Merry Christmas

So it has been almost a month since my last entry. Funny thing about my writing, I feel that when I am happy I do not have much to say so it seems strange this time of year for me not to write.
I have always been a Christmas blues kind of person and I have been trying to figure out how to explain it. But this last month has been pretty good so I will start with the good.

I applied for a new job and had an interview the day before Thanksgiving. The interview went well. Really well. Which followed a few days after I found out that if I stayed in the department I am in I got a schedule better than I have now. So I thought either way the new year will be OK. But after 2 weeks of not hearing anything about the job I was starting to feel like I would have heard something by now then I got a 4 in Care.Which means I had a call listened to and I hit all 24 dimensions that they want us to in a call which is pretty cool because some of them I struggle to get. I have only gotten two 4's in a year and a half  and then finally I heard from HR, I got the job. Woo Hoo! So the first full week in January I start my new job. It is closer to home than my current job. Only about 10 minutes away at a satellite office. I will be doing dispatching of techs and helping techs solve problems. During my interview they had asked if I wanted to stay and see what they do. I felt like that was very positive. Why would they ask me to stay if they didn't like me? Right. Both people I sat with both before and after the interview were very good at what they do but man were they multi-tasking to the max. I have in the past worked at jobs where I had to do lots of things at once and try to keep all the balls in the air. So I thought this is going to be a challenge. But I do feel it is one I am up for. So just one more week of taking calls from customers and then off to a new department and new people and new bosses in a new building. So just a little nervous. But I have one friend that I sat next to in training a year and a half ago and she has been in the department for a few months and loves it, so I am glad there will be a familiar face to go with all this change.

Alright so, So far so good right. Well this time of year always brings sappy commercials that make me cry and Christmas episodes of shows that are always touching which make me cry and Christmas music oh yes, it makes me cry. So this time of year I feel like everything makes me cry. One of the songs that has always been a tear jerk-er for me is Silent Night. The words and the meaning of this song make me cry every time I hear it. An image that comes to my head is Christmas 2004, my nephew's first Christmas. Seeing him in church his little green onesie that had a Christmas tree on it. and just knowing he was what this song is about when they say mother and child. Seeing the priest hold him up as a proud new addition to the church on Christmas Eve. But a more recent song that seems to do the same is Happy Xmas. As I looked up the lyrics this morning I did not know that this was not an original U2 song but was originally sung by John Lennon. Hmm. It figures but honestly did not know it.

"And so this is Christmas and what have you done." So you already got me looking back on the last year. Did I do the things I set out to do. Last year I thought it good that Brian and I survived. We did not put up a tree my sister and her kids decorated a table top live tree for us. But this year we did. But I still had to rely on another sister to bring it to the house. I used to enjoy picking out a tree. But I love a real tree. I don't care what anyone says. Right now the only thing I can smell is that fresh pine scent and I wish we could keep it all year. I love the lights. But still this year things have been a challenge for me. I have felt like sometimes I am still stuck and can not get past something. I have some good days and feel like I accomplish things but most days I feel like I have merely existed. That part needs to stop because then I feel regret for wasting the past year on what. So I have really been trying to pick small things I want to change. And fix them. I am talking small household projects and putting a little effort in so that I remember what it is like to feel like I accomplished something..

"I hope you have fun." We did go Christmas Caroling again this year. This is something my family and my friend's family did 2 years ago. I decided my gift to all of them was really going to be a gift to me. When we were kids a family that we babysat for took us caroling on the Trolley that runs on the beach. The family rented one of the trolley's for the evening and we went and looked at Christmas lights and sang carols. This is by far my happiest Christmas memory. And 2 years ago when I was unemployed I decided that to give something to everyone and give myself a pick me up I would rent a trolley and put some music on the ipod and a caroling we went.

"The near and the dear ones, the old and the young." That was the last Christmas we had Grandma and she went. She had all her Grand kids and Great Grand kids together and she had a great time. It was freezing that night but we had hot chocolate and treats of all kinds. This year it was my mom who has been in the hospital a few times and the thought of my own mortality is always in my head when visiting someone in the hospital so I am glad we did it again.

"For the weak and the strong and the rich and the poor ones the road is so long." This line makes me think of all the people who don't have anything material in life but try to do right and give to others and charity. This is where I try but seem to fall short of my own expectations. Which reminds me of when I was in 6th grade. I was volunteering at my old elementary school in the library and the the librarian who was a very strict lady for the life of me I can not think of her name but I know her last name began with a V. Strange that I remember that but the way my mind remembers things I will usually picture a letter or number in my head that relates to what I am trying to remember but it will come to me with time when I least expect it. She told me that it was my responsibility to do for others because I am smart and have the ability. She used the example that some people it is difficult to pick up a pencil and hold it in their hands and some will have to try and practice just to do this simple task that for me comes so easily. I am sure most would not remember this lecture I got in the back of the library but it always stuck with me that I do not try hard enough and I should appreciate the things that come easy. I wish I knew how to tell the children of this generation to savor their joys in life in a way that would be memorable and maybe not leave the guilt that I feel when I try to remind myself of that.

"Let's hope it's a good one without any fear." This is a hard one to explain. I have mentioned my fears already my own and the mortality of others. I worry there is not enough time to do everything for everyone and sometimes that brings me to a point where I can do nothing for anyone. Not even myself. In the past I have been told by numerous people that I need to worry more about myself and less about others and not be so Co-Dependent. Funny thing about this advice. It has come from all different sources. But the best is when it comes from someone I am doing for. And I have asked... Which thing I do for you should I stop doing? Well now there is a question that will stop the other end of Co-dependence it it's tracks. It is easy to say don't do for others but what are you willing to give up. Again, This is a lesson I would like to teach people to be good to yourself but there is so much joy in doing for others. I am the it is so much better to give than receive person. That is the point behind the trolley. I got so much out of giving it to others. This year others were having a hard time agreeing on a date or if they had the money to spend on going. I did not think I could put out the entire price again. But it is funny once I put up the money and said, "the Trolley will be here on Friday night at 7" we had a trolley full. We have so many others that want to go we may need to do it twice or have 2 trolley's next year. Last stop we stopped at a house and there he was the man in red himself. The kids got to go see Santa and he even posed with the big guys. My brother probably was not thrilled but it made me smile oh yes and cry. And guess what. The money all came back. The saying goes whatever you give you will get back. Not only the joy of going but everyone found the money to go as well. Even if they hadn't it did not matter to me.

I mentioned above how I did not know what to write about and how I remember things like seeing a letter or number. Well as I was trying to think about what to write this song was what popped in my head. I looked up the lyrics and realized that they explain the blues I feel. And maybe when you hear the song you will think of the near and the dear, the old and the young and I will finish with the simple lyric "Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope it's a good one without any fear."

I would like to thank John Lennon for putting my feelings to words.

Need to be Thankful

We know by now some of my best ideas come to me in the middle of a dark cold night. It is 4:40AM and I have lit the fireplace because our house heat is not able to keep up with the cold outside. Brian is in bed sleeping and Princess is laying by the fire and all I have to do today is make cranberries and brussel sprouts and show up at my sisters this afternoon. I will watch the Macy's Day parade with the same excitement that an avid football viewer watches the commercials during the Super Bowl. I love to watch before hand the Broadway actors performances and of course the bands. Just a small local plug, Tarpon High School's band made the big trip to NYC this year. Congrats to them. This is one of the days they will always remember.

Last night on my last break before Thanksgiving I was in the break room because it was too cold to go outside and walk a couple laps around the parking garage. So I sat down and on the tv as usual was HGTV. Here is another episode of people looking to purchase a new home and the journey through the process. Yeah right. I do not know anyone who would qualify to be on the show. Tonight's episode brings us to Suburban somewhere in the US and the husband is a computer engineer and the wife is a radiologist. Does that even happen in real life. I thought the husband works retail and the wife works in a call center. Oh that must be a different show.

