Are you smart or just a smart ass?

So I thought I knew this week what I would write about. I was sure I was going to write about the Olympics and the way people treat each other for the sake of ratings or whatever it is that drives people to say something that is totally not necessary on television. I know millions were watching. I know we were probably the only ones that turned the channel and watched something else. I am not a sports person. I am really not that competitive. I like to win but sometimes just knowing I am good at something is good enough for me. That is perfect.

See when I was young I worked for Eckerd and I was not afraid to be right and it did not matter who I was talking to. The District Manager came in once and told me that my price changes were not up to date. I did not say I will get on that. I took him to the book and showed him that what was on the shelf was correct and that I had initialed myself that it was done because I knew I was right. I did not care that he was with his boss. I did not care who was standing there. The man told me I was wrong. That was not the last time I would do such a thing. No one ever told me not to until I had made my mark on everyone. So as I got older and I applied for a promotion as a Service Assistant and my DM asked me why I should get the job. Well there was only one reason because I bleed blue (the color of the trim in the store and the name was always as we called it Eckerd Blue). Those were my exact words. I knew this DM. He had been a Pharmacist for years and I had worked for him. Funny thing was I had always called him Phil as a Pharmacist but now as a DM people thought I should call him Mr. S... I did not get this. How did our relationship change because he got a promotion. I was taught to work side by side with your people until they did the job as best they could then let them go on their own. That was how I taught people how to straighten shoes and hats and fill the coolers. Seemed when you put this divide you were no longer working with someone, now you are working for them. Not the same. Can you go tell someone you work for the same thing you tell someone you work with. Not usually.

So Phil he did promote me to Service Assistant. I had been with Eckerd now for about 10 years and I made more money hourly as a Service Assistant than most Assistant Managers but you know that girl that was 16, 17 or even 20 that said whatever she wanted is now 26 and can not get promoted to save my life. It has became a quest. I was put in some terrible stores but made the best of them. Worked in a store that was one of the companies oldest with a manager that had been the golden child but as all do somehow fell from the Grace of the company. But we made the best of this old store that we could and when it was time to close the store we were there to the last day. Then after that I spent time in Gulfport. This is a small town along the water near south St. Petersburg. On the verge of a beautiful waterfront community and the otherside of the railroad tracks set a small plaza with a Winn Dixie and an Eckerd. This store was as small as can be. So small we had to get the truck in the morning before the store open because it had to be unloaded through the front door. I worked with an Asst Manager and we share the responsibility of opening and closing the store doing all the ordering and payroll but no title for me. A store manager came in once every couple weeks and left a list of what she wanted to see done. Otherwise we ran the store as we saw fit. Now this Asst. Jimmy he had an older brother who was a manager for Eckerd. His brother would come in all the time and tell me I should be promoted and he said he would help me get promoted. I thought great. I have to get transferred to South St. Pete to find someone who does not know my reputation or doesn't care. So either way I had been at this store for months and Jimmy got transferred. Now it is me and another Service Asst. Her and I did not get along. Still had the Manager checking in on us. Now I had been there for almost 8 months and it is almost time for inventory and I have gotten most of the backroom ready by myself and working on the ledge. I thought if I get this store through inventory, I don't have anything to prove to anyone. I know I can do this job with or without the pay or the title and I am. So 2 days before inventory the Manager in charge came in and said that I did not have enough done and that she was going to have to bring someone else in to help get ready for inventory. That was crazy. It did not matter what list she left I would have gotten it done and I knew she was not right. But that afternoon I got transferred to another store in St. Pete. Now I am working for Jimmy's brother Rob. I was pissed.

But like everything else with Eckerd it was another grain of salt that was probably my own fault because of my smart mouth. Rob and I worked together like crazy. This store was right on US 19 and busy and huge. This was a store that probably could have used 2 Asst Managers but all Rob got was me. But he did have faith in me. As we came into the holidays he said I can give you overtime as long as everything is good in the store. So we kept the store up and I was working 50 hours a week or more depending on how busy. This store the pharmacy was busy and when someone came in I would go back and type for the pharmacist or answer the phone or whatever they needed. That is what I was taught to do. One day Rob walked by the pharmacy and looked up and said I thought you went home I said, no there was a line and well here I am.
As it got closer to holidays we were working so much when I walked in the door one day I said Hi, honey I am home. I was not sure why I was driving home just to get back up and come back in the morning but that was what it was taking. Well you knew the day would come didn't you. I mean I am still a Service Asst and really I know more about Eckerds than a lot of the managers out there but you know there I was. So on the phone the week before Thanksgiving was the DM calling for me? Rob was not there. Well now of course this is not Phil he was not the DM in that area but this DM he didn't like me at all. So he called to tell me he was promoting me. Well of course he is. I have over 60 hours on the schedule for next week and I can make more money than Rob and I think this is what finally did it. The dollar wins, or did I or did they. I am not sure. How come I feel defeated for getting promoted. Years, I worked hard. Year after year. Rob was proud like a father who's child finished kindergarten but I was frustrated.

Now I would not work with Rob much longer. I would get hurt at a work party at another store in St. Pete during a remodel the same day my store got robbed. The same day another Asst Manager was killed being robbed leaving the store that night. Not really a good day in Eckerd.

Where are we going here. Hard work and perseverance does not always get you what you want, or sometimes what you want is not what you need? I am not sure.

