Peace, Happiness and Love

So much of everything is the same. Today is the same as yesterday and tomorrow probably won't be very different. Last weekend and and again today I watched a couple episodes of a documentary about Rick Rubin and his place Shangri-La. His home, recording studio, paradise. I am not sure if it is perfection but it seems a simple life not an easy one or maybe it is? He has found a way to make it his own. The thing that interested me was that he is not a person whose music I would have been interested in but there are themes that I believe and after watching the first episode there is music he has made with people that I like. But he tells the musicians, if you are true to yourself you are successful. You may not have a top 10 gold record but you can walk away from your work and be proud of it. Today as I was watching he spoke of meditation and these musicians that come there find a inner peace that they didn't have. I don't feel like he tells them what to do but shows them. Asks questions, like do you like the way that feels? I am sure there are plenty of people that tell these artists what will sell and what won't but Rick wants you to be happy with your work. Try something you've never tried stick your neck out and at the same time look inside. On the episode I watched last week he said that is why there are one hit wonders. That passion they have when they are not making money isn't there when they try to repeat the magic. The influences are crazy and the fans that are let down when an artist can't duplicate it. They spends their whole life creating the first album but only have 2 years to get the next one out.

 As I watch I feel like he is a life coach I couldn't afford to go to. For someone to tell me Jeanne, you have to be happy. This isn't like asking do you like bacon with your eggs. This is saying what makes you truly happy and do it. Unfortunately I have not yet found a way to make money at the things I love but I have never stuck my neck out to do those things either. I do them in my spare time, at home alone, at 3am. Funny how my happiness and joy from writing or photography sometimes comes through hard times. Sometimes tears in my eyes before I even take the picture. That is how you know it is good. People don't understand that sometimes letting go of the things that make me worry bring tears to my eyes to but those aren't sad tears. Sometimes they are happy ones.

Sitting here today I thought I would listen to some music from the musicians I saw on this documentary today. I found at the end that one that I was going to look up has passed away since the filming.  Instead I turned on my XM radio and it was on Prime Country. Right out of the gate some Gatlin Brothers, All the Gold in California, then a Reba duet with Linda Davis Does He Loves You, then Love Me by Colin Raye if you don't know that song well the if you aren't crying listening to the words the last couple lines say "Between now and then, 'til I see you again. I'll be loving you, Love Me." When we were kids mom would leave us notes with what we needed to do around house before she got home and her signature was simply the word Love. I have always signed mine Love, Me.

Ironically this was not a word spoken in our house as kids. It was an understanding that we were loved. It was a given. We had food, clothes and lots of family. We never wanted for anything and as we grew up that is how we understood love. There weren't hugs exchanged or kisses it was the act of love that we were raised with. I didn't even know that it wasn't the way every one's family was until I got older and I remember a friend trying to hug me and I was kinda put off by this awkward showing of affection. Now as adults we have all learned how to show affection of this type but it still to me isn't all that love is. I still believe love is a verb. It is an action not a gift. Yes, a hug is an action but so spending time with a person, just visiting or talking. It is putting a roof over your head and feeding you. I know some are going to take that is being mean. It wasn't mean it was love. My favorite dad story is one from when I was very young walking down a sidewalk with my father and I tripped. He stood there and waited for me to get up. He didn't rush to grab me and wipe my knees. These two ladies were there and saw what happened and said to my dad, Aren't you going to pick her up. My dad said, She has to learn to get up on her own. I won't always be there to pick her up. I told that story in 7th grade for a project.  So to each their own but I know that story is love.

I know I always say I don't know what I am writing about when I start. This blog is a free form expression of the things in my head and at the time I stop to share them. As I spend this evening listening to the music that made me I think why in the world don't we have music like this and the answer is maybe love is given easily and everyone is owed something. No one wants to do anything the hard way anymore. People don't want to wait or put in the time. The last thing I want to share from this series was that people think that when they get their gold album they will be happy but that void can't be filled like that. This is why you have to be happy with what you do.