So this not so normal couple and their 2.5 kids that each need their own bedroom and we need a Master Suite are looking for their new home with a budget of $800,000. This must be a dream because our little household will take about 10 years to earn that amount of money. So off we go now remember I am only on a 15 minute break.

The first house is a colonial over 5,000 square feet. For those of you that are normal and have no idea how large that is, when I worked for Eckerd the average store was 10,000 square feet. So you now can understand how they need that kind of space for their family of almost 6. Back to show. As they walk in they notice the beautiful grand entryway and staircase. In my house this is the called the front door and front step. In the old days the stoop. We are noticing the woodwork and as we head into the formal dining room again the fine workmanship and large room would be perfect for seating a State Dinner. Now it is almost time for me to get up and bam they walk into a kitchen that is bigger than my living room and it is gorgeous. Beautiful cabinets, appliances enough counter space for 10 cooks and an island that could be used for a stage in a Broadway production and the first thing out of the woman's mouth is I do not like these counter tops. We need granite. Now I am done. I watch and I realize tv is unrealistic even this so called reality tv. But here is what got me she said she "NEEDED GRANITE COUNTER TOPS".  Let me say it again so it can sink in she NEEDED GRANITE COUNTER TOPS. Well I look over at the lady that is there on most of my breaks and I said she may NEED rice to eat but she does not NEED granite counter tops. This lady on tv has no idea what she actually needs. Now back to the phones.

So just so you know I am not crazy a customer tonight's modem would not power on. No power, no internet that simple. We have very few but we did have a tech available on Thanksgiving for the emergency but it is not until 4-6 pm. I set the appointment because I knew as this lady yelled at me about how she could not possibly be expected to spend Thanksgiving day without internet I knew that time slot could disappear before reality set in and she realized the only other option was waiting until Friday afternoon. I listened and tried to be sympathetic to her needs but in the end she wanted a supervisor because I could not help her.

I continue to think about the show and this customer the same way I do every time I watch that stuff on tv. How shallow have we as a people become?  I understand that watching a show like this on tv is like going to the movies and seeing some block buster movie that cost millions of dollars to make so that the actor can have a new trailer and fresh water from particular ravine in some tropical rain forest to drink and only bananas from the rarest of trees to snack on but come on people. Do we have no sense of reality anymore.

Just 60 years ago you would have on Thanksgiving gotten up in your humble abode and maybe lit a fire in the fireplace and gathered all the family together in one house and made a dinner fit for a king. Your mom in her pearls and apron would have slaved over a hot stove and not gotten a single spot on her dress and at the end of the night prepared herself a drink and kicked off her high heels. But not every house had Barbara Billingsley cooking dinner. Again, please look it up. I loved Leave It to Beaver and if you don't know who June and Ward Cleaver are and Eddie Haskell and my favorite character Judy. The little busy body girl in the Beave's class that was in every one's business. Oh yeah. My high school PE teacher referred to me as Judy. And in the show the teacher or parent would always correct her and say Judy, Judy, Judy. I might have been her a little bit. Ok. A lot. It was the 80's and it was high school. I digress. Anyway it is worth the 30 minutes and you may even get a cavity from watching because everything is so sweet.

Now of course June Cleaver was not reality either but June did not need Granite Counter tops or a Master Suite with an on Suite for those of you that don't speak 5,000 square foot home that is a bathroom off the master bedroom for just the master of the house and his wife with of course dual sinks and glass shower and Jacuzzi tub. Here I go again. We never got to the bathroom I am not sure how unrealistic her needs were there.

But I do have a point to this. We do not need Granite counter tops or Jacuzzi tubs. We do not need dual sinks in our master bathroom. We need to put food in our belly each day so that we have the energy to get up and do our job to the best of our ability. We need a roof over our heads that keeps out the cold wind and the rain.  Most of us need some mode of transportation to get to and from work and the grocery store. And we need a job to earn the money to purchases these things "We need".

We also need to be Thankful that we live in a country that we are free to eat with whomever we choose and we do not have worry that the native people of this land will kill us on the way to grandma's because they do not understand why we are here on their land and taking their food and women without asking.We can gather together outside knowing the police will not come and make us break up our gathering. We can go to church where ever we wish and pray to whomever we choose. It is not state run. We do not have to hide our religious choices.  We can even light our menorah and have our Thanksgiving dinner at the same time. Why because we live in the United States. A place where for over the last 390 years we have been able to gather together and celebrate the harvest and our bounty the good weather of the summer has brought us. And that as two different peoples they were able to help each other survive another year and prepare for a long cold dark winter with enough food and seeds in the root cellar and smoked meat to survive again until the spring thaw and they can plan next years crop. I know everyone does not believe my version of the first Thanksgiving but I know the English would not have survived without the help of the Indians in this new land so there had to be some give and take in the relationship.

As you sit down this afternoon with whomever you are close to and eat your meal of plenty with leftovers to last until Sunday. Please remember to be Thankful for the the things that you have that are way, way, way beyond your needs.  And tonight and tomorrow when you go shopping be kind to the retail employees who are working so they can provide for the needs and wants of their families as you purchase your Christmas gifts for the ones you love and yourself. Do not fight over the last big screen tv. It is not the last loaf of bread and your family will not go hungry without it. Be kind to each other on the road and in the parking lot. The parking space closest to the door of the mall with the handicapped sign is not for you unless you are truly handicapped. You can walk off that dinner as you cross the parking lot.

I am thankful today for all that I have which is more than I need. And my family that is here and far away and those that have passed on. I am thankful for my friends who like the Pilgrims and the Indians all celebrate our bountiful harvest and prepare for long cold winter in Florida. Well you know. I am thankful I live in Florida too.

Happy Thanksgiving

Socially Speaking

So I have written about social networking before. I just re-read my post on Friends and it still makes me smile. Yes. I had a particular friend in mind when I wrote that post but today I am thinking of some other people.

Facebook to me is ironic at it's best. Sometimes an oxymoron, I like that one best because sometimes things people post are exactly what they are and other people well, not so much.

You may recall from my Friends post for the most part my friends on Facebook are really my friends. I know this is crazy but they are. Some even family. Anyway. Remember the social media thing was really a start to keep up with our nieces who really don't post stuff too often and but when they do it is nice to see they are having a good time and look damn cute doing it.

The thing that has been rattling around in my head lately is the things people will post online. Now if you review back to the very beginning I have rules that I live by.

1. Never write anything down you do not want everyone to read.

So even though I started writing this blog purely to get things out of my head at some point I knew people I know are going to read it. For that reason I do not usually use peoples names when I am speaking of them. This is not to point fingers if it sounds like you maybe it is or maybe it is not. Just gives you something to think about. Sometimes there are clues for the one written about. I have used the first letter of every paragraph of a blog to spell out the person's name. I will wait while you look back and see if it is you. It was not the Friends blog.

Since I mentioned that I had a post this week on Facebook where I used adjectives that described a person and the first letter of each word was a letter in their name. I asked Brian and he knew who it was for but did not notice that the first letter of the words spelled the person's name. Maybe if I would have written the words one on top of each other instead of side by side it would have been more obvious. Maybe I just like people to wonder. What the heck is she talking about today?

So now my fair friends it makes me wonder. What is going through people's heads when they post things. Is it just something they saw and it caused them to hit Share or Like. Why sometimes when people post bad news do people Like the comment. Is that a I am with you Like or a I feel for you Like?

