Forgive and Forget

It has been a few weeks since I wrote anything. Funny how my mood swings down and I have more to say when they swing up I have less.

I have been thinking of grudges and how we hold on to them. Since Brian and I have been married I have had a rule for us that I can and will go to bed mad but when I wake up tomorrow he is the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with and there is no point in being mad. I will kiss him goodbye and we will be ok. It is sometimes difficult to forget what I was mad over as I am sure sometimes he feels the same but we promised till death do us part and those of you that know me well know that I have always said and I am willing to kill him. You have to be committed. (It is a Joke.)

We had a fight years ago about what I have no idea and as far as I know he does not remember either but that night I was furious. I can remember how mad but for the life of me I have no idea what we were arguing about. I had told him that night I wish you would hit me because I want to punch you and then I was serious. We now kid each other that he wishes he would have taken me up on the offer. I tell him you should of because it probably won't happen again. Which brings me to forgiving and forgetting.

Since I remember everything I find it funny that I don't remember what I was mad at that night and it doesn't matter because that was one day years ago. And we have had lots of days since that we are happy together.

So why do we hold the grudge. Why do we put so much effort into being mad. When I was younger I would commit a lot of time to being mad and even hating people. I would find a way to make it miserable for them and myself. I am not sure when it changed for me. I was certainly an adult, might have even been 30 or more before I learned that it did not pay. Up until that point I would relish the time that I made the person's life miserable. But Why?

I will not use the example in my head because I have not forgotten but I have forgiven .

But lets say a family member does you wrong as a child or maybe a adult. They may have left you and went off to live on their own. You can only be mad for so long and that person is still family. I know there are limits to forgiveness and I do not expect people to forget or forgive abuse. But I know children that live in homes with no parents and people are paid to supervise them. And as far as I know no one reading this grew up in a foster home or a boarding house because your parents did not want to be bothered with you. Maybe your parents did not raise you but a loving relative did. And even so you are now grown and have a life of your own and a family maybe it was for the best. That is what I think. Everything happens for a reason and if I did not live through my childhood I could not help others deal with theirs.

I know a lady that has 2 kids one lives with her and the other her mother. Why? I don't understand. What I do know is both children are loved and you can not blame your parents forever. Well you can but it is not good for you and it doesn't matter to them. The person who left you is gone and you might as well move on with those that stuck around and raised you.

Words are so harsh and sharp when said with anger. And one never knows what tomorrow brings so why hold the grudge. Let it go. My dad would say when we were kids that if given the opportunity my brother and sisters and I would argue over the time of day. He was right. But today, we all like each other, help each other and would do anything for the others kids.

Since Christmas is a season for children I think we revert back and remember things from our younger years that may have been a disappointment but at this point in life we need to forgive them. Love the family you have around you. Share your life and your children. Show your children that there is love around and teach them to forgive. Not to hold the grudge and hate. Let your children know that if they are ever that mad at you that they can trust the family around you. That they love you and would never hurt your children. Reach out to the family members you have not spoken to and forgive them. I know it is hard and it does not go away instantly but it does fade with time. You may be surprised. Sometimes there is more joy to be had with the family you thought you did not want than there is being alone.

When your head is in that place of hate and fury you are alone even when there are people all around. This I know from personal experience. As for any of you who feel unloved this season. If you are reading this I am thinking of you. I care and would do anything for you or your family.  And I understand depression and that you can not help the place you are. You may not be able to find your way out but there are people to help. Talk to someone, anyone. I am always here and have advice for you. You may not be ready for the advice but maybe you are ready to talk. I will listen and I do not pass judgement. I think that is why I have friends that I would never be mad at. I forgive them for anything they do because there are so many more days of joy than there are of anger. And I would not trade those joyful days for anything.

Love you my friends and family.