but I think there is I just cannot see it yet. I am not sure I will find sleep. I have however typed a lot of words. I have found tears finally. Finally that silly song or prayer that will no longer be silly to me has found what I need. "back to the day we have" That is all we are guaranteed. "Don't let me waste away. Help me find what I need to do what I need to do. That is what I ask for tonight.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Every day annoyances
On a normal day I wear my heart and soul on my sleeve. It is there for all to see. The more people know me the more they know the things that bother me, things I cannot tolerate and the things that I will drop everything right now and try to fix.
But lately I have found that some of the things that bother me are well grating at my ever loving nerves. They are not the things that I would stop for normally. Kids, animals that sort of thing. So I need to get some of them off my chest. I drive to work the same way everyday and everyday I stop at the light near my work and have on one side of my car a well manicured College campus. Beautiful oak trees and green grass. The kind you find at a park and would like to spend the afternoon sitting in having a picnic. On the other side of the street are soccer fields again well taken care of and even the parking lot is clean and is not a terrible place to spend a few minutes under a tree in your car eating lunch. Then there is the median. You know a little spot in between the lanes of traffic that has a little grass a few bushes and should not be anything that causes alarm or irritation to the point that I am writing at 2 o'clock in the morning yet here I am.
Now I am going on almost two years at the office I work at and off and on for the almost two years this median has been a source of irritation. Kinda like a splinter under your fingernail you cannot get out. So yesterday as I left my mothers and headed to work I noticed that the causeway looked beautiful. The median there is well maintained by City employees and is seen as the one of the prides of the city. Well then there I am sitting at the light about to turn into work and there is this median. Obviously not the pride of the city but more like the plight of the city. Now I know this seems a bit extreme but really, the grass in this median is higher than the bushes in the median and even if the grass is mowed the weeds and grass growing through the bushes is over a foot taller than the bushes. Now there is a part of me that says Jeanne let the median go. It is not your concern it is not hurting you or anyone else which is all true. But I feel like it is a reflection of the city and therefor of me.
Now there is irony here. Our yard thanks to our little furry bunny friends needs some help as well. My little 4 legged hopping friends have caused the bushes in our front yard to die and need to be removed. I am holding out for cooler weather which is coming and we will be out there working on correcting our little problem. Hopefully in a way satisfactory to both me and the bunnies. I however am not paid to maintain my yard as someone is to maintain that median and it is just out of pride that I do it. And yes I take pride in my little stretch of the city. I have on occasion cut the grass of the neighbors who did not have as much pride or annoyance as I and would not think twice about doing it again. So the irritated Jeanne said you know I could take a lawnmower up there and fix this problem in an hour and be fine with it but then my brother tells me about some lady that does just this very thing and gets hit by a car. Now I am not willing to die for the median so I will go back to plan A and try to get the city to get their contractor that they are paying to go out and do their damn job. So I have the name of the man who can help and will make that phone call on Monday so that I can go to work in peace and enjoy the entire view along the way.
Next, Identity theft and our government. This is another source of irritation with me. Brian and I have been dealing with for almost this entire year. First it was the IRS and then Unemployment and then a payday advance loan. So again another exercise in futility instead of spending my morning hour writing something I would like to write about a subject more pleasing than the security of an identity that I feel like is a genie out of the bottle sort of thing. It is now out there all we can do is sit back and wait for the bad stuff to happen and fix it when it does. Just to let you know the companies that say they can secure you from such things can only help after the fact if you pay more for the services. So here we wait it is now October waiting on our tax refund. Patiently waiting for the wheels of our government to move ever so slowly that maybe that tax money will be Christmas money and then I cannot wait to start the process all over again for next year. Now today I called a phone number that was provided from the IRS in regards to our tax return and they asked if it was a financial hardship that we do not have our tax return. I don't know anyone that it is not a hardship for. But no there is no company about to turn off our utilities so it is technically not a hardship. Then I was transferred to the identity theft unit and was told the wait would be 30 to 60 minutes and on their recording they said to please be patient and if you have not waited over 180 days to give them some more time. Wow. So they got their way today. I did not have another 30 to 60 minutes to hold.
Now we have filed police reports on these incidents and a report with the FTC and put a credit freeze on our credit but here is the kicker. Payday loan places don't check your credit. Guess what that means they don't know you have a freeze on yours. So to that I say sorry about your luck. I will never forget the kid that called at 8 o'clock one morning and told me that we had taken out this loan. I said I know that is not the case and he told me that my husband may have done it without my knowledge as he said, it happens all the time. I told that kid not in this house and again told him that we had done no such thing. Well the next morning he called again and asked for Brian this time and again we told him the same thing. We thought at first scam, wrong number, wrong person. Nope. All the nope. Again that genie has been used and again we had to prove our case and they have agreed we are not responsible for the loan But with my effort has come a small reward. They have provided some information to the police dept and the police dept has requested a subpoena for more and maybe someday the person who has been working so diligently on getting our money and then some will get caught. That will not put the genie back in the bottle but I will get some satisfaction out of my efforts.
Ok, Jeanne is that it you have been writing for an hour it is 3 o'clock and I do feel better about these things I have written but I have one more. Oh God, I just thought of another. Well let me see here. So do I write about politics and the fact that the 2016 election is 13 months away and I am getting poled on weather or not I will vote for Charlie Christ or Eric Lynn some guy I have never heard of. Well Charlie sorry. Oh that is funny Sorry Charlie, I am not going to vote for you. I have clothes that I have had longer than the opinions you have on subjects and you have done your bit for Florida Thank you. So this other dude Eric don't know him but the poling person told me he was raised in Pinellas County ok good but so was Charlie. But doesn't own a house here. So he doesn't live here anymore. So I thought run for office where you do live. Oh he lives in DC well guess you should run there. I don't know what to tell you people running for office but be glad there are very few people that care and less that vote and it seems that the voters are either the last few dying it is my right and my duty people or someone with some political agenda to get something done that no one wants done but no one is willing to stand up and tell you that because well that takes time. Oh Yeah and as for the politics of 2016 I heard on the radio the other day that Hillary raised $28 million in the last 3 months for her political campaign. Now here again sorry but really. That is crazy money. And where is this money going to grease the wheels of the media to spin the propaganda that she wants spun and for me to suffer through a lifetimes worth of hateful commercials crammed into a few months. I have said it before but here is an idea. Instead of spending all of this money on ads and media how about let us buy books for kids in places that don't have access to them or provide Internet for families that can't afford it. I know it seems like a luxury item to me but I know kids in school use the Internet like we used to use the Encyclopedia Britannica. For those born in the age of Internet you will have to Google it or ask your friend Siri or Cortana if she has ever used an encyclopedia to look something up.
The book idea made me think of my cousin Tami. She lives in a very small town in the rust belt of Ohio right along the Ohio River and she maintains the library in her town. You know the buildings and grounds and she has been known to shovel snow and mow grass and whatever else it takes to keep the place running. So I just looked and could not find the budget of her small town library. So I found another small town and their library budget was 1.7 million dollars for next year. I am thinking my cousin and her friends at her library probably wish for money like that but since Ohio is not Florida there are no sunshine laws and I could not at 4 o'clock in the morning find their City Budget for next year. So I will go with what I have. That 1.7 million dollar budget for a town, well Hillary that means that you could fund over 16 small towns libraries for a year with the money you raised in the last quarter. Instead that money will grease the pockets of media moguls that can afford to have someone else read to them at night instead of going to the library and checking out a book and reading it them self. No, I am not mad just really irritated that the people of the world do not seem to care unless it affects them. And to the people donating the money for Hillary and the rest of the people running for president please. For the love of God find something better to do with your money than buying advertising. Or make Hillary do something good with it. That would be something worth getting excited over and worthy of my vote. But her paying a bunch of people to figure out if a hateful campaign will beat out the rest well that I just can not buy into.
Alright the last thing I had will have to wait. I am sure you all are glad. I have probably lost most along the way this morning but for those that hung on until the end. I thank you for your time. I mean it. I just needed to let someone know how all of this makes me feel. So back to bed. Goodnight.
But lately I have found that some of the things that bother me are well grating at my ever loving nerves. They are not the things that I would stop for normally. Kids, animals that sort of thing. So I need to get some of them off my chest. I drive to work the same way everyday and everyday I stop at the light near my work and have on one side of my car a well manicured College campus. Beautiful oak trees and green grass. The kind you find at a park and would like to spend the afternoon sitting in having a picnic. On the other side of the street are soccer fields again well taken care of and even the parking lot is clean and is not a terrible place to spend a few minutes under a tree in your car eating lunch. Then there is the median. You know a little spot in between the lanes of traffic that has a little grass a few bushes and should not be anything that causes alarm or irritation to the point that I am writing at 2 o'clock in the morning yet here I am.
Now I am going on almost two years at the office I work at and off and on for the almost two years this median has been a source of irritation. Kinda like a splinter under your fingernail you cannot get out. So yesterday as I left my mothers and headed to work I noticed that the causeway looked beautiful. The median there is well maintained by City employees and is seen as the one of the prides of the city. Well then there I am sitting at the light about to turn into work and there is this median. Obviously not the pride of the city but more like the plight of the city. Now I know this seems a bit extreme but really, the grass in this median is higher than the bushes in the median and even if the grass is mowed the weeds and grass growing through the bushes is over a foot taller than the bushes. Now there is a part of me that says Jeanne let the median go. It is not your concern it is not hurting you or anyone else which is all true. But I feel like it is a reflection of the city and therefor of me.
Now there is irony here. Our yard thanks to our little furry bunny friends needs some help as well. My little 4 legged hopping friends have caused the bushes in our front yard to die and need to be removed. I am holding out for cooler weather which is coming and we will be out there working on correcting our little problem. Hopefully in a way satisfactory to both me and the bunnies. I however am not paid to maintain my yard as someone is to maintain that median and it is just out of pride that I do it. And yes I take pride in my little stretch of the city. I have on occasion cut the grass of the neighbors who did not have as much pride or annoyance as I and would not think twice about doing it again. So the irritated Jeanne said you know I could take a lawnmower up there and fix this problem in an hour and be fine with it but then my brother tells me about some lady that does just this very thing and gets hit by a car. Now I am not willing to die for the median so I will go back to plan A and try to get the city to get their contractor that they are paying to go out and do their damn job. So I have the name of the man who can help and will make that phone call on Monday so that I can go to work in peace and enjoy the entire view along the way.
Next, Identity theft and our government. This is another source of irritation with me. Brian and I have been dealing with for almost this entire year. First it was the IRS and then Unemployment and then a payday advance loan. So again another exercise in futility instead of spending my morning hour writing something I would like to write about a subject more pleasing than the security of an identity that I feel like is a genie out of the bottle sort of thing. It is now out there all we can do is sit back and wait for the bad stuff to happen and fix it when it does. Just to let you know the companies that say they can secure you from such things can only help after the fact if you pay more for the services. So here we wait it is now October waiting on our tax refund. Patiently waiting for the wheels of our government to move ever so slowly that maybe that tax money will be Christmas money and then I cannot wait to start the process all over again for next year. Now today I called a phone number that was provided from the IRS in regards to our tax return and they asked if it was a financial hardship that we do not have our tax return. I don't know anyone that it is not a hardship for. But no there is no company about to turn off our utilities so it is technically not a hardship. Then I was transferred to the identity theft unit and was told the wait would be 30 to 60 minutes and on their recording they said to please be patient and if you have not waited over 180 days to give them some more time. Wow. So they got their way today. I did not have another 30 to 60 minutes to hold.
Now we have filed police reports on these incidents and a report with the FTC and put a credit freeze on our credit but here is the kicker. Payday loan places don't check your credit. Guess what that means they don't know you have a freeze on yours. So to that I say sorry about your luck. I will never forget the kid that called at 8 o'clock one morning and told me that we had taken out this loan. I said I know that is not the case and he told me that my husband may have done it without my knowledge as he said, it happens all the time. I told that kid not in this house and again told him that we had done no such thing. Well the next morning he called again and asked for Brian this time and again we told him the same thing. We thought at first scam, wrong number, wrong person. Nope. All the nope. Again that genie has been used and again we had to prove our case and they have agreed we are not responsible for the loan But with my effort has come a small reward. They have provided some information to the police dept and the police dept has requested a subpoena for more and maybe someday the person who has been working so diligently on getting our money and then some will get caught. That will not put the genie back in the bottle but I will get some satisfaction out of my efforts.
Ok, Jeanne is that it you have been writing for an hour it is 3 o'clock and I do feel better about these things I have written but I have one more. Oh God, I just thought of another. Well let me see here. So do I write about politics and the fact that the 2016 election is 13 months away and I am getting poled on weather or not I will vote for Charlie Christ or Eric Lynn some guy I have never heard of. Well Charlie sorry. Oh that is funny Sorry Charlie, I am not going to vote for you. I have clothes that I have had longer than the opinions you have on subjects and you have done your bit for Florida Thank you. So this other dude Eric don't know him but the poling person told me he was raised in Pinellas County ok good but so was Charlie. But doesn't own a house here. So he doesn't live here anymore. So I thought run for office where you do live. Oh he lives in DC well guess you should run there. I don't know what to tell you people running for office but be glad there are very few people that care and less that vote and it seems that the voters are either the last few dying it is my right and my duty people or someone with some political agenda to get something done that no one wants done but no one is willing to stand up and tell you that because well that takes time. Oh Yeah and as for the politics of 2016 I heard on the radio the other day that Hillary raised $28 million in the last 3 months for her political campaign. Now here again sorry but really. That is crazy money. And where is this money going to grease the wheels of the media to spin the propaganda that she wants spun and for me to suffer through a lifetimes worth of hateful commercials crammed into a few months. I have said it before but here is an idea. Instead of spending all of this money on ads and media how about let us buy books for kids in places that don't have access to them or provide Internet for families that can't afford it. I know it seems like a luxury item to me but I know kids in school use the Internet like we used to use the Encyclopedia Britannica. For those born in the age of Internet you will have to Google it or ask your friend Siri or Cortana if she has ever used an encyclopedia to look something up.
The book idea made me think of my cousin Tami. She lives in a very small town in the rust belt of Ohio right along the Ohio River and she maintains the library in her town. You know the buildings and grounds and she has been known to shovel snow and mow grass and whatever else it takes to keep the place running. So I just looked and could not find the budget of her small town library. So I found another small town and their library budget was 1.7 million dollars for next year. I am thinking my cousin and her friends at her library probably wish for money like that but since Ohio is not Florida there are no sunshine laws and I could not at 4 o'clock in the morning find their City Budget for next year. So I will go with what I have. That 1.7 million dollar budget for a town, well Hillary that means that you could fund over 16 small towns libraries for a year with the money you raised in the last quarter. Instead that money will grease the pockets of media moguls that can afford to have someone else read to them at night instead of going to the library and checking out a book and reading it them self. No, I am not mad just really irritated that the people of the world do not seem to care unless it affects them. And to the people donating the money for Hillary and the rest of the people running for president please. For the love of God find something better to do with your money than buying advertising. Or make Hillary do something good with it. That would be something worth getting excited over and worthy of my vote. But her paying a bunch of people to figure out if a hateful campaign will beat out the rest well that I just can not buy into.
