Silent Night

Yesterday I was reading online about a story telling event coming up and the theme was music. It said to come tell a true story about music in your life. A song from when you were young that you loved or one you couldn't stand. It said no notes or props and you have 5 minutes to tell the whole story with a beginning a middle and an end.

Well being that Christmas has barely passed by and our tree is still up I thought of Silent Night.
Now anyone that knows me knows that Silent Night makes me cry. Just the thought of the words will bring me to tears. And I thought of all of the things in my life that have brought me to this point. I was trying to think of where to begin.

Do I start when I was young and how my mother loved Christmas? So many gifts, and that she would put up two Christmas trees in our living room one with traditional decorations and one with decorations we had made. She would save the ones we made from year to year and decorate with them. But it always seemed as we were decorating you know five kids and a couple parents and next thing you know there would be an argument over something and someone was getting in trouble and someone was going to their room. Well fast forward a few years and I just learned to avoid that whole experience and would not be around when it came time to decorate the tree. If your not there you can't get in trouble.

Dad who didn't have a long fuse or a lot of patience for the holidays,  I remember him saying he didn't always know how to act because he didn't have a father while growing up. I was a little older when I heard of how he lost his father at Christmas.

Lets flash back about 40 years to 1950 my father he is about 7 years old and the tree is decorated and the house is all ready for Christmas and his father passed away on Christmas Eve. Well for those of you who didn't know back then in Ohio where my dad lived people didn't get laid out at a funeral home they were laid out in their own home. So there it is Christmas morning my dad and his two brothers and two sisters having Christmas with their dad laid out in a casket in their living room.
My uncle the youngest in their family recently told me that he didn't remember that Christmas he was only two but that his sisters had told him that he played with a car he got for Christmas along by his father that day.

We have gone from the 1970's to the 1950's and now to 1990 my grandmother, my dad's mom passed away on December 20. My grandmother loved Christmas. She always had a beautiful tree and it was the same every year and when I was a kid of my dad's brothers and sisters there was a time when we all lived within a mile of my grandma. That was 15 of 16 cousins most of which were young children at the time. We would all go to grandma's house on Christmas. She had a little chalk board by the front door and we would sign in when we got there. She would always take a picture of our names all crammed together. By 1990 however we weren't all as close in proximity and weren't all going to be able to go to grandma's for Christmas. But there we all were on Christmas eve at mass for my grandmother's funeral. Then back to her house for the wake. And the picture I have posted before that the whole family is in except for me. I went back to work.

I know I thought what a tragedy Christmas is for this family and how sad that is just to think such a thought.

So another 10 years have passed and I am now an adult and have found my way around the sadness that comes with Christmas. I have found that if I decorate the tree alone that there is no arguing. I just found as I got older my fuse got short around the tree and it was easier for me to just do that part alone.

2004 Christmas eve and there I am sitting in the same Church that we had my grandma's funeral all those years ago. Me and my youngest sister and her husband and her beautiful little baby boy. And that is the day that I remember for the first time that when the song Silent Night started to play and the words just rang in my heart. That little boy laying in his carrier next to me who when he breathed it sounded like a giggle. That little flap in his throat didn't close all the way and you would hear hee-eee, hee-eee.

By this time I have reached beyond the years that I would ever have a child of my own and this little baby was about the most beautiful thing in the whole world and all of my life and this reality all mixed together and when I heard the words, "Holy infant so tender and mild, Sleep in heavenly peace." I just started to cry. Still to this day I see the image in my head. Him in his little green onsie with a Christmas tree on the front.

Another 12 years later and I am sitting with my mom on Christmas Eve. She is bedridden after her second stroke and I am spending the evening wrapping presents and we are watching old home movies and I know in my heart this will probably be our last Christmas together and please God don't take her on Christmas.