Why do some people post things that are crude? I know that I do not have to look at who posted the item it is always the same person. Some people always post something positive. Some people follow the crowd. If one person did it they will to. Some wear their hearts on Facebook and others show their mind is in the gutter.

This all makes me think. When a person that lies post something like the Truth will set you Free. Do they not know they are a liar? I have seen people call out friends on Facebook and disown them. Delete them in front of everyone. Some things are so personal done on such a public venue it is like having your life on TV. This is not Jerry Springer. And as far as I know none of my friends would qualify for the show. Well maybe one. But I digress.

I think some things people post are taken out of context. The casual reader that checks out what is going on once in a while. The things they read may not make sense. They may only make sense to the person writing it and maybe one other person reading it. And if it is weeks later you may not have known what happened then or why whatever it is was posted. It may have been funny or a memory might have triggered something more serious at the time but it seems strange now. Sometimes the audience the Post is for is just one person. I don't know. These strange things I read that do not make sense to me I shrug my shoulders and move on. I try not to comment that the crude person is always crude and the liar well lies. But others it bothers. Some can not scroll idly by and ignore the thing that bothers them. They must speak out. I used to be that way in real life. If you lied or spoke an untruth or were just wrong no matter where I was  and who we were with I would tell you right there and then you were wrong. I still take pride in being right always but I also have learned when to stay quiet.

Now here is where the problem comes in. Because one person posted something another person posts something about that but not necessarily as a comment. Someone else reads the post which even for the daily follower is out of context and now we got 3 different people thinking 3 different things. One is mad, one upset and the other is just moving on.

It is getting late and I guess I need to steer this bus towards the school so I can get to bed. When you post something online consider that not only your boss may read it but so might your kids one day. If you love the person you are posting about. Just share the love. Leave the garbage for in person where it is just between the two of you and no one else is involved or gets their feelings hurt. If you post what is true in your heart you may want to make sure you walk the talk as well.

As a side note no person was intentionally hurt in the writing of this blog. If it bothers you and you think you may be the crude person or the liar don't worry about it. I am not. We are still friends aren't we.

Literary Gifts

Since Christmas is coming and I love literary gifts. Especially ones that make you think and consider your own thoughts and feelings. I thought I would share some quotes from one of my favorite books I never would have read. I was looking for a gift for a friend a soul sister. Not someone who I hang out with. Someone most of my friends don't know but I have a closeness to that can not be broken no matter what. Our hearts are tied with the strings of her children's shoes. The kids are getting older now but when young I loved her them as though they were my own. I would do anything for her or them then or now. But since we made a grave mistake and mixed business with pleasure we have not spoke in over a year. Maybe later in life this will be different. Not that I do not think of her and her children all the time. But today I feel a closeness that I can not let go of. I think of the kids on their birthdays though I am terrible with remembering hers. At Christmas maybe 3 or 4 years ago I bought this book for her and before I gave it to her I read it. It is such a good book I have bought more copies and given them away.

The book was originally printed in 1955 but it speaks to me today as though it was just written. I found it ironic that in 1955 she knew that the modern conveniences of the day were at times more trouble than they were worth.Written while the author spent time alone on Captiva Island, Florida The book Gifts from the Sea the author Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Yes, that Lindbergh. Mrs. Charles Lindbergh. If you don't know who he is stop reading now and Google it I will wait...

I never knew Mrs. Lindbergh was an author and the strangest thing was where I found the book was not with the fiction but with the religious books. I always bought my friend's kids books that I loved from my youth. So with her I thought I would find something that spelled out the words I do not always have to say. We have shared our thoughts on life and politics and religion and our spiritualism. This book sums up things beautifully. The words are so well thought out and perfectly arranged.  So I thought I would share some of my favorite quotes from the book with you. This first one sums it all up for why I bought the book.

“I want first of all... to be at peace with myself. I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can. I want, in fact--to borrow from the language of the saints--to live "in grace" as much of the time as possible. I am not using this term in a strictly theological sense. By grace I mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony. I am seeking perhaps what Socrates asked for in the prayer from the Phaedrus when he said, "May the outward and inward man be one." I would like to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from which I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God.” ― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

In life there is nothing I want more than harmony and grace. A peaceful state for my mind. I think in another life I could have been a nun. I could pray my day away. I could work for nothing but the satisfaction of doing a good job and being rewarded in Heaven. Not at the job I do today or ever before but to toil in a garden to raise food for the hungry or to help those who need it most in this world.

“My Life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people to whom my heart responds.” 
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I find this to be so true. If I could only do all the things people expect of me. I know I have no children of my own you do not need to remind me of this fact that does not mean that I do not have my own things to do.

“Only love can be divided endlessly and still not diminish.” 
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh

This is priceless. Some people think if you love one person you can not love me. Well love is everlasting and ever changing. It is not fair to the one that shares their love for someone else to limit who they can love.

“One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can only collect a few. One moon shell is more impressive than three. There is only one moon in the sky.” 
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

There is nothing more satisfying to me than to walk the beach staring at the sand and wondering what is just out of site. When I finally see that amazing shell so perfect and passed over by so many others I think it must be here just for me.

This also reminds me of a funny story. One evening after a storm Brian and I were walking the beach and I saw a live shell so I picked it up and tossed it into the water out of reach of those that may think it was theirs to take home. Take what you may but if it is still alive toss it back and let it live another day. A few feet more I picked up another and tossed it back and again and again and again. I had not gone very far but I had tossed back a dozen living things and Brian said Jeanne look up. I looked down the beach and there were hundreds of shells just as the ones I had been tossing back into the water. He said, Honey you can not save them all. That made me sad. I have a hard time with the thought that this one should live and that should not but I guess if God wanted them all to live he would get them back to the water safely.

“One writes not to be read but to breathe...one writes to think, to pray, to analyze. One writes to clear one's mind, to dissipate one's fears, to face one's doubts, to look at one's mistakes--in order to retrieve them. One writes to capture and crystallize one's joy, but also to disperse one's gloom. Like prayer--you go to it in sorrow more than joy, for help, a road back to 'grace'." 
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh (War Within and Without: Diaries and Letters of Anne Morrow Lindbergh 1939-1944)” 
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Wartime Writings 1939-1944

This quote is from a different book but I think this describes perfectly why I write what I write. It is not that this is a leisure endeavor. Sometimes the things I write will spin around my head until I put them on paper. They come to me at all times of the day and night. Some I ignore but they will not be ignored. If I do not have time now. I will later because they do not go away. 

Do not stop here but give yourself a Literary Gift. Take the time to enjoy the quiet and appreciate the here and now. For tomorrow they will be gone.

Have you ever been to Cumberland Island?

I start with the question because if you have not you should put it on your list of places to see. Cumberland Island is a National Seashore ironically closed because of the government shutdown. I was reminded of my visit by a segment on CBS Sunday Morning (my favorite show on TV). But I have been there and can take you there today.

I was reminded this morning the island is not just a place to visit but to remember. Some trips you go on to places like this are physical but others are a dream like memory of times gone by. I first visited the island when I was 13 years old. My Aunt Jan took me and my sisters Beth and Tori. I do not remember a lot of the actual trip. I remember the beauty, I remember the ferry and the water and the dark clouds that morning. I remember a submarine in the St. Mary's River from a near by naval base.

My basis for the memories of that day with Aunt Jan was a picture she took of me and my sisters standing on the rail of the ferry heading out to the island. The wind blowing our hair. I was wearing a Clearwater High t-shirt my parents got that year when I finished 8th grade. Of course I still have the shirt. It is full of holes and memories. The ferry ride was great. We have always been a family on the water. Sailing, swimming and going to the beach were some of our favorite activities as kids.

