Happy Birthday, Derby Day, Mother's Day

Back in August of 2012 I wrote my first blog. Not to be famous or to bad mouth others but to find an outlet for my own feelings and emotions. So this week was the anniversary of one of the traumatic events that got me to start writing.
This week is also Mother's Day and the Kentucky Derby. Now I know that in most houses none of these things have to do with the other but in my house the Derby and mom and grandma always went hand in hand. Mom and Grandma were both from Louisville, Kentucky the home of Churchill Downs and the Kentucky Derby both their birthday's were withing a week or so before the Derby and just a few weeks before Mother's Day most years. Going to the Derby has been on my bucket list as long as I wanted to go to Times Square for New Year's Eve which I did for the year 2000. I am far from a fancy person but for that day I will wear a dress and flat shoes and a moderate hat but none the less appropriate for the Derby. I will drink mint juleps as though it were my God given right. The only thing I won't be able to do is call mom and grandma when I am done with the day and tell them how wonderfully long the day was and how amazing the hats and the clothes were and the number of famous people we see that day.
Today as most Derby Day's I watched the pre race festivities the early card races and enjoyed the call for riders up, the Post Parade and the singing of My Old Kentucky Home (which Brian used to believe was a song written about a house I lived in, in Kentucky) update babe: I never lived in Kentucky. Still makes me laugh. And then the fastest 2 minutes in sports. A new person at work was sitting with me this week and I spoke of the Derby and she being all of 20 years old did not know what the Kentucky Derby is. If you have somehow read this far and don't either please Google it or ask Cortana or your friend Seri.
So I did not talk on the phone today through all of this or watch with mom and grandma as we have in the past. One year we took the kids all down to mom's and made Derby hats and made bets on the race and watched it together. That was probably in 2011 or so. Funny how the time flies by and somethings will always stay with me. Like the Derby that I had 2 of my nieces over for and explained about betting and gave them each a quarter to bet on the race. They may have been 5 and 7 or so but the older of the two decided that she just liked that I gave her a quarter and she wasn't going to risk betting. I told her that was a choice she could make. It was so cute.
I try to share these bits of family history and tradition with the kids and recently I have been reminded by the fact that mom is gone that I have no one to pass my knowledge or love for any of these things on to. I have no children to instill my beliefs in or to share my joys with. This was something that when I was of the age of everyone around me is having children was a reality I did not want to accept, yet here I am of the age where my friends are now becoming grandparents and again it is brought to the forefront in my life. And since with the recent death of my mother I have been reminded of the 5 steps in grieving. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I realized I have done rather well with my anticipatory grief (fancy term for grieving before the person passes). This is my thing. I am sad before and even though I know I did everything that I needed to do for the person. It may not have been everything others wanted from me, or everything others expected but it was exactly what I could do. But in anticipation of not being able to save the person I grief for their loss ahead of time. I want for one more day while I still have days and want to make better what I cannot change. But after the loss of a person that I have grieved for ahead of time it
gives me acceptance. Something that a lot of times in my life I fall short of accepting myself. And here we are back to the fact that I never had children. It was not for a lack of trying but I always said God  and I didn't see it the same way. Even today I have all the signs of grief for a child I never had and life I did not live. I do accept the way my life is and don't want to adopt. This may be fear of acceptance by the child or fear of not being good enough to some stranger. That is all on me.
Since over these last few months I have struggled with what to write at times for fear of sharing someone else's sorrow or opening up someone else's wound I decided tonight that my wounds are the only ones I am speaking of and always have been. I am not going to stop writing for fear of what others think this is purely a selfish act which a dear friend reminded me this morning that I don't have enough of. So I am going to work to accept the things that I cannot change and I will write the things that I would have shared with my kids in hopes that one day someone else's children will find what I have written and think I didn't know that about my family. And that will be my way to share my history with the future generations even if they are not my children. Happy Mother's Day Mom and Grandma (both Grandma's for that matter).
 

Lets tie it up and put a bow on the Family Vacation

 So we have completed the family trip to Kentucky. It was everything a family vacation should be. Long, Tiring, Fun and a success.

Mom got to show the kids all her favorite places in Kentucky. The kids got to find a place they would like to visit again. Maybe even bring their own kids back as Emily said.



We headed out on Friday. Got a great start. Stopped in Macon. Had a great barbecue dinner in a place that played country music older than me.

 

Al and Paul Tennessee Valley RR

Saturday we drove into Chattanooga, TN. Drove through a tunnel. Rode a railroad through another tunnel twice and learned all about steam trains and the city of Chattanooga in the Civil War. Down by the river is an open area that has a small version of the Tennessee river for you to walk across the stepping stones and soak your feet. Sit in the shade. Enjoy the flowers and a view of the real river. We were going to go to the aquarium but it was getting late and expensive so we skipped it and moved on towards are goal of Nashville but getting confused and rain stopped us from stopping there. We again moved on and Al missed on the two things he wanted a night out and to see the aquarium. We will do that part again.



We stopped in White House, TN at a Days Inn. It had a wood over where the front door should be. The guy said search White House Days Inn on You Tube. There had been an accident and a man drove through the front of the building. Paul had to see the video. Just video of after the fact. No video of the actual accident.