But my mother the most stubborn person I know, knew that wasn't the way the story was going to end. We had our Christmas, just like in the past. The five of us all were together with her we shared gifts and stories and watched those home movies and there next to the fire place was that same tree.
That tree we decorated as kids. Now itself over 40 years old, with an ornament hanging on it that said Happy 40th Birthday from 2009.

So we have come to the end. This Christmas it was not the same. Now my mom is gone. But we went to church on Christmas Eve with my youngest sister and her husband and that little baby boy who is now 12 years old. There he was sitting across from me and when I heard the music start and I looked at his face and I heard hee-eee, hee-eee in my head and those words "Holy infant so tender and mild, Sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace.

I don't know if that is the kind of story they are looking for but that is the story that came to me.

My Christmas Special

So it is almost Christmas Eve. It is 11:26pm on the 23rd. I am home alone because as any of you know that have ever worked retail Brian is working until midnight for those that need Scotch tape or just some Scotch. Only kidding. Walgreens doesn't sell liquor anymore but you get the idea. So here I am alone. Watched Kelly Clarkson's Christmas special from last year. As soon as I saw Robin Williams it made me remember he is gone. As I said in my post earlier this week I am overwhelmed by the Holidays. Everything seems to be an emotional roller coaster for me. Work, home, in the car. Everything seems to make me want to cry. And as I have said before not all are tears of sadness but tears none the less. This time of year has always been hard for me. When I was younger I would say I didn't like Christmas but that isn't true I just don't like the feelings that come with Christmas.

Christmas has always been a time of change in my life. I moved out on Christmas in 1991. The same year my grandmother died. And her funeral was on Christmas Eve. Can't really say I moved out that day. I just stopped going home. Well a year later on Christmas my roommate and I moved into a house on the beach that my other grandmother owned. And just to follow the pattern in 2003 Brian and I bought our house we live in today and closed the day after Christmas. Now moving has nothing to do with me liking or disliking or feeling sad around the holidays.

I remember that Christmas in 1991. My friend that I moved in with well I don't know if I can express all the feelings I have about him in one post but we ran the gamut. Love, Hate and everywhere in between. He took me to a Broadway Musical Christmas Show at Ruth Eckerd Hall. It was incredible. I loved the music, the singing the orchestra. I love real music, played by real musicians and songs sung by real singers. Anyway...

My Grandmother my Dad's mom and she passed away just days before Christmas. She was getting ready to go to work at the fish market. Crocheting in her rocking chair that is right behind me tonight. Grandma was Christmas. I can see her in her white coat ushering at church with her Christmas Tree pin that I now own. My prize possession one of my cousins passed on to me after her mom had passed it to her. Grandma had a tree decorated the same every year. Simple, elegant and beautiful. She had these small angel carolers under the tree. I wish I had just one. Makes me sad even now all these years later. She also always made cheese danishes and poppy seed roll and nut rolls and God only knows what else. I have made the cheese danishes and the nut rolls from scratch just like she did. Someday I will pass on these to someone.

This was not the topic I was going to write about tonight. I wanted to talk about family. And how important it is. And how you never know when you or someone you love are the one who will not be here for next year's Christmas Special. Which I guess I have always gotten and tried to share with my brother and sisters. There is no guarentee in life and being together now is all we have for sure. When my mom's mom lived with my mom I would remind my sisters that she would not be around forever and she lived to be 93 there was no reason to cry. We had our whole lives with her until we were all 40 or more. Grandma has been gone for 2 years and my mom's brother that lives 2 doors down from her never stops or calls. 2 doors down. I don't get it. My mom never did anything. The first year at Christmas I thought well he just doesn't want to give us money like Grandma and him used to. I don't care about the money. Then last year after my mom had her stroke I thought surely he would stop by. Now my mom can not walk as far as his house and I know the phone works both ways so it is not all one sided. But what is up. Why do people not realize when it comes down to it that family is what you have and even though you can't pick your parents or siblings I wouldn't trade the one's I have. It just brings me back to 1991 and Grandma Helen just wanted all of her kids and grandkids together for Christmas but everyone is busy. Well guess what a $600 plane ticket to get my sister home and there is a picture on Grandma's front porch on Christmas Eve of the family all but me who was working. I was at the funeral but went back to work afterwards. Retail I tell you. That would be my Grandmother's 4 living children, spouses and 16 of the 17 grand children. Did they all wish they had that one more Christmas with Grandma? Sure but a day late and a dollar short.