We walked across the island. One side tropical and lush green plants. Then you cross the sand dunes that are higher than a house and you are on the beach on the Atlantic Ocean and you can see shrimp boats. The water is rough and the sand is smooth. Not as white as at home but hard packed down by the waves close to the water. We walked past the ruins of Dungeness the home of the Carnegie Family built in 1884. Tragically burned to ruins in 1950's. They sold or donated most of the island to the Federal Government soon after. There are many ruins and artifacts left untouched and melting back into the ground. Old cars that were ferried over to the island for the family. There are buildings crumbling due to lack of funding that were in disrepair and now will be taken back into the land the same way we will one day. When I was young the cars were still cars just rusted. Now they are piles of parts with a radiator and wheels to remind you of what they once were. There are headstones in a small cemetery for those fortunate enough to die and be buried in paradise. They can spend eternity walking the sand dunes and seeing the sunrise over the Atlantic Ocean with the horses that were once domesticated that nature has taken back as well. Originally brought to the island probably when it was a cotton plantation along with slaves.

Brian and I visited the island as well many years ago. Stayed in a Bed and Breakfast in St. Mary's, Georgia.
A nice small town that is the gateway to the island. A short walk to the marina and the ferry. That day there was a double rainbow that we have a picture of to remind me of my second visit to the island. The great thing about a National Treasure like this is that not much changes over time. Buildings may crumble but the grass is still just as green and the sand dunes are just as high as they were 15 years before and will be in another 150 years later.

On the ferry ride to the island a spokes person tells you the rules. Take nothing and leave nothing behind. You can not take the shells and can not leave your garbage. There were no garbage cans, no concession stand on the beach. No life guard. The ferry will be back at 4. Please do not pet the horses they are wild. At the time we were there you could not notify them ferry if you had an emergency you just had to wait until the ferry came back. Brian had to test the do not pet the horse theory. Yes. He almost got kicked in the face. They are serious the horses don't want to be touched. If we would have walked out to the beach and seen a Spanish Galleon approaching I could have believe that it were the mid 1700's and we could have been the first scouting party to the beach. But there are no Indians today. There are no slaves. But the history of all are there for you to discover on your day at the island.

You can stay overnight roughing it in a tent or stay in the Greyfield Inn. The Inn is only operated part of the year. It does not have air condition and is very expensive but probably the closest thing I could ever get to having my own private island get away. Maybe someday

I know we were there prior to September 1996 when JFK Jr and Carolyn Bessette got married in a small chapel there. I was impressed to hear that the National Parks Service did not budge on their no motorized vehicle policy and would not let the Kennedy Family drop Jeeps on the grounds to be used to move family members back and forth to the chapel. Nice to know the rules don't just apply to me and you. They apply to Kennedy's as well. The Kennedy's did spend the night at the Greyfield.

So to say the island is fit for kings is shown by the previous residents the Carnegie's and that the Kennedy's found it private and beautiful enough for their royal standards. I can only hope that Carolyn and JFK Jr got to walk the beach and see the wild horses running the sand dunes as I have.

Now you to have been to Cumberland Island. If only in my memories. I hope you enjoyed the trip as much as I did.

A few of my favorite things.

I thought it has been a while since I shared things I like. So here are a few of my favorite things.

Favorite Movies
Sound of Music
Ever After
Practical Magic
Hope Floats
Juno
Picture Perfect
I could go on and on. I like feel good movies. Happy Endings. And a tear for the loss there always is.

Favorite TV shows of my youth
Leave it to Beaver
Bewitched
I Dream of Jeannie
Monkees
Partridge Family
Brady Bunch
Mary Tyler Moore
Love Boat

Favorite Music
Carpenters (Top of the World)
John Denver (Poems, Prayers and Promises) Brian's favorite if he has to admit it is (Grandma's Feather Bed)
Billy Joel (Scenes from an Italian Restaurant and She's Got a Way)
Monkees (Daydream Believer)
Adele (Make you feel my love and Rolling in the Deep)
Nora Jones (Don't know why)
Barbara Streisand (Memory and Someone that I used to Love)

Favorite Books
The Bean Trees
One Million Cats
The Cat that went to Heaven
The Christmas Tree
Little House on the Prairie series


You can see from the selections listed I have very simple and modest selection of favorites. For the most part the things I like are from the past. I am very nostalgic for the things I love and enjoy sharing them with others. I guess I just like that things were simple even if they are not always easy for me. I like the idea of spending an afternoon reading a book in the hammock or going to the beach and have the water be calm and clear. Guess that is the perfect life for me for things to be calm and clear with a light breeze.

Happy Anniversary Blog!

Since I have an hour of peace before I have to start getting ready for work I thought I would start on my one year anniversary blog entry.  So the first thing I thought I would do is look back and see how I have done.

I have written 45 blogs all but 2 have been published. I don't know if I will ever finish them or move on past them. Of the 45 I have written I have 2 different blogs. Day One the first I started with my rules and my poem,For the Love of Lilly. I have used that for world news and views of the world and the people who share this planet with me. The second is Sunshine and Shadows. This blog is a reflection of myself. I write about my relationships with friends, family and my values, memories and travels.

When I sat down today I wanted to check out some statistics on blogging. I found one site that says 60% of bloggers are guys. Only 40% girls. Guess that is not bad. Even though adult women between 21 and 35 read over 50% of the blogs. Most that write blogs do not make money from them even the ones with advertising. I do not have advertising. No subtle mention of some product I do not believe in. Anything I talk about is all me.

One of the pages I read said write about a subject you know about and like and that you should write a draft then sleep on it and make changes the following day. For the most part when I am writing I sit down to start I will stay in the chair until I am finished. I am usually home alone. It is easier for me to think without interruptions. I have my satellite radio playing a station with no commercials that plays Pop, Rock and Folk music. A pleasant mix I can sing along with.

Usually the reason I sit down to write is that something is in my head and I can not let it go. I find it easiest to write it out and share it than to keep it inside. I do have a few subjects that are inside that bubble to the top but I don't know if I am ever going to share. And some of you may think what the heck could it be. You'll just have to wait and see. I have tried to stick with my rules I began with. I try not to talk about others at least not directly. I have written blogs for, or should I say to friends. Even when it is not my situation the opinion I am writing about is all mine. Brian is the first to hear my blog. I read it out loud to him. I listen to his opinion but I am going to write what I am going to write. I just don't want to hurt anyone.


I have had over 1750 hits to my blogs. I am still amazed by all the places that people have read my blog from: US, Russia, Germany, Sweden,  Philippines, United Kingdom, Netherlands, France, Indonesia, Israel, Malaysia and Poland my newest.

The countries are listed in order of hits.  I am still amazed by the number of people and where they are from. I want to say Thank you to all of you for reading along. I am not sure how many have read all of my blog posts or just one. Either way if you walk away thinking then I have done my job. All I want out of my blogs is a good nights sleep. It may seem crazy but that is usually what I get. My conscious is clear and my mind is no longer cluttered with worry or anxiety. 

In the next few weeks I have thought about starting another blog. I have 2 ideas one has to do with places named for people and what they did to get a park or street named for them. The other is to write about books that I have read. Not ones that are popular today but older books. Some of my favorites have been older books. Maybe not considered classics but still well worth the read. If you have an opinion or a favorite book or place you want to know about let me know. It may help me make my decision. I will still continue Sunshine & Shadows. It has earned a place in my heart and I hope yours.

Lets tie it up and put a bow on the Family Vacation

 So we have completed the family trip to Kentucky. It was everything a family vacation should be. Long, Tiring, Fun and a success.

Mom got to show the kids all her favorite places in Kentucky. The kids got to find a place they would like to visit again. Maybe even bring their own kids back as Emily said.



