After last weeks post a friend of mine said that maybe it is time I write a novel. I have been thinking about this for the last week or so. I have started short stories, written poems and posted to this blog over 70 times but a novel. That is a vast undertaking. Just for information sake a post to this blog usually on a good night I will spend an hour on it. I will read it through multiple times before spell checking and reading it to Brian aloud and then posting it. I then promptly turn off the computer and do not think about it until the next day when I will re-read what I wrote the previous night and grin or cry or whatever I was trying to get out of it the night before. One thing about the words I write, they are the voice in my head. That to me is like the talking to your best friend. Sometimes it is the only voice that understands me and that is usually the voice of reason except for when it is ridiculous. Anxiety always makes me wonder how I can know something is in my head and yet I still believe it to be true. But that is for another night. Tonight it is about reading and writing.
I have ideas for a novel in my head. It has to be fiction because I could not just write the facts. But I love fiction that is about real people. Some of my favorite books have Beatrix Potter and her animals as characters. The Cottage Tales of Beatrix Potter by Susan Wittig Albert. There have been at least 8 of these novels and I have loved them all. Murder mystery with a twist of pixies and fairies and animals that talk like the cat named Tabbitha Twitchet and an owl they call the Professor. These are some great fantasy novels with a bit of history in them.
Any book that includes a map is for me. I love to know where we are going and how we are going to get there. By train or bus or horse and buggy. Books that were written before all of our modern conveniences are great. You know that people went to bed at dark to save the candles for when they needed them. And got up with the sun to start a new day. I have recently finished a book called Blue Highways which was written about 1980 about a trip on the small roads of the US around the perimeter and the people the author William Least Heat-Moon met along the way. I loved the view from his windshield and the people he met and picked up.
Another book I recently finished was by Bill Bryson A Walk in the Woods. This story took me on a trip hiking part of the Appalachian Trail. Something that I have decided that the next time we are in North Carolina we are going to go to Hot Springs where the trail cuts through town and walk a bit of it. Just so I can say I walked it. I would love to have the ambition to walk more than a few miles but I don't think I do. At least not right now. But today I saw the movie by the same name and it is as funny as the book. In the book as I read I found the character Bill took along on his trip to be funny and pretty much he is what he is matter of fact. Not in any shape to make the trip east from Iowa let alone to hike the AT as they refer to it on the trail. I loved the views in the movie and I loved some of the human drama that would come along with just such a trip but I missed what I thought was one of the funniest parts of the book. Towards the beginning of their hike Bill would get ahead of his friend Katz and at times wait for up to an hour for him to catch up. He also sometimes would go back looking for him to make sure he had not died. There is a bit that was in the book but not the movie about Katz flinging his food off of a cliff to lighten the load he was carrying. The description in the book was laugh out loud funny. Nick Nolte as Katz an unlikely person played the perfect character. I found him to remind me a lot of my father which I don't know if either would find it to be a compliment but is true. I thought after the movie I wonder if Bill Bryson picked Robert Redford to play him? I mean how often do you get to pick who plays you? And his wife thought man I could of had Robert Redford. Maybe not.
So I have talked a lot about books I have read and like to read but none about the one I want to write. Let's not say want but must write. Here is my biggest stumbling block. What I want to write or need to write is not a trip down a trail I truly want to walk all the way through. I have walked a section here or there through this story in my head but there are parts I am not ready to go through and I have to take others along and I don't know if they are ready for the trip either. The weather is a source of concern because it can be very hot and sometimes very cold where we are going. Parts that I have already completed not the book but the sections of the trail were hard. Not all the characters experienced the same things on their sections of the trail. Some will not even recognize the trail to be the same one they walked but I promise it is. Even the ending is different for each of the characters. Some will go back to Iowa and go to the state fair as they have for the last 39 years but others... Well they are my concern. I must take into account the lives of the other characters on the trail. So in the mean time I have projects that I am working on my kids travel book which takes them on family trips to places they may not find interesting but will find all kinds of real history and fun along the way. I also have a children's book that the illustrations are being worked on now and I hope will be published in the not to distant future.
So until we meet again. Walk softly and carry a big stick. Or just stand back and enjoy the view from where you are. But either way. Open a book they are full of adventures.
Saturday, September 5, 2015
The Empath in Me
Empath, Empathetic, Empathy: Are defined as a person who identifies or feels the thoughts and or attitudes of others. Fairly new term by a German philosopher Rudolf Lotze he thought that one looking at art could impress their own sensibilities onto it. To me that says that you see what you want in the image. If blue skies make you sad you may be sad to see a picture with blue skies? A friend of mine had read an article online about Empaths and said that it was me. Not really sure if I fit the definition but I found a web site that had a list of 30 common traits of an empath. So I went down the list and thought I would see how many apply to me. Not sure after reading the list if they are signs or symptoms if it is a gift or a diagnosis. Not sure if it is good or bad not even sure if it is me.
I can tell you what is me. I am the person that sees something like lets say an ambulance in front of a building that I am about to go in and visit my mother and I think oh God, something is wrong with mom. And I think most people would walk in and find the person they are looking for fine and and feel relieved. No that would not be me. I see a couple medical staff people standing over my mom with machines hooked up to her checking her blood pressure and her oxygen levels and say she was feeling weak and thought she was going to pass out. She now looks worse than she has looked in weeks and I thought we were making progress. So enough about my life lets see if I am an Empath or at least Empathetic
1. Just knowing. Well I often feel as though I know things before they happen or I will think a thought and then it happens. May not have anything to do with me and I may have no way of affecting the thing to happen. But still somehow I know.
2. Public places may be overwhelming. This one is a no for me. I do not like to be crowded together with people but I do not mind being out in public.
3. Feeling others emotion., Sometimes I do feel like I know what others are feeling but I have always based that on similar experiences.
4. Watching violence is unbearable. I have never been able to watch blood and guts movies but more recently I can not see or even hear stories of violence or cruelty. It is too upsetting to me. After Hurricane Katrina I told Brian we could not watch anymore about it on TV if I can not go help I cannot know anymore.
5. You know when someone is not being honest. I can call Brian out on a fib quicker than anyone else but I usually get a feeling if someone is not telling the truth. On the reverse side it is nearly impossible for me to lie about a lot of things.