So in this day of everyone is so busy why am I the only one that remembers? One sister called tonight to ask why we are having Christmas late at mom's and why everything can't be the way the rest want it. And one has to work on Friday. I am sure that we aren't going to be that late and well this is not up for negotiation. The point of Christmas at mom's is it is last. You don't have anywhere else to go and nothing else to do so we can enjoy each other and open presents and eat together. Isn't that a song? No it is from a tape I listen to to settle my brain at night when my brain won't stop.

 Now for those of you that have not experienced Christmas at my mom's there was always and excess. Excess of food, presents and family. There was always someone that had no where else to go that could not believe a living room so full of family and presents. I remember the year my oldest niece was about 4. She was so excited. She ripped through the presents that she got like crazy and then she went to each adult and asked if she could open their presents. And ripped the paper and had it strewn everywhere. Gifts would be lost in the paper. Money evelopes would be lost and have to be found before the gift wrap would all be thrown out. That is the Christmas I like to remember. Even in the lean years. And there were some pretty lean years. My mom always wanted us to have presents. Something to open. Some special food. I don't know if it is because I am the oldest or if it is because I can not let go of some of these memories but doesn't anyone else remeber how hard she worked for us.

Well it is now Christmas Eve and I have listened to the complete Christmas album while writing and I just remembered one of the things about family I wanted to say back when I wrote that I wouldn't trade my brother or sisters. When we were kids it was one for all and all for one. I am not sure why and I am not saying that my sisters didn't wear my clothes and yes I got mad but I remember so many other times that we did everything together. We would play school, we would go exploring on the beach. We would walk for over a mile to get to the north end of the beach past the houses and look for shells and fish and crabs and whatever else we could find that we had never seen before. Now I am not sure if I have mentioned it before but there are 5 of us. I am the oldest, then my brother, then I have 3 more sisters. There is a 7 year age difference between me and my youngest sister. So we are all close in age. 13 months, 14 months, 13 months and 2 years apart.. Get it we are close. I know I have told the story of us deciding that we are going to swim from the dock across the street from our house to Island Estates. This was a story my uncle had said that he had swam with his friends from the north end to Caledisi Island. So we took it as well if he can I know we can. Oh another great group decision. It was crazy but we had my youngest sister on a raft because we knew she couln't make the trip but we were all going. I didn't realize it was crazy til we were over half way and saw a boat coming and realized how small our heads were and how it may not have been our brightest moment. Another day we were home alone one afternoon and a magazine salesman came to the house. We invited him in. Now we had no money and not really sure what the guy thought but we talked to this guy for quite a while before he left realizing we were not buying what he was selling. There were other decisions we made as a group. Some for good and some not so much. So I wonder where that feeling of all for one and one for all has gone. This last year since mom had her stroke she has not driven. I have been taking her to the grocery and where ever else she needs to go one one of my days off. Now with there being 5 of us that all live within 10 miles of her that we could share some of the responsibilities. And I am not saying never but really. Should I feel like my life is worth less than theirs. My house needs to be cleaned and I don't want to do it. I know it is not always easy and I don't always do it with a smile but I do it. And no I am not trying to be the marter. I just know what is right. And what is right is my mom needs help and company and if it means my house is a mess forever then so be it.

Now it is time to wrap things up. Get it wrap things up. Well both literally and figuretivly I want to be happy for Christmas and enjoy as much as I can and hold back the tears until I am home.