We headed out on Friday. Got a great start. Stopped in Macon. Had a great barbecue dinner in a place that played country music older than me.

 

Al and Paul Tennessee Valley RR

Saturday we drove into Chattanooga, TN. Drove through a tunnel. Rode a railroad through another tunnel twice and learned all about steam trains and the city of Chattanooga in the Civil War. Down by the river is an open area that has a small version of the Tennessee river for you to walk across the stepping stones and soak your feet. Sit in the shade. Enjoy the flowers and a view of the real river. We were going to go to the aquarium but it was getting late and expensive so we skipped it and moved on towards are goal of Nashville but getting confused and rain stopped us from stopping there. We again moved on and Al missed on the two things he wanted a night out and to see the aquarium. We will do that part again.



We stopped in White House, TN at a Days Inn. It had a wood over where the front door should be. The guy said search White House Days Inn on You Tube. There had been an accident and a man drove through the front of the building. Paul had to see the video. Just video of after the fact. No video of the actual accident.

Paul and Abe

Sunday morning we were in Kentucky before we knew it. First stop, Hodgenville, Kentucky. The birthplace of Abraham Lincoln. The center of town has two statues. Abe as a boy and another as President. The Presidential statue has been there since his 100th birthday. The boyhood statue is newer. Took some pictures of Paul with his hero's statue. We then drove down Hwy 31 E south towards Mammoth Cave. Drove through corn fields and soy bean fields. Saw old barns and new houses. Beautiful rolling hills and a deer in the middle of a field. We had to make a u-turn for our first deer. Went to the National Park at Knob Creek where Abe's boyhood home stood. Saw a tree that had been standing from the late 1700's through when the Lincoln's lived there and was taken down in the 1980's. Showed the rings inside the tree and and markers for important times in history. It was very cool. Paul filled out a Jr Ranger booklet and got a Jr Ranger badge. We all learned a lot about the area and the time he lived there. There is a spring in the park near where the Lincoln's house would have been. We walked down and it is amazing to stand in a place you know that Abraham Lincoln once stood and got his drinking water. It was also a place where people traveling west would have stopped for water in that time. Mom met up with a lady and sat and chatted she does not live far from the park and likes to hang out and visit with people. We could have left mom there to hang out all day.

We moved further south and stopped in Park City outside Mammoth Cave and had a late lunch and then got to Mammoth Cave National Park. Funny how you get off the exit even the things that have changed are somehow familiar. Big Mike's a place to buy you souvenir and tour a fun house for fifty cents. Paul had to do it twice. Once by himself then when Emily and Ashley got there he had to do it again with them.

The next day we went to Diamond Caverns. Al wanted to pan for gems. So he and the kids with the assistance of Beth and Billie paned for gems. Found some pretty rocks. Not sure if any are worth anything but they all had a good time. That afternoon the kids became little spluenkers and took a kid only tour through the cave. I think they all liked it. Ashley liked crawling through the cave on her belly. Cooked out on the grill and made s'mores. Yum.

Tuesday, Al, Mom and I started off for a drive but found one of the tires to be low. Went into town to have that taken care of first. Beth and Billie took the kids on a hike down to the river. The kids had a great story of how Beth went where she shouldn't but clawed her way out and was filthy dirty with the red clay. Good thing she had a spare pair of shoes. That afternoon we took the family cave trip. Everyone went. The kids saw cave crickets by the 100's and a single bat welcomed us from high on the ceiling. Stalactite's hold tight to the ceiling and stalagmites may grow up from the floor of the cave to become a column. We had a great guide Jamie. We had explained that the kids were the 5th generation to the cave and he said there is a guide that works there that is a 5th generation guide. His family started off as slaves giving tours. Wish we could have met him but we did run into a guide there that taught us about stalactites and stalagmites many years ago named Joe. Joe has been at the park himself for 53 years. Can't imagine the number of tours and expeditions he has been on in the park. It was drizzling when we got out but we were going to cook out again. Beth went over and started cooking with the aid of Emily and I helped Paul and Ashley with their Jr Ranger books for this park. Each age group had to do so many activities for bat points to get their badge. Since we had the whole evening. The over achievers completed almost every page and the next morning got a badge and certificate for their achievement. Quick trip through the exhibit and gift store then off to Louisville.

First stop Churchill Downs which was not open so we could not walk out to the track but we showed them the twin spires that you always see on tv and the names across the top of the building for all the past winners. We had lunch there and then headed past mom's old neighborhood. We had walkie talkies between cars and Beth had all the kids so we did a play by play driving tour through downtown. Here is where grandma went to school, here is where she lived. Here is where your great-great grandfather used to work and the L&N building (Louisville & Nashville Railroad). Around the block and to Louisville Slugger. Somethings have changed and some are the same. We did the factory tour. The last time we were there everything was hand done. Now machines. One guy that showed us how it used to be done and it would take 20 minutes to make a bat and now 2 machines spitting out bats in 30 seconds. Not quite the same. They are still hand dipped if they are stained and the logo is hand burned into the bats and everyone gets a little bat for taking the tour.

Next stop, Calvary Cemetery. I knew this was not the highlight for anyone but me and mom but we did it. Showed the kids where their relatives are. Saw some really cool old headstones. Tried to get by another but it was closed and getting late. Needed to get to the relatives for dinner. The kids had the best time there. Swam in the pool that had to be freezing because the air temp was only in the 70's. Dinner was great. Some of mom's 2nd cousins were there. We all visited then we hit the road towards Bardstown.



My Old Kentucky Home



Talbott Tavern
Bardstown, Kentucky



Jane and Jim Yearout
Mammoth Cave, Ky



Entance to Mammoth Cave

2013



This week sure did go by fast but I am exhausted. Stayed in Bardstown. The most beautiful small town in the country. Really. Stopped in at the Talbott Tavern. A Pony Express stop from 1779 or as the kids like to call it the haunted hotel. Yes. This is the one that Brian and I stayed at years ago. They had a bad fire in the 1990's and are still working on getting part of it back. But part of the fire damage is still seen in the old bar. The cross beams have scorch marks and so does some of the stone. We then went around the down square and a few more blocks south and took the kids to My Old Kentucky Home State Park.



Perryville Battlefield

 You now have to pay to just walk the grounds but at least kids are free. Billie and I took the kids out walked around the house. Explained who Stephen Foster was and that he wrote the state song for both Kentucky and Florida. Everything was to show kids the tie from Kentucky to them. Last stop on the trip before heading home was Perryville Battlefield. The only Civil War battle that was fought in Kentucky. Yes we have a relative that was killed in Perryville during the battle. Oct 1862. Drove through the battle gounds. Stopped and played and had lunch at the picnic area. All we have left is the drive home. As the hills of Kentucky fade in the rearview mirror the memories lighten and the smiles are fresh and yes. We are on are way home.













Friends

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies,

Today how would you round your real friends up to help you move a body or bodies? In the days of my youth I would pick up the phone at the house. Pull the phone cord into the bedroom and talk to one of my school friends on the phone until 3 in the morning. If I needed to let two friends know something that would mean 2 phone calls. Hmm.

As I got older and had less contact with the friends of my youth I would send a Christmas card  or for a few write a letter. The same way my mother and hers before her. I have my friends addresses and phone numbers written in an address book that I have had since I was 18. Everything has been status quo, and I am good with that.

Then email came along. I was never one for forwarding the joke that everyone in the world had already heard and refuse to pass on a chain letter. That was old in middle school. But I have a small group of friends that I have kept in touch with through email. We plan lunch and get togethers. Comfort each other in times of loss and celebrate each others joys. Email has been an easy way to get a message out without making multiple phone calls and everyone can read it on their own schedule and reply back. Plans can be made. Remember we have a body to move.

