Twice in one week

 Here I am late at night up when I should be sleeping. I sat on the couch scrolling through videos it always starts with a dog video. Tatum... He talks about loving to eat nuggets. But other dogs use the same voice are they the same family? It confuses me I keep scrolling. Now somehow it is Susanah Hoffs singing an acoustic Manic Monday. I really like that. Instead of these silly videos playing again, it should have a continue button so you can see more of that song or video. Then I see she is 65 and she has written a book. I don't need a life story just because I like the song. Then Pink singing Learn to Love Again. This song has so many memories attached but I only know why. So then two more videos and more Pink and then more Pink why? Now Robin Williams pops in and back in the day I never thought he was on drugs. I guess I should have known but I don't know many people that did drugs so how would I know. And then how do we get to Jim Carey talking about being depressed and Depression is your body saying you need a deep rest or so he says and I think, this could be something but I don't really care for Jim Carey and then Robert Downy Jr talking about recovery and Ben Affleck talking about it as well and this guy Jelly Roll I have heard the name but had no idea who he was. Again. I don't drink or do drugs so why a focus on recovery?

The more I scroll we have John Denver and Carly Simon, Phil Collins and I am starting to believe I am in the right space but where the heck did Hansen come from. Acoustic MMMBop. What in the world, that is from 1997 I thought it was after 2000, for sure. What do I know about boy bands, I was 30 years old then.

The more you scroll the weirder it gets. I am not sure how the thing works. Sometimes I relate and sometimes I don't but that doesn't mean it isn't going to keep sending me the same message. Which is weird because I keep scrolling oh thank goodness finally another Tatum video, or was it Apollo really do they belong to the same family? So, I googled it. Still don't know the answer. Same voice or very similar. Does it matter not really. Just funny they love their nuggets and Princess loved nuggets so I love them. 

At 1:30 in the morning, the only thing that matters is getting this stuff out of my head and on the screen so my brain can go to sleep.  I know they say you should put down your devices before you go to bed but I had already slept a few hours before I woke and couldn't fall back asleep. Richard Prior talking about God and now I know I have gone down a rabbit hole with Robin Williams playing Moses, where the heck is Billy Crystal and Whoopi? Where is REM or am I finding my religion or Losing it? Then some Matchbox 20 and Carly Simon. It is a Landslide... I love that song but again. I would like to hear the whole thing. Seasons in the Sun sung by a family not the original moving on but thanks I do love that song. Now the funny thing is if Facebook and Youtube are all owned by the same people and Google is always watching what I am doing. Don't they know I like the original Seasons in the Sun and of course, I love 90s country but none of that tonight just a version of Olivia Newton-John singing Country Roads when it was new. 

I am sure if you are still reading you are wondering why I continue typing. Why does this big muscular guy tell me I am a valuable human being. How does he know? What does he know about being a girl but he did tell me he would help me carry the weight that I carry by saying look at these shoulders. They can carry anything and along with me so can you. I am tough. I am weak. I am sad and at times I am depressed. I don't think I need to recover from anything but maybe I do. I know being funny is a coping mechanism. I have been doing it my whole life. I now get a much bigger laugh because I am quiet and when I say something that is truly ironic or funny or sarcastic it is a surprise, to most. I just think there she is... 

Well it is 2am. I know that isn't the Matchbox 20 song but how about Maroon 5 Hears to the ones that we lost. Oh and Creed. I didn't realize how much 90s music I like. Now again. I would have thought Creed much earlier than Hansen but not really. But did people who listened to Creed listen to Hansen? I leave all these videos with more questions than answers. And a great place to end a little carpool karaoke with George Michael. Man oh man. Now let me sleep. Please.

Peace, Happiness and Love

So much of everything is the same. Today is the same as yesterday and tomorrow probably won't be very different. Last weekend and and again today I watched a couple episodes of a documentary about Rick Rubin and his place Shangri-La. His home, recording studio, paradise. I am not sure if it is perfection but it seems a simple life not an easy one or maybe it is? He has found a way to make it his own. The thing that interested me was that he is not a person whose music I would have been interested in but there are themes that I believe and after watching the first episode there is music he has made with people that I like. But he tells the musicians, if you are true to yourself you are successful. You may not have a top 10 gold record but you can walk away from your work and be proud of it. Today as I was watching he spoke of meditation and these musicians that come there find a inner peace that they didn't have. I don't feel like he tells them what to do but shows them. Asks questions, like do you like the way that feels? I am sure there are plenty of people that tell these artists what will sell and what won't but Rick wants you to be happy with your work. Try something you've never tried stick your neck out and at the same time look inside. On the episode I watched last week he said that is why there are one hit wonders. That passion they have when they are not making money isn't there when they try to repeat the magic. The influences are crazy and the fans that are let down when an artist can't duplicate it. They spends their whole life creating the first album but only have 2 years to get the next one out.