Alright the last thing I had will have to wait. I am sure you all are glad. I have probably lost most along the way this morning but for those that hung on until the end. I thank you for your time. I mean it. I just needed to let someone know how all of this makes me feel. So back to bed. Goodnight.
Saturday, September 5, 2015
Reading and Writing
After last weeks post a friend of mine said that maybe it is time I write a novel. I have been thinking about this for the last week or so. I have started short stories, written poems and posted to this blog over 70 times but a novel. That is a vast undertaking. Just for information sake a post to this blog usually on a good night I will spend an hour on it. I will read it through multiple times before spell checking and reading it to Brian aloud and then posting it. I then promptly turn off the computer and do not think about it until the next day when I will re-read what I wrote the previous night and grin or cry or whatever I was trying to get out of it the night before. One thing about the words I write, they are the voice in my head. That to me is like the talking to your best friend. Sometimes it is the only voice that understands me and that is usually the voice of reason except for when it is ridiculous. Anxiety always makes me wonder how I can know something is in my head and yet I still believe it to be true. But that is for another night. Tonight it is about reading and writing.
I have ideas for a novel in my head. It has to be fiction because I could not just write the facts. But I love fiction that is about real people. Some of my favorite books have Beatrix Potter and her animals as characters. The Cottage Tales of Beatrix Potter by Susan Wittig Albert. There have been at least 8 of these novels and I have loved them all. Murder mystery with a twist of pixies and fairies and animals that talk like the cat named Tabbitha Twitchet and an owl they call the Professor. These are some great fantasy novels with a bit of history in them.
Any book that includes a map is for me. I love to know where we are going and how we are going to get there. By train or bus or horse and buggy. Books that were written before all of our modern conveniences are great. You know that people went to bed at dark to save the candles for when they needed them. And got up with the sun to start a new day. I have recently finished a book called Blue Highways which was written about 1980 about a trip on the small roads of the US around the perimeter and the people the author William Least Heat-Moon met along the way. I loved the view from his windshield and the people he met and picked up.
Another book I recently finished was by Bill Bryson A Walk in the Woods. This story took me on a trip hiking part of the Appalachian Trail. Something that I have decided that the next time we are in North Carolina we are going to go to Hot Springs where the trail cuts through town and walk a bit of it. Just so I can say I walked it. I would love to have the ambition to walk more than a few miles but I don't think I do. At least not right now. But today I saw the movie by the same name and it is as funny as the book. In the book as I read I found the character Bill took along on his trip to be funny and pretty much he is what he is matter of fact. Not in any shape to make the trip east from Iowa let alone to hike the AT as they refer to it on the trail. I loved the views in the movie and I loved some of the human drama that would come along with just such a trip but I missed what I thought was one of the funniest parts of the book. Towards the beginning of their hike Bill would get ahead of his friend Katz and at times wait for up to an hour for him to catch up. He also sometimes would go back looking for him to make sure he had not died. There is a bit that was in the book but not the movie about Katz flinging his food off of a cliff to lighten the load he was carrying. The description in the book was laugh out loud funny. Nick Nolte as Katz an unlikely person played the perfect character. I found him to remind me a lot of my father which I don't know if either would find it to be a compliment but is true. I thought after the movie I wonder if Bill Bryson picked Robert Redford to play him? I mean how often do you get to pick who plays you? And his wife thought man I could of had Robert Redford. Maybe not.
So I have talked a lot about books I have read and like to read but none about the one I want to write. Let's not say want but must write. Here is my biggest stumbling block. What I want to write or need to write is not a trip down a trail I truly want to walk all the way through. I have walked a section here or there through this story in my head but there are parts I am not ready to go through and I have to take others along and I don't know if they are ready for the trip either. The weather is a source of concern because it can be very hot and sometimes very cold where we are going. Parts that I have already completed not the book but the sections of the trail were hard. Not all the characters experienced the same things on their sections of the trail. Some will not even recognize the trail to be the same one they walked but I promise it is. Even the ending is different for each of the characters. Some will go back to Iowa and go to the state fair as they have for the last 39 years but others... Well they are my concern. I must take into account the lives of the other characters on the trail. So in the mean time I have projects that I am working on my kids travel book which takes them on family trips to places they may not find interesting but will find all kinds of real history and fun along the way. I also have a children's book that the illustrations are being worked on now and I hope will be published in the not to distant future.
So until we meet again. Walk softly and carry a big stick. Or just stand back and enjoy the view from where you are. But either way. Open a book they are full of adventures.
I have ideas for a novel in my head. It has to be fiction because I could not just write the facts. But I love fiction that is about real people. Some of my favorite books have Beatrix Potter and her animals as characters. The Cottage Tales of Beatrix Potter by Susan Wittig Albert. There have been at least 8 of these novels and I have loved them all. Murder mystery with a twist of pixies and fairies and animals that talk like the cat named Tabbitha Twitchet and an owl they call the Professor. These are some great fantasy novels with a bit of history in them.
Any book that includes a map is for me. I love to know where we are going and how we are going to get there. By train or bus or horse and buggy. Books that were written before all of our modern conveniences are great. You know that people went to bed at dark to save the candles for when they needed them. And got up with the sun to start a new day. I have recently finished a book called Blue Highways which was written about 1980 about a trip on the small roads of the US around the perimeter and the people the author William Least Heat-Moon met along the way. I loved the view from his windshield and the people he met and picked up.
Another book I recently finished was by Bill Bryson A Walk in the Woods. This story took me on a trip hiking part of the Appalachian Trail. Something that I have decided that the next time we are in North Carolina we are going to go to Hot Springs where the trail cuts through town and walk a bit of it. Just so I can say I walked it. I would love to have the ambition to walk more than a few miles but I don't think I do. At least not right now. But today I saw the movie by the same name and it is as funny as the book. In the book as I read I found the character Bill took along on his trip to be funny and pretty much he is what he is matter of fact. Not in any shape to make the trip east from Iowa let alone to hike the AT as they refer to it on the trail. I loved the views in the movie and I loved some of the human drama that would come along with just such a trip but I missed what I thought was one of the funniest parts of the book. Towards the beginning of their hike Bill would get ahead of his friend Katz and at times wait for up to an hour for him to catch up. He also sometimes would go back looking for him to make sure he had not died. There is a bit that was in the book but not the movie about Katz flinging his food off of a cliff to lighten the load he was carrying. The description in the book was laugh out loud funny. Nick Nolte as Katz an unlikely person played the perfect character. I found him to remind me a lot of my father which I don't know if either would find it to be a compliment but is true. I thought after the movie I wonder if Bill Bryson picked Robert Redford to play him? I mean how often do you get to pick who plays you? And his wife thought man I could of had Robert Redford. Maybe not.
So I have talked a lot about books I have read and like to read but none about the one I want to write. Let's not say want but must write. Here is my biggest stumbling block. What I want to write or need to write is not a trip down a trail I truly want to walk all the way through. I have walked a section here or there through this story in my head but there are parts I am not ready to go through and I have to take others along and I don't know if they are ready for the trip either. The weather is a source of concern because it can be very hot and sometimes very cold where we are going. Parts that I have already completed not the book but the sections of the trail were hard. Not all the characters experienced the same things on their sections of the trail. Some will not even recognize the trail to be the same one they walked but I promise it is. Even the ending is different for each of the characters. Some will go back to Iowa and go to the state fair as they have for the last 39 years but others... Well they are my concern. I must take into account the lives of the other characters on the trail. So in the mean time I have projects that I am working on my kids travel book which takes them on family trips to places they may not find interesting but will find all kinds of real history and fun along the way. I also have a children's book that the illustrations are being worked on now and I hope will be published in the not to distant future.
So until we meet again. Walk softly and carry a big stick. Or just stand back and enjoy the view from where you are. But either way. Open a book they are full of adventures.
The Empath in Me
Empath, Empathetic, Empathy: Are defined as a person who identifies or feels the thoughts and or attitudes of others. Fairly new term by a German philosopher Rudolf Lotze he thought that one looking at art could impress their own sensibilities onto it. To me that says that you see what you want in the image. If blue skies make you sad you may be sad to see a picture with blue skies? A friend of mine had read an article online about Empaths and said that it was me. Not really sure if I fit the definition but I found a web site that had a list of 30 common traits of an empath. So I went down the list and thought I would see how many apply to me. Not sure after reading the list if they are signs or symptoms if it is a gift or a diagnosis. Not sure if it is good or bad not even sure if it is me.
I can tell you what is me. I am the person that sees something like lets say an ambulance in front of a building that I am about to go in and visit my mother and I think oh God, something is wrong with mom. And I think most people would walk in and find the person they are looking for fine and and feel relieved. No that would not be me. I see a couple medical staff people standing over my mom with machines hooked up to her checking her blood pressure and her oxygen levels and say she was feeling weak and thought she was going to pass out. She now looks worse than she has looked in weeks and I thought we were making progress. So enough about my life lets see if I am an Empath or at least Empathetic
1. Just knowing. Well I often feel as though I know things before they happen or I will think a thought and then it happens. May not have anything to do with me and I may have no way of affecting the thing to happen. But still somehow I know.
2. Public places may be overwhelming. This one is a no for me. I do not like to be crowded together with people but I do not mind being out in public.
3. Feeling others emotion., Sometimes I do feel like I know what others are feeling but I have always based that on similar experiences.
4. Watching violence is unbearable. I have never been able to watch blood and guts movies but more recently I can not see or even hear stories of violence or cruelty. It is too upsetting to me. After Hurricane Katrina I told Brian we could not watch anymore about it on TV if I can not go help I cannot know anymore.
5. You know when someone is not being honest. I can call Brian out on a fib quicker than anyone else but I usually get a feeling if someone is not telling the truth. On the reverse side it is nearly impossible for me to lie about a lot of things.
6. Picking up physical symptoms of others. I do not think this applies to me but my mother will definitely feel bad if I say that I do.
7. Digestive problems. No, not me again. Got a stomach like a steal trap.
8. Always looking out for the underdog. I do feel like the loosing team should win but as well when someone has a weakness I like to share their strength.
9. Others will want to offload their problems on you. People have always felt they can share with me. Again I always know when I need to share with others. To show that they aren't alone.
10. Constant Fatigue. I have had problems with this as an adult. Some have been caused by physical problems. I am exhausted or feel drained a lot.
11. Addictive personality. Another no. But definitely a family trait. I think that I avoid things that I could be addicted to.
12. Drawn to healing. This one also mentioned an interest in supernatural. This I have an interest in anything that can not be explained. I just want to understand Why or How it works. My father's mom used to go to all kinds of churches because she wanted to understand what they believe. Even healers. I have always found that fact to be very interesting.
13. Creative. My imagination is incredible and I love art, writing, photography and music.
14. Love of nature and animals. I am not an outdoors person but I love it when the weather is nice. I have always loved animals. I cannot see an animal in need of help without helping. Have to limit myself when it comes to homeless animals. I could take them all home if I could take care of them. I do know the difference.
15. Need for solitude. I am happy home alone in the silence. I drive now a lot in silence. I even realized a few weeks ago the reason I do not like the electric toothbrush is that I do not like the noise. I really prefer silence or music.
16. Get bored or distracted easily. My imagination can go down a path unnecessarily when listening to another person talk. But as long as I am busy at work it is easy to stay focused on the task at hand.
17. Finds it impossible to do things the do not enjoy. Could be considered lazy. I wish it was impossible but most of the time I can be guilted into whatever someone else wants for the good of the whole.
18. Strives for the truth. When someone lies and I catch them I am very disappointed. All I ask is for the truth.
19. Always looking for answers. This goes back to wanting to understand things and how they work and always why.
20. Likes adventures. Adventures within reason. Attainable goals. I enjoy the water but don't need to scuba dive in it. Like to fly but don't need to jump out of an airplane.
21. Abhors clutter. This is a Big NO. I wish it bothered me more but I can tolerate clutter as long as I know where everything is.
22. Loves to daydream. Favorite pass time other than reading.
23. Finds rules and routines imprisoning. I like rules. Not stupid rules and I decide what is stupid or not.
24. Prone to carry weight without overeating. Well I hope this is why but I believe I eat more calories than I work off and that is why I am heavy.
25. Excellent listener. I would be a good counselor but the problem is that I would then worry for the people I counseled. So maybe not so good at it after all.
26. Intolerant of narcosis. Used to work for one. Now I don't. I could list all the reasons but they already know because they know everything.
27. Feels the days of the week. This was confusing at first but it is like being excited about Friday even if you have to work all weekend. I do this sometimes. Or dread Monday even though I don't have to work.
28. Will not choose to by vintage or antique things. This is in regards to the energy the item carries. I feel when buying something that is old or used I sometimes wonder about the woman who owned an old cookbook or a person that previously read the book I am reading. So no but maybe I wouldn't buy something that I felt a negative energy about but I don't think that has ever happened.
29. Senses the energy of food. This is the sensing of the energy from the animal that you are eating. I cannot think about this because I could not eat it if I thought about it.
30. Can be shy, aloof or moody. Sometimes to the negative. I have said that my happiness pendulum often swings to sad more than most. I can be withdrawn when I worry. It is hard to be happy and worrying at the same time. When I am up and on my A game. I am a fun loving person. But when I am not, I am not.
Ok. So I have counted and I am feel that 19 of the signs do apply in some way to me. The article says that if at least half apply to my that I am an empath. So I am still interested in this theory I can not base my future on one article. The things I believe apply to me apply and the things that don't don't. I don't think most put this much time and consideration into most internet survey's but again. That would not be me.
Giving credit where it is due. I got my list from the following website. http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html
I can tell you what is me. I am the person that sees something like lets say an ambulance in front of a building that I am about to go in and visit my mother and I think oh God, something is wrong with mom. And I think most people would walk in and find the person they are looking for fine and and feel relieved. No that would not be me. I see a couple medical staff people standing over my mom with machines hooked up to her checking her blood pressure and her oxygen levels and say she was feeling weak and thought she was going to pass out. She now looks worse than she has looked in weeks and I thought we were making progress. So enough about my life lets see if I am an Empath or at least Empathetic
1. Just knowing. Well I often feel as though I know things before they happen or I will think a thought and then it happens. May not have anything to do with me and I may have no way of affecting the thing to happen. But still somehow I know.
2. Public places may be overwhelming. This one is a no for me. I do not like to be crowded together with people but I do not mind being out in public.
3. Feeling others emotion., Sometimes I do feel like I know what others are feeling but I have always based that on similar experiences.
4. Watching violence is unbearable. I have never been able to watch blood and guts movies but more recently I can not see or even hear stories of violence or cruelty. It is too upsetting to me. After Hurricane Katrina I told Brian we could not watch anymore about it on TV if I can not go help I cannot know anymore.
5. You know when someone is not being honest. I can call Brian out on a fib quicker than anyone else but I usually get a feeling if someone is not telling the truth. On the reverse side it is nearly impossible for me to lie about a lot of things.
6. Picking up physical symptoms of others. I do not think this applies to me but my mother will definitely feel bad if I say that I do.
7. Digestive problems. No, not me again. Got a stomach like a steal trap.
8. Always looking out for the underdog. I do feel like the loosing team should win but as well when someone has a weakness I like to share their strength.
9. Others will want to offload their problems on you. People have always felt they can share with me. Again I always know when I need to share with others. To show that they aren't alone.
10. Constant Fatigue. I have had problems with this as an adult. Some have been caused by physical problems. I am exhausted or feel drained a lot.