I have noticed lately that I talk on the phone less with even the friends that I regularly used to talk on the phone to. Texting and Facebook have come into play. Texting is fine you still have the one on one communications. I have a friend that we text each other once a week back and forth a few times. Talk about work and whatever else is going on. Again not limited to a single conversation. We can text back and forth all afternoon while working on break or at home. And still make plans and communicate about this body we need to move. I like the one on one conversation.

So we are down to Facebook. This would obviously not be the best method to contact a real friend to help you move a body.

1. It is posted online for all your friends to read. Maybe even one of the bodies you need help with moving.
2. People that read it could share it and then well your gonna have a real mess on your hands.
3. What if your real friend is not a Facebook friend or worse yet they are but they are busy playing Candy Crush Saga and did not see your message. Sorry, I mean Status.

See this is where I have not quite got it. I started using Facebook just last summer. After spending a few weeks with my teenage and 20 something nieces. They lived away from us and this gives me a way to see what they are up to. They do not send email they are better with texting. It is like pulling teeth to get someone this young or younger to talk on the phone. The youth of today have so many more distractions than during my youth. Yet they multitask like fools. They can watch tv and text and Facebook and never notice you are in the same room. Well sometimes they notice. Just kidding girls. But the youth today can do all those things at once. At dinner instead of saying we need to turn off the tv, Now it is don't bring your phone to the table. A little face time. No, not Facetime but actual face time. You know person to person.

I know this is crazy talk for some of you but now we still have a body to move and it is 3:22 in the morning. So do I unfriend the person on Facebook that I want to get rid of. Do I leave them as friends even though I don't care for what they have to say? No. That is not the answer because if you are my friend on Facebook you are my friend. Well for the most part. There are a few people who sent me friend requests that I have accepted that I have no interest in what is going on in their lives and never did. Not when we worked together or when they obviously thought we were friends. I know I am carrying on but again friends are complicated now. It used to be cut and dry. You don't send me a Christmas card for a few years and I think well they dropped off the face of the earth or they have no interest in hearing from me. No more card.

So another thing about Facebook friends. I do not have a lot. I did not know that until I was looking at someone's profile the other day and saw they had 500 friends. And what the heck are followers? Stalkers? People you are not friends with that want to know what you are doing anyway? So I looked to see how many friends I had only about 50, Hmm. Well let me check out a few more people oh well. I guess I am not doing something right in the Facebook world or am I. I do prefer to limit my friends to friends. To share things with my new Brighthouse friends and my old Eckerd friends. A few friends from my youth and my 2 of the 3 nieces. Well one decided that Facebook is not for her right now. I am good with that to. But I see that people cut off their friends not quietly in the night under the cover of darkness do they unfriend them but publicly call out the people that do not agree with them and tell them to unfriend them.

Friendship is not always about agreeing with everything your friend says. Sometimes you have to disagree. I prefer again the phone call ot face to face but sometimes when asked or not I will answer and let someone know they are wrong. It is not that I am not your friend. I am always your friend. I have always been your friend. We have been there for the fun and for the sorrow. For the birth of kids and weddings. If your life is moving on and you are leaving me and your other friends behind that is ok for now. Because when you come back and ask for that help with the body and 3 AM I am going to be here to help you however I can. If it means telling you something you don't want to hear. If you are a real friend. You will listen and argue and we will come to a conclusion or agree to disagree but we will still be friends. Thick or thin. Facebook or not.

I thought about naming names but then I thought you know who you are. We have always been friends. And always will be in my book. Maybe not on Facebook.

Kentucky Blue Blood

We have 2 weeks to go until our trip to Mammoth Cave. Gonna meet up with some family and see some sites. Go on a Cave Tour. Take a hike or two. Connect with some fresh air and maybe my nieces and nephew. Maybe teach them some of the things that I like. Show them what I see. History.

I have been to Mammoth Cave maybe 3 or 4 times before. And like I said before. My mother, grandmother and great grandmother before me have been there. We have pictures of my grandma and grandfather in front of a sign there maybe in the late 1930's. A picture of my grandma's mom and dad maybe the early teens. So the family has been visiting the park for over a hundred years.  The kids are the 5th generation visiting this place that has stood still in time. Well not quite still but as for the rest of the world that is wizzing by just like the interstate passing by outside the park. The park makes us pull off that exit and stop a while. The land seems to move at a much slower pace. Which in turn makes you slow down a little. Not quite as much a rush. See the deer and the wild turkey as you drive around the park. Almost like they know that they are safe because their land protects them. Thanks to forward thinking people the progress of time stopped at the gate. And was asked to hold up awhile for the future.

Wish they still had the boat ride. It was great. Sunset cruise down the Green River. Now their is a job for me. I would get my Captains license for that kind of gig. See the racoons washing up before dinner some deer getting a drink. Just a lot of quiet green trees and cool breeze off the water. Kinda reminds me of another place I have visited.

These places make me want to turn off the tv go outside. Take a walk. Read a book. Not just take a tour have lunch and move on to the next place on our list of places to visit down the highway.

It makes me wonder if the tie back in time to the bluegrass of Kentucky and the hills is not deeper than my memories. Maybe it goes back further. Maybe somehow I know how peaceful it is there because it is in my blood.  My very DNA has blue grass, green water and bourbon running through my veins. I really don't care for the bourbon but I thought it sounds good.

Just like Mammoth Cave when I visit Churchill Downs, I have been there before. Even been there on a race day for a Family Reunion. We had a box. This is not an affair to show up in shorts. There is a dress code. But I found it to be part of the experience. Sit at the table have a meal and a drink. When a race starts place your wager at a box where you don't wait in line and then walk out on the balcony and watch the race. Then back inside for another drink and drowned your sorrows or bask in the glory of a good race. Not a Derby but I would like to do it once. No hat for me that day but Another place the family has been going for a long time. I would like the kids to know that Grandma used to go when she was a young girl and hang out on the back side of the track with the jockeys. She would take mom and her sister to the track when they were kids. If I don't teach the kids who one will.

No one else is going to tell them that one of the their great great grandfathers built the base of the Daniel Boone statue in Cherokee park in Louisville a place we went when we were kids and my mom before that and hers too. See how the pattern goes so if not me who else will tell the kids that if they go to St. Louis Cemetery and you drive to the back and look towards the back wall there is a concrete statue of a old time English Bobby (policeman) when they see that statue and turn around their great great grand parents graves are right there along the road. There used to be a concrete curb that said Raser (their last name). And if you turn back towards the policeman at head to their 10 o'clock and walk half way up the hill is more family. Mathison's they would be my great great grandma's people as they say up there.  And from there we drive over to Calvery Cemetery and stay on the road to the right and on a hill you will see a large statue of Jesus praying, right in front of him are some more family. Which is funny because in Sylvan Abbey here in Clearwater when you drive in and stay to the left find the same statue and my grand parents are in front of it about half way in from the road.


Does anyone else know or cares about this stuff but me. So it is gone once I am gone. I doubt my 3rd cousins that live up there take their kids to the cemetery. I don't even know anyone else that knows their 3rd cousins. It is only on my mom's side of the family tree this one branch that stayed in the same area for so long. Over 100 years, since the Civil War. Abraham Lincoln was president. And my family lived in Louisville.

During the flood in the 1937 when the Ohio River rose over 50 feet my grandmother's cousins had to stay at her house because theirs was flooded. There are signs on posts downtown that show that this was one of the worst disasters of it's time.  When looking up at the post and try to imagine what it was like I am amazed. Another sign of the past that is ignored by the present. My mom said the only thing that used to be outside the flood walls were fishing shacks but not anymore. River front is water front and that is pricey land. Why would anyone build there? Because nothing like that has happened in years. Well we all know that sort of reasoning will not save you from rising water. Just ask residents of New Orleans.