6. Picking up physical symptoms of others. I do not think this applies to me but my mother will definitely feel bad if I say that I do.
7. Digestive problems. No, not me again. Got a stomach like a steal trap.
8. Always looking out for the underdog. I do feel like the loosing team should win but as well when someone has a weakness I like to share their strength.
9. Others will want to offload their problems on you. People have always felt they can share with me. Again I always know when I need to share with others. To show that they aren't alone.
10. Constant Fatigue. I have had problems with this as an adult. Some have been caused by physical problems. I am exhausted or feel drained a lot.
11. Addictive personality. Another no. But definitely a family trait. I think that I avoid things that I could be addicted to.
12. Drawn to healing. This one also mentioned an interest in supernatural. This I have an interest in anything that can not be explained. I just want to understand Why or How it works. My father's mom used to go to all kinds of churches because she wanted to understand what they believe. Even healers. I have always found that fact to be very interesting.
13. Creative. My imagination is incredible and I love art, writing, photography and music.
14. Love of nature and animals. I am not an outdoors person but I love it when the weather is nice. I have always loved animals. I cannot see an animal in need of help without helping. Have to limit myself when it comes to homeless animals. I could take them all home if I could take care of them. I do know the difference.
15. Need for solitude. I am happy home alone in the silence. I drive now a lot in silence. I even realized a few weeks ago the reason I do not like the electric toothbrush is that I do not like the noise. I really prefer silence or music.
16. Get bored or distracted easily. My imagination can go down a path unnecessarily when listening to another person talk. But as long as I am busy at work it is easy to stay focused on the task at hand.
17. Finds it impossible to do things the do not enjoy. Could be considered lazy. I wish it was impossible but most of the time I can be guilted into whatever someone else wants for the good of the whole.
18. Strives for the truth. When someone lies and I catch them I am very disappointed. All I ask is for the truth.
19. Always looking for answers. This goes back to wanting to understand things and how they work and always why.
20. Likes adventures. Adventures within reason. Attainable goals. I enjoy the water but don't need to scuba dive in it. Like to fly but don't need to jump out of an airplane.
21. Abhors clutter. This is a Big NO. I wish it bothered me more but I can tolerate clutter as long as I know where everything is.
22. Loves to daydream. Favorite pass time other than reading.
23. Finds rules and routines imprisoning. I like rules. Not stupid rules and I decide what is stupid or not.
24. Prone to carry weight without overeating. Well I hope this is why but I believe I eat more calories than I work off and that is why I am heavy.
25. Excellent listener. I would be a good counselor but the problem is that I would then worry for the people I counseled. So maybe not so good at it after all.
26. Intolerant of narcosis. Used to work for one. Now I don't. I could list all the reasons but they already know because they know everything.
27. Feels the days of the week. This was confusing at first but it is like being excited about Friday even if you have to work all weekend. I do this sometimes. Or dread Monday even though I don't have to work.
28. Will not choose to by vintage or antique things. This is in regards to the energy the item carries. I feel when buying something that is old or used I sometimes wonder about the woman who owned an old cookbook or a person that previously read the book I am reading. So no but maybe I wouldn't buy something that I felt a negative energy about but I don't think that has ever happened.
29. Senses the energy of food. This is the sensing of the energy from the animal that you are eating. I cannot think about this because I could not eat it if I thought about it.
30. Can be shy, aloof or moody. Sometimes to the negative. I have said that my happiness pendulum often swings to sad more than most. I can be withdrawn when I worry. It is hard to be happy and worrying at the same time. When I am up and on my A game. I am a fun loving person. But when I am not, I am not.
Ok. So I have counted and I am feel that 19 of the signs do apply in some way to me. The article says that if at least half apply to my that I am an empath. So I am still interested in this theory I can not base my future on one article. The things I believe apply to me apply and the things that don't don't. I don't think most put this much time and consideration into most internet survey's but again. That would not be me.
Giving credit where it is due. I got my list from the following website. http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html
I can tell you what is me. I am the person that sees something like lets say an ambulance in front of a building that I am about to go in and visit my mother and I think oh God, something is wrong with mom. And I think most people would walk in and find the person they are looking for fine and and feel relieved. No that would not be me. I see a couple medical staff people standing over my mom with machines hooked up to her checking her blood pressure and her oxygen levels and say she was feeling weak and thought she was going to pass out. She now looks worse than she has looked in weeks and I thought we were making progress. So enough about my life lets see if I am an Empath or at least Empathetic
1. Just knowing. Well I often feel as though I know things before they happen or I will think a thought and then it happens. May not have anything to do with me and I may have no way of affecting the thing to happen. But still somehow I know.
2. Public places may be overwhelming. This one is a no for me. I do not like to be crowded together with people but I do not mind being out in public.
3. Feeling others emotion., Sometimes I do feel like I know what others are feeling but I have always based that on similar experiences.
4. Watching violence is unbearable. I have never been able to watch blood and guts movies but more recently I can not see or even hear stories of violence or cruelty. It is too upsetting to me. After Hurricane Katrina I told Brian we could not watch anymore about it on TV if I can not go help I cannot know anymore.
5. You know when someone is not being honest. I can call Brian out on a fib quicker than anyone else but I usually get a feeling if someone is not telling the truth. On the reverse side it is nearly impossible for me to lie about a lot of things.
6. Picking up physical symptoms of others. I do not think this applies to me but my mother will definitely feel bad if I say that I do.
7. Digestive problems. No, not me again. Got a stomach like a steal trap.
8. Always looking out for the underdog. I do feel like the loosing team should win but as well when someone has a weakness I like to share their strength.
9. Others will want to offload their problems on you. People have always felt they can share with me. Again I always know when I need to share with others. To show that they aren't alone.
10. Constant Fatigue. I have had problems with this as an adult. Some have been caused by physical problems. I am exhausted or feel drained a lot.
11. Addictive personality. Another no. But definitely a family trait. I think that I avoid things that I could be addicted to.
12. Drawn to healing. This one also mentioned an interest in supernatural. This I have an interest in anything that can not be explained. I just want to understand Why or How it works. My father's mom used to go to all kinds of churches because she wanted to understand what they believe. Even healers. I have always found that fact to be very interesting.