11. Addictive personality. Another no. But definitely a family trait. I think that I avoid things that I could be addicted to.
12. Drawn to healing. This one also mentioned an interest in supernatural. This I have an interest in anything that can not be explained. I just want to understand Why or How it works. My father's mom used to go to all kinds of churches because she wanted to understand what they believe. Even healers. I have always found that fact to be very interesting.
13. Creative. My imagination is incredible and I love art, writing, photography and music.
14. Love of nature and animals. I am not an outdoors person but I love it when the weather is nice. I have always loved animals. I cannot see an animal in need of help without helping. Have to limit myself when it comes to homeless animals. I could take them all home if I could take care of them. I do know the difference.
15. Need for solitude. I am happy home alone in the silence. I drive now a lot in silence. I even realized a few weeks ago the reason I do not like the electric toothbrush is that I do not like the noise. I really prefer silence or music.
16. Get bored or distracted easily. My imagination can go down a path unnecessarily when listening to another person talk. But as long as I am busy at work it is easy to stay focused on the task at hand.
17. Finds it impossible to do things the do not enjoy. Could be considered lazy. I wish it was impossible but most of the time I can be guilted into whatever someone else wants for the good of the whole.
18. Strives for the truth. When someone lies and I catch them I am very disappointed. All I ask is for the truth.
19. Always looking for answers. This goes back to wanting to understand things and how they work and always why.
20. Likes adventures. Adventures within reason. Attainable goals. I enjoy the water but don't need to scuba dive in it. Like to fly but don't need to jump out of an airplane.
21. Abhors clutter. This is a Big NO. I wish it bothered me more but I can tolerate clutter as long as I know where everything is.
22. Loves to daydream. Favorite pass time other than reading.
23. Finds rules and routines imprisoning. I like rules. Not stupid rules and I decide what is stupid or not.
24. Prone to carry weight without overeating. Well I hope this is why but I believe I eat more calories than I work off and that is why I am heavy.
25. Excellent listener. I would be a good counselor but the problem is that I would then worry for the people I counseled. So maybe not so good at it after all.
26. Intolerant of narcosis. Used to work for one. Now I don't. I could list all the reasons but they already know because they know everything.
27. Feels the days of the week. This was confusing at first but it is like being excited about Friday even if you have to work all weekend. I do this sometimes. Or dread Monday even though I don't have to work.
28. Will not choose to by vintage or antique things. This is in regards to the energy the item carries. I feel when buying something that is old or used I sometimes wonder about the woman who owned an old cookbook or a person that previously read the book I am reading. So no but maybe I wouldn't buy something that I felt a negative energy about but I don't think that has ever happened.
29. Senses the energy of food. This is the sensing of the energy from the animal that you are eating. I cannot think about this because I could not eat it if I thought about it.
30. Can be shy, aloof or moody. Sometimes to the negative. I have said that my happiness pendulum often swings to sad more than most. I can be withdrawn when I worry. It is hard to be happy and worrying at the same time. When I am up and on my A game. I am a fun loving person. But when I am not, I am not.
Ok. So I have counted and I am feel that 19 of the signs do apply in some way to me. The article says that if at least half apply to my that I am an empath. So I am still interested in this theory I can not base my future on one article. The things I believe apply to me apply and the things that don't don't. I don't think most put this much time and consideration into most internet survey's but again. That would not be me.
Giving credit where it is due. I got my list from the following website. http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html
Saturday, August 29, 2015
What do I want for my birthday?
September is right around the corner and that means one of the hardest questions of the year will be asked of me and I will not answer well, because well is me.
My birthday is this month and since I am not a jewelry person or a music person or movie person I don't collect anything I never know what I want for gift. Not for any holiday throughout the year. There are things I would like but none are within my means that I would want someone else to pick. I love books but I love going to the book store and choosing. Not someone standing over me tapping their toe waiting for me to make the perfect selection in 15 minutes. It doesn't work that way.
So if money was no option what would I want. A sail boat about 25 ft long goes for well I am surprised anywhere from maybe $3,000 to $15,000 or more of course. Big enough to take overnight trips but not to big that I would need help sailing. But then you need a place to store it and a trailer and a vehicle that can tow it or a slip and that is expensive. See how that could get very expensive. Another wish of mine would be for an old Mustang something between 65-67 maybe a fast back. Or I even saw a company out of Lakeland that makes new Mustangs that look old. Only $125,000. So you see my taste is not cheap.
Today while we were at the movies seeing Mission Impossible Rogue Nation, I thought I wonder what Tom Cruise got paid for this movie? What would I do with that kind of money. Hmm. I looked it up in the car. Tom made $25,000,000 for the movie. That is crazy money. Well crazy for me. So I thought if I had $25,000,000 what would I do with it. I mean maybe Tom would realize that I have been a good fan and I have seen quite a few movies(just counted 18 of 38 listed) and my share must add up to something. Well I just did the math and drum roll...$288 well I guess that is not that much that I have spent. So I won't be surprised that Tom isn't going to give me $25,000,000 either.
But since I can have anything let us just say he did. Here is how I would spend it. This is a blog not a legal binding document. If your name is mentioned I do not have said money and probably never will but in my dream land here is what I would do with it.
Family first. My mother would like to live another 20 years which with her health may or may not be a reasonable expectation but in this world it is. So let us just give her $500,000 to keep her comfortable in the house she has which she wouldn't trade for the world. I would give my brother and sisters and father the same. So that is $2,500,000 more. Brian is mad because I have given money away before I have done anything for us. So Brian can have a new car and motorcycle $65,000. Brian would like a pool but our yard does not really fit a pool so I have always wanted to buy the house next to mine and tear it down and put a pool and build an addition on to our house. with a reading room that I could write in and be inspired by wonderful books around me some beautiful rich wood cabinets a nice kitchen, patio and a few spare bedrooms to have room for sleepovers with my nieces and nephew before they are grown. $350,000. Man it goes fast with good taste.
Speaking of my nieces and nephews I would set them up with some money here we go another $2,500,000.
So we have taken care of the family and I am already seeing my bank account dropping quick but the money is really only the means to the end which is taking care of everyone. So far I am almost $6,000,000 in. Brian's family we would give the same amount which would be $3,000,000. We have a couple friends that I would give probably a total $500,000 and we are good. I have as well a few favorite charities that I would give to but nothing crazy because I would rather help a lot a little that give it all to one. And I need to live off of the rest you know. I would want Brian and I to be able to travel and live a comfortable life so lets say we would have to live for the next 50 years off of $5,000,000. So now I am up to almost 15 of my $25,000,000. I now see why Tom has to keep making movies. I don't own a jet or a chateau or a vineyard. I would like to visit Rome and Monaco but don't need a house there. I would like to go on cruises in the Caribbean and in Tahiti but don't need a yacht. I would like new things but nothing outrageous. I would want to well obviously have to keep my head about me that money since it is going fast.
So what is left a good life with my family to be able to share the bounty that I have been given. Be it $25,000,000 or more likely the estimated 1.2 million Brian and I will earn over the next 20 years of our lives and then retire and hope that our earnings will last us the rest of our happy lives together.
See what I see when I read this whole thing. There are only 3 things that I listed that I want. Everything else would be to share and enjoy with others. I want to be happy and I would love to have a boat and teach the kids to sail and a really cool car to teach them to drive in but if I can't have a cool car I will teach them in my Sebring and I will rent a boat for an afternoon so I can teach them to sail. If I can't go on a cruise with them all maybe we can go to dinner at a nice restaurant and if we can't go to Rome, Italy maybe Rome, Georgia or Paris, Texas. So I do know that after the lemon cake I shared last night with my friend Tracy and her daughter and grandson I do know what kind of cake I would like and we can afford that.
I just read what I have written so far to Brian and it has brought tears to my eyes but you know he rattled off that I forgot about his man cave that would be somewhere near my library with a big screen tv with recliner seats theater quality sound and arcade games and whatever other cool gadgets he can dream up. See the I have no problem finding a gift for him. So good luck babe with my birthday gift. Good thing in my mind it is still better to give than receive.
My birthday is this month and since I am not a jewelry person or a music person or movie person I don't collect anything I never know what I want for gift. Not for any holiday throughout the year. There are things I would like but none are within my means that I would want someone else to pick. I love books but I love going to the book store and choosing. Not someone standing over me tapping their toe waiting for me to make the perfect selection in 15 minutes. It doesn't work that way.
So if money was no option what would I want. A sail boat about 25 ft long goes for well I am surprised anywhere from maybe $3,000 to $15,000 or more of course. Big enough to take overnight trips but not to big that I would need help sailing. But then you need a place to store it and a trailer and a vehicle that can tow it or a slip and that is expensive. See how that could get very expensive. Another wish of mine would be for an old Mustang something between 65-67 maybe a fast back. Or I even saw a company out of Lakeland that makes new Mustangs that look old. Only $125,000. So you see my taste is not cheap.
Today while we were at the movies seeing Mission Impossible Rogue Nation, I thought I wonder what Tom Cruise got paid for this movie? What would I do with that kind of money. Hmm. I looked it up in the car. Tom made $25,000,000 for the movie. That is crazy money. Well crazy for me. So I thought if I had $25,000,000 what would I do with it. I mean maybe Tom would realize that I have been a good fan and I have seen quite a few movies(just counted 18 of 38 listed) and my share must add up to something. Well I just did the math and drum roll...$288 well I guess that is not that much that I have spent. So I won't be surprised that Tom isn't going to give me $25,000,000 either.
But since I can have anything let us just say he did. Here is how I would spend it. This is a blog not a legal binding document. If your name is mentioned I do not have said money and probably never will but in my dream land here is what I would do with it.
Family first. My mother would like to live another 20 years which with her health may or may not be a reasonable expectation but in this world it is. So let us just give her $500,000 to keep her comfortable in the house she has which she wouldn't trade for the world. I would give my brother and sisters and father the same. So that is $2,500,000 more. Brian is mad because I have given money away before I have done anything for us. So Brian can have a new car and motorcycle $65,000. Brian would like a pool but our yard does not really fit a pool so I have always wanted to buy the house next to mine and tear it down and put a pool and build an addition on to our house. with a reading room that I could write in and be inspired by wonderful books around me some beautiful rich wood cabinets a nice kitchen, patio and a few spare bedrooms to have room for sleepovers with my nieces and nephew before they are grown. $350,000. Man it goes fast with good taste.
Speaking of my nieces and nephews I would set them up with some money here we go another $2,500,000.
So we have taken care of the family and I am already seeing my bank account dropping quick but the money is really only the means to the end which is taking care of everyone. So far I am almost $6,000,000 in. Brian's family we would give the same amount which would be $3,000,000. We have a couple friends that I would give probably a total $500,000 and we are good. I have as well a few favorite charities that I would give to but nothing crazy because I would rather help a lot a little that give it all to one. And I need to live off of the rest you know. I would want Brian and I to be able to travel and live a comfortable life so lets say we would have to live for the next 50 years off of $5,000,000. So now I am up to almost 15 of my $25,000,000. I now see why Tom has to keep making movies. I don't own a jet or a chateau or a vineyard. I would like to visit Rome and Monaco but don't need a house there. I would like to go on cruises in the Caribbean and in Tahiti but don't need a yacht. I would like new things but nothing outrageous. I would want to well obviously have to keep my head about me that money since it is going fast.
So what is left a good life with my family to be able to share the bounty that I have been given. Be it $25,000,000 or more likely the estimated 1.2 million Brian and I will earn over the next 20 years of our lives and then retire and hope that our earnings will last us the rest of our happy lives together.
See what I see when I read this whole thing. There are only 3 things that I listed that I want. Everything else would be to share and enjoy with others. I want to be happy and I would love to have a boat and teach the kids to sail and a really cool car to teach them to drive in but if I can't have a cool car I will teach them in my Sebring and I will rent a boat for an afternoon so I can teach them to sail. If I can't go on a cruise with them all maybe we can go to dinner at a nice restaurant and if we can't go to Rome, Italy maybe Rome, Georgia or Paris, Texas. So I do know that after the lemon cake I shared last night with my friend Tracy and her daughter and grandson I do know what kind of cake I would like and we can afford that.
I just read what I have written so far to Brian and it has brought tears to my eyes but you know he rattled off that I forgot about his man cave that would be somewhere near my library with a big screen tv with recliner seats theater quality sound and arcade games and whatever other cool gadgets he can dream up. See the I have no problem finding a gift for him. So good luck babe with my birthday gift. Good thing in my mind it is still better to give than receive.
Friday, August 14, 2015
City Hall for a Day
So as with everything in life it is ever changing. Tonight's post is difficult to write. Not because I do not have something to say but because I have to be very careful. I always read past posts before I start one. Sometimes it sets a mood or the mood is already there and I just want to put myself in the right place.
Well tonight I went to my other blog that I write, Day One. I read my first and last post. First was my poem For the Love of Lilly, posted three years ago this month. The second was called Soup of the Day. Which is funny to me because it was not about soup or grilled cheese and looking back no one that reads it now would know the exact subject I wrote about mainly because the world moves on so fast now. What made half the country furious a few months ago is old news now. So just like the rest of the world my life has gone on.
Tonight's entry ties to both. I can not say exactly how because I do not want to commit to a subject because what makes us furious today will be gone tomorrow. And I do not need a written reminder of what it was that was making my world upside down.
I have not written since right after my High School Reunion and there is only one reason. I have been busy. I have applied for a Lead position at work. Not sure how that will go but I do think I can do the job. Other stuff going on that is making me busy but again not really ready to say the words out loud. It is funny when I started writing I explained this is a totally selfish endeavour. It still is but with more readers comes more responsibility to others. Not that I care if one person or 12 people read my silly blog it is still to get what is in my head out and help me get a good nights sleep without offending or hurting anyone else.
Sleep that is when you close your eyes and put your head on the pillow? Right? Eight hours later you wake refreshed? I think I remember but not really sure.
So today I saw my nephew get an award from the City for his Leadership qualities he has shown at camp this summer. Each camp got to choose kids from each age group that showed different qualities to the other campers: teamwork, leadership, kindness, compassion, integrity to name a few. Each camp sent their kids to City Hall and they got to meet the mayor. The mayor had them sit in the seats of the commissioners and city attorney and city manager and of course one kid got to be the mayor for a few minutes. Well at least sit in the chair and use the gavel to call the meeting to order and to call on their fellow campers to read off their quality and how it applied to them. I found one thing very interesting. Kindness always went to the youngest, most adorable kid in camp. Well I am not sure about the entire camp but of the kids selected to come they were the sweetest thing going. The little boy that could not say his name out loud that the Center manager came behind and said his name and his quality and why. No one needed to know why the kid was precious. That and the fact that the teamwork camper seemed to be the one to be mayor and the leadership kid was a little more outspoken than the others.
For each group of campers the mayor would pick a quality and speak about it based on what the child had said. He elaborated on teamwork and leadership and how sometimes to be in charge he does not do what some people think is right but he does what he feels is best for the whole city based on the information he is provided by his team of employees and council members.