All of this is history. My history. Emily, Ashley, Paul and Alex's history. Some of these people I knew some not. Some of the stories I have heard my grandma and her cousins talk about. Those memories are gone if I do not pass them on to the future. So what is the point. Well the point gentleman is they lived. (Line from Ever After one of my favorite movies.) I just want the kids to know that life did not start when they were born and will not end when we are all gone.

A Family Trip Down Memory Lane

My mother has decided that she would like to take her Grandchildren at least the smaller ones that she can get to go and her children go on a little trip (no a big trip) to her favorite place in the world. Mammoth Cave Kentucky.

Planning this trip makes me think of a lot of thing.s Last time we went Timmy and Alex were just kids. Emily, Ashley and Paul were not born yet. Grandma was with us and her and mom still travelled in the motor home. A great thing to have for someone else. I do not need to be that close to anyone for that long. I like space and privacy. Togetherness is great but not every second of the day. We cooked on the fire everyday even breakfast. Nothing like toast over an open fire and eggs and sausage before a hard day hiking and spelunking (caving).

So far we have Beth and the girls, Billie and Paul, Al, Mom and me. WooHoo. I am not sure how Tori's getting out of this but she should feel obligated to go but that is something only a few of us get.  Which is kinda the point of this trip. I started going to Kentucky when I was about 8. I have been many more times than the rest of them and I know the drill. A trip to Kentucky means to hit the favorites and the obligations.
Depending on who you ask could be any or all of the items on the itinerary.

Mom wants to teach the kids about the family heritage and our history. This part I get. Well I get the whole thing but I am the only one who see's every ones agenda. Billie would like to do something with Paul that Paul will not only enjoy but learn something from so we are going to Springfield, Kentucky where Abraham Lincoln was born. He is cool in Paul's book right now. Mom wants to go to Mammoth Cave and hit the highlights in Louisville, Bardstown and Perryville. This takes care of the family history back to the Civil War which is cool but may be lost on the kids and their mothers. Oh and don't forget Al who would just like to find a bar to hang out and have a few beers. I get it all. I don't even want to mention that I would like a pit stop in Nashville to go to the Antique Archeology store. You know the American Pickers.

See this is a tough group to travel with. Why are we not taking husbands. Well someone needs to watch the dogs. Jeff is on crutches and who needs to add those wasps in the hornets nest of women and Al anyway. Wally would like to go Brian wants to have a party and like I said Jeff is on crutches.

A few days apart isn't going to kill any of us. And adding all those opinions to what to do next and where to eat and who is going to drive and when do we stop. Please.

So today Beth and I tried to work out the details at least a rough draft of a plan so we know if it is all do able or not.

Do able it is but I will need a vacation when I return. This is the problem with going this distance with so many people. Brian and I used to be able to make the trip in 15 hours in one day. Oh that brings me back to how many times I have made this trip. I would guess I am probably on trip 8 or 9. Sometimes Brian and I have done it on own. We have met mom and grandma and we have done the whole family thing.

When it comes to Louisville, Ky this is where my mom, grandmother, great-grandmother and great-great grandmothers were born. Which is how we get to the Civil War and Perryville, Ky, One of my g-g-greatgrandfathers was killed in the battle of Perryville. It is now a State Park but I did feel a tie to the area when I have visited. I guess I would like the kids to feel it to. Maybe just one of them. That can take from the trip a sense of place, a place that they are from but have never lived. A sense of the history from the War to the L&N Railroad that my Great Grandfather worked for. Churchill Downs a place where my Grandmother went when she was young. The cemetery where all these ancestors are buried has always been on the list. Grandma has been with us all the times in the past and her parents are buried in Calvary(the newer of the old cemeteries), her grandparents are in St. Louis the older cemetery and now this time Grandma's cousins are in the newest of the ones our family is in Evergreen. Facts that will be lost after me if no one cares to remember. This is what Mom doesn't want to happen. I left out Louisville Slugger, and a family visit at least dinner.

My Grandmother would travel with her father on the railroad to Florida every year when she was young. Another place near Bardstown we used to stop is Nazzareth, Ky which is as we say where the nuns live. The Sisters of Charity was one of the groups that my Great Grandfather used to travel with. Grandmother used to like to stop in and see the place and reminisce. Brian and I have stopped on our own as well. We pulled in one morning and the Chapel windows were open and we could hear the sisters singing as we pulled in. We said it was angels singing. The place changes every time we visit but we stop and say how we relate to the place. How we tie back to it. Bardstown. Is very cool. Just a town that has the oldest Pony Express stop west of the Appalachian mountains. A bullet hole in the wall where supposedly Jesse James was shot. Fried Green Tomatoes, Fried Chicken and a Hot Brown and a very cool Tavern. This is also Bourbon Country, not to far is the home of Makers Mark and many other fine bourbons.

Have I missed anything oh yes. Mom said last night she has always wanted to go to Plains, Georgia. The hometown of President Jimmy Carter.  I lost Beth hear but had to reel her back for the Louisville, Bardstown part.

It is going to be a fun trip that we will all remember forever. I know we still talk about the last time we did this trip. Not often as adults you travel with your parents. There is probably a reason for it but it will be fun.

3 weeks to go.

Anxiety

I have been a little slacking on the blogging front. You know the feeling when things are going good and you don't have anything to worry about. In those times I don't really have a lot to say. Pre-vacation euphoria. Vegas was Great. Brittany's birthday was a success. Did not rest much those last few days but would have liked to squeeze more in. Life is good. Then Bam. Back to reality.

So my anxiety level is up since returning. Lots of things going on. Brian reminded me today that sometimes I absorb other people's anxieties and worries but I have plenty of my own. I just don't like the feeling that my skin is electrified. Maybe vibrating. Not chills but actual vibrations. I have to go back to my ninja training to remember to picture a lake with no ripples. This is the picture I use to calm my heart rate. I imagine something a photographer told me once. Clyde Butcher who takes incredible images of The Everglades showed us a picture and said that he was in the water when taking this particular shot and he was using a large format camera which is probably about 60 or 70 lbs of tripod and camera. The tripod is in the water so that he has the least motion he floats during the exposure and the ripples you see in the water is from his heart beating and him breathing. So I try to picture that and make my heart beat so slow that it would not cause a ripple in the water.

Another trick I use is the deep breathing like I am blowing up a balloon and letting the air out. Deep breath in... Then long breath out... and count One...Two... One...Two... This does two things slows my breathing and all the thoughts that are zipping through my head have to pause for me to count.  These things probably seem silly to those of you who do not worry. Those of you whose thoughts pass through your brain smooth as an ice cold lemonade on a summer day. Well Thank God for you.

Funny thing about anxiety. Some people like to talk through it others are quiet. I am the quiet one who wants to sleep through it. Oh yeah they call that depression. It is but not. That t-shirt I have hanging in the closet you know like "Got Milk" mine could say "Got Depression" or "Got Anxiety". I laugh but when these feelings come back after being gone for so long. I wonder why. Life, Work, Family all of it contributes I guess but now that I am over the cliff, I am just trying to bring myself back to where I was. Pull myself back up over the cliff. Which reminds me that I am not always strong in this category. Not sure I can do it. Always questioning if what I am doing is right or not. This is crazy. No. Not crazy, just depressing. Suffocating.

I want to be successful but when I get these feelings I am not sure I can. Sometimes it seems easier to fail. I know this does not seem like something I would say but it is how I feel. I am not to the point of tears at the drop of a hat but I am not far off either. Wish I understood what makes me this way. Mentally, physically. But there is no blood test for this. It is life and life is a work in progress. So I will reflect back on previous posts and remind myself that I have gotten through worse before and again this feeling will pass.