13. Creative. My imagination is incredible and I love art, writing, photography and music.
14. Love of nature and animals. I am not an outdoors person but I love it when the weather is nice. I have always loved animals. I cannot see an animal in need of help without helping. Have to limit myself when it comes to homeless animals. I could take them all home if I could take care of them. I do know the difference.
15. Need for solitude. I am happy home alone in the silence. I drive now a lot in silence. I even realized a few weeks ago the reason I do not like the electric toothbrush is that I do not like the noise. I really prefer silence or music.
16. Get bored or distracted easily. My imagination can go down a path unnecessarily when listening to another person talk. But as long as I am busy at work it is easy to stay focused on the task at hand.
17. Finds it impossible to do things the do not enjoy. Could be considered lazy. I wish it was impossible but most of the time I can be guilted into whatever someone else wants for the good of the whole.
18. Strives for the truth. When someone lies and I catch them I am very disappointed. All I ask is for the truth.
19. Always looking for answers. This goes back to wanting to understand things and how they work and always why.
20. Likes adventures. Adventures within reason. Attainable goals. I enjoy the water but don't need to scuba dive in it. Like to fly but don't need to jump out of an airplane.
21. Abhors clutter. This is a Big NO. I wish it bothered me more but I can tolerate clutter as long as I know where everything is.
22. Loves to daydream. Favorite pass time other than reading.
23. Finds rules and routines imprisoning. I like rules. Not stupid rules and I decide what is stupid or not.
24. Prone to carry weight without overeating. Well I hope this is why but I believe I eat more calories than I work off and that is why I am heavy.
25. Excellent listener. I would be a good counselor but the problem is that I would then worry for the people I counseled. So maybe not so good at it after all.
26. Intolerant of narcosis. Used to work for one. Now I don't. I could list all the reasons but they already know because they know everything.
27. Feels the days of the week. This was confusing at first but it is like being excited about Friday even if you have to work all weekend. I do this sometimes. Or dread Monday even though I don't have to work.
28. Will not choose to by vintage or antique things. This is in regards to the energy the item carries. I feel when buying something that is old or used I sometimes wonder about the woman who owned an old cookbook or a person that previously read the book I am reading. So no but maybe I wouldn't buy something that I felt a negative energy about but I don't think that has ever happened.
29. Senses the energy of food. This is the sensing of the energy from the animal that you are eating. I cannot think about this because I could not eat it if I thought about it.
30. Can be shy, aloof or moody. Sometimes to the negative. I have said that my happiness pendulum often swings to sad more than most. I can be withdrawn when I worry. It is hard to be happy and worrying at the same time. When I am up and on my A game. I am a fun loving person. But when I am not, I am not.
Ok. So I have counted and I am feel that 19 of the signs do apply in some way to me. The article says that if at least half apply to my that I am an empath. So I am still interested in this theory I can not base my future on one article. The things I believe apply to me apply and the things that don't don't. I don't think most put this much time and consideration into most internet survey's but again. That would not be me.
Giving credit where it is due. I got my list from the following website. http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html
Saturday, August 29, 2015
What do I want for my birthday?
September is right around the corner and that means one of the hardest questions of the year will be asked of me and I will not answer well, because well is me.
My birthday is this month and since I am not a jewelry person or a music person or movie person I don't collect anything I never know what I want for gift. Not for any holiday throughout the year. There are things I would like but none are within my means that I would want someone else to pick. I love books but I love going to the book store and choosing. Not someone standing over me tapping their toe waiting for me to make the perfect selection in 15 minutes. It doesn't work that way.
So if money was no option what would I want. A sail boat about 25 ft long goes for well I am surprised anywhere from maybe $3,000 to $15,000 or more of course. Big enough to take overnight trips but not to big that I would need help sailing. But then you need a place to store it and a trailer and a vehicle that can tow it or a slip and that is expensive. See how that could get very expensive. Another wish of mine would be for an old Mustang something between 65-67 maybe a fast back. Or I even saw a company out of Lakeland that makes new Mustangs that look old. Only $125,000. So you see my taste is not cheap.
Today while we were at the movies seeing Mission Impossible Rogue Nation, I thought I wonder what Tom Cruise got paid for this movie? What would I do with that kind of money. Hmm. I looked it up in the car. Tom made $25,000,000 for the movie. That is crazy money. Well crazy for me. So I thought if I had $25,000,000 what would I do with it. I mean maybe Tom would realize that I have been a good fan and I have seen quite a few movies(just counted 18 of 38 listed) and my share must add up to something. Well I just did the math and drum roll...$288 well I guess that is not that much that I have spent. So I won't be surprised that Tom isn't going to give me $25,000,000 either.
But since I can have anything let us just say he did. Here is how I would spend it. This is a blog not a legal binding document. If your name is mentioned I do not have said money and probably never will but in my dream land here is what I would do with it.
Family first. My mother would like to live another 20 years which with her health may or may not be a reasonable expectation but in this world it is. So let us just give her $500,000 to keep her comfortable in the house she has which she wouldn't trade for the world. I would give my brother and sisters and father the same. So that is $2,500,000 more. Brian is mad because I have given money away before I have done anything for us. So Brian can have a new car and motorcycle $65,000. Brian would like a pool but our yard does not really fit a pool so I have always wanted to buy the house next to mine and tear it down and put a pool and build an addition on to our house. with a reading room that I could write in and be inspired by wonderful books around me some beautiful rich wood cabinets a nice kitchen, patio and a few spare bedrooms to have room for sleepovers with my nieces and nephew before they are grown. $350,000. Man it goes fast with good taste.
Speaking of my nieces and nephews I would set them up with some money here we go another $2,500,000.
So we have taken care of the family and I am already seeing my bank account dropping quick but the money is really only the means to the end which is taking care of everyone. So far I am almost $6,000,000 in. Brian's family we would give the same amount which would be $3,000,000. We have a couple friends that I would give probably a total $500,000 and we are good. I have as well a few favorite charities that I would give to but nothing crazy because I would rather help a lot a little that give it all to one. And I need to live off of the rest you know. I would want Brian and I to be able to travel and live a comfortable life so lets say we would have to live for the next 50 years off of $5,000,000. So now I am up to almost 15 of my $25,000,000. I now see why Tom has to keep making movies. I don't own a jet or a chateau or a vineyard. I would like to visit Rome and Monaco but don't need a house there. I would like to go on cruises in the Caribbean and in Tahiti but don't need a yacht. I would like new things but nothing outrageous. I would want to well obviously have to keep my head about me that money since it is going fast.