I do not care what I receive as a Christmas gift. I want the people I give a gift to to love the gift I give. I want to go to church, to sing Christmas carols to maybe watch midnight mass from the Vatican on tv and wrap presents. Cry when I hear Silent Night and enjoy my 3 days off in a row.

I know you all are thinking isn't there anything that makes this girl smile. Yes. All these things at one time made me smile. Just remember we don't know if all the people on this year's Christmas special will be on next year. So enjoy them while they are here.

Christmas Eve 1:16AM Merry Christmas

Positivley Overwhelmed

I thought of the subject for today's blog after work the other night. A co-worker was talking about how many purses she has and how she has some with the tags still on them and still in the fancy box she bought it in. How she had to have the hottest color out that season. Then I thought I have 2 purses an everyday one and a black one for dressy occasions. Others are the same with shoes more than they could ever wear or one of every color of the rainbow but me I have have a pair of sneakers, a black pair of sandals a brown pair of sandals, a black pair of flats and a brown pair of flats. How utilitarian of me.Same goes with jewelry. I have my rings, necklace and earrings I wear everyday that I never take off.and I have one sparkly pair of earrings for dressy occasions and that is it. So you ask why do I care.

Well I am not saying that my closets in the house are not full but they are full of different things. In my spare bedroom is boxes of pictures my Aunt Jan took when she was alive. She was my mom's sister and she travelled a lot . When we were kids she went to The Galapagos Islands, Africa, Alaska and China. This would have been back in the 1970's when I don't think many women travelled alone and especially did not take international adventures on their own. Why save them you ask well someone has to and I am that person. I think if no one saves them did they ever exist? Was the tree ever there that fell in the woods that no one heard fall. Of course it was but I still hold on to these things. I also have a box of every children's bible and pocket bible that anyone on my mom's side of the family ever owned. They are old and and some torn but some say when they were received and by whom in the front and some have funeral cards tucked in them from relatives past.. My mother says she has blessed me with these things but what do I do with them. I have a two drawer file cabinet right next to me that is full of papers written by my Aunt Jan as well. When my grandmother sold her house I got all these things. Things no one wants but things I have to save to pass on to someone else. I am not sure who.

Some of these things I have projects in mind for. Scanning the pictures and saving to CD but even then will I be able to get rid of the originals. Don't know. Speaking of photography and being blessed.  My Grandmother had a fellow she dated and at one point I was at his house and he had been a pilot and photographer back in the 1940's and he had showed me some of his work. Very cool old aerial pictures of someplace in the mid-west. Well when he passed away his son was not interested and was going to throw them out. Now see I was not friends with this guy did not like him most of the time but I have a box of his photography. This I will one day research where it is from and donate it to a library there so it can be viewed by people that live there. I think these things are worth saving. Just sometimes saving them is an overwhelming task.

The reason this is fresh on my mind is because I have been trying to clean up the clutter in my house and get it ready for Christmas. We used always have people over. Eckerd people mostly (former co-workers of mine). Just seems like time gets away. I am not motivated but when I am I can accomplish anything. Just those times seem to be fewer and farther between lately. I know for most this is a time of family and friends and happy occasions. My brain just doesn't work that way. I want it to be but at the same time I just want to cry. Maybe that is to quick but that is it. Not for anything in particular just watch a sad movie and cry your eyes out. How about Dying Young? If you've seen the movie you get the kind of crying my eyes out I am talking about.

Which leads me to this week at work I was a bit overwhelmed by the words of others about a supervisor that is retiring. She has been in the cable business 30 years. Amazing. But I just realized if I was still working for Eckerd I would be on my 30th year. Oh and I still have 20 more to work. That is really depressing.

Well anyway the supe that is retiring works at night and has been my supervisor. She is sweet and helpful, fun loving. And can she bake. That is going to be missed. Her, "I just felt like baking some red velvet cupcakes for you all." Oh that is something I used to do. That is funny. I just remembered that to. It has been a while. I think sometimes this night shift does it to me. I can not get motivated in the morning before work and when I get home it is after 9pm and I never want to start anything then.