So for the big tie in. Olympians are people too. They work really hard for years for their goals. And sometimes they get a gold and sometimes they don't. Sometimes the story is pretty but the finish isn't. Sometimes the finish is pretty and the story is not. Everything is not a made for tv mini-series. These people have to go on and live a lifetime after these games are over. Some of them are going to retire from a sport they have done since they were 4 and they are now 24 or 34. Either way they have so many good years to live and their whole life is not summed up on the podium today. It will be summed up 30 or so years from now when they are showing their medal or telling the story of the one that got away to their grandchildren. And they can write the chapters afterwards knowing they did the best they could while competing and will continue in that same fashion whatever job they choose in life.

Now for the sideline reporter that ticked me off and the analyst that irritated me, I will assume you are past your prime in your sport and these are not your finest moments either and you to will go on to do better with your live and learn that knowing everything does not get you everything and being the smartest person in the class and being a smart ass are not the same thing. I know now. I was both when it came to a lot of things but sometimes I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Literary Gifts

Since Christmas is coming and I love literary gifts. Especially ones that make you think and consider your own thoughts and feelings. I thought I would share some quotes from one of my favorite books I never would have read. I was looking for a gift for a friend a soul sister. Not someone who I hang out with. Someone most of my friends don't know but I have a closeness to that can not be broken no matter what. Our hearts are tied with the strings of her children's shoes. The kids are getting older now but when young I loved her them as though they were my own. I would do anything for her or them then or now. But since we made a grave mistake and mixed business with pleasure we have not spoke in over a year. Maybe later in life this will be different. Not that I do not think of her and her children all the time. But today I feel a closeness that I can not let go of. I think of the kids on their birthdays though I am terrible with remembering hers. At Christmas maybe 3 or 4 years ago I bought this book for her and before I gave it to her I read it. It is such a good book I have bought more copies and given them away.

The book was originally printed in 1955 but it speaks to me today as though it was just written. I found it ironic that in 1955 she knew that the modern conveniences of the day were at times more trouble than they were worth.Written while the author spent time alone on Captiva Island, Florida The book Gifts from the Sea the author Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Yes, that Lindbergh. Mrs. Charles Lindbergh. If you don't know who he is stop reading now and Google it I will wait...

I never knew Mrs. Lindbergh was an author and the strangest thing was where I found the book was not with the fiction but with the religious books. I always bought my friend's kids books that I loved from my youth. So with her I thought I would find something that spelled out the words I do not always have to say. We have shared our thoughts on life and politics and religion and our spiritualism. This book sums up things beautifully. The words are so well thought out and perfectly arranged.  So I thought I would share some of my favorite quotes from the book with you. This first one sums it all up for why I bought the book.

“I want first of all... to be at peace with myself. I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can. I want, in fact--to borrow from the language of the saints--to live "in grace" as much of the time as possible. I am not using this term in a strictly theological sense. By grace I mean an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony. I am seeking perhaps what Socrates asked for in the prayer from the Phaedrus when he said, "May the outward and inward man be one." I would like to achieve a state of inner spiritual grace from which I could function and give as I was meant to in the eye of God.” ― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

In life there is nothing I want more than harmony and grace. A peaceful state for my mind. I think in another life I could have been a nun. I could pray my day away. I could work for nothing but the satisfaction of doing a good job and being rewarded in Heaven. Not at the job I do today or ever before but to toil in a garden to raise food for the hungry or to help those who need it most in this world.

“My Life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people to whom my heart responds.” 
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I find this to be so true. If I could only do all the things people expect of me. I know I have no children of my own you do not need to remind me of this fact that does not mean that I do not have my own things to do.

“Only love can be divided endlessly and still not diminish.” 
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh

This is priceless. Some people think if you love one person you can not love me. Well love is everlasting and ever changing. It is not fair to the one that shares their love for someone else to limit who they can love.

“One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach. One can only collect a few. One moon shell is more impressive than three. There is only one moon in the sky.” 
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

There is nothing more satisfying to me than to walk the beach staring at the sand and wondering what is just out of site. When I finally see that amazing shell so perfect and passed over by so many others I think it must be here just for me.

This also reminds me of a funny story. One evening after a storm Brian and I were walking the beach and I saw a live shell so I picked it up and tossed it into the water out of reach of those that may think it was theirs to take home. Take what you may but if it is still alive toss it back and let it live another day. A few feet more I picked up another and tossed it back and again and again and again. I had not gone very far but I had tossed back a dozen living things and Brian said Jeanne look up. I looked down the beach and there were hundreds of shells just as the ones I had been tossing back into the water. He said, Honey you can not save them all. That made me sad. I have a hard time with the thought that this one should live and that should not but I guess if God wanted them all to live he would get them back to the water safely.

“One writes not to be read but to breathe...one writes to think, to pray, to analyze. One writes to clear one's mind, to dissipate one's fears, to face one's doubts, to look at one's mistakes--in order to retrieve them. One writes to capture and crystallize one's joy, but also to disperse one's gloom. Like prayer--you go to it in sorrow more than joy, for help, a road back to 'grace'." 
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh (War Within and Without: Diaries and Letters of Anne Morrow Lindbergh 1939-1944)” 
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Wartime Writings 1939-1944

This quote is from a different book but I think this describes perfectly why I write what I write. It is not that this is a leisure endeavor. Sometimes the things I write will spin around my head until I put them on paper. They come to me at all times of the day and night. Some I ignore but they will not be ignored. If I do not have time now. I will later because they do not go away. 

Do not stop here but give yourself a Literary Gift. Take the time to enjoy the quiet and appreciate the here and now. For tomorrow they will be gone.