So when you get the team together and they don't agree they start to argue. And even as mayor he may not think the answer is the right answer but if you only have so many choices he would have to pick the choice that is best for today with the information he has been given. So just like in life all the choices are not simple I mean there are pluses and minuses to both the red and the blue pill (for you Matrix fans).Take the red pill and go back to life as it was or see what is behind door number 2 (Oh no that is a different show all together). Ok so you take the blue pill and who knows what will happen. Well really either way there is no way to know for sure what is going to happen. Life is not a movie or a game show. There is no door number 2. There is no do over. Just keep moving forward with the information in front of you and try to choose wisely. I have played the mayor in life. Many times. Some think the best way to solve a problem is with a hammer or a big stick. Others think a voice of reason should be heard by all. Some are not going to stick around to see what is going to be done. But to make sure that they are heard they will go to the meeting speak their piece and bail. Have I lost you or are you catching on. See that is the question for me as well.
The options I speak of are not for me. I am the farmer with the field that needs to be plowed and that is the only way to feed my family. And if it is only going to stop raining in the middle of the night I just have to turn the truck lights on and plow my field in the dark. So here I sit just after midnight trying to decide if I plow on left to right or right to left. I have seen both have similar results but some swear by one method and not the other. Thought we were talking about City Hall now I am talking about Farming. Well I watched a farming movie tonight. You know what a key ingredient to farming and City Hall? A lot of BS. Look I am so tired I am making jokes.
We are not talking about Red Pills or Blue Pills or Farming. We are not talking about City Hall. Since I can not say what we are talking about I will say that a lot of bright people can come together in the same room and discuss the same subject and when they all leave no decision had been made. I think this is why the President is but one man or may I say one day one woman. He or she has a council of very smart people that they can consult with but in the end the decision to sign the bill or veto is his or hers. Well unless some big pharmaceutical company has a hand in the pot or a farming conglomerate that wants to wipe out all the family farms and it is an election year. Well no one has offered me fame or fortune and I am not up for re-election but I am going to continue with the decision I have made after consulting my council. The choice is not easy I think that is what the rest of the counsil may not understand. The choices are not easy. They never are.But in the best interest of well, well I can not say but I will do as I always... What I feel is best.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Still making memories after all these years.
So it is 3 Am or 3'oclock in the morning and it looks like it is going to be another sleepless night... Two great songs that are what it is. 3 o'clock in the morning. Can't sleep. Thinking about what was and what has come of it. I know, Get to the point Jeanne. So I did go to my 30th High School Reunion. Anyone out there planning a reunion and really just want to talk and have a nice time take note. That does not take formal clothes and high priced rubber chicken. A few chicken wings and beers and a bunch of people that grew up in Clearwater looking over Clearwater Beach and remembering when... When we were young, or pretty or popular or not. When the beach was what it was and not what it is and how we were all glad that we grew up in the time that Crystal Palace and the skate shop were game rooms (arcades) and were places that kids congregated. We remembered the Howard Johnson's restaurant and the Memorial Civic Center and how many of us worked for Eckerd. Part-time, Full time, or Lifers like me. But even that has changed.
Band kids that have not picked up an instrument since band but still treasure every moment of playing and marching and all the friends along the way. I would like to make a quick shout out to my friend Jerry. A friend from elementary school. I just caught a glimpse of his name tag and I was so happy to see him. I wanted to tell him yes, I still have your trumpet and if you want it back swing by the house. We laughed. He had just been telling the people he was with that he never knew what happened to his old trumpet. Well I have been saving it. Not feeling right to get rid of it. It was not mine. But not knowing whatever happened to him to give it back. Now it is clear. I can do with it as I please. I think I will pass it on to an aspiring musician that doesn't know the trumpet might inspire him. I really think that seeing Jerry turned things around for the night for me. Made me realize the memories I have are shared. Not exactly the same memories. I had the trumpet and knew it and he didn't know what happened to it.
Another guy from band Bill, I remembered that I annoyed him. I have been carrying that for 30 years guess what. He wasn't annoyed by me. I am officially letting it go. So in some ways therapeutic that I went.
Friday night I mostly spoke to people I know. Brian and Kim and her husband. Mary and Mike beach kids. There is always that person that remembers me that I thought how could the coolest guy in high school remember me and was glad to see me. Yes. He was. And if you think it was you and you talked to me maybe you were the coolest guy in school. Or maybe that is just me remembering high school the way I remember high school. Still feeling like for the most part the people I spoke to were people I still speak to and not sure I really needed to go Saturday. But I was hoarse when I got home and glad to tell my mom about the beach kids I saw and they all said to tell my brother hello.
But Saturday night was really it for me I thought what the heck Brian and I don't get out much. But like I said Jerry turned things around. I stuck my neck out and said hello to people that I was not sure that they would know who I was but they did. People spoke to me that I was not sure I remembered. My favorite set of twins Peter and David again another pair that go all the way back to elementary school. What surprises me the most is how many of us still live around here and I never see them or run into them at the grocery store.
I spoke to people from the neighborhood I lived in when I was little. Just a mile from where we live now. And we all reminisced about remember where this one lived or that one. And if you remember that one do you remember this one. Whatever happened to them? People that rode the school bus together or were in middle school together. Or toilet papered houses together or whatever we did. It was in good fun. Cleaned up plenty of toilet paper as well.
There were people I miss that were not there. People I asked about that no one seemed to know about. My dear friend Jane. Man I miss her. I have so many fun memories. I told someone about us making perogies or going to Mister Submarine and getting my still all time favorite sandwich a Roast beef with everything that we would split at all ours of the night. She was a Pepsi girl all the way back then. If you are reading this and know her tell her I say hi. And think of all our fun often.
I wish I could name everyone it was great to see. But if I do I will forget someone and I don't want to do that so I am going to say I am so glad I spoke to all of you. My voice was so hoarse on Sunday at work and Monday. But it will recover. And now you all know that we live between Caponga's and Dairy Kurl and if you want pizza or ice cream don't hesitate to stop by we will be glad to go.
Hope it doesn't take another 20 years before we get together again.
Band kids that have not picked up an instrument since band but still treasure every moment of playing and marching and all the friends along the way. I would like to make a quick shout out to my friend Jerry. A friend from elementary school. I just caught a glimpse of his name tag and I was so happy to see him. I wanted to tell him yes, I still have your trumpet and if you want it back swing by the house. We laughed. He had just been telling the people he was with that he never knew what happened to his old trumpet. Well I have been saving it. Not feeling right to get rid of it. It was not mine. But not knowing whatever happened to him to give it back. Now it is clear. I can do with it as I please. I think I will pass it on to an aspiring musician that doesn't know the trumpet might inspire him. I really think that seeing Jerry turned things around for the night for me. Made me realize the memories I have are shared. Not exactly the same memories. I had the trumpet and knew it and he didn't know what happened to it.
Another guy from band Bill, I remembered that I annoyed him. I have been carrying that for 30 years guess what. He wasn't annoyed by me. I am officially letting it go. So in some ways therapeutic that I went.
Friday night I mostly spoke to people I know. Brian and Kim and her husband. Mary and Mike beach kids. There is always that person that remembers me that I thought how could the coolest guy in high school remember me and was glad to see me. Yes. He was. And if you think it was you and you talked to me maybe you were the coolest guy in school. Or maybe that is just me remembering high school the way I remember high school. Still feeling like for the most part the people I spoke to were people I still speak to and not sure I really needed to go Saturday. But I was hoarse when I got home and glad to tell my mom about the beach kids I saw and they all said to tell my brother hello.
But Saturday night was really it for me I thought what the heck Brian and I don't get out much. But like I said Jerry turned things around. I stuck my neck out and said hello to people that I was not sure that they would know who I was but they did. People spoke to me that I was not sure I remembered. My favorite set of twins Peter and David again another pair that go all the way back to elementary school. What surprises me the most is how many of us still live around here and I never see them or run into them at the grocery store.
I spoke to people from the neighborhood I lived in when I was little. Just a mile from where we live now. And we all reminisced about remember where this one lived or that one. And if you remember that one do you remember this one. Whatever happened to them? People that rode the school bus together or were in middle school together. Or toilet papered houses together or whatever we did. It was in good fun. Cleaned up plenty of toilet paper as well.
There were people I miss that were not there. People I asked about that no one seemed to know about. My dear friend Jane. Man I miss her. I have so many fun memories. I told someone about us making perogies or going to Mister Submarine and getting my still all time favorite sandwich a Roast beef with everything that we would split at all ours of the night. She was a Pepsi girl all the way back then. If you are reading this and know her tell her I say hi. And think of all our fun often.
I wish I could name everyone it was great to see. But if I do I will forget someone and I don't want to do that so I am going to say I am so glad I spoke to all of you. My voice was so hoarse on Sunday at work and Monday. But it will recover. And now you all know that we live between Caponga's and Dairy Kurl and if you want pizza or ice cream don't hesitate to stop by we will be glad to go.
Hope it doesn't take another 20 years before we get together again.
Monday, July 27, 2015
30 Years Later
So I am not sure where time goes. One day I was young and would never grow up and the next day I have gray hair and need glasses to read. Where did all the days in between go.There were weddings and funerals. Babies were born and birthday parties.We bought a house and moved. But that was just a few of all these days that have past by. I just calculated 10,950 days give or take since high school. All but a year of all those days I have worked. So a little college a lot of working and a lot of being married. It is all good. So as I look back and wish for the things I missed but I am happy for the things I have. But honestly how could it be 30 years.
I find it funny in the last few weeks people I haven't seen or heard from in years have requested to be my friend on Facebook. I guess with the reunion coming up they see my name and think man I wonder what she has been up to. The funny thing is some of us still live right here in Clearwater. One just yesterday. Katie. Katie and I went to school with her from Skycrest Elementary School, Kennedy Middle School and Clearwater High School. We went to the same church. I have seen her at that same church since. I remember her son was an alter boy and very faithful young man and how she was very proud of him as I am sure she is of all her kids. Not sure how many she has. We grew up in that church had our first communion and our confirmation together. But somehow lost touch. I have been an off again on again church goer for a long time. But not to single her out there is Brian from elementary school as well and Carrie. There are so many from band in high school. Nancy and Linda and Peggy and Mike and Tom and Kim... I know there are some that are no longer with us. I just really don't know where all the days went.
I attended our 10 year reunion and felt out of place. Some people recognized me but said my name wrong. So you are reading my name tag but my face it is familiar. I did not go to the 20 or 25 what ever they had. I thought why go. I am not one to have something to gloat about. I am not a Dr. I have not discovered a cure for cancer or have I walked on the moon. Just a lot of back and forth to and from work. Putting in the hours and the days that are my life. Now it has only been in the last few days that I thought well what the heck. Why not go. This is not one of those reunions like the 10 year that was very expensive. And just maybe this will be fun.
I must say I am nervous. Maybe I will not be recognized and maybe no one will know my name. I don't know am I as unremarkable as I make myself out to be? But I think Friday night Brian and I will go out and have a nice time and visit with some people I have not seen in years and hope that maybe some old friends will become new friends again. Saturday night well that all depends on how Friday night goes. I will let you know how things work out but for those of you that are not as old as me and are wondering when you will be old enough don't blink or you will miss it.
Happy 30th Reunion to the Clearwater High Class of 1985
I find it funny in the last few weeks people I haven't seen or heard from in years have requested to be my friend on Facebook. I guess with the reunion coming up they see my name and think man I wonder what she has been up to. The funny thing is some of us still live right here in Clearwater. One just yesterday. Katie. Katie and I went to school with her from Skycrest Elementary School, Kennedy Middle School and Clearwater High School. We went to the same church. I have seen her at that same church since. I remember her son was an alter boy and very faithful young man and how she was very proud of him as I am sure she is of all her kids. Not sure how many she has. We grew up in that church had our first communion and our confirmation together. But somehow lost touch. I have been an off again on again church goer for a long time. But not to single her out there is Brian from elementary school as well and Carrie. There are so many from band in high school. Nancy and Linda and Peggy and Mike and Tom and Kim... I know there are some that are no longer with us. I just really don't know where all the days went.
I attended our 10 year reunion and felt out of place. Some people recognized me but said my name wrong. So you are reading my name tag but my face it is familiar. I did not go to the 20 or 25 what ever they had. I thought why go. I am not one to have something to gloat about. I am not a Dr. I have not discovered a cure for cancer or have I walked on the moon. Just a lot of back and forth to and from work. Putting in the hours and the days that are my life. Now it has only been in the last few days that I thought well what the heck. Why not go. This is not one of those reunions like the 10 year that was very expensive. And just maybe this will be fun.
I must say I am nervous. Maybe I will not be recognized and maybe no one will know my name. I don't know am I as unremarkable as I make myself out to be? But I think Friday night Brian and I will go out and have a nice time and visit with some people I have not seen in years and hope that maybe some old friends will become new friends again. Saturday night well that all depends on how Friday night goes. I will let you know how things work out but for those of you that are not as old as me and are wondering when you will be old enough don't blink or you will miss it.
Happy 30th Reunion to the Clearwater High Class of 1985
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Graduation Stadium
So this week was Clearwater High School's Graduation. It was at Brighthouse Field which is not far from the office I work at. From our windows we could see the fireworks they had at the end of the ceremony. Amazing. Fireworks for a graduation. Back in my day we were happy it didn't rain. No fireworks. It seems crazy because back in my day was 30 years ago. And this summer is my classes 30 year reunion from Clearwater High School. 30 years. 30 years ago I was only 17 when I graduated. I heard the speeches about how we had our whole lives ahead of us. We sang "We are the World" during our graduation swaying back and forth in front of our parents and friends. Not sure where all those years went.
My class graduated as all the classes before that I can remember at Jack White Stadium at Clearwater High School. I guess once the new bigger stadium was built in the early 2000's was when graduation was moved. But I have wondered most of my life who was Jack White. Did he go to Clearwater High. Was he a football player or principal? Well ironically in this summer of my 30th Reunion I found out who Jack White was while doing some local genealogy research.
Jack White neither attended Clearwater High nor worked there. He was actually a county judge born in 1898 in Jackson, Tennessee. He attended the University in Colorado Springs,Co and Jackson, TN and earned his Teaching Certificate. After serving as a Marine in World War I, Jack attended the University of Virginia Law School and graduated in 1922. He was married and moved to Florida in the 1920's during the land boom. Jack White was a major player in getting the stadium built at the new Clearwater High School that his 3 sons attended.Clearwater High moved to it's current location on Hercules Ave and Gulf to Bay Blvd in 1954. As the building was being built the idea was proposed to have a stadium built at the High School. The stadium was completed in 1950 and a few football games were played there that season but at that time the stadium was called Central Pinellas Stadium. It was not until 1963 that the Judge finally gave in and agreed to have the stadium named after him for all of his work organizing the imitative to have the stadium built. "He was committed to the community and believed strongly in youth sports as a character building.", From A Life of Service Jack F. White. Jack passed away in 1965.
As amazing as that is over 50 years of football games and track meets and band competitions as well as pep rallies and home coming parades and graduations had all been held for Clearwater High at Jack White Stadium. I only attended Clearwater High for 4 years between 1981 and 1985. But I remember as a young child being able to hear the band playing in the stadium on Friday nights just as I can today from my house. I lived about a mile or so south of the high school when I was young and I now live about a mile west of the high school. I attended every Varsity football game and even a years worth of Junior Varsity games while my brother played. I attended stadium band practices at least twice a week. One night practice a week during football season and a walk through on Friday afternoon after school. Marched in numerous band competitions and I attended all graduations while I was in high school. The band always played Crimson and Grey the school song and the National Anthem and of course Pomp and Circumstance. My graduation was not the end of me visiting the stadium. I watched my niece cheer for Clearwater For Youth on Saturday afternoons and I have attended my siblings Graduations and Band Competitions since.
