Birthday Surprise

Today would be mom's 75 th birthday. Me the genealogist has always found it interesting that some days seem to repeat in a family that my birthday was the day my aunt and uncle got married and that one of my sisters birthday was my grand parents anniversary and that same sister had her daughter on another sister's birthday. We sometimes had 3 birthdays grouped together so we would share a celebration. My brother, my dad and I are birthdays are all within 2 weeks so we shared. My mom and grandma were within a week and then came the derby and mother's day and another sister's birthday. See things group together. Well in the youngest generation I have a niece who's birthday is the day before mom's and a great niece that is the day after. Unfortunately mom didn't live to see the princess be born. She loves Elsa or maybe she is Elsa. Parenthesis around mom which basically fill the gap this time of year that mom and grandma left empty. Gives a reason to celebrate when otherwise we might be sad or reflective. Well, I am always reflective.

That is what I am writing about this early morning. My niece who's birthday was yesterday. She turned 18 a milestone of birthdays. But in this time of Pandemic my sister wasn't sure what to do for her birthday. For my friend's birthday years ago I had her flocked. Where they put out a bunch of flamingos in her front yard and a big sign that said she turned 50. She lives on a busy street so it was quite the seen and well worth the money for the fun. So my sister and I looked into this last week to see if someone still does that sort of thing and a we did. The company FlocknSurprise. The owner was great. Well we decided we have too much time on our hands and we made signs to go along with the cows that were put out and the rather large sign that said, Holy Cow. Any cow pun we could come up with and some were udderly ridiculous. That was the sort of thing that we made enough to spread across the yard. Everyone contributed signs. And she had no idea. Her younger sister told her she approved of the birthday surprise which I guess in teenage lingo it was cool. At one point she told her sister they were getting a real cow for her. My sister bought cow bells for everyone.

Last week I started thinking about writing a letter to my niece. To share some of my memories of her life and to show her that sometimes things don't work out the way you think they are going to but they do work out. I told my sister last week in front of my younger niece and she joked Aunt Jeanne is writing a 3 page card. I said well, it is 3 pages long but may be more when I am done.Well as the wind started to pick up this very early morning and the thunder and lightning woke me. I got up for a drink and saw I had a text message on my phone. My now adult niece text me a mile long text thanking me for the letter and the poems. See I tied things in life to poems like Robert Frost The Road not Taken and Emily Dickenson's The Brain is Bigger than the Sky. I wanted to share things she might enjoy as well as show people have different ways of expressing themselves. At first I only added the titles of the poems and a short quote but I decided that she may not google them so I would print them out for her to read. I told her yesterday when she opened the card that she didn't need to read it now and I hoped she could read cursive since I wrote it by hand, I joked otherwise you will have to have your mom read it to you. But she assured me that she could read cursive and would read it.

That mile long text I got that I will probably save and never delete. A simple text message which validated my existence. I know that seems extreme but one of the things my mother used to say was it wasn't so bad that I didn't have kids. That I had already raised my brother and sisters and two parents. By the way that doesn't make a childless woman feel any better. But this morning my niece said that she loved experiencing things with me. That she enjoyed reading my memories and comparing them to her own and how we see things different but she likes to see things with me to see how I understand them to be. Because I know something about the world. As even the non-parent that I am I know that if a 18 year old acknowledges an adults opinion of anything is significant.

So today on my mom's birthday I have been validated as a person by a younger generation. Maybe not my own child but that of my sister's. The trips we take were so that I could have a few days per year to share life with 3 kids that I love. And in the last 5 years we have visited Thomas Edison's house, snorkeled with a scientist, visited a butterfly garden, gone on glass bottom boat ridesl seen wild horses (nay, nay's) as the girls called them and gone to a Submarine Museum.


All the while not sure if what I wanted to share was what they wanted to experience, but I learned today that they do enjoy the times we spend together and I do make a difference. That makes life worth it and we are going to plan a trip to some museums this summer.

Kids Life

Back at Thanksgiving I wrote about the holiday and the kids that live across the street. These kids live in a group home. We have lived across the street from this group home for 17 years so those kids back then probably have kids of their own by now. The thing I wrote about at Thanksgiving was my frustration with the kids and the people that worked there. How within the month of November I guessed the police had been out 30 times to the house. I under estimated by a lot. It was more than 60 times. My frustration made me take action and after visiting the police station and actually being told if there was anything wrong they would be shut down. Give me a break if the cops have been at the same address 60 times in one month the least there is, is something wrong.

Well today I am sitting in my front window and the kids are playing tether ball and yesterday I actually saw one of the adults that worked there out playing ball with the kids in the street. Now I know some of you think I am crazy but I wanted to walk out and say Thanks... So this morning as I started to sit down at the computer I thought I have some outdoor toys in the garage. I went out and found them and took them over. The boys that were out playing I asked if they could check with someone that worked there to see if I could give the toys to them. They came back out with the same adult that was out playing with them yesterday. I explained that I live across the street and I appreciate the work they are doing and the improvements that have been made. I handed over the stuff to the boys and they said thank you and have a nice day.

I did ask the adult if there was anything they needed and if so to let me know and I said we live just across the street. I explained my experiences and he had not worked there back in November but he knows what I am referring to.

To say that I was pleased would be an understatement.