So there I was at work the verge of tears overwhelmed with emotions. And then it was back to the phones 30 calls holding and I was routing and the jobs weren't getting on the techs on their own. So all of this and I was leaving early that day to try to finish up my Christmas shopping or at least put a dent in it. But then I felt that rush of adrenaline that feeling of "Oh my God" I can't handle this. It was silly really. 30 calls holding. It was ok. We take them one at a time and sooner or later they get back to normal. The techs all have work. It isn't like they are sitting there waiting for their next job.But at that minute everything seemed to be too much.

That is what this time of year feels like to me. Everything is just much too much. Sometimes participating is too much. It is just easier for me to sit quietly and let others do their thing. Because if I participate I will cry and no one gets why. This started off to be about being overwhelmed with stuff and it ends up it is about being overwhelmed with emotions. Yes just for the record. I do get so happy I cry. So it is hard to tell from the outside when I cry if it is sadness or joy. I know.

Example. One of my favorite things is at church Father Devine (isn't that the perfect name for a priest). He always calls the children up after communion that are too young for their own special blessing. I love this. Makes the kids feel special and gets them participating in church. At Christmas he always gives them a candy cane. Well Christmas Eve 10 years ago there I sat with my sister and her husband and their new born baby boy Paul. When he was small, Paul made a kind of giggling noise when he breathed. So throughout church this little baby giggled his way through mass. At the end when Father asked for the children to come up I told my brother-in law to take up Paul in his little Christmas onsie. And Father picked up Paul and showed him off to the church. All the church applauded this new baby only a month old. Made me cry. Just to see that beautiful little boy up there. I still picture it in my head and it brings tears to my eyes. Well the end of Mass and we sing Silent Night. Well I know I have said it before but that is one of those songs that just makes me cry. See. This is how it goes. Through out this time of year. A lot of stuff just brings me to tears. They are not all sad tears but tears none the less.

There are other contributing factors it is not all in my head but I feel like sometimes my mind and body just can't get things together. You would think by the time I get to be this age that I would get it. You know how I work on the inside. No. Still a lot of things that my body does that my brain just can't wrap itself around. I was trying to figure this subject in but in my vow to politeness. I will leave my body out of this blog and just stick with my mind.

So less than a week till Christmas. Shopping today. Hopefully writing this morning will keep the tears back for a while but not really feeling it. At this point a perfect gift for a niece or co-worker could make me cry as well. Not shopping for Brian. He has already bought himself his gift but I am still on the look out for a new purse for me. Yeah my one I carry everyday the handle is getting frayed along the edges and I have only been trying to find one since my birthday in September. So it shows I don't just settle for the first thing that comes along and sometimes I wish when I find something I like that I would buy three of them so that I have back ups for times like this when I really need a new purse and can't find one I like. Well lets hope for the best a few good gifts and maybe no tears. Have a great Christmas.

Merry Christmas

So it has been almost a month since my last entry. Funny thing about my writing, I feel that when I am happy I do not have much to say so it seems strange this time of year for me not to write.
I have always been a Christmas blues kind of person and I have been trying to figure out how to explain it. But this last month has been pretty good so I will start with the good.