So it seems strange with so much history and life in the stadium that the school officials would have the graduation at a stadium a mile or so away. Oh it is nice and fancy and has more seats and a jumbo tron screen with fireworks but I know kids don't look around and remember all their high school memories as I did and do each time I go to Jack White stadium.
I was thinking tonight about the band directors Mr. Hacker that past away when I was a Sophomore and Mr. Smith and Mr. Kelsey and also the drum major when I was a Freshman and Sophomore Wendell. He did flips across the field as the band marched on the field and Jay and Bill and Chris and Wendy just a few more drum majors. Then there were the people I marched next to. Tony and Dwight and Bill. Sandra and Jane and Kim. My other friend Kim that was a majorette and all the Tornadoettes and all the flag girls. I don't even think they have Tornadoettes anymore. 30 years and I remember names and places we stood on the field and in parade line up and even some of the music we played. Lionel Richie's Still. The song has a section that the music gets quiet and at that point we turned to face away from the stadium and as the music builds back up we turned back towards the stadium. The details I remember marching under the stadium and feeling the vibration of the drums cadence in my chest. Beating with my heart with pride in a school that has been there for years before me and is still there 30 years later. The parents that worked selflessly making cotton candy, snow cones, pouring cokes and cooking hotdogs for all. I still have pride in being part of the original CHS. You know there is that other one that couldn't come up with other letters to use but they are not original. They didn't even get their start until the mid 80's.
I also remember some of the football players a few All Americans in my time Terry Griggley and Hassan Jones. These were the star players in my day. I even wrote a blog last year about running into Hassan at every band members favorite after game eatery Capongna's Dugout only a block from my house. Still there still the same good food and the memories of Clearwater High and Jack White Stadium hang on the walls.
So now at 3 o'clock in the morning I want to thank Jack White for his contribution not only to my life but for his contribution to the community as well as his family for having a great website in his honor which was where I gathered most of my information on Jack. But my memories in that stadium will stay with me forever. Just like the man it was named for.
My class graduated as all the classes before that I can remember at Jack White Stadium at Clearwater High School. I guess once the new bigger stadium was built in the early 2000's was when graduation was moved. But I have wondered most of my life who was Jack White. Did he go to Clearwater High. Was he a football player or principal? Well ironically in this summer of my 30th Reunion I found out who Jack White was while doing some local genealogy research.Jack White neither attended Clearwater High nor worked there. He was actually a county judge born in 1898 in Jackson, Tennessee. He attended the University in Colorado Springs,Co and Jackson, TN and earned his Teaching Certificate. After serving as a Marine in World War I, Jack attended the University of Virginia Law School and graduated in 1922. He was married and moved to Florida in the 1920's during the land boom. Jack White was a major player in getting the stadium built at the new Clearwater High School that his 3 sons attended.Clearwater High moved to it's current location on Hercules Ave and Gulf to Bay Blvd in 1954. As the building was being built the idea was proposed to have a stadium built at the High School. The stadium was completed in 1950 and a few football games were played there that season but at that time the stadium was called Central Pinellas Stadium. It was not until 1963 that the Judge finally gave in and agreed to have the stadium named after him for all of his work organizing the imitative to have the stadium built. "He was committed to the community and believed strongly in youth sports as a character building.", From A Life of Service Jack F. White. Jack passed away in 1965.
As amazing as that is over 50 years of football games and track meets and band competitions as well as pep rallies and home coming parades and graduations had all been held for Clearwater High at Jack White Stadium. I only attended Clearwater High for 4 years between 1981 and 1985. But I remember as a young child being able to hear the band playing in the stadium on Friday nights just as I can today from my house. I lived about a mile or so south of the high school when I was young and I now live about a mile west of the high school. I attended every Varsity football game and even a years worth of Junior Varsity games while my brother played. I attended stadium band practices at least twice a week. One night practice a week during football season and a walk through on Friday afternoon after school. Marched in numerous band competitions and I attended all graduations while I was in high school. The band always played Crimson and Grey the school song and the National Anthem and of course Pomp and Circumstance. My graduation was not the end of me visiting the stadium. I watched my niece cheer for Clearwater For Youth on Saturday afternoons and I have attended my siblings Graduations and Band Competitions since.
So it seems strange with so much history and life in the stadium that the school officials would have the graduation at a stadium a mile or so away. Oh it is nice and fancy and has more seats and a jumbo tron screen with fireworks but I know kids don't look around and remember all their high school memories as I did and do each time I go to Jack White stadium.I was thinking tonight about the band directors Mr. Hacker that past away when I was a Sophomore and Mr. Smith and Mr. Kelsey and also the drum major when I was a Freshman and Sophomore Wendell. He did flips across the field as the band marched on the field and Jay and Bill and Chris and Wendy just a few more drum majors. Then there were the people I marched next to. Tony and Dwight and Bill. Sandra and Jane and Kim. My other friend Kim that was a majorette and all the Tornadoettes and all the flag girls. I don't even think they have Tornadoettes anymore. 30 years and I remember names and places we stood on the field and in parade line up and even some of the music we played. Lionel Richie's Still. The song has a section that the music gets quiet and at that point we turned to face away from the stadium and as the music builds back up we turned back towards the stadium. The details I remember marching under the stadium and feeling the vibration of the drums cadence in my chest. Beating with my heart with pride in a school that has been there for years before me and is still there 30 years later. The parents that worked selflessly making cotton candy, snow cones, pouring cokes and cooking hotdogs for all. I still have pride in being part of the original CHS. You know there is that other one that couldn't come up with other letters to use but they are not original. They didn't even get their start until the mid 80's.
I also remember some of the football players a few All Americans in my time Terry Griggley and Hassan Jones. These were the star players in my day. I even wrote a blog last year about running into Hassan at every band members favorite after game eatery Capongna's Dugout only a block from my house. Still there still the same good food and the memories of Clearwater High and Jack White Stadium hang on the walls.
So now at 3 o'clock in the morning I want to thank Jack White for his contribution not only to my life but for his contribution to the community as well as his family for having a great website in his honor which was where I gathered most of my information on Jack. But my memories in that stadium will stay with me forever. Just like the man it was named for.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Fate
Today I learned something new about fate. Well, new to me. Fate is as old as Greek Mythology. Fate is a family business. Three sisters that control destiny. Three sisters. I have three sisters. I do not think they were the three sisters mythology was talking about. So as I learned this morning these three sisters hold the thread of life. The first is the spinner of the thread when a baby is born and the second is the one that measured the length of thread and the third she cut the thread when one dies.
As some believe these three come to a new baby on the third night after being born and determine the child's fate. This is an interesting idea for me the worrier. I know they say you can beat fate but I have seen all the Final Destination movies. I knew right away in the first once you hear John Denver music it is all over for you. But there were a few that beat their fate but sooner or later I guess those sisters right the wrong that has happened and they get you. As the saying goes if you can't beat them, join them. So why worry. I make my choices and try to make everything right but in the end the end is the end and I can not change it. This may seem fatalistic. See look there is the word fate. stuck at the beginning. So today I want to write about some fate that I feel has been for the better. See sometimes when things happen it could seem terrible but in the end it was what had to happen so that the stars could align for something else to happen. That is how I think of fate.
Two things made me start thinking about this last night. I just recently dropped off a wedding album to a dear friend of mine who got married a month ago.I was so glad I could share his special moment with him and his new wife and family. Small wedding at the courthouse then we went to the Botanical Gardens and took some beautiful pictures. The next day they had a barbecue picnic reception. It was great to see old friends that we had not seen in a while and new family members. So the fate that got us to that point I guess now that I know the definition is not fate but maybe Devine intervention. But when I got fired from my last job she was the person they hired. And that is how he and she met. See I had to loose my job so she could get the job so they could meet and get married. That was a lot of work to get those two together. Now I have always said that loosing that job was the best thing that ever happened to me. Well now that makes three.
The second thing that had me thinking about Fate last night was that at work I had my monthly review. Now if I go back over the last year I have cried during more of these reviews than I care to admit but over the last few months no tears. It was not that I was upset by what they said it was the fear of what they could say. See for a long time I have still lived in fear of whomever is speaking to me from a boss point of view because of the boss at that job that I got fired from. Well my last supervisor who is the boss type that scares some people. I told him I like a boss that tells it like it is. I used to work for an awesome lady at Eckerd that most would have not wanted for a boss but for me I liked that as long as you did what you were supposed to be doing she left you to do it. If you had a question you better ask that was what she was there for and when you made a mistake she let you know. Well this last supervisor of mine was very similar in his ways. And he encouraged me to be more self confident and after the last shift bid which I cried because I was worried I would not get the shift I needed so I could still take care of my mom on Fridays like I have been for the last year. I got the days off but have had to work until 10 which gave me extra time at night when it was slow to take some online classes which Bright house offers. I decided that I would take ones that had to do with self confidence and with working with different types of people. I have taken 16 such courses over the last 5 months and I have seen a noticeable difference in my perception of others around me and of myself. I have learned about traits that I have and how to resolve conflicts better and how not to be defensive when someone is being critical and how to take ownership of my own mistakes and move on. Not to dwell on them. So the supervisor I have now only recently got promoted to supervisor and she has take me on with the approach to help build my self confidence by reassuring me that I do a good job almost daily. Both of them have encouraged me to do things that I might have not wanted to do but only because I lacked the confidence to do it. So as we started to go over my six month review she asked me first how I thought I did. I told her I thought I meet expectations but could do better. I do enough to get by but should be able to do more. Just getting by. She said really. Just getting by. Well then she said what my rank was for this shift bid and I was surprised. I thought I would be in the middle of the pack hopefully ranked high enough to still have my Friday Saturday off so I could still help my mom. But ready to deal with whatever came my way. No tears of worry. Just gonna do what I have to do to get things taken care of. Then she told me that I do not just skate by that I do an outstanding job not just a meets. So I got to pick the shift I wanted and no tears were shed. I get embarrassed as people say things that are good about me. To me it is just doing my job nothing extra. But she assured me that it is and that the classes I have taken have helped me a lot at work.
A lot of things have come together recently for me both in my head and in real life. They are two totally different things. In my head I usually go through every worse case scenario before whatever is going to happen happens and then realize that it is not always going to be the bad thing that is going to happen. Sometimes as with recently there are good things going to happen. I am glad I am more receptive to the good things and worry less about what could happen.
So I am good with the three sisters of Fate. They have already spun my thread and measured its length now I have to do the best I can with the time I have and not worry about hearing the John Denver music. When it comes it comes.
As some believe these three come to a new baby on the third night after being born and determine the child's fate. This is an interesting idea for me the worrier. I know they say you can beat fate but I have seen all the Final Destination movies. I knew right away in the first once you hear John Denver music it is all over for you. But there were a few that beat their fate but sooner or later I guess those sisters right the wrong that has happened and they get you. As the saying goes if you can't beat them, join them. So why worry. I make my choices and try to make everything right but in the end the end is the end and I can not change it. This may seem fatalistic. See look there is the word fate. stuck at the beginning. So today I want to write about some fate that I feel has been for the better. See sometimes when things happen it could seem terrible but in the end it was what had to happen so that the stars could align for something else to happen. That is how I think of fate.
Two things made me start thinking about this last night. I just recently dropped off a wedding album to a dear friend of mine who got married a month ago.I was so glad I could share his special moment with him and his new wife and family. Small wedding at the courthouse then we went to the Botanical Gardens and took some beautiful pictures. The next day they had a barbecue picnic reception. It was great to see old friends that we had not seen in a while and new family members. So the fate that got us to that point I guess now that I know the definition is not fate but maybe Devine intervention. But when I got fired from my last job she was the person they hired. And that is how he and she met. See I had to loose my job so she could get the job so they could meet and get married. That was a lot of work to get those two together. Now I have always said that loosing that job was the best thing that ever happened to me. Well now that makes three.
The second thing that had me thinking about Fate last night was that at work I had my monthly review. Now if I go back over the last year I have cried during more of these reviews than I care to admit but over the last few months no tears. It was not that I was upset by what they said it was the fear of what they could say. See for a long time I have still lived in fear of whomever is speaking to me from a boss point of view because of the boss at that job that I got fired from. Well my last supervisor who is the boss type that scares some people. I told him I like a boss that tells it like it is. I used to work for an awesome lady at Eckerd that most would have not wanted for a boss but for me I liked that as long as you did what you were supposed to be doing she left you to do it. If you had a question you better ask that was what she was there for and when you made a mistake she let you know. Well this last supervisor of mine was very similar in his ways. And he encouraged me to be more self confident and after the last shift bid which I cried because I was worried I would not get the shift I needed so I could still take care of my mom on Fridays like I have been for the last year. I got the days off but have had to work until 10 which gave me extra time at night when it was slow to take some online classes which Bright house offers. I decided that I would take ones that had to do with self confidence and with working with different types of people. I have taken 16 such courses over the last 5 months and I have seen a noticeable difference in my perception of others around me and of myself. I have learned about traits that I have and how to resolve conflicts better and how not to be defensive when someone is being critical and how to take ownership of my own mistakes and move on. Not to dwell on them. So the supervisor I have now only recently got promoted to supervisor and she has take me on with the approach to help build my self confidence by reassuring me that I do a good job almost daily. Both of them have encouraged me to do things that I might have not wanted to do but only because I lacked the confidence to do it. So as we started to go over my six month review she asked me first how I thought I did. I told her I thought I meet expectations but could do better. I do enough to get by but should be able to do more. Just getting by. She said really. Just getting by. Well then she said what my rank was for this shift bid and I was surprised. I thought I would be in the middle of the pack hopefully ranked high enough to still have my Friday Saturday off so I could still help my mom. But ready to deal with whatever came my way. No tears of worry. Just gonna do what I have to do to get things taken care of. Then she told me that I do not just skate by that I do an outstanding job not just a meets. So I got to pick the shift I wanted and no tears were shed. I get embarrassed as people say things that are good about me. To me it is just doing my job nothing extra. But she assured me that it is and that the classes I have taken have helped me a lot at work.
A lot of things have come together recently for me both in my head and in real life. They are two totally different things. In my head I usually go through every worse case scenario before whatever is going to happen happens and then realize that it is not always going to be the bad thing that is going to happen. Sometimes as with recently there are good things going to happen. I am glad I am more receptive to the good things and worry less about what could happen.
So I am good with the three sisters of Fate. They have already spun my thread and measured its length now I have to do the best I can with the time I have and not worry about hearing the John Denver music. When it comes it comes.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Social Media is killing Social Skills
It is always the same in the middle of the night I cannot sleep. Tonight it is hot. I can not believe it is only April and it is this stinking hot out. Which you know when you are agitated there is nothing worse than being hot. So what has got me hot under the collar tonight. I have broached this subject before but I think I am the only one reading or maybe just the only one that understands the message.
Social Media is killing human beings social skills. I know I have mentioned Emily Post before but if you are under 30 or even 40 or 80 and do not understand proper social etiquette maybe you should not be able to post things on the Internet. I have recently realized the only thing that has a better memory than me is the Internet. The Internet never forgets the stupid things you have said or done. So if you want to forget the stupid things you do in life do not post them on the Internet. Ever. Do not post stupid things your friends are doing. The stupid thing they did last night they may not want to remember or have their mom find out tomorrow. And for those of you that are the mothers and fathers of today's children please do not air your dirty laundry on the Internet for the amusement of others it is not amusing and when your children grow up and google your name do you want them to know how stupid you were or still are.