So what is left a good life with my family to be able to share the bounty that I have been given. Be it $25,000,000 or more likely the estimated 1.2 million Brian and I will earn over the next 20 years of our lives and then retire and hope that our earnings will last us the rest of our happy lives together.
See what I see when I read this whole thing. There are only 3 things that I listed that I want. Everything else would be to share and enjoy with others. I want to be happy and I would love to have a boat and teach the kids to sail and a really cool car to teach them to drive in but if I can't have a cool car I will teach them in my Sebring and I will rent a boat for an afternoon so I can teach them to sail. If I can't go on a cruise with them all maybe we can go to dinner at a nice restaurant and if we can't go to Rome, Italy maybe Rome, Georgia or Paris, Texas. So I do know that after the lemon cake I shared last night with my friend Tracy and her daughter and grandson I do know what kind of cake I would like and we can afford that.
I just read what I have written so far to Brian and it has brought tears to my eyes but you know he rattled off that I forgot about his man cave that would be somewhere near my library with a big screen tv with recliner seats theater quality sound and arcade games and whatever other cool gadgets he can dream up. See the I have no problem finding a gift for him. So good luck babe with my birthday gift. Good thing in my mind it is still better to give than receive.
My birthday is this month and since I am not a jewelry person or a music person or movie person I don't collect anything I never know what I want for gift. Not for any holiday throughout the year. There are things I would like but none are within my means that I would want someone else to pick. I love books but I love going to the book store and choosing. Not someone standing over me tapping their toe waiting for me to make the perfect selection in 15 minutes. It doesn't work that way.
So if money was no option what would I want. A sail boat about 25 ft long goes for well I am surprised anywhere from maybe $3,000 to $15,000 or more of course. Big enough to take overnight trips but not to big that I would need help sailing. But then you need a place to store it and a trailer and a vehicle that can tow it or a slip and that is expensive. See how that could get very expensive. Another wish of mine would be for an old Mustang something between 65-67 maybe a fast back. Or I even saw a company out of Lakeland that makes new Mustangs that look old. Only $125,000. So you see my taste is not cheap.
Today while we were at the movies seeing Mission Impossible Rogue Nation, I thought I wonder what Tom Cruise got paid for this movie? What would I do with that kind of money. Hmm. I looked it up in the car. Tom made $25,000,000 for the movie. That is crazy money. Well crazy for me. So I thought if I had $25,000,000 what would I do with it. I mean maybe Tom would realize that I have been a good fan and I have seen quite a few movies(just counted 18 of 38 listed) and my share must add up to something. Well I just did the math and drum roll...$288 well I guess that is not that much that I have spent. So I won't be surprised that Tom isn't going to give me $25,000,000 either.
But since I can have anything let us just say he did. Here is how I would spend it. This is a blog not a legal binding document. If your name is mentioned I do not have said money and probably never will but in my dream land here is what I would do with it.
Family first. My mother would like to live another 20 years which with her health may or may not be a reasonable expectation but in this world it is. So let us just give her $500,000 to keep her comfortable in the house she has which she wouldn't trade for the world. I would give my brother and sisters and father the same. So that is $2,500,000 more. Brian is mad because I have given money away before I have done anything for us. So Brian can have a new car and motorcycle $65,000. Brian would like a pool but our yard does not really fit a pool so I have always wanted to buy the house next to mine and tear it down and put a pool and build an addition on to our house. with a reading room that I could write in and be inspired by wonderful books around me some beautiful rich wood cabinets a nice kitchen, patio and a few spare bedrooms to have room for sleepovers with my nieces and nephew before they are grown. $350,000. Man it goes fast with good taste.
Speaking of my nieces and nephews I would set them up with some money here we go another $2,500,000.
So we have taken care of the family and I am already seeing my bank account dropping quick but the money is really only the means to the end which is taking care of everyone. So far I am almost $6,000,000 in. Brian's family we would give the same amount which would be $3,000,000. We have a couple friends that I would give probably a total $500,000 and we are good. I have as well a few favorite charities that I would give to but nothing crazy because I would rather help a lot a little that give it all to one. And I need to live off of the rest you know. I would want Brian and I to be able to travel and live a comfortable life so lets say we would have to live for the next 50 years off of $5,000,000. So now I am up to almost 15 of my $25,000,000. I now see why Tom has to keep making movies. I don't own a jet or a chateau or a vineyard. I would like to visit Rome and Monaco but don't need a house there. I would like to go on cruises in the Caribbean and in Tahiti but don't need a yacht. I would like new things but nothing outrageous. I would want to well obviously have to keep my head about me that money since it is going fast.
So what is left a good life with my family to be able to share the bounty that I have been given. Be it $25,000,000 or more likely the estimated 1.2 million Brian and I will earn over the next 20 years of our lives and then retire and hope that our earnings will last us the rest of our happy lives together.
See what I see when I read this whole thing. There are only 3 things that I listed that I want. Everything else would be to share and enjoy with others. I want to be happy and I would love to have a boat and teach the kids to sail and a really cool car to teach them to drive in but if I can't have a cool car I will teach them in my Sebring and I will rent a boat for an afternoon so I can teach them to sail. If I can't go on a cruise with them all maybe we can go to dinner at a nice restaurant and if we can't go to Rome, Italy maybe Rome, Georgia or Paris, Texas. So I do know that after the lemon cake I shared last night with my friend Tracy and her daughter and grandson I do know what kind of cake I would like and we can afford that.
I just read what I have written so far to Brian and it has brought tears to my eyes but you know he rattled off that I forgot about his man cave that would be somewhere near my library with a big screen tv with recliner seats theater quality sound and arcade games and whatever other cool gadgets he can dream up. See the I have no problem finding a gift for him. So good luck babe with my birthday gift. Good thing in my mind it is still better to give than receive.