Grand Opening

Tonight I was thinking that this week has been a lot of Sunshine even though it has rained a lot. This Blog started out at a very sad time in my life and it helped me live with the sadness and pain I carried. I have always found it ironic I write more when I am sad or mad then I do when life is good. So today's post is to say I am thankful for the good times. The times that go by that I am not dwelling on yesterday or worrying about tomorrow. I am busy working on today.

In the last year and a half I have been volunteering for the Clearwater Historical Society. I signed up at a Fish Fry and thought it would get me out of the house and maybe I would enjoy it and meet some new people. Well. I started a few weeks later with a lady named Susan at South Ward Elementary School sorting through boxes of items that have been packed away in Plumb House on MLK Jr or Greenwood as I prefer to call the road. I have always had a tie to the Plumb House indirectly I dated a Plumb when I was in high school. I remember in their house in Dunedin was a framed poster of the Plumb House. 

George Washington portrait in kids corner

After mom passed away we had so many items that were related to Clearwater that we felt we should give them to someone to preserve them. My sister Billie and I dropped off multiple boxes at the Plumb House to people I now know to be Lila and Buddy who have spent countless hours along with Susan and I and many more sorting through items and boxes at the South Ward School. The historical society has had a lease with the Pinellas County School Board for a few years and with the help of donations and grants they rehabilitated the original school building from 1906 and tomorrow we are going to have our grand opening. I started a couple days a week a few hours before work and one of my days off. Brought some more items and cataloged items my family donated. I know to some they are just old things but to me they are memories. Tomorrow we at the Clearwater Historical Society will start sharing these memories with other residents and visitors in beautifully restored building. 

Wednesday night we had a party with a Who's Who of Clearwater and the turn out was great. It is the middle of June and people were visiting outside with each other and checking out the displays inside. Displays showing off businesses of days gone by. Some everyone will know and others I had never heard of. We also have school displays covering over 100 years of schools. I am anxious to share my story about the camphor tree on Gulf to Bay near US 19. On Wednesday night there were two ladies that were standing near my tree story and I started talking to them and let them know that I wrote the info on the tree and it's history. One of the ladies wanted to fact check me and was pleasantly pleased that I did my homework. The other after talking for a minute we realized she knew my mom. She read my story and loved the voice of the tree telling the story. My heart was so happy.

Paul working the sign in table for Grand Opening

That afternoon when I was leaving in the rain after working as long as I could, I crossed Fort Harrison on Turner one of the older houses on the right I spotted a white egret and anytime I see a egret I think of mom. So as exhausted as I was the tears started rolling down my face wishing I could share this with her. I don't know if she was still living she would have parted with some of the items we did but as my nephew Paul and I walked in the museum on Wednesday night I said, see that George Washington picture over there it came out of North Ward. Your grandma took it home when the school was going to throw it out. That picture spent years in a closet that we only saw when digging through the closet. Paul reminded me that yes, I had told him that before. I said, grandma would be proud. When my oldest niece was young grandma wanted to teach her that some things were sentimental. That was probably a big word for a Kindergartner getting picked up by grandma but it has been a running joke ever since. Someday soon I will start teaching her daughter words like that.

Grand Opening visitors

Days have passed so I am going to finish this post we had our Grand Opening, and it was a hit. We had hundreds of people in the museum. Seemed like all at once. I greeted people as they arrived along with Paul and heard their kind words of encouragement as they left. Most pleasantly surprised that the City of Clearwater now has a museum we can call our own. I am so glad that I signed up to volunteer that day. That was me sticking my neck way past my comfort zone and no matter how tired I am I love every minute of it.