I have been tossing around the idea on giving up on FB friends and letting go of something I sometimes enjoy and other times despise. Do I let go of everything or just the people that make me this upset? I feel like I must refer back to the beginning when I started to write this blog that I gave myself rules and I shared some of my life rules which have served me well for these last 40 odd years. So rule Number One: Never Go Back. So if I cut the ties with you tonight or tomorrow there is probably no turning back for me. Or there is the clean slate. Delete everyone and start fresh. Just remove the people that make me mad. See I don't have a problem with people having a different opinion than mine if it is valid or if you are going to be an idiot be an idiot towards everyone. So everyone knows you are an idiot. What you do not realize is that this is not the first time we have been at this cross roads. You have been there with others before and they have either deleted you or blocked you. Which are both viable options. I keep giving you another chance and another chance and you just don't seem to get it. My friendship is valuable and at some point I think yours was to but now we are at a point I don't really think we are or ever were really friends. Mostly because you don't think that my feelings matter or those that are close to me.
See how vague I am being it is because my first rule in blogging was not to use any one's name and to never be hurtful directly to another person. If you think this is about you well pick up an Emily Post book and rethink your life. But odds are with me on this one. If this is about you, well you would never imagine that it could be about you because you have never spoken anything but the truth and if the truth hurts well you don't give a crap about that either.
I think the thing that bothers me the most is how self serving some people can be. I have friends that I never would have thought to be friends until I saw some of the things they post. They share their heart. Now I know that everything in the world is not sunshine and roses and I am not saying don't share when it is not but really everyday of your life does not suck and if it does change it. I try like hell to change myself for the better and over the years because I remember I know I am now better than I was 20 years ago. I know I still have faults to work on but I try. And some days I fail. Today is not going to be a failure. So if you think moving on is right for you that is fine move on. Delete me or remove yourself and by a journal. Please. Save me from deleting you. I try really hard to not give up on you to hope there is good in your heart but if there is not. Well at least now we are both clear on that.
See I always post a link to my blog on the old FB but not today. This is a self serving blog and I am going to get the guilty pleasure of not sharing it with you. If you found it great and if not your loss.
Social Media is killing human beings social skills. I know I have mentioned Emily Post before but if you are under 30 or even 40 or 80 and do not understand proper social etiquette maybe you should not be able to post things on the Internet. I have recently realized the only thing that has a better memory than me is the Internet. The Internet never forgets the stupid things you have said or done. So if you want to forget the stupid things you do in life do not post them on the Internet. Ever. Do not post stupid things your friends are doing. The stupid thing they did last night they may not want to remember or have their mom find out tomorrow. And for those of you that are the mothers and fathers of today's children please do not air your dirty laundry on the Internet for the amusement of others it is not amusing and when your children grow up and google your name do you want them to know how stupid you were or still are.
I have been tossing around the idea on giving up on FB friends and letting go of something I sometimes enjoy and other times despise. Do I let go of everything or just the people that make me this upset? I feel like I must refer back to the beginning when I started to write this blog that I gave myself rules and I shared some of my life rules which have served me well for these last 40 odd years. So rule Number One: Never Go Back. So if I cut the ties with you tonight or tomorrow there is probably no turning back for me. Or there is the clean slate. Delete everyone and start fresh. Just remove the people that make me mad. See I don't have a problem with people having a different opinion than mine if it is valid or if you are going to be an idiot be an idiot towards everyone. So everyone knows you are an idiot. What you do not realize is that this is not the first time we have been at this cross roads. You have been there with others before and they have either deleted you or blocked you. Which are both viable options. I keep giving you another chance and another chance and you just don't seem to get it. My friendship is valuable and at some point I think yours was to but now we are at a point I don't really think we are or ever were really friends. Mostly because you don't think that my feelings matter or those that are close to me.
See how vague I am being it is because my first rule in blogging was not to use any one's name and to never be hurtful directly to another person. If you think this is about you well pick up an Emily Post book and rethink your life. But odds are with me on this one. If this is about you, well you would never imagine that it could be about you because you have never spoken anything but the truth and if the truth hurts well you don't give a crap about that either.
I think the thing that bothers me the most is how self serving some people can be. I have friends that I never would have thought to be friends until I saw some of the things they post. They share their heart. Now I know that everything in the world is not sunshine and roses and I am not saying don't share when it is not but really everyday of your life does not suck and if it does change it. I try like hell to change myself for the better and over the years because I remember I know I am now better than I was 20 years ago. I know I still have faults to work on but I try. And some days I fail. Today is not going to be a failure. So if you think moving on is right for you that is fine move on. Delete me or remove yourself and by a journal. Please. Save me from deleting you. I try really hard to not give up on you to hope there is good in your heart but if there is not. Well at least now we are both clear on that.
See I always post a link to my blog on the old FB but not today. This is a self serving blog and I am going to get the guilty pleasure of not sharing it with you. If you found it great and if not your loss.
Friday, April 10, 2015
Hard Candy Shell and Soft Sweet Interior
Almost always before I write a new post I read an old one. Sometimes I look down the list of titles and go to a similar emotion or situation and see where I went the time before and try to figure out where I am going today. Well it is early in the morning for me 7:30 and the birds have been singing since I don't know when. I have been awake for more than an hour and I didn't fall asleep until after 3. So I am still tired but my head does not always want to stop thinking for the sake of sleep. So I figured get up play a game of solitaire and write and maybe then I can take a nap. Hopefully.
Well the post I read today was about Radar. I wrote it back in September. Surprisingly enough he is still hanging on. Not doing as well as back in September which I thought was rough but he is doing worse. My brother however has been amazing with him. My brother Al does not have much patience for anything. He likes things the way he likes them and that is that. I said back in September how we were alike in a lot of ways but patience is not a word that I would have used to describe him until now. The way I thought of him last night was like an M&M hard candy shell that is soft and sweet on the inside. Most if not all that know Al would say that everyone is familiar with his hard candy shell. He does not remove it often to show the soft sweet inside. But Radar (his dog) does not see anything else. As far as he is concerned the sun rises and sets by Al. And Al thinks the same of that silly dog.
When I thought last night that if Al was a candy it would be an M&M, I thought well what would I be and I thought a Sour Patch Kid. Sweet exterior but a little hard to bite into. As you can see the flavors are totally different but you still have to take a bite to get either one of us completely. I know it is totally against our family's way but I am so proud of my brother and wish that everyone that knew him realized what a great guy he is. It is really hard to get past the shell but the inside is so sweet. Now Al does not have a computer so unless I print this out and take it to him he will not read it which maybe someday I will but not today. Most likely my sisters will not read it either. Each of us in our own way is just like the other. As Brian likes to say about the 5 of us we are like some kind of cloning project gone bad. You can just tell when you meet one of us that you know all of us. So for the soft sweet center of all of us I shed tears this morning again for Radar and my brother. I know it is ridiculous to mourn before someone is gone but maybe it makes me appreciate the time I have left to share with the ones I love.
Now I told you back in September how Al walks Radar religiously 4 times a day. Well Radar can not walk around the park anymore and he doesn't go in the house anymore because it is too hard for him to climb the steps and well lately Al pretty much carries him where he is going because his legs are just too wobbly. But those eyes of that silly dog are so full of love and admiration for my brother. His head perks up as soon as he hears the sound of Al's car pulling in the driveway and that silly wiggle butt of his starts going and does not stop until he can see Al's face. They still have their afternoon ritual of going in the pool. Al now lays a rug out for Radar to put his head on when he gets out of the pool and sets his food and water in front of him and Al visits with our mom and they dry off. Radar eats and drinks before they head inside for an evening of television.
As I also said back in September I mourn first and ask questions later. And I have tried to remind my brother that I know it is hard to take care of Radar as he has but Al is amazing with that stinking dog. Things that he would not tolerate from me or our mom he takes from the dog. Doesn't matter accident on the floor no big deal. Clean it up. Spills the water. No big deal get a bowl that is easier for Radar to drink from and clean it up. As it got harder for Radar's legs to hold him up Al got him vitamins for his joints and whatever else he needed.
I only share this today not to say that Al is a saint. He is not but to say that all of us even Al who mostly only shows that hard candy shell has a inside that very few get to see. Like Al I feel like the barrier I put up between me and others is not for your sake but mine. I must guard myself against those that would expose the softer inside and take advantage of it. I think Al is a lot like that. He has a heart as big as the world and most would never know. Most would not take the time to get past that hard exterior. You can chip away for years and until you see him taking care of Radar or my favorite picture of Uncle Al is him holding one of our nieces when she was maybe a few months old and the other about 5 or 6 leaning hard against him smiling as big as the world. Al even has a little grin that probably had to be coaxed out of him. Again just a few seconds exposure that anyone looking would know he loves those kids.
I find it funny how my brain works. I have been thinking half the night about comparing my brother to an M&M and still can not think of a title for this post or a moral of this story. Maybe it is just that things are not always what they appear and what is hard for one person is easy for another it is only because that person's life has been spent getting to this moment and yours has not. Life is funny that way. When something happens you think you cannot handle or get through you do. Maybe it is part of the bigger plan and what you are getting through today is going to bring you to a bigger challenge that you can face being braver than you ever thought you could tomorrow. Either way a few words I do not say enough I am very proud of my brother and have an unbelievable respect for him. And whatever today brings he can face head on and is a better person for these last few months one humble dog has brought the best out in him and the rest of us.
You just can't help but love that bad dog. Love you Radar.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Hello Friends
So I am going to say up front. I know exactly what I am writing about today. Of course it came to me in the shower. Since I know I have already peeked the interest of my co-workers. Let's get on with it.
Well I try really hard to follow some rules that I laid out when I started writing this blog. Never to use any one's name in a way that might be hurtful. Some may believe I have broken it but trust me. There are a lot more names that I could of said that I did not. But this is about friends and even though I don't like to name names I have realized recently that with all the pain I have gone through in the last few years one thing that I have found is friends.
My Brighthouse friends are slowly becoming as my Eckerd friends are so dear to me. Unlike Eckerd I am no longer the youngest one in the group. Sometimes I feel like the old lady of the bunch.
The first day May 21, 2012. I did not know what I was in for. I had not worked in a year and well to say the least the last few weeks before starting a new job were stressful. I walked into the lobby that morning of a nice size office building and thought you can do this Jeanne. My first concern as I waited was that I would be the only female in the training class but as I looked around at the others waiting knowing that they were most likely there for the same thing I was to start a new job at a new company. Not knowing anyone is the worst but our trainer came and got us and I think we were as destine to have Mike as our trainer as we were to all be in this training class together. Now Brighthouse provided us with about 6 weeks of training. So by the time you are on the phone with a customer you feel like you know what you are doing and it is not your first day. So you really get to know the people you are training with.
So because I can I am going to name the people of our training class. I know you are thinking why well because they all have played a part in the me that is here today. I know I still struggle with a lot of stuff but when I think of where I have been I am getting someplace. Now in most instances I imagine training classes come and go. I heard people say after we were on the phones not very long. Oh, I have been here 6 months and am the only one left from my training class. Well this is where I think we are different. Of the 15 people in our training class which was one of the largest classes to date there are still 12 of us working for Brighthouse. Monica left after a week on the phone and until a few months ago all the rest of us were still working for the company. The person that sat next to me Mindy moved out west where her family is from and Faye just recently retired. Now that still leaves Natasha, Tom, Arlene, Tracey, Mary Ann, Savvas, Art, Orlando, Steve, Steven, Twan and myself. So why does this matter. Well I was thinking of how we all started out together and I am sure most move on and go their separate ways after training but for some reason we all keep up with one another. If you have ever worked in a call center you would know that longevity is not what most employees are known for but here this bunch of people have hung in there. Some still on the phones. Some work from home and love the freedom of that and others have found other departments. Not to say we are not all on the phone all the time but doing different things other than talking directly to customers and fixing their troubles over the phone.
I was thinking of my memory and how I remember things is because I think about them. I think of these people fondly and on that first day never would have imagined that not only was I standing there waiting to start a new job with a bunch of strangers but that they would actually become friends.
The office I work in now has three people in it from my training class and two more work downstairs. But here again I have found people that I truly call friends. Now yesterday was not a good day for me. I was having a rough time just getting through. I was routing I did have a hard route but I felt like I could not do it. But here is where the friends come in. The supervisor came back and got me to a place where I could focus and assured me that we could get everything done and the person next to me asked if she could help and the next thing I knew my jobs were getting out. Now I wasn't done there but on my lunch another co-worker came out and listened to me babble on about what a bad day I was having and sent me a picture of a beach with the message that I can do it. I know to some these things would not add up to much but for me it was the world. I know I am not like everyone else and sometimes that is hardest for me to get by. But these people all have decided one for all and all for one. And no matter who needs it we are there for each other every day.
Now almost 3 years in with Brighthouse I am part of a team that I am truly proud of. I have friends and co-workers alike that not only help me out but I would do anything for them. I have never been one to have a lot of friends. Better good ones than a bunch. But today I feel like I have a bunch of good friends that I work with everyday. And am blessed to have them each and every one of them.
So I thank Brighthouse for hiring me and I thank all the people that I have met along the way for truly being Good Friends.
Well I try really hard to follow some rules that I laid out when I started writing this blog. Never to use any one's name in a way that might be hurtful. Some may believe I have broken it but trust me. There are a lot more names that I could of said that I did not. But this is about friends and even though I don't like to name names I have realized recently that with all the pain I have gone through in the last few years one thing that I have found is friends.
My Brighthouse friends are slowly becoming as my Eckerd friends are so dear to me. Unlike Eckerd I am no longer the youngest one in the group. Sometimes I feel like the old lady of the bunch.
The first day May 21, 2012. I did not know what I was in for. I had not worked in a year and well to say the least the last few weeks before starting a new job were stressful. I walked into the lobby that morning of a nice size office building and thought you can do this Jeanne. My first concern as I waited was that I would be the only female in the training class but as I looked around at the others waiting knowing that they were most likely there for the same thing I was to start a new job at a new company. Not knowing anyone is the worst but our trainer came and got us and I think we were as destine to have Mike as our trainer as we were to all be in this training class together. Now Brighthouse provided us with about 6 weeks of training. So by the time you are on the phone with a customer you feel like you know what you are doing and it is not your first day. So you really get to know the people you are training with.
So because I can I am going to name the people of our training class. I know you are thinking why well because they all have played a part in the me that is here today. I know I still struggle with a lot of stuff but when I think of where I have been I am getting someplace. Now in most instances I imagine training classes come and go. I heard people say after we were on the phones not very long. Oh, I have been here 6 months and am the only one left from my training class. Well this is where I think we are different. Of the 15 people in our training class which was one of the largest classes to date there are still 12 of us working for Brighthouse. Monica left after a week on the phone and until a few months ago all the rest of us were still working for the company. The person that sat next to me Mindy moved out west where her family is from and Faye just recently retired. Now that still leaves Natasha, Tom, Arlene, Tracey, Mary Ann, Savvas, Art, Orlando, Steve, Steven, Twan and myself. So why does this matter. Well I was thinking of how we all started out together and I am sure most move on and go their separate ways after training but for some reason we all keep up with one another. If you have ever worked in a call center you would know that longevity is not what most employees are known for but here this bunch of people have hung in there. Some still on the phones. Some work from home and love the freedom of that and others have found other departments. Not to say we are not all on the phone all the time but doing different things other than talking directly to customers and fixing their troubles over the phone.