Friday, August 14, 2015
City Hall for a Day
So as with everything in life it is ever changing. Tonight's post is difficult to write. Not because I do not have something to say but because I have to be very careful. I always read past posts before I start one. Sometimes it sets a mood or the mood is already there and I just want to put myself in the right place.
Well tonight I went to my other blog that I write, Day One. I read my first and last post. First was my poem For the Love of Lilly, posted three years ago this month. The second was called Soup of the Day. Which is funny to me because it was not about soup or grilled cheese and looking back no one that reads it now would know the exact subject I wrote about mainly because the world moves on so fast now. What made half the country furious a few months ago is old news now. So just like the rest of the world my life has gone on.
Tonight's entry ties to both. I can not say exactly how because I do not want to commit to a subject because what makes us furious today will be gone tomorrow. And I do not need a written reminder of what it was that was making my world upside down.
I have not written since right after my High School Reunion and there is only one reason. I have been busy. I have applied for a Lead position at work. Not sure how that will go but I do think I can do the job. Other stuff going on that is making me busy but again not really ready to say the words out loud. It is funny when I started writing I explained this is a totally selfish endeavour. It still is but with more readers comes more responsibility to others. Not that I care if one person or 12 people read my silly blog it is still to get what is in my head out and help me get a good nights sleep without offending or hurting anyone else.
Sleep that is when you close your eyes and put your head on the pillow? Right? Eight hours later you wake refreshed? I think I remember but not really sure.
So today I saw my nephew get an award from the City for his Leadership qualities he has shown at camp this summer. Each camp got to choose kids from each age group that showed different qualities to the other campers: teamwork, leadership, kindness, compassion, integrity to name a few. Each camp sent their kids to City Hall and they got to meet the mayor. The mayor had them sit in the seats of the commissioners and city attorney and city manager and of course one kid got to be the mayor for a few minutes. Well at least sit in the chair and use the gavel to call the meeting to order and to call on their fellow campers to read off their quality and how it applied to them. I found one thing very interesting. Kindness always went to the youngest, most adorable kid in camp. Well I am not sure about the entire camp but of the kids selected to come they were the sweetest thing going. The little boy that could not say his name out loud that the Center manager came behind and said his name and his quality and why. No one needed to know why the kid was precious. That and the fact that the teamwork camper seemed to be the one to be mayor and the leadership kid was a little more outspoken than the others.
For each group of campers the mayor would pick a quality and speak about it based on what the child had said. He elaborated on teamwork and leadership and how sometimes to be in charge he does not do what some people think is right but he does what he feels is best for the whole city based on the information he is provided by his team of employees and council members.
So when you get the team together and they don't agree they start to argue. And even as mayor he may not think the answer is the right answer but if you only have so many choices he would have to pick the choice that is best for today with the information he has been given. So just like in life all the choices are not simple I mean there are pluses and minuses to both the red and the blue pill (for you Matrix fans).Take the red pill and go back to life as it was or see what is behind door number 2 (Oh no that is a different show all together). Ok so you take the blue pill and who knows what will happen. Well really either way there is no way to know for sure what is going to happen. Life is not a movie or a game show. There is no door number 2. There is no do over. Just keep moving forward with the information in front of you and try to choose wisely. I have played the mayor in life. Many times. Some think the best way to solve a problem is with a hammer or a big stick. Others think a voice of reason should be heard by all. Some are not going to stick around to see what is going to be done. But to make sure that they are heard they will go to the meeting speak their piece and bail. Have I lost you or are you catching on. See that is the question for me as well.
The options I speak of are not for me. I am the farmer with the field that needs to be plowed and that is the only way to feed my family. And if it is only going to stop raining in the middle of the night I just have to turn the truck lights on and plow my field in the dark. So here I sit just after midnight trying to decide if I plow on left to right or right to left. I have seen both have similar results but some swear by one method and not the other. Thought we were talking about City Hall now I am talking about Farming. Well I watched a farming movie tonight. You know what a key ingredient to farming and City Hall? A lot of BS. Look I am so tired I am making jokes.
We are not talking about Red Pills or Blue Pills or Farming. We are not talking about City Hall. Since I can not say what we are talking about I will say that a lot of bright people can come together in the same room and discuss the same subject and when they all leave no decision had been made. I think this is why the President is but one man or may I say one day one woman. He or she has a council of very smart people that they can consult with but in the end the decision to sign the bill or veto is his or hers. Well unless some big pharmaceutical company has a hand in the pot or a farming conglomerate that wants to wipe out all the family farms and it is an election year. Well no one has offered me fame or fortune and I am not up for re-election but I am going to continue with the decision I have made after consulting my council. The choice is not easy I think that is what the rest of the counsil may not understand. The choices are not easy. They never are.But in the best interest of well, well I can not say but I will do as I always... What I feel is best.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Still making memories after all these years.
So it is 3 Am or 3'oclock in the morning and it looks like it is going to be another sleepless night... Two great songs that are what it is. 3 o'clock in the morning. Can't sleep. Thinking about what was and what has come of it. I know, Get to the point Jeanne. So I did go to my 30th High School Reunion. Anyone out there planning a reunion and really just want to talk and have a nice time take note. That does not take formal clothes and high priced rubber chicken. A few chicken wings and beers and a bunch of people that grew up in Clearwater looking over Clearwater Beach and remembering when... When we were young, or pretty or popular or not. When the beach was what it was and not what it is and how we were all glad that we grew up in the time that Crystal Palace and the skate shop were game rooms (arcades) and were places that kids congregated. We remembered the Howard Johnson's restaurant and the Memorial Civic Center and how many of us worked for Eckerd. Part-time, Full time, or Lifers like me. But even that has changed.
Band kids that have not picked up an instrument since band but still treasure every moment of playing and marching and all the friends along the way. I would like to make a quick shout out to my friend Jerry. A friend from elementary school. I just caught a glimpse of his name tag and I was so happy to see him. I wanted to tell him yes, I still have your trumpet and if you want it back swing by the house. We laughed. He had just been telling the people he was with that he never knew what happened to his old trumpet. Well I have been saving it. Not feeling right to get rid of it. It was not mine. But not knowing whatever happened to him to give it back. Now it is clear. I can do with it as I please. I think I will pass it on to an aspiring musician that doesn't know the trumpet might inspire him. I really think that seeing Jerry turned things around for the night for me. Made me realize the memories I have are shared. Not exactly the same memories. I had the trumpet and knew it and he didn't know what happened to it.