So as I climb this mountain that the top is fogged in and not sure where the crevasses are either. I know I can make my way to the top. I have to.  Others rely on me to show them the way.

Happy Birthday Gemini

Well today is Memorial Day. The end of this week is my best friend from my teen years birthday and on Sunday will be my husband Brian's.

Funny they are both Gemini. Some words I found that describe them energetic, clever, witty and imagintive.

So most of you know Brian: And if clever and witty isn't that his middle name not sure what is. I also read one of their traits is that they can talk and talk and talk. Well if that is not Brian. Sometimes I am amazed at how much he has to say when we are out with others. And I read that Gemini's make for interesting and exciting friends. We certainly never have a dull moment.

And when I was a teen I worked with this guy Keith. He started working with me on his 16th birthday. For some reason it was a family tradition to work for Eckerd's. His big sister Lisa had made quite a name for herself in the company. Youngest assistant manager, youngest store manager and a girl. This was the early 1980's. Later I would also work with his younger brother Jeff. All of which are friends forever.

Don't know who started it but Keith was referred to as "Cool Keith". Oh if you didn't know him in the 80's he started off with the clean cut look that he has today but then after high school the hair started growing and growing. This was the days of the Hair Bands. Keith had the look. I mean "Cool Keith". Oh and he had the car a 1979? Trans Am. gold of course. Nothing too flashy. Not. I did get to drive it a few times. Once right after it had been painted he had me take it to my house so it would not get scratched in the parking lot while he worked. Those guys and their cars. Oh well I did have a Mustang II and Steve had a Duster. Those were the days. Girls loved that Cool Keith. The hair the car all of it. They would be jealous because of our friendship. That is all it ever was. But it was the best. We both knew we were like siblings.

We both got the chance to work at a tiny AM radio station together in our late teens early 20's. Another dream job. Not very glamourous but it was a fun experience.
 Keith and I were the fastest friends.. I could never have imagined when I met him. I remember him learning how to turn off the lights in the store. My god this kid was full of energy. Really kid next I will teach you how to sweep the floor. How could he get excited over learning how to switch off breakers. You know I was a whole 9 months older than him. We worked together for about 2 years. He and I closed most nights. Midnight back then and got up in the morning and went to school.  How many teens do you know that worked whenever they could. Overtime was a given when available. He and I would pay each other to work when we wanted off like it was a game. Straightening the store and goofing off were one in the same. Everything was a game or a race. Who could do it faster, better and with the least mistakes. And when I say mistakes I mean not catch whatever the other did to stand in the way of your prerfection. We would walk through the other's aisles and see something out of place and think, "He will never find that." and smile. Knowing that at the end of the night we would check each others work and be thrilled to find that they did miss whatever it was. The more out of place the better. The more it mixed in the happier we were.

We would look at the list left for us in the evening and decide a time which we would complete the list by and meet in the pharmacy waiting area and then decide how long we could hide and not get called to the register or not be spotted by the assistant manager.

One time someone had put a greeting card that played happy birthday in the baler and everytime you went in the back room you would hear it over and over until we had to make a bale to get it out of there. The best and stupidest story well I have 2 stupid bale stories. When I was pretty young and I have the scar to show for it. If you couldn't roll the top part from one side to the other you would push down whatever was stopping it with one arm and pull with the other. Putting one arm in the way of the metal rollers. Get the idea. My one arm got caught in the metal roller and did it leave a mark. And the oh so caring assistant told me something along the lines of guess you won't do that again. But one night Keith was hiding from work and had climbed inside the baler and pulled the smashing part over the top of himself part way of course so that the saftey release was still pushed in and it would not go down. I scared him to death by pressing the button which just made a sound but he came jumping out. We had to be crazy right.

Now I know this all sounds like fun and games but there was a lot of putting away shoes and filling combi loungers and my god the coolers. I think then we may have had 8 doors. We couldn't keep them filled to save our lives. This was Clearwater Beach  in the 80's. Our Saturday's were fill the chairs, fill the coolers, fill the shoes, fill the chairs again and set the ad. Don't forget whomever was doomed to the register was trapped in a cage. At first everyone has to run the register but as you had been there for a while you could find your freedom in the store. Freedom to work until you could not work anymore. But in the same right you could play until you got caught. Did I mention everything was a game. We were teenagers. It wasn't just me and Keith but Steve, Margie, Karen, Nelson, Shawn, Kim, Valerie, Cindy, Tracy and the God Father to all of us, Frank.

Frank taught us everything we know about retail and I am sure the lot of us know quite a bit about it even if we never straighten a shelf for pay again in our lives. We know that he knew how to make that store run like a well oiled machine and he could do it all from the parking meter out front with a cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Later after I had been there a while he would joke that I was the worst employee he ever had. Well I had never worked before in a store and his way of teaching was not exactly the hand holding type. It was more do it right or don't do it at all. Even if you have no idea how the right way to do it is. You will figure it out quick or you got yelled at again.

Oh the best Frank story I have is the day we found out that he was getting transferred and Keith's sister Lisa was going to be the new manager. I was devistated. I did not know Lisa at the time except for that she was his sister but I knew that meant Keith and I could not work together anymore at that store. Siblings could not work together. So I knew he would be transferred as well. I was so sad. I cried. Frank and I were standing out back and I was crying and he was smoking and he said can just one of those tears be for me. I smiled and said yeah I guess.

All the friendships from then that I still have I cherish. I don't imagine any of us will ever have the fun we had then. We even knew it was fun then. And not many kids today or even back then realize the friends they make at their first jobs are better than friends from school and the influences they have on your life (I do not still have any friends from school) but friends from Eckerd I can count them name them and now we have all been friends for more than 20 years almost pushing 30 and remember resets and floor cleaning and making bales and filling shoes with a smile on my face.  Not always a smile when doing shoes but when you were teaching someone new how to do it and could walk away. That was when we smiled. 15 boxes of shoes. Have them all put up and straightened. See you later I will be back in the pharmacy hiding from this real work.

Now I wanted this blog to be about my friend Keith  and our friendship but I see there was a lot that made Keith and I friends. All of the funny stories which had to do with working together. But I also realized that this is about lasting relationships. Of the people I listed earlier and me 4 of us married someone we met working with them at Eckerd. Margie married Scott, Cindy married Frank, Lisa married Erik and I married Brian.

So I am tying this back to what Brian and Keith have in common. The day I met Brian was 7 years to the day after I had met Keith. I met Brian in the back room of the same Eckerd.  It was his first day working in the same Clearwater Beach store. Hired by my dear friend Lisa (Keith's sister). Funny thing Brian had a rat tail hanging off the back of his head and Lisa had recommended that he lose it before he started working. I promise I would not looked twice at a guy with a rat tail.  Next day Lisa tells him he cleans up pretty good. I come in to visit my friend Lisa and here is this new guy who is a smart ass, know it all and I start talking to him. A few days later would be his birthday and we went out and played a game of darts together. This Brian guy and I were friends right away. Like nothing I had seen in a long time. And 5 years later we were married. Funny how fate and Eckerd brought all of us together.

So today I say Happy Birthday Keith. My dear friend. Whom I never talk to but feel as close to as the days we worked together and got ice cream at Howard Johnson's with Steve and Margie after work and the day you and Steve pulled the ladder out from under me up on top the office where the paper supplies were. I smile anytime I tell an Eckerd story and think of the fun and the work and how we learned to do both really well together.  And I think of the fate and magic how the stars had to align for all of us to meet and work together and become friends and some of us got married and even had kids. All started with two teenagers meeting in May of 1984. Amazing.

Happy Birthday Keith and Brian. Love you both.