I was thinking of my memory and how I remember things is because I think about them. I think of these people fondly and on that first day never would have imagined that not only was I standing there waiting to start a new job with a bunch of strangers but that they would actually become friends.
The office I work in now has three people in it from my training class and two more work downstairs. But here again I have found people that I truly call friends. Now yesterday was not a good day for me. I was having a rough time just getting through. I was routing I did have a hard route but I felt like I could not do it. But here is where the friends come in. The supervisor came back and got me to a place where I could focus and assured me that we could get everything done and the person next to me asked if she could help and the next thing I knew my jobs were getting out. Now I wasn't done there but on my lunch another co-worker came out and listened to me babble on about what a bad day I was having and sent me a picture of a beach with the message that I can do it. I know to some these things would not add up to much but for me it was the world. I know I am not like everyone else and sometimes that is hardest for me to get by. But these people all have decided one for all and all for one. And no matter who needs it we are there for each other every day.
Now almost 3 years in with Brighthouse I am part of a team that I am truly proud of. I have friends and co-workers alike that not only help me out but I would do anything for them. I have never been one to have a lot of friends. Better good ones than a bunch. But today I feel like I have a bunch of good friends that I work with everyday. And am blessed to have them each and every one of them.
So I thank Brighthouse for hiring me and I thank all the people that I have met along the way for truly being Good Friends.
Friday, February 20, 2015
Our differences are our similarities
Whenever I can't sleep at night the first thought that comes to my head is "it's 3 o'clock in the morning and it looks like it's gonna be another sleepless night." For those of you that don't know the lyrics to Crystal Gale's Talking in your sleep, it is one of those songs from the 70's I love. And looking that up I had no idea how many songs had to do with being up in the middle of the night. Well at this point it is 6 o'clock in the morning and it is freezing. Literally freezing. When I woke a hour or so ago to the sound of the heater trying to heat our freezing little house, Brian said it was 34 degrees outside and dropping. I have now gotten up and lit the fireplace. Which seems to be where I start a lot of the the time.
Since most of you have never been to our humble abode, we keep the computer in the front room of the house. It is surrounded by windows which I love but the real reason is it is just on the back side of the living room through an cutout that I think used to be the front window of the house. I like the light and I remember reading a long time ago that when you have kids in the house the best place for the computer was somewhere that everyone is. Not that we have kids but I always thought it was a good idea not to be sitting off in a room by yourself on this thing for hours at a time. So next to the desk I sit at is a small filing cabinet. One of the many possessions of my aunt's that I was "blessed with" as my mother likes to say.
My Aunt Jan. She was my mother's older and only sister. 3 years older than mom but in someways could not be more different. Same goes for the way I have always thought of her and I. Jan that is. Now for the differences she was tall and thin and had very short hair. Me not so much, not at all tall or thin and have always worn my hair longer but usually back in a pony tail which my sister tells me I should just cut it off if I am never going to where it down. But that is just how I like it.
So this was the rub. When we were kids I can remember a few specific times that she asked me why I was fat or remarked about my weight. Now when I say I was a kid I know I could not have been more than 11 or 12. So that has always left that mark that I was not good enough on me. Now she was very intellectual and might have thought that this question would start some sort of dialogue while I was riding in the car with her for hours because that is where she said it. When her and I and my grandmother were on a trip together. See when I was a kid my aunt and grandma were in the antique business and did mall antique shows. And there is nothing like being the grunt labor to help pack in and pack out the show and sit for untold hours in a mall somewhere you have never been before. The upside was an ice cream cone at some point in the afternoon when you thought your head was going to explode from boredom. Which meant only a few more hours to go. The best part was when my sisters and I would be there together and we would try on rings and bracelets from the jewelry case. And show off to each other what was our favorite. But only take out one thing at a time and keep those cases closed was usually what my aunt or grandmother would tell us.
So see I always thought her mean for saying things to me about being fat. Maybe that sounds harsh since she is not here to defend herself but I will do that as well because you know I try not to leave a negative light on anyone. Especially someone that is no longer around to defend herself and her words. See Jan passed away from cancer when she was my age over 20 years ago. Ovarian Cancer. Now for a woman to die at this age that I now think young but when I was 23 it was a lifetime away. I did not see many similarities. She had gone to college and travelled the world. She never married after college lived with her parents and I would have said before I opened this file cabinet that she really didn't have any friends. Now the antique business was not the only thing she did. She was a school teacher. Not an ordinary school teacher but she taught what was then called ELP. Enhanced Learning Program. This was something that she had us all tested for our IQ and my brother and I were in ELP together. It was one of those once a week programs got you out of regular class and learning some cool and different stuff. Learned to play chess which I have forgotten and how to write Haiku (which I just had to look up how to spell) but is a form of Japanese poetry that doesn't rhyme. No we did not have her for our teacher. It was enough that we would sometimes have our mom for a substitute PE (physical education) teacher. She also was the one that got my grandmother to invest in real estate which was very good for them. I will tell that story another night.
When I opened one drawer the first thing I saw was antique brochures and news paper articles. They also owned an antique shop on the beach in the building that they owned. She wrote a column for the Beach Views the beach newspaper. I opened the other drawer and there was travel information and letters and post cards from Monestaries. Hmm. I thought I know Jan had a friend that was a priest. I have emailed him a few times. He had sent my grandma a card with an email address and she had asked me to write him. So I did. Have not heard from him in years and not to long ago found the card with the email address on the desk. Of course a Christmas card with a scene of Mary on a donkey with Joseph in the night walking toward a manger. Not an important detail but one I remember anyway. Also papers she had written. So one day this week I decided in that spare time I have now between when Brian leaves for work and when I need to go I was going to pull out a folder or two and take a peek at what has been sitting here for more than 10 years. As for the travel she travelled the world. She went to the Galopogos Islands, China and Africa and Ireland. She also took 2 of my sisters and myself to Cumberland Island, Ga. A place I have written about before. A place I want to take my own nieces and nephew. Maybe this summer. Which made me think of how I feel about Jan and how they feel about me.
So as I read I found similarities between her and I. I know all you would be psycologists that was what you were expecting. She wrote about events in her life. Incidents. If she had had a computer she might have had a blog. She was religious. Now this I knew. More Churchy than me but as I read some things were similar. I have always thought myself faithful not really religious. But I found that she to took issue with the established church sometimes. As I looked at the newspaper clippings yes there was one about childhood obesity I would have expected nothing less. But she also had a picture of Phyliss Diller that had a quote basically saying don't give up on your dreams. Hmm. Again. Dreams. I would have not took her for a dreamer. She to me was a do'er. Always going somewhere doing something. But as I read her writing she seemed she must have had times to contemplate her life and it's meaning and purpose. And those letters well her and her friend the priest had been writing back and forth for 10 years. He had lived at different monestaries which is what most of the post cards were from. She must have shared her questions she had with her life's path. He assured her that God would lead the way. Her last trip she took was to Ireland where he was at that time. The other night I read what may have been the last letter he wrote her. She was in the hospital after surgery. He was assuring her that she had to keep the faith and God would see her through this. I don't think he used the word cancer. She would have. Because she was always very matter of fact. Which looking back at myself I used to be that way. I did not see the truth as cruel when I said it. Maybe that was how she looked at asking why I was fat.
My mom told me the other night that after she was sick my mom offered to travel with her back to Ireland but she declined. My mother knew that priest was important and so was Ireland. Of course we have Irish herritage. Supposedly one of our great-great-great grandfathers and grandmothers was from Ireland. They came over and lived in Louisville before the Civil War. That same great-great-great grandfather actually died in a Civil War battle in Perryville, Ky. Jan wrote a book about it. Another project to get it published or at least self publish to give copies to the nieces and nephews.
So where does this leave us. Out in the cold? No. The sun is up and Jan and I are not so different. Yes our paths very different. I feel like she lived a full life. I am sure she would not agree. But I am also childless 40 something trying to create a legacy for my sisters kids. Who like me at there age are not very interested. I write the words that one day they might find insight into their actions from mine. How family is family and sometimes like I have said before the thing you don't like about someone else is sometimes a reflection of yourself.
I may try to email the priest again. I wonder if he still has all the letters she wrote?
Since most of you have never been to our humble abode, we keep the computer in the front room of the house. It is surrounded by windows which I love but the real reason is it is just on the back side of the living room through an cutout that I think used to be the front window of the house. I like the light and I remember reading a long time ago that when you have kids in the house the best place for the computer was somewhere that everyone is. Not that we have kids but I always thought it was a good idea not to be sitting off in a room by yourself on this thing for hours at a time. So next to the desk I sit at is a small filing cabinet. One of the many possessions of my aunt's that I was "blessed with" as my mother likes to say.
My Aunt Jan. She was my mother's older and only sister. 3 years older than mom but in someways could not be more different. Same goes for the way I have always thought of her and I. Jan that is. Now for the differences she was tall and thin and had very short hair. Me not so much, not at all tall or thin and have always worn my hair longer but usually back in a pony tail which my sister tells me I should just cut it off if I am never going to where it down. But that is just how I like it.
So this was the rub. When we were kids I can remember a few specific times that she asked me why I was fat or remarked about my weight. Now when I say I was a kid I know I could not have been more than 11 or 12. So that has always left that mark that I was not good enough on me. Now she was very intellectual and might have thought that this question would start some sort of dialogue while I was riding in the car with her for hours because that is where she said it. When her and I and my grandmother were on a trip together. See when I was a kid my aunt and grandma were in the antique business and did mall antique shows. And there is nothing like being the grunt labor to help pack in and pack out the show and sit for untold hours in a mall somewhere you have never been before. The upside was an ice cream cone at some point in the afternoon when you thought your head was going to explode from boredom. Which meant only a few more hours to go. The best part was when my sisters and I would be there together and we would try on rings and bracelets from the jewelry case. And show off to each other what was our favorite. But only take out one thing at a time and keep those cases closed was usually what my aunt or grandmother would tell us.
So see I always thought her mean for saying things to me about being fat. Maybe that sounds harsh since she is not here to defend herself but I will do that as well because you know I try not to leave a negative light on anyone. Especially someone that is no longer around to defend herself and her words. See Jan passed away from cancer when she was my age over 20 years ago. Ovarian Cancer. Now for a woman to die at this age that I now think young but when I was 23 it was a lifetime away. I did not see many similarities. She had gone to college and travelled the world. She never married after college lived with her parents and I would have said before I opened this file cabinet that she really didn't have any friends. Now the antique business was not the only thing she did. She was a school teacher. Not an ordinary school teacher but she taught what was then called ELP. Enhanced Learning Program. This was something that she had us all tested for our IQ and my brother and I were in ELP together. It was one of those once a week programs got you out of regular class and learning some cool and different stuff. Learned to play chess which I have forgotten and how to write Haiku (which I just had to look up how to spell) but is a form of Japanese poetry that doesn't rhyme. No we did not have her for our teacher. It was enough that we would sometimes have our mom for a substitute PE (physical education) teacher. She also was the one that got my grandmother to invest in real estate which was very good for them. I will tell that story another night.
When I opened one drawer the first thing I saw was antique brochures and news paper articles. They also owned an antique shop on the beach in the building that they owned. She wrote a column for the Beach Views the beach newspaper. I opened the other drawer and there was travel information and letters and post cards from Monestaries. Hmm. I thought I know Jan had a friend that was a priest. I have emailed him a few times. He had sent my grandma a card with an email address and she had asked me to write him. So I did. Have not heard from him in years and not to long ago found the card with the email address on the desk. Of course a Christmas card with a scene of Mary on a donkey with Joseph in the night walking toward a manger. Not an important detail but one I remember anyway. Also papers she had written. So one day this week I decided in that spare time I have now between when Brian leaves for work and when I need to go I was going to pull out a folder or two and take a peek at what has been sitting here for more than 10 years. As for the travel she travelled the world. She went to the Galopogos Islands, China and Africa and Ireland. She also took 2 of my sisters and myself to Cumberland Island, Ga. A place I have written about before. A place I want to take my own nieces and nephew. Maybe this summer. Which made me think of how I feel about Jan and how they feel about me.
So as I read I found similarities between her and I. I know all you would be psycologists that was what you were expecting. She wrote about events in her life. Incidents. If she had had a computer she might have had a blog. She was religious. Now this I knew. More Churchy than me but as I read some things were similar. I have always thought myself faithful not really religious. But I found that she to took issue with the established church sometimes. As I looked at the newspaper clippings yes there was one about childhood obesity I would have expected nothing less. But she also had a picture of Phyliss Diller that had a quote basically saying don't give up on your dreams. Hmm. Again. Dreams. I would have not took her for a dreamer. She to me was a do'er. Always going somewhere doing something. But as I read her writing she seemed she must have had times to contemplate her life and it's meaning and purpose. And those letters well her and her friend the priest had been writing back and forth for 10 years. He had lived at different monestaries which is what most of the post cards were from. She must have shared her questions she had with her life's path. He assured her that God would lead the way. Her last trip she took was to Ireland where he was at that time. The other night I read what may have been the last letter he wrote her. She was in the hospital after surgery. He was assuring her that she had to keep the faith and God would see her through this. I don't think he used the word cancer. She would have. Because she was always very matter of fact. Which looking back at myself I used to be that way. I did not see the truth as cruel when I said it. Maybe that was how she looked at asking why I was fat.
My mom told me the other night that after she was sick my mom offered to travel with her back to Ireland but she declined. My mother knew that priest was important and so was Ireland. Of course we have Irish herritage. Supposedly one of our great-great-great grandfathers and grandmothers was from Ireland. They came over and lived in Louisville before the Civil War. That same great-great-great grandfather actually died in a Civil War battle in Perryville, Ky. Jan wrote a book about it. Another project to get it published or at least self publish to give copies to the nieces and nephews.
So where does this leave us. Out in the cold? No. The sun is up and Jan and I are not so different. Yes our paths very different. I feel like she lived a full life. I am sure she would not agree. But I am also childless 40 something trying to create a legacy for my sisters kids. Who like me at there age are not very interested. I write the words that one day they might find insight into their actions from mine. How family is family and sometimes like I have said before the thing you don't like about someone else is sometimes a reflection of yourself.
I may try to email the priest again. I wonder if he still has all the letters she wrote?
Thursday, February 12, 2015
I Tolerate you till death do us part
With Valentine's Day coming up I thought I would write about Love and Marriage and Tolerance. These all go together well at least in my mind. It goes way back to a day that I was irritated with Brian and he kept saying I love you. And at that moment I was mad. I said, "I tolerate you." Then he was madder. Well I went on to explain the meaning of tolerate. Merriam-Webster says, to allow (something that is bad or unpleasant) to happen, exist or be done. or to accept the feelings or beliefs or another. Which is similar to what I told Brian that day. I said, "you know before me you had other girlfriends and I assume that they all said they love you right?" He agreed but still not happy. I said then why are they not still here? Because they didn't tolerate you. See you can love something or someone and it will get you by for a while but if you do not tolerate all they are inside and out then you will not last forever. And I tolerate you. Forever.