Another guy from band Bill, I remembered that I annoyed him. I have been carrying that for 30 years guess what. He wasn't annoyed by me. I am officially letting it go. So in some ways therapeutic that I went.
Friday night I mostly spoke to people I know. Brian and Kim and her husband. Mary and Mike beach kids. There is always that person that remembers me that I thought how could the coolest guy in high school remember me and was glad to see me. Yes. He was. And if you think it was you and you talked to me maybe you were the coolest guy in school. Or maybe that is just me remembering high school the way I remember high school. Still feeling like for the most part the people I spoke to were people I still speak to and not sure I really needed to go Saturday. But I was hoarse when I got home and glad to tell my mom about the beach kids I saw and they all said to tell my brother hello.
But Saturday night was really it for me I thought what the heck Brian and I don't get out much. But like I said Jerry turned things around. I stuck my neck out and said hello to people that I was not sure that they would know who I was but they did. People spoke to me that I was not sure I remembered. My favorite set of twins Peter and David again another pair that go all the way back to elementary school. What surprises me the most is how many of us still live around here and I never see them or run into them at the grocery store.
I spoke to people from the neighborhood I lived in when I was little. Just a mile from where we live now. And we all reminisced about remember where this one lived or that one. And if you remember that one do you remember this one. Whatever happened to them? People that rode the school bus together or were in middle school together. Or toilet papered houses together or whatever we did. It was in good fun. Cleaned up plenty of toilet paper as well.
There were people I miss that were not there. People I asked about that no one seemed to know about. My dear friend Jane. Man I miss her. I have so many fun memories. I told someone about us making perogies or going to Mister Submarine and getting my still all time favorite sandwich a Roast beef with everything that we would split at all ours of the night. She was a Pepsi girl all the way back then. If you are reading this and know her tell her I say hi. And think of all our fun often.
I wish I could name everyone it was great to see. But if I do I will forget someone and I don't want to do that so I am going to say I am so glad I spoke to all of you. My voice was so hoarse on Sunday at work and Monday. But it will recover. And now you all know that we live between Caponga's and Dairy Kurl and if you want pizza or ice cream don't hesitate to stop by we will be glad to go.
Hope it doesn't take another 20 years before we get together again.
Band kids that have not picked up an instrument since band but still treasure every moment of playing and marching and all the friends along the way. I would like to make a quick shout out to my friend Jerry. A friend from elementary school. I just caught a glimpse of his name tag and I was so happy to see him. I wanted to tell him yes, I still have your trumpet and if you want it back swing by the house. We laughed. He had just been telling the people he was with that he never knew what happened to his old trumpet. Well I have been saving it. Not feeling right to get rid of it. It was not mine. But not knowing whatever happened to him to give it back. Now it is clear. I can do with it as I please. I think I will pass it on to an aspiring musician that doesn't know the trumpet might inspire him. I really think that seeing Jerry turned things around for the night for me. Made me realize the memories I have are shared. Not exactly the same memories. I had the trumpet and knew it and he didn't know what happened to it.
Another guy from band Bill, I remembered that I annoyed him. I have been carrying that for 30 years guess what. He wasn't annoyed by me. I am officially letting it go. So in some ways therapeutic that I went.
Friday night I mostly spoke to people I know. Brian and Kim and her husband. Mary and Mike beach kids. There is always that person that remembers me that I thought how could the coolest guy in high school remember me and was glad to see me. Yes. He was. And if you think it was you and you talked to me maybe you were the coolest guy in school. Or maybe that is just me remembering high school the way I remember high school. Still feeling like for the most part the people I spoke to were people I still speak to and not sure I really needed to go Saturday. But I was hoarse when I got home and glad to tell my mom about the beach kids I saw and they all said to tell my brother hello.
But Saturday night was really it for me I thought what the heck Brian and I don't get out much. But like I said Jerry turned things around. I stuck my neck out and said hello to people that I was not sure that they would know who I was but they did. People spoke to me that I was not sure I remembered. My favorite set of twins Peter and David again another pair that go all the way back to elementary school. What surprises me the most is how many of us still live around here and I never see them or run into them at the grocery store.
I spoke to people from the neighborhood I lived in when I was little. Just a mile from where we live now. And we all reminisced about remember where this one lived or that one. And if you remember that one do you remember this one. Whatever happened to them? People that rode the school bus together or were in middle school together. Or toilet papered houses together or whatever we did. It was in good fun. Cleaned up plenty of toilet paper as well.
There were people I miss that were not there. People I asked about that no one seemed to know about. My dear friend Jane. Man I miss her. I have so many fun memories. I told someone about us making perogies or going to Mister Submarine and getting my still all time favorite sandwich a Roast beef with everything that we would split at all ours of the night. She was a Pepsi girl all the way back then. If you are reading this and know her tell her I say hi. And think of all our fun often.
I wish I could name everyone it was great to see. But if I do I will forget someone and I don't want to do that so I am going to say I am so glad I spoke to all of you. My voice was so hoarse on Sunday at work and Monday. But it will recover. And now you all know that we live between Caponga's and Dairy Kurl and if you want pizza or ice cream don't hesitate to stop by we will be glad to go.
Hope it doesn't take another 20 years before we get together again.
Monday, July 27, 2015
30 Years Later
So I am not sure where time goes. One day I was young and would never grow up and the next day I have gray hair and need glasses to read. Where did all the days in between go.There were weddings and funerals. Babies were born and birthday parties.We bought a house and moved. But that was just a few of all these days that have past by. I just calculated 10,950 days give or take since high school. All but a year of all those days I have worked. So a little college a lot of working and a lot of being married. It is all good. So as I look back and wish for the things I missed but I am happy for the things I have. But honestly how could it be 30 years.