I applied for a new job and had an interview the day before Thanksgiving. The interview went well. Really well. Which followed a few days after I found out that if I stayed in the department I am in I got a schedule better than I have now. So I thought either way the new year will be OK. But after 2 weeks of not hearing anything about the job I was starting to feel like I would have heard something by now then I got a 4 in Care.Which means I had a call listened to and I hit all 24 dimensions that they want us to in a call which is pretty cool because some of them I struggle to get. I have only gotten two 4's in a year and a half  and then finally I heard from HR, I got the job. Woo Hoo! So the first full week in January I start my new job. It is closer to home than my current job. Only about 10 minutes away at a satellite office. I will be doing dispatching of techs and helping techs solve problems. During my interview they had asked if I wanted to stay and see what they do. I felt like that was very positive. Why would they ask me to stay if they didn't like me? Right. Both people I sat with both before and after the interview were very good at what they do but man were they multi-tasking to the max. I have in the past worked at jobs where I had to do lots of things at once and try to keep all the balls in the air. So I thought this is going to be a challenge. But I do feel it is one I am up for. So just one more week of taking calls from customers and then off to a new department and new people and new bosses in a new building. So just a little nervous. But I have one friend that I sat next to in training a year and a half ago and she has been in the department for a few months and loves it, so I am glad there will be a familiar face to go with all this change.

Alright so, So far so good right. Well this time of year always brings sappy commercials that make me cry and Christmas episodes of shows that are always touching which make me cry and Christmas music oh yes, it makes me cry. So this time of year I feel like everything makes me cry. One of the songs that has always been a tear jerk-er for me is Silent Night. The words and the meaning of this song make me cry every time I hear it. An image that comes to my head is Christmas 2004, my nephew's first Christmas. Seeing him in church his little green onesie that had a Christmas tree on it. and just knowing he was what this song is about when they say mother and child. Seeing the priest hold him up as a proud new addition to the church on Christmas Eve. But a more recent song that seems to do the same is Happy Xmas. As I looked up the lyrics this morning I did not know that this was not an original U2 song but was originally sung by John Lennon. Hmm. It figures but honestly did not know it.

"And so this is Christmas and what have you done." So you already got me looking back on the last year. Did I do the things I set out to do. Last year I thought it good that Brian and I survived. We did not put up a tree my sister and her kids decorated a table top live tree for us. But this year we did. But I still had to rely on another sister to bring it to the house. I used to enjoy picking out a tree. But I love a real tree. I don't care what anyone says. Right now the only thing I can smell is that fresh pine scent and I wish we could keep it all year. I love the lights. But still this year things have been a challenge for me. I have felt like sometimes I am still stuck and can not get past something. I have some good days and feel like I accomplish things but most days I feel like I have merely existed. That part needs to stop because then I feel regret for wasting the past year on what. So I have really been trying to pick small things I want to change. And fix them. I am talking small household projects and putting a little effort in so that I remember what it is like to feel like I accomplished something..

"I hope you have fun." We did go Christmas Caroling again this year. This is something my family and my friend's family did 2 years ago. I decided my gift to all of them was really going to be a gift to me. When we were kids a family that we babysat for took us caroling on the Trolley that runs on the beach. The family rented one of the trolley's for the evening and we went and looked at Christmas lights and sang carols. This is by far my happiest Christmas memory. And 2 years ago when I was unemployed I decided that to give something to everyone and give myself a pick me up I would rent a trolley and put some music on the ipod and a caroling we went.

"The near and the dear ones, the old and the young." That was the last Christmas we had Grandma and she went. She had all her Grand kids and Great Grand kids together and she had a great time. It was freezing that night but we had hot chocolate and treats of all kinds. This year it was my mom who has been in the hospital a few times and the thought of my own mortality is always in my head when visiting someone in the hospital so I am glad we did it again.

"For the weak and the strong and the rich and the poor ones the road is so long." This line makes me think of all the people who don't have anything material in life but try to do right and give to others and charity. This is where I try but seem to fall short of my own expectations. Which reminds me of when I was in 6th grade. I was volunteering at my old elementary school in the library and the the librarian who was a very strict lady for the life of me I can not think of her name but I know her last name began with a V. Strange that I remember that but the way my mind remembers things I will usually picture a letter or number in my head that relates to what I am trying to remember but it will come to me with time when I least expect it. She told me that it was my responsibility to do for others because I am smart and have the ability. She used the example that some people it is difficult to pick up a pencil and hold it in their hands and some will have to try and practice just to do this simple task that for me comes so easily. I am sure most would not remember this lecture I got in the back of the library but it always stuck with me that I do not try hard enough and I should appreciate the things that come easy. I wish I knew how to tell the children of this generation to savor their joys in life in a way that would be memorable and maybe not leave the guilt that I feel when I try to remind myself of that.