Paul and Abe

Sunday morning we were in Kentucky before we knew it. First stop, Hodgenville, Kentucky. The birthplace of Abraham Lincoln. The center of town has two statues. Abe as a boy and another as President. The Presidential statue has been there since his 100th birthday. The boyhood statue is newer. Took some pictures of Paul with his hero's statue. We then drove down Hwy 31 E south towards Mammoth Cave. Drove through corn fields and soy bean fields. Saw old barns and new houses. Beautiful rolling hills and a deer in the middle of a field. We had to make a u-turn for our first deer. Went to the National Park at Knob Creek where Abe's boyhood home stood. Saw a tree that had been standing from the late 1700's through when the Lincoln's lived there and was taken down in the 1980's. Showed the rings inside the tree and and markers for important times in history. It was very cool. Paul filled out a Jr Ranger booklet and got a Jr Ranger badge. We all learned a lot about the area and the time he lived there. There is a spring in the park near where the Lincoln's house would have been. We walked down and it is amazing to stand in a place you know that Abraham Lincoln once stood and got his drinking water. It was also a place where people traveling west would have stopped for water in that time. Mom met up with a lady and sat and chatted she does not live far from the park and likes to hang out and visit with people. We could have left mom there to hang out all day.

We moved further south and stopped in Park City outside Mammoth Cave and had a late lunch and then got to Mammoth Cave National Park. Funny how you get off the exit even the things that have changed are somehow familiar. Big Mike's a place to buy you souvenir and tour a fun house for fifty cents. Paul had to do it twice. Once by himself then when Emily and Ashley got there he had to do it again with them.

The next day we went to Diamond Caverns. Al wanted to pan for gems. So he and the kids with the assistance of Beth and Billie paned for gems. Found some pretty rocks. Not sure if any are worth anything but they all had a good time. That afternoon the kids became little spluenkers and took a kid only tour through the cave. I think they all liked it. Ashley liked crawling through the cave on her belly. Cooked out on the grill and made s'mores. Yum.

Tuesday, Al, Mom and I started off for a drive but found one of the tires to be low. Went into town to have that taken care of first. Beth and Billie took the kids on a hike down to the river. The kids had a great story of how Beth went where she shouldn't but clawed her way out and was filthy dirty with the red clay. Good thing she had a spare pair of shoes. That afternoon we took the family cave trip. Everyone went. The kids saw cave crickets by the 100's and a single bat welcomed us from high on the ceiling. Stalactite's hold tight to the ceiling and stalagmites may grow up from the floor of the cave to become a column. We had a great guide Jamie. We had explained that the kids were the 5th generation to the cave and he said there is a guide that works there that is a 5th generation guide. His family started off as slaves giving tours. Wish we could have met him but we did run into a guide there that taught us about stalactites and stalagmites many years ago named Joe. Joe has been at the park himself for 53 years. Can't imagine the number of tours and expeditions he has been on in the park. It was drizzling when we got out but we were going to cook out again. Beth went over and started cooking with the aid of Emily and I helped Paul and Ashley with their Jr Ranger books for this park. Each age group had to do so many activities for bat points to get their badge. Since we had the whole evening. The over achievers completed almost every page and the next morning got a badge and certificate for their achievement. Quick trip through the exhibit and gift store then off to Louisville.

First stop Churchill Downs which was not open so we could not walk out to the track but we showed them the twin spires that you always see on tv and the names across the top of the building for all the past winners. We had lunch there and then headed past mom's old neighborhood. We had walkie talkies between cars and Beth had all the kids so we did a play by play driving tour through downtown. Here is where grandma went to school, here is where she lived. Here is where your great-great grandfather used to work and the L&N building (Louisville & Nashville Railroad). Around the block and to Louisville Slugger. Somethings have changed and some are the same. We did the factory tour. The last time we were there everything was hand done. Now machines. One guy that showed us how it used to be done and it would take 20 minutes to make a bat and now 2 machines spitting out bats in 30 seconds. Not quite the same. They are still hand dipped if they are stained and the logo is hand burned into the bats and everyone gets a little bat for taking the tour.

Next stop, Calvary Cemetery. I knew this was not the highlight for anyone but me and mom but we did it. Showed the kids where their relatives are. Saw some really cool old headstones. Tried to get by another but it was closed and getting late. Needed to get to the relatives for dinner. The kids had the best time there. Swam in the pool that had to be freezing because the air temp was only in the 70's. Dinner was great. Some of mom's 2nd cousins were there. We all visited then we hit the road towards Bardstown.



My Old Kentucky Home



Talbott Tavern
Bardstown, Kentucky



Jane and Jim Yearout
Mammoth Cave, Ky



Entance to Mammoth Cave

2013



This week sure did go by fast but I am exhausted. Stayed in Bardstown. The most beautiful small town in the country. Really. Stopped in at the Talbott Tavern. A Pony Express stop from 1779 or as the kids like to call it the haunted hotel. Yes. This is the one that Brian and I stayed at years ago. They had a bad fire in the 1990's and are still working on getting part of it back. But part of the fire damage is still seen in the old bar. The cross beams have scorch marks and so does some of the stone. We then went around the down square and a few more blocks south and took the kids to My Old Kentucky Home State Park.



Perryville Battlefield

 You now have to pay to just walk the grounds but at least kids are free. Billie and I took the kids out walked around the house. Explained who Stephen Foster was and that he wrote the state song for both Kentucky and Florida. Everything was to show kids the tie from Kentucky to them. Last stop on the trip before heading home was Perryville Battlefield. The only Civil War battle that was fought in Kentucky. Yes we have a relative that was killed in Perryville during the battle. Oct 1862. Drove through the battle gounds. Stopped and played and had lunch at the picnic area. All we have left is the drive home. As the hills of Kentucky fade in the rearview mirror the memories lighten and the smiles are fresh and yes. We are on are way home.