I find it funny in the last few weeks people I haven't seen or heard from in years have requested to be my friend on Facebook. I guess with the reunion coming up they see my name and think man I wonder what she has been up to. The funny thing is some of us still live right here in Clearwater. One just yesterday. Katie. Katie and I went to school with her from Skycrest Elementary School, Kennedy Middle School and Clearwater High School. We went to the same church. I have seen her at that same church since. I remember her son was an alter boy and very faithful young man and how she was very proud of him as I am sure she is of all her kids. Not sure how many she has. We grew up in that church had our first communion and our confirmation together. But somehow lost touch. I have been an off again on again church goer for a long time. But not to single her out there is Brian from elementary school as well and Carrie. There are so many from band in high school. Nancy and Linda and Peggy and Mike and Tom and Kim... I know there are some that are no longer with us. I just really don't know where all the days went.
I attended our 10 year reunion and felt out of place. Some people recognized me but said my name wrong. So you are reading my name tag but my face it is familiar. I did not go to the 20 or 25 what ever they had. I thought why go. I am not one to have something to gloat about. I am not a Dr. I have not discovered a cure for cancer or have I walked on the moon. Just a lot of back and forth to and from work. Putting in the hours and the days that are my life. Now it has only been in the last few days that I thought well what the heck. Why not go. This is not one of those reunions like the 10 year that was very expensive. And just maybe this will be fun.
I must say I am nervous. Maybe I will not be recognized and maybe no one will know my name. I don't know am I as unremarkable as I make myself out to be? But I think Friday night Brian and I will go out and have a nice time and visit with some people I have not seen in years and hope that maybe some old friends will become new friends again. Saturday night well that all depends on how Friday night goes. I will let you know how things work out but for those of you that are not as old as me and are wondering when you will be old enough don't blink or you will miss it.
Happy 30th Reunion to the Clearwater High Class of 1985
I find it funny in the last few weeks people I haven't seen or heard from in years have requested to be my friend on Facebook. I guess with the reunion coming up they see my name and think man I wonder what she has been up to. The funny thing is some of us still live right here in Clearwater. One just yesterday. Katie. Katie and I went to school with her from Skycrest Elementary School, Kennedy Middle School and Clearwater High School. We went to the same church. I have seen her at that same church since. I remember her son was an alter boy and very faithful young man and how she was very proud of him as I am sure she is of all her kids. Not sure how many she has. We grew up in that church had our first communion and our confirmation together. But somehow lost touch. I have been an off again on again church goer for a long time. But not to single her out there is Brian from elementary school as well and Carrie. There are so many from band in high school. Nancy and Linda and Peggy and Mike and Tom and Kim... I know there are some that are no longer with us. I just really don't know where all the days went.
I attended our 10 year reunion and felt out of place. Some people recognized me but said my name wrong. So you are reading my name tag but my face it is familiar. I did not go to the 20 or 25 what ever they had. I thought why go. I am not one to have something to gloat about. I am not a Dr. I have not discovered a cure for cancer or have I walked on the moon. Just a lot of back and forth to and from work. Putting in the hours and the days that are my life. Now it has only been in the last few days that I thought well what the heck. Why not go. This is not one of those reunions like the 10 year that was very expensive. And just maybe this will be fun.
I must say I am nervous. Maybe I will not be recognized and maybe no one will know my name. I don't know am I as unremarkable as I make myself out to be? But I think Friday night Brian and I will go out and have a nice time and visit with some people I have not seen in years and hope that maybe some old friends will become new friends again. Saturday night well that all depends on how Friday night goes. I will let you know how things work out but for those of you that are not as old as me and are wondering when you will be old enough don't blink or you will miss it.
Happy 30th Reunion to the Clearwater High Class of 1985
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Graduation Stadium
So this week was Clearwater High School's Graduation. It was at Brighthouse Field which is not far from the office I work at. From our windows we could see the fireworks they had at the end of the ceremony. Amazing. Fireworks for a graduation. Back in my day we were happy it didn't rain. No fireworks. It seems crazy because back in my day was 30 years ago. And this summer is my classes 30 year reunion from Clearwater High School. 30 years. 30 years ago I was only 17 when I graduated. I heard the speeches about how we had our whole lives ahead of us. We sang "We are the World" during our graduation swaying back and forth in front of our parents and friends. Not sure where all those years went.
My class graduated as all the classes before that I can remember at Jack White Stadium at Clearwater High School. I guess once the new bigger stadium was built in the early 2000's was when graduation was moved. But I have wondered most of my life who was Jack White. Did he go to Clearwater High. Was he a football player or principal? Well ironically in this summer of my 30th Reunion I found out who Jack White was while doing some local genealogy research.
Jack White neither attended Clearwater High nor worked there. He was actually a county judge born in 1898 in Jackson, Tennessee. He attended the University in Colorado Springs,Co and Jackson, TN and earned his Teaching Certificate. After serving as a Marine in World War I, Jack attended the University of Virginia Law School and graduated in 1922. He was married and moved to Florida in the 1920's during the land boom. Jack White was a major player in getting the stadium built at the new Clearwater High School that his 3 sons attended.Clearwater High moved to it's current location on Hercules Ave and Gulf to Bay Blvd in 1954. As the building was being built the idea was proposed to have a stadium built at the High School. The stadium was completed in 1950 and a few football games were played there that season but at that time the stadium was called Central Pinellas Stadium. It was not until 1963 that the Judge finally gave in and agreed to have the stadium named after him for all of his work organizing the imitative to have the stadium built. "He was committed to the community and believed strongly in youth sports as a character building.", From A Life of Service Jack F. White. Jack passed away in 1965.
As amazing as that is over 50 years of football games and track meets and band competitions as well as pep rallies and home coming parades and graduations had all been held for Clearwater High at Jack White Stadium. I only attended Clearwater High for 4 years between 1981 and 1985. But I remember as a young child being able to hear the band playing in the stadium on Friday nights just as I can today from my house. I lived about a mile or so south of the high school when I was young and I now live about a mile west of the high school. I attended every Varsity football game and even a years worth of Junior Varsity games while my brother played. I attended stadium band practices at least twice a week. One night practice a week during football season and a walk through on Friday afternoon after school. Marched in numerous band competitions and I attended all graduations while I was in high school. The band always played Crimson and Grey the school song and the National Anthem and of course Pomp and Circumstance. My graduation was not the end of me visiting the stadium. I watched my niece cheer for Clearwater For Youth on Saturday afternoons and I have attended my siblings Graduations and Band Competitions since.