 As I watch I feel like he is a life coach I couldn't afford to go to. For someone to tell me Jeanne, you have to be happy. This isn't like asking do you like bacon with your eggs. This is saying what makes you truly happy and do it. Unfortunately I have not yet found a way to make money at the things I love but I have never stuck my neck out to do those things either. I do them in my spare time, at home alone, at 3am. Funny how my happiness and joy from writing or photography sometimes comes through hard times. Sometimes tears in my eyes before I even take the picture. That is how you know it is good. People don't understand that sometimes letting go of the things that make me worry bring tears to my eyes to but those aren't sad tears. Sometimes they are happy ones.

Sitting here today I thought I would listen to some music from the musicians I saw on this documentary today. I found at the end that one that I was going to look up has passed away since the filming.  Instead I turned on my XM radio and it was on Prime Country. Right out of the gate some Gatlin Brothers, All the Gold in California, then a Reba duet with Linda Davis Does He Loves You, then Love Me by Colin Raye if you don't know that song well the if you aren't crying listening to the words the last couple lines say "Between now and then, 'til I see you again. I'll be loving you, Love Me." When we were kids mom would leave us notes with what we needed to do around house before she got home and her signature was simply the word Love. I have always signed mine Love, Me.

Ironically this was not a word spoken in our house as kids. It was an understanding that we were loved. It was a given. We had food, clothes and lots of family. We never wanted for anything and as we grew up that is how we understood love. There weren't hugs exchanged or kisses it was the act of love that we were raised with. I didn't even know that it wasn't the way every one's family was until I got older and I remember a friend trying to hug me and I was kinda put off by this awkward showing of affection. Now as adults we have all learned how to show affection of this type but it still to me isn't all that love is. I still believe love is a verb. It is an action not a gift. Yes, a hug is an action but so spending time with a person, just visiting or talking. It is putting a roof over your head and feeding you. I know some are going to take that is being mean. It wasn't mean it was love. My favorite dad story is one from when I was very young walking down a sidewalk with my father and I tripped. He stood there and waited for me to get up. He didn't rush to grab me and wipe my knees. These two ladies were there and saw what happened and said to my dad, Aren't you going to pick her up. My dad said, She has to learn to get up on her own. I won't always be there to pick her up. I told that story in 7th grade for a project.  So to each their own but I know that story is love.

I know I always say I don't know what I am writing about when I start. This blog is a free form expression of the things in my head and at the time I stop to share them. As I spend this evening listening to the music that made me I think why in the world don't we have music like this and the answer is maybe love is given easily and everyone is owed something. No one wants to do anything the hard way anymore. People don't want to wait or put in the time. The last thing I want to share from this series was that people think that when they get their gold album they will be happy but that void can't be filled like that. This is why you have to be happy with what you do.

A few of my favorite things.

I thought it has been a while since I shared things I like. So here are a few of my favorite things.

Favorite Movies
Sound of Music
Ever After
Practical Magic
Hope Floats
Juno
Picture Perfect
I could go on and on. I like feel good movies. Happy Endings. And a tear for the loss there always is.

Favorite TV shows of my youth
Leave it to Beaver
Bewitched
I Dream of Jeannie
Monkees
Partridge Family
Brady Bunch
Mary Tyler Moore
Love Boat

Favorite Music
Carpenters (Top of the World)
John Denver (Poems, Prayers and Promises) Brian's favorite if he has to admit it is (Grandma's Feather Bed)
Billy Joel (Scenes from an Italian Restaurant and She's Got a Way)
Monkees (Daydream Believer)
Adele (Make you feel my love and Rolling in the Deep)
Nora Jones (Don't know why)
Barbara Streisand (Memory and Someone that I used to Love)

Favorite Books
The Bean Trees
One Million Cats
The Cat that went to Heaven
The Christmas Tree
Little House on the Prairie series


You can see from the selections listed I have very simple and modest selection of favorites. For the most part the things I like are from the past. I am very nostalgic for the things I love and enjoy sharing them with others. I guess I just like that things were simple even if they are not always easy for me. I like the idea of spending an afternoon reading a book in the hammock or going to the beach and have the water be calm and clear. Guess that is the perfect life for me for things to be calm and clear with a light breeze.