A Year Later

So the feelings are out. Some are more easily defined now looking back then at the time. GRIEF is a funny thing. Shock trys to protect your brain from absorbing everything at once yet as it sinks in you can see all the layers and feelings that are there.

Even though rehashing this is not going to bring anyone back. I hope it will help someone see the signs so the first thing I am going to talk about is DENIAL. Lisa called me once and talked about breaking up with him. Once. That was my opportunity. She wanted me to come to Arizona so she could get him to move out. I told her she could do it. She never said why she couldn't. I should have pressed more. Could have asked more questions. But I didn't.

Which brings you to the GUILT. I don't live there never met him didn't even know his name but I feel guilt. Lisa said she wanted to break up with him. Get him to leave. Why didn't I go. I was unemployed. I thought she is a grown woman why can't she handle this by herself. Now I know.

If it is not the guilt it is BLAME, Why didn't someone there help more. Why didn't they see the signs. WHY. Since I don't want to break my own rule about mentioning others in less than a perfect light. I will not mention anymore about blame. But I feel it. And I feel guilty for blaming someone else for something like this.

On a positive note I can now say THANKS. THANKS to the counselors at the Gilbert Police Department that spoke to us. The Chaplain that brought us food. The Air Force Chaplains that came to the funeral in support of their brother in arms who did the impossible and Celebrated the life of his sister, niece and great niece.  The first responders who's lives were also changed by this horrible event.
And the Hospice and other Counselors, Pastors and friends that have helped after we all returned home. I hope you all know how import it is that you were there that day and the days have followed. At the funeral the undercover police officers and those in uniform that kept us safe.

Brian and his family we are all closer. I love that we got to spend time with Brittany this past summer and have been able to spend days with her since. I love that we got to have her and her cousins with us for a few weeks last summer.

Brian is right. If we help just one girl get the courage to get up and leave a bad situation without getting hurt anymore. Or if this saves a child from being beaten we have done a great service to the world and that family and should be worth the cost we have already paid.

So again if you know anyone in a situation that you are not sure about. Ask the questions. Offer assistance but do not put yourself in danger. Be Safe.