Well that was not the end of that day but it was forever ingrained in both of us that we have to be able to put up with the things that irritate the crap out of us that the other does. It is the same for any relationship. Brothers, and sisters, moms and dads and even friends. Everyone has a childhood friend that something happened somewhere along the way and you could no longer tolerate their behavior or they yours and poof. No more friendship. Same with families that no longer speak. So my determination is that if you want a relationship to last yes love is nice but the key is tolerate the other person till death do us part. I know that no one is going to change their vows to include tolerate but I think it is the most important one.
Had a dear friend from middle school until we were into are 20's she was bitchy and bossy and always wanted to be in charge and that was ok. She slept with my boyfriend of 7 years. Couldn't tolerate that end of friendship. End of boyfriend too. Couldn't tolerate his behavior any longer either.
This is the sort of action that some would tolerate. Some would say I can get past it but I believe that is the seed that starts the process of no longer loving the person. In my case seed planted and grew to maturity in about 3.2 seconds that day for them both.
On a side note for tolerance. I think the world could use a lot more of it. Sometimes that thing that irritates you about someone else is something inside of you that you do not like either. So if everyone would try to be more tolerant of the people around them the world could be a much better place.
And for those of you considering marriage keep in mind that thing that they do that bothers you. You know everyone does something that you were like wow. Now if I didn't love you that could be a deal breaker. Well consider how much that thing irritates you that they do and consider that they may do that thing everyday for the rest of your life. And if you can tolerate it than you should be good to go.
So this Valentine's day when you are expressing your love with a sappy card and some candy or flowers remember that the thing that keeps you together is not that you love each other. It is that you tolerate each other. Forever.
Well that was not the end of that day but it was forever ingrained in both of us that we have to be able to put up with the things that irritate the crap out of us that the other does. It is the same for any relationship. Brothers, and sisters, moms and dads and even friends. Everyone has a childhood friend that something happened somewhere along the way and you could no longer tolerate their behavior or they yours and poof. No more friendship. Same with families that no longer speak. So my determination is that if you want a relationship to last yes love is nice but the key is tolerate the other person till death do us part. I know that no one is going to change their vows to include tolerate but I think it is the most important one.
Had a dear friend from middle school until we were into are 20's she was bitchy and bossy and always wanted to be in charge and that was ok. She slept with my boyfriend of 7 years. Couldn't tolerate that end of friendship. End of boyfriend too. Couldn't tolerate his behavior any longer either.
This is the sort of action that some would tolerate. Some would say I can get past it but I believe that is the seed that starts the process of no longer loving the person. In my case seed planted and grew to maturity in about 3.2 seconds that day for them both.
On a side note for tolerance. I think the world could use a lot more of it. Sometimes that thing that irritates you about someone else is something inside of you that you do not like either. So if everyone would try to be more tolerant of the people around them the world could be a much better place.
And for those of you considering marriage keep in mind that thing that they do that bothers you. You know everyone does something that you were like wow. Now if I didn't love you that could be a deal breaker. Well consider how much that thing irritates you that they do and consider that they may do that thing everyday for the rest of your life. And if you can tolerate it than you should be good to go.
So this Valentine's day when you are expressing your love with a sappy card and some candy or flowers remember that the thing that keeps you together is not that you love each other. It is that you tolerate each other. Forever.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Before the Sun comes up
Ok. So if you remember back I had a funny post I called before the hot water runs out. It was an attempt at me explaining to you how my brain that never turns off and goes off on strange jaunts.
Well tonight or this morning. It is 4:34 in the morning. Dark and cold. I woke up had to go to the bathroom and needed a drink of water. I laid back down an hour ago and it started. Just a little thought that today I am going to go to the Plumb House with my nephew. He really likes history and is my best hope at being the keeper of the family things that I am going to pass all these family things on to. For those of you that don't know the Plumb House is where the Clearwater Historical Society is housed. It is an old wood frame house with a wrap around porch the kind that would have been here 100 years ago when Clearwater wasn't even a dot on the map. The Plumb House was moved to it's present location in 1983 (had to look it up). I was in high school then. I am going to pause here and regroup but this year in Clearwater's 100 year celebration I am going to do a post on the Plumb House.
See I have already digressed from my original thoughts. Stay focused Jeanne if you want to go back to sleep before the sun comes up. So as I thought about the Plumb House it made me think that I love that the Historical Society is going to start using South Ward Elementary School along with the local Genealogy Society. I love this because so much of our history in this area is torn down and turned into condos or some high rise hotel that I can not afford to stay in. All of which is ironic to me because the reason people originally came here was the sun, the sand or the water. You can't beat the weather here. Well not this week's weather but most of the time, this time of year the weather is mild and the mosquito's have taken a break from biting us and we can all get out and enjoy the sun and the sand and the water.
Which all that makes me think of North Ward Elementary School. My Alma mater. The only elementary school in the area that had a alumni association. Well just like South Ward has been sitting empty for the last few years and for fear of the way things go around here I worry that it will to fall to the ground in the name of progress. Oh I have to stop for a second. The Belleview Biltmore Hotel (the largest all wood structure of it's time). Another local landmark, doing what. Yes. Sitting empty waiting for someone to tear it down and build condo's. Please. I am never going back to sleep. Another night another post.
So back to North Ward. I have an idea and tonight it will not give way to sleep. I feel like this is one of those idea's that I cannot let go of. Drum roll please... So my great idea. The North Ward Art Center. See Clearwater wants to be quaint like Dunedin but can not find a way to bring business to downtown. Why not well Scientology of course. It is the first thing that comes to any one's mind when they think of downtown Clearwater. Now developers with lofty ideas have done great things like torn down the old Calvary Baptist Church and oh yeah, built a condo. Can't say how tall it is but it is big and I remember driving across the bridge coming home from the beach and seeing that one light on. Yeah that was the one guy living in this huge building for the sake of progress. That one guy that was going to bring business back to downtown. Well there was a little real estate bust but come on people the price can only go so high before reality sets in and there are no more people that can afford 1 million dollar view. See again I have gotten off course.
So The North Ward Art Center. In my vision it is a place where people can rent and use the classroom's as art studio space. The auditorium can be a meeting space or a place for a art class. Where the cafeteria can become a a cafe with a few tables out of the front lawn. A front lawn that was a patch of sand when I went there. White sand with shells. My mom was the president of the PTA that found a way to put grass in. She also brought back the May Pole dance and got some of the alumni interested in coming back and sharing their history with the kids. A few of my favorite stories from some of the old timers was that there were kids that used to come to school without shoes and others that came by boat from the beach. Wow that way beats the bus that I rode. But if I had been in a boat on the way to school well I can definitely see days that are as I like to call them "Nice Days" (days just too good for work or school). Days that well as I have always said if I were Queen or Governor or at this point Mayor. I would declare those few days a year like a snow day for those northerners to be "Nice Days". If you live here you know the ones. They fall on a Monday or a Wednesday cause that is the way the weather works. And the weather is so nice that it is just not right to have to go inside and work. A day that you can go out and do anything which is better than being inside. I digress again. I am never going back to bed.
Speaking of the front lawn maybe a Tai Chi class on Saturday morning or Yoga in the evening. Maybe the old library could become an art library and the new building could be a darkroom and photo studio. The front class that has big window's I see as a dance class or music class something that can be enjoyed and seen as people go by. A place that people want to go in a place people have been moving away from. A place that shows the historic beauty of the area. I can remember in my class upstairs that we could open the big windows in the fall and spring and the breeze blew in off the bay, oh it had to because there was no air condition. And in the winter we were warmed by radiators. Hardwood floors that echoed footsteps of students for nearly 90 years. That should again echo footsteps of people. Students could come on a field trip and learn history and art and natural beauty all in one space. They could learn that sometimes it is better to preserve and protect what is old than it is to tear it down.
I paused my writing of this post so I could searched to see what year it was the last time I was there. I found an article written in August of 2009 in the St. Pete Times. that said the school closed on June 2nd 2009. So that was it. I was there that day. I had to go. It was one of those things that my mind would not let go. So I went I walked the halls I took some pictures. I held the hand rail of the banister on the stairs that 1000's of other kids held on their first or their last and everyday in between on the way to their class. I walked across the metal bridge that connected the two sides of the upstairs classes together. The bridge that kids would stomp across to hear their own foot steps. If you stand there now I am sure you can still hear those footsteps echo across that bridge. Back to a time when the halls were filled with kids and laughter. Back to a time where Miss Davis would not threaten to call your parents if you were a neighborhood kid misbehaving but she would call your Grandmother. A place where Mrs. Delare was my teacher and Mrs. Bond taught music and Mr. Yanotovich taught band to 2 students. Yes me and one other person were the band class when I was there. The teacher's lounge area had white wicker furniture. I went to 3 elementary schools because of zoning and moving to the beach but the other 2 were newer schools and built of concrete and had no wooden banister and no metal bridge yet bigger so still viable for school children. Don't get that.
I put a link to that article I looked at to see the year the school closed. Ironic because I had already written about the foot steps echoing the halls before I looked at it and I had already written about the view from my class and the banister in the hall before I saw that there are pictures of those very things. Those very things that need to be protected and saved and used. That banister was meant for you to grasp on your way to learn something new. I think it can be used again. I think these classroom's have been waiting for this idea. For this time. For this 100 year anniversary of the city and the school.
Goodnight
5:44AM Going to go back to bed now.
Well tonight or this morning. It is 4:34 in the morning. Dark and cold. I woke up had to go to the bathroom and needed a drink of water. I laid back down an hour ago and it started. Just a little thought that today I am going to go to the Plumb House with my nephew. He really likes history and is my best hope at being the keeper of the family things that I am going to pass all these family things on to. For those of you that don't know the Plumb House is where the Clearwater Historical Society is housed. It is an old wood frame house with a wrap around porch the kind that would have been here 100 years ago when Clearwater wasn't even a dot on the map. The Plumb House was moved to it's present location in 1983 (had to look it up). I was in high school then. I am going to pause here and regroup but this year in Clearwater's 100 year celebration I am going to do a post on the Plumb House.
See I have already digressed from my original thoughts. Stay focused Jeanne if you want to go back to sleep before the sun comes up. So as I thought about the Plumb House it made me think that I love that the Historical Society is going to start using South Ward Elementary School along with the local Genealogy Society. I love this because so much of our history in this area is torn down and turned into condos or some high rise hotel that I can not afford to stay in. All of which is ironic to me because the reason people originally came here was the sun, the sand or the water. You can't beat the weather here. Well not this week's weather but most of the time, this time of year the weather is mild and the mosquito's have taken a break from biting us and we can all get out and enjoy the sun and the sand and the water.
Which all that makes me think of North Ward Elementary School. My Alma mater. The only elementary school in the area that had a alumni association. Well just like South Ward has been sitting empty for the last few years and for fear of the way things go around here I worry that it will to fall to the ground in the name of progress. Oh I have to stop for a second. The Belleview Biltmore Hotel (the largest all wood structure of it's time). Another local landmark, doing what. Yes. Sitting empty waiting for someone to tear it down and build condo's. Please. I am never going back to sleep. Another night another post.
So back to North Ward. I have an idea and tonight it will not give way to sleep. I feel like this is one of those idea's that I cannot let go of. Drum roll please... So my great idea. The North Ward Art Center. See Clearwater wants to be quaint like Dunedin but can not find a way to bring business to downtown. Why not well Scientology of course. It is the first thing that comes to any one's mind when they think of downtown Clearwater. Now developers with lofty ideas have done great things like torn down the old Calvary Baptist Church and oh yeah, built a condo. Can't say how tall it is but it is big and I remember driving across the bridge coming home from the beach and seeing that one light on. Yeah that was the one guy living in this huge building for the sake of progress. That one guy that was going to bring business back to downtown. Well there was a little real estate bust but come on people the price can only go so high before reality sets in and there are no more people that can afford 1 million dollar view. See again I have gotten off course.
So The North Ward Art Center. In my vision it is a place where people can rent and use the classroom's as art studio space. The auditorium can be a meeting space or a place for a art class. Where the cafeteria can become a a cafe with a few tables out of the front lawn. A front lawn that was a patch of sand when I went there. White sand with shells. My mom was the president of the PTA that found a way to put grass in. She also brought back the May Pole dance and got some of the alumni interested in coming back and sharing their history with the kids. A few of my favorite stories from some of the old timers was that there were kids that used to come to school without shoes and others that came by boat from the beach. Wow that way beats the bus that I rode. But if I had been in a boat on the way to school well I can definitely see days that are as I like to call them "Nice Days" (days just too good for work or school). Days that well as I have always said if I were Queen or Governor or at this point Mayor. I would declare those few days a year like a snow day for those northerners to be "Nice Days". If you live here you know the ones. They fall on a Monday or a Wednesday cause that is the way the weather works. And the weather is so nice that it is just not right to have to go inside and work. A day that you can go out and do anything which is better than being inside. I digress again. I am never going back to bed.
Speaking of the front lawn maybe a Tai Chi class on Saturday morning or Yoga in the evening. Maybe the old library could become an art library and the new building could be a darkroom and photo studio. The front class that has big window's I see as a dance class or music class something that can be enjoyed and seen as people go by. A place that people want to go in a place people have been moving away from. A place that shows the historic beauty of the area. I can remember in my class upstairs that we could open the big windows in the fall and spring and the breeze blew in off the bay, oh it had to because there was no air condition. And in the winter we were warmed by radiators. Hardwood floors that echoed footsteps of students for nearly 90 years. That should again echo footsteps of people. Students could come on a field trip and learn history and art and natural beauty all in one space. They could learn that sometimes it is better to preserve and protect what is old than it is to tear it down.
I paused my writing of this post so I could searched to see what year it was the last time I was there. I found an article written in August of 2009 in the St. Pete Times. that said the school closed on June 2nd 2009. So that was it. I was there that day. I had to go. It was one of those things that my mind would not let go. So I went I walked the halls I took some pictures. I held the hand rail of the banister on the stairs that 1000's of other kids held on their first or their last and everyday in between on the way to their class. I walked across the metal bridge that connected the two sides of the upstairs classes together. The bridge that kids would stomp across to hear their own foot steps. If you stand there now I am sure you can still hear those footsteps echo across that bridge. Back to a time when the halls were filled with kids and laughter. Back to a time where Miss Davis would not threaten to call your parents if you were a neighborhood kid misbehaving but she would call your Grandmother. A place where Mrs. Delare was my teacher and Mrs. Bond taught music and Mr. Yanotovich taught band to 2 students. Yes me and one other person were the band class when I was there. The teacher's lounge area had white wicker furniture. I went to 3 elementary schools because of zoning and moving to the beach but the other 2 were newer schools and built of concrete and had no wooden banister and no metal bridge yet bigger so still viable for school children. Don't get that.
I put a link to that article I looked at to see the year the school closed. Ironic because I had already written about the foot steps echoing the halls before I looked at it and I had already written about the view from my class and the banister in the hall before I saw that there are pictures of those very things. Those very things that need to be protected and saved and used. That banister was meant for you to grasp on your way to learn something new. I think it can be used again. I think these classroom's have been waiting for this idea. For this time. For this 100 year anniversary of the city and the school.
Goodnight
5:44AM Going to go back to bed now.
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