"Let's hope it's a good one without any fear." This is a hard one to explain. I have mentioned my fears already my own and the mortality of others. I worry there is not enough time to do everything for everyone and sometimes that brings me to a point where I can do nothing for anyone. Not even myself. In the past I have been told by numerous people that I need to worry more about myself and less about others and not be so Co-Dependent. Funny thing about this advice. It has come from all different sources. But the best is when it comes from someone I am doing for. And I have asked... Which thing I do for you should I stop doing? Well now there is a question that will stop the other end of Co-dependence it it's tracks. It is easy to say don't do for others but what are you willing to give up. Again, This is a lesson I would like to teach people to be good to yourself but there is so much joy in doing for others. I am the it is so much better to give than receive person. That is the point behind the trolley. I got so much out of giving it to others. This year others were having a hard time agreeing on a date or if they had the money to spend on going. I did not think I could put out the entire price again. But it is funny once I put up the money and said, "the Trolley will be here on Friday night at 7" we had a trolley full. We have so many others that want to go we may need to do it twice or have 2 trolley's next year. Last stop we stopped at a house and there he was the man in red himself. The kids got to go see Santa and he even posed with the big guys. My brother probably was not thrilled but it made me smile oh yes and cry. And guess what. The money all came back. The saying goes whatever you give you will get back. Not only the joy of going but everyone found the money to go as well. Even if they hadn't it did not matter to me.

I mentioned above how I did not know what to write about and how I remember things like seeing a letter or number. Well as I was trying to think about what to write this song was what popped in my head. I looked up the lyrics and realized that they explain the blues I feel. And maybe when you hear the song you will think of the near and the dear, the old and the young and I will finish with the simple lyric "Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope it's a good one without any fear."

I would like to thank John Lennon for putting my feelings to words.

Christmas

I heard a great story tonight in church. I am going to tell it as I remember so forgive me if it is not exact.

When the Shah Jahan's of India's favorite wife died he was grief stricken. And decided to build a great temple in her honor. He placed the coffin in the center of the property and started construction of the Taj Mahal. After a period of time he no longer thought of his favorite wife and his sorrow. He only thought of the construction details. One day when walking from one side of the construction site to the other he tripped over a wooden box and wiped the dust from his leg and said who would leave this box in the middle of the floor and had it tossed out.

Who would go to the trouble to build a building in honor of a person he loved so much and then after a period of time discard the person it was built for. How could you forget the reason for all the hard work and all the time and money spent.

Which made me think of church and Christmas. Rev Vicky always finds a way to shed light on something sometimes forgotten. Tonight after listening I thought it reminded me that the we build churches in honor of God and when you go it is to be closer to God and hope some of that closeness carries over into the parking lot and the rest of the week. And for those that only go a few times a year it must carry over until Easter. But do not forget that the reason for the celebration tomorrow is not just that you didn't have to work and you get to spend time with family, or that is wonderful and eat all kinds of delicious food. But you are celebrating the birth of Jesus. He is as some say too often the "Reason for the Season". It is the joy of his birth that we are celebrating not the new ipad or smart tv you got for Christmas. The birth of a man that would save the world one day from itself. So we all could enjoy all that Heaven has to offer.

So as you unwrap your gifts try to remember the joy of the birth of your child if you have one. I imagine that is what Mary and Joseph were feeling on that first Christmas morning. So pleased with their new son. Amazed by the words they had been told by Angels are coming true right before their eyes.

