Why the Dr bothers me?

So one day I wake up trying to convince myself that the simple task I have to do today that millions of women do every year is attainable by me. Well maybe not. Maybe an hour of waiting and worrying is too much for my mind and my body. Maybe I will try again next week. Oh, the people at the office were kind after they realized I had reached the point of no return. The point of which fight or flight the option is over and I must go. I explained. It isn't easy for me to come to the office and waiting is just not something I am good with here. Not that I don't have the patience. I have all the patience in the world but as I wait patiently my brain doesn't stop. Doesn't stop telling the rest of me how they are going to weigh me and I will be disappointed and then they are going to take my blood pressure and they will ask what worries me so much and how nothing bad is going to happen and that it is just a normal test that is taken to prevent something much worse. And is your blood pressure always this high? I understand all of that. That logical, common sense part of my brain gets all of that. But the part of my brain that is unreasonable and illogical is screaming you may not make it through this visit Jeanne. Reminds me of the father in Sanford in Son when he feels a heart attack coming on and yells out, "You hear that Elizabeth? I am coming to join you honey." Fred Sanford never died at these moments. He survived, just like me today.

I will try again next week to face the visit. I will try to be patient and they promise that I will not have to wait that long and will be seen quickly. My sister recommended that I ask to be first so I didn't have time to get worked up or worry. I used to have to do that with all Dr. appt's but I am getting better. I can go to the family Dr. and wait and get weighed and have my blood pressure checked and I survive. I will remind myself on Monday that I can do this. I can wait my turn and survive the poking and prodding and walk out the door still in one piece.


Just had to get this off my chest in hopes that I will not have to worry for the next 2 days. And maybe the shortest blog post I have ever written and published.

Good night.