Happy 20th Anniversary

Today is Brian and my 20th Anniversary being married and 25 years we have lived together. In the summer of 1993 I was 26 years old and he was 22. God we were so young. For those of you that don't know the story it is kinda cute. One of my best friends was the store manager of the Eckerd store on the beach and I stopped in to visit and to show her my new kittens I had just taken by the vet to have checked out and she introduced me to this new guy in the break room. As soon as he said his name I said, "you have a brother don't you?" Brian couldn't believe I knew his brother from band in middle school Then I remember I said something wise and he had a smart remark back and I said, finally you hired someone that can give me a run for my money. Who knew that 25 years later I would be sitting here reminiscing? A few weeks later was his birthday and we went out and played darts at Eddie;s in Dunedin. Cooter's on the beach opened and we went there for a date. The first movie we ever saw together was "The Nightmare before Christmas", Every year at Halloween when the movie is on TV we joke about that.  Later I saw a picture of him not too long before we met and I couldn't believe he had one of those rat tail things young guys had back then. I teased that I never would have looked at him twice if he had that thing and he said that my friend told him to loose it before he started to work and just the day before I met him he had cut it off.I call it Fate.

Now life has a funny way of working out. Here is a guy that we joke with each other that we each were the one that knew first that we would be together forever. We used to love to play darts together and one of my favorite dart stories was one night we were out at a Sports bar and we were waiting to play a game of darts and there were two guys playing and they were teasing each other and one guy said to the other that he played like a girl. Brian in is quick wit said,"you want to be beat by a girl?" We played doubles against those two guys and we beat them. Makes me smile even tonight thinking of the fun we have when we are together.

Another funny story was when I cooked for Brian the first time. One night when he got off work I made dinner. Just a pork chop, stuffing and gravy. I always joke all it took was one pork chop and I had him. But not to sell Brian short he cooked for me also. The first meal he cooked for me was homemade beef and pasta. like Beefaroni but better. Because he made it. I took a picture of him that night and it has sat on my dresser ever since. A few years back he was cooking for me again and again I took the same shot of him all these years later. Love any dinner made for me.

In the fall of 1993 Brian's roommate moved out and he was in need of a place to live and I had a spare room in the house. So with the help of some friends he moved in. Brian used to call David my current roommate back then, the good roommate. David was handy and paid his rent and well that is the best kind of roommate to have. But not long after Brian moved in David moved out. It was the whole 3rd wheel thing even though I think neither of us were willing to admit that might be the case.

The more we got to know each other the more he was around my family and he didn't have any family that lived close and one of the first things I insisted on us doing was planning a trip to visit his parents. Family has always been important and I wanted it to be important for him as well. We went the next January and had a great visit with his parents and grand parents and his brother and his wife and their little boy that was turning a year old. We took a picture of the men of his family 4 generations and last year when that same nephew graduated from the Air Force Flight School we did the same picture again just short one generation. But still great to get together with family his or mine.

I could walk down memory lane for 25 years worth good times and bad. There is something there that I don't completely understand because no matter what happens the worst day with him is better than the best day without him. No matter what we have been through and we have been through stuff but when I look next to me there he is and I wouldn't dream of it being any other way.

In our 25 years together we probably haven't spent 30 nights apart. Those are the nights I know how much I appreciate him. How important he is. Unfortunately in 25 years we have had a lot of nights sitting across from each other mindlessly watching TV. Maybe that is what happens as two people become so comfortable together that they are just  content to be together.

Now today Brian and I had a visit from his best friend and Best Man who always remembers my marriage advice.  As I told Brian early on that Love isn't the key. The main thing you need is to be able to tolerate each other. Because lots of girls had told him that they loved him but they aren't still here and why you ask because they didn't tolerate him. That thing that someone does that you are with that you want to spend the rest of your life with. That thing that if they do it one more time you will scream. Know that that thing could happen every day for the rest of your life. If you can tolerate that then that is what Love is.

So as I have said before. I tolerate you Brian til death do us part. And I hope we have at least 25 more years of holding hands and smiling at things that only we smile at and annoying each other in ways that only we can because only we have been together long enough to know the thing you know "That thing".

I just wanted to take this time to tell you that I will always choose you.

Love you Babe.

Happy Anniversary.