So it seems strange with so much history and life in the stadium that the school officials would have the graduation at a stadium a mile or so away. Oh it is nice and fancy and has more seats and a jumbo tron screen with fireworks but I know kids don't look around and remember all their high school memories as I did and do each time I go to Jack White stadium.
I was thinking tonight about the band directors Mr. Hacker that past away when I was a Sophomore and Mr. Smith and Mr. Kelsey and also the drum major when I was a Freshman and Sophomore Wendell. He did flips across the field as the band marched on the field and Jay and Bill and Chris and Wendy just a few more drum majors. Then there were the people I marched next to. Tony and Dwight and Bill. Sandra and Jane and Kim. My other friend Kim that was a majorette and all the Tornadoettes and all the flag girls. I don't even think they have Tornadoettes anymore. 30 years and I remember names and places we stood on the field and in parade line up and even some of the music we played. Lionel Richie's Still. The song has a section that the music gets quiet and at that point we turned to face away from the stadium and as the music builds back up we turned back towards the stadium. The details I remember marching under the stadium and feeling the vibration of the drums cadence in my chest. Beating with my heart with pride in a school that has been there for years before me and is still there 30 years later. The parents that worked selflessly making cotton candy, snow cones, pouring cokes and cooking hotdogs for all. I still have pride in being part of the original CHS. You know there is that other one that couldn't come up with other letters to use but they are not original. They didn't even get their start until the mid 80's.
I also remember some of the football players a few All Americans in my time Terry Griggley and Hassan Jones. These were the star players in my day. I even wrote a blog last year about running into Hassan at every band members favorite after game eatery Capongna's Dugout only a block from my house. Still there still the same good food and the memories of Clearwater High and Jack White Stadium hang on the walls.
So now at 3 o'clock in the morning I want to thank Jack White for his contribution not only to my life but for his contribution to the community as well as his family for having a great website in his honor which was where I gathered most of my information on Jack. But my memories in that stadium will stay with me forever. Just like the man it was named for.
My class graduated as all the classes before that I can remember at Jack White Stadium at Clearwater High School. I guess once the new bigger stadium was built in the early 2000's was when graduation was moved. But I have wondered most of my life who was Jack White. Did he go to Clearwater High. Was he a football player or principal? Well ironically in this summer of my 30th Reunion I found out who Jack White was while doing some local genealogy research.Jack White neither attended Clearwater High nor worked there. He was actually a county judge born in 1898 in Jackson, Tennessee. He attended the University in Colorado Springs,Co and Jackson, TN and earned his Teaching Certificate. After serving as a Marine in World War I, Jack attended the University of Virginia Law School and graduated in 1922. He was married and moved to Florida in the 1920's during the land boom. Jack White was a major player in getting the stadium built at the new Clearwater High School that his 3 sons attended.Clearwater High moved to it's current location on Hercules Ave and Gulf to Bay Blvd in 1954. As the building was being built the idea was proposed to have a stadium built at the High School. The stadium was completed in 1950 and a few football games were played there that season but at that time the stadium was called Central Pinellas Stadium. It was not until 1963 that the Judge finally gave in and agreed to have the stadium named after him for all of his work organizing the imitative to have the stadium built. "He was committed to the community and believed strongly in youth sports as a character building.", From A Life of Service Jack F. White. Jack passed away in 1965.
As amazing as that is over 50 years of football games and track meets and band competitions as well as pep rallies and home coming parades and graduations had all been held for Clearwater High at Jack White Stadium. I only attended Clearwater High for 4 years between 1981 and 1985. But I remember as a young child being able to hear the band playing in the stadium on Friday nights just as I can today from my house. I lived about a mile or so south of the high school when I was young and I now live about a mile west of the high school. I attended every Varsity football game and even a years worth of Junior Varsity games while my brother played. I attended stadium band practices at least twice a week. One night practice a week during football season and a walk through on Friday afternoon after school. Marched in numerous band competitions and I attended all graduations while I was in high school. The band always played Crimson and Grey the school song and the National Anthem and of course Pomp and Circumstance. My graduation was not the end of me visiting the stadium. I watched my niece cheer for Clearwater For Youth on Saturday afternoons and I have attended my siblings Graduations and Band Competitions since.
So it seems strange with so much history and life in the stadium that the school officials would have the graduation at a stadium a mile or so away. Oh it is nice and fancy and has more seats and a jumbo tron screen with fireworks but I know kids don't look around and remember all their high school memories as I did and do each time I go to Jack White stadium.I was thinking tonight about the band directors Mr. Hacker that past away when I was a Sophomore and Mr. Smith and Mr. Kelsey and also the drum major when I was a Freshman and Sophomore Wendell. He did flips across the field as the band marched on the field and Jay and Bill and Chris and Wendy just a few more drum majors. Then there were the people I marched next to. Tony and Dwight and Bill. Sandra and Jane and Kim. My other friend Kim that was a majorette and all the Tornadoettes and all the flag girls. I don't even think they have Tornadoettes anymore. 30 years and I remember names and places we stood on the field and in parade line up and even some of the music we played. Lionel Richie's Still. The song has a section that the music gets quiet and at that point we turned to face away from the stadium and as the music builds back up we turned back towards the stadium. The details I remember marching under the stadium and feeling the vibration of the drums cadence in my chest. Beating with my heart with pride in a school that has been there for years before me and is still there 30 years later. The parents that worked selflessly making cotton candy, snow cones, pouring cokes and cooking hotdogs for all. I still have pride in being part of the original CHS. You know there is that other one that couldn't come up with other letters to use but they are not original. They didn't even get their start until the mid 80's.
I also remember some of the football players a few All Americans in my time Terry Griggley and Hassan Jones. These were the star players in my day. I even wrote a blog last year about running into Hassan at every band members favorite after game eatery Capongna's Dugout only a block from my house. Still there still the same good food and the memories of Clearwater High and Jack White Stadium hang on the walls.
So now at 3 o'clock in the morning I want to thank Jack White for his contribution not only to my life but for his contribution to the community as well as his family for having a great website in his honor which was where I gathered most of my information on Jack. But my memories in that stadium will stay with me forever. Just like the man it was named for.
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