I hope I have told the story correct enough to get the point across. I was touched by it and reminded it doesn't matter what I get tomorrow. As long as when the time comes I get to go to Heaven.

Happy Birthday Jesus.

Christmas Season

Well, I come up with the strangest ideas in the strangest places. I have been sick the last few days laying on the couch wishing something worthy of keeping my eyes open was on tv. I was thinking tonight as I tried to clear my head with a Shower Vapor Tablet that listening has nothing to do with hearing and everything to do with what I say. Well at least at work. Since we get graded on our calls. And finally after 4 months of being on the phone. I have scored the highest I can on a call that is scored. I had thought when we started that it was going to be easy. It is not. Not for me anyway. I have seen people from my training suceed that were worried sick and people that I thought were naturals not get it. I am not with the first group. One of the things your scored on is listening to the customer another is to respond in kind. If there is nothing I do I listen. I have been responding to listening by helping them fix their problem. Funny, that does not cut it. So I have finally as though hit over the head with a brick realized that listening is not about hearing it is about what you reply. At work they want to hear you repeat back to the customer their reason for calling. Which gets me to where I am going with this Christmas Season.

Advent (the 4 Sunday's before Christmas) starts next Sunday. Which for me has always been the time of year that I feel drawn to Church. Not because it is Advent but as the Holiday suggests in preparation for Christmas. I have always been reminded of my Grandmother Helen and the Holidays at her house. Nothing flashy but beautiful. Her house was decorated beautifully. A tree, not sure if it was real or fake. Lights, some tinsel and ornaments and a star. A Nativity scene at the base of the tree with a choir of Angels nearby. A wreath on the door and a chalk board that we signed in on when we went to her house and a row of small candy canes hanging near the door. Her house was like her. Prepared for Christmas. 

I have no memory of a single gift received from Grandma Helen. But there was Christmas Spirit, Joy, Cheer, and Food. Grandma's family was from Hungary and she made delicious treats for Christmas. Cheese Danish to die for and poppy seed rolls and nut rolls were some of our favorites.  Anyway you can see I have drifted from the subject.

I was also thinking tonight that if I were Queen that Christmas would have nothing to do with ads in a newspaper and commercials on tv. It would have everything to do with giving but nothing to do with what you receive.

So I thought, here in my blog I am Queen and in my kingdom Advent would be like Lent but instead of giving something up for a few weeks in preparation for Easter. We could give something back in preparation for Christmas. At work as I listen to customers not only do I hear their reason for calling but sometimes I hear the reason they called. Get it! Sometimes they call to have a problem fixed but sometimes they call to be heard. Or as I have learned to be responded to. I do not repeat back to them their reason I respond in kind. Congratulations, so Sorry to hear of your loss. Sometimes the customers stick with me not their names but their reason for calling. A brain damaged Vetran who is a genius in a body that does not work as fast has his head anymore. A woman who no longer has contact with her sisters. A marketing manager that needs something to market.

Sometimes I get more out of the call than the customers or at least as much. So in the spirit of Advent and the Christmas Season (which as a reminder does not start on Black Friday it starts the first Sunday of Advent which this year is December 1 and goes through the 12 days of Christmas which begins on Christmas and into January to Epiphany) I thought in my kingdom which has 1 member the Queen we would respond in kind to not only my customers on the phone but to also greet or respond in kind to people I come in contact with in the real world and apply the same principle that if sometimes someone may say hello not to be kind to you but maybe for your to reply in kind to them. Maybe no one has said hello or Good Morning to that person all day or week. I would love for those of you that read to reply in kind not to me but to someone everyday between now and Epiphany. It is easy this time of year. My goodness it is Christmas. Be joyous not because you are finished with your shopping but because Christmas is coming. It takes 27 days to make a habit and we have 44 days to get it right. And by January my kingdom will be showing others that listening has to do with responding and nothing to do with hearing what people are saying. Good Luck and hopefully for the first time this year Merry Christmas.