The thing I wanted to write about is life experiences and that some are different than others and just because people don't have the same experiences that you did doesn't make them less of a person. It just makes them different. Those boys don't have parents that love them in the traditional sense. I don't know if they do at all, but I know that people care and those kids know who they are.

People with children always say they want better for their kids. Better by the standards of which they were brought up. If you grew up working hard maybe you want your kids to play more. Maybe my childhood I worried to much about others and I would hope that if I had a kid they wouldn't have to worry but that wouldn't mean I wouldn't want them to work hard and play hard. Everything in proportion. I know that kids today don't have responsibilities and I understand the world is different than when I was a kid. I am pretty sure what I would want my kid to be able to do is different than others. Kids need to know right from wrong and there are consequences. They need to learn who they can trust and how to manage money. These are the things that will make your kids good adults.

When my nieces and nephew were young I would hold them and talk to them like they were adults. Telling them things about making good choices and things I wanted to do with them when they got older. My one sister came home and asked what I was doing. I said, telling them all the things they won't want me to when they are older. God, I love those kids.  I teased my nephew he had to love me more than his mom so he would take care of me when I get old. I don't think my mother or grandmother thought that way but after taking care of both at the end of their lives I know how important it is to have someone that cares taking care of you.

I know I have covered a bunch of subjects but while you are home with your kids maybe show them how to pay the bills. They don't have to know that you worry about where the money is coming from just show them that it is due and you have to pay it. The rest they will learn in time.

My younger self

I was just looking for an idea for a writing prompt and it said to write a letter to your 14 year old self.

What would I say to that girl? Often if asked if I could do it again would I? I have always thought no. When I think of all the years that go by for some reason the hard things always come to mind first. I don't first think of my successes. So why would I want to relive my failures. Would I succeed where I failed the first time. Or would I fail where I first succeeded. Would I know the difference.

I wouldn't want to take a chance that I somehow wouldn't have met Brian. I don't know which things I would risk not doing that made me the person I am and which things I would do different that would change my entire life.

But if I was to give a 14 year old today advice about life.
Be true to yourself. 
Be honest with everyone. The truth is so much easier to remember. And the first rule I have always referred to is Never go back. 
Don't write anything down you don't want everyone to read. 
Don't say anything you wouldn't say in front of your mother.

Dear young girl,
Maybe you are related to me, if so I know you have opinions on everything. My mother was the queen of having an opinion. As her youngest grandson Paul would call her Bull Headed. A funny thing for her to be called since when she was young her family referred to her as Sitting Bull.

Mom did what she wanted and if that meant standing out behind her work smoking a cigarette with the men she shouldn't have been associating with in that day and age. Well, she did it. That same woman taught us that your station in life isn't important if you are a good person. Rich or poor it just doesn't matter. Mom grew up in a time and place where you didn't associate with people that were different than you. Yet somehow she taught us there are good and bad people everywhere.

A great piece of advice for you is that middle school and high school seem like forever but as you get older you will realize that those years are just a blip on the screen and there is so much more after that.  When people are mean it is usually because they truly don't like them self. They hurt others to make them self feel powerful. But those are the weakest people. They throw their weight around to see what they can get away with. Be nice and walk away. Always remember: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is advice as old as the written word but there are no truer words. There is actually satisfaction to be had by being nice to someone that can't say a nice thing to you. As one of my favorite store managers told me just tell them to have a nice day. What can they say back to that. Well, I had a lady throw a box of medicine at me once because I told her to have a nice day. Still makes me smile today.

You will not be able to do everything right and you will treat people poorly. You will make mistakes. Recognize them as just that and improve yourself. You will befriend people you shouldn't and when you realize it cut your losses and walk away.

I have told the story many times that a boyfriend that I had been with for years. I thought we would get married after high school. Thought we would have kids and live happily ever after. It didn't work out that way and once I caught myself lying to him. I knew that I had to walk away. The friend I went to when it was over, funny thing is that was where he was going also. He had been seeing her behind my back. I sometimes think I wasted the years crying over this guy that I was just trying to please and there was no way I could. He didn't ever worry about making me happy. That is something to look for. If someone says they love you and they won't stick their neck out for you or defend your honor. You might want to think about not defending their's anymore.

A rebound is a rebound. Don't try to make it more. If a bad thing gets you out of a worse situation take it for what it is and keep it moving. It may seem counter productive but sometimes even a bad move is better than staying where you are.

 Realize that your time is precious don't waste it. In the same vain sometimes you have to be quiet and by yourself. Be happy with that person you are with. Know that she has a pure heart and means well. If she doesn't help her to do better. Yes, be nice to yourself. You are worth the effort.

True friends are the family you choose. Choose wisely and they will last forever. When they ask your opinion tell the truth but all the same expect the truth when you ask that of them. That is how you will know your friendship is pure. Those are the relationships that can last a lifetime. I can tell you I have been blessed with friends. Friends that tell me the truth and lift me up when I am down. And in the same turn I will lift anyone up that I can.

One truth in life is everything changes. Love where you are but know it isn't forever. Years of school become years of work. And one job sometimes leads to another and other times it leads to unemployment. Whatever happens keep moving forward.

I hope after reading this that you know you are capable of whatever you want to do. You can love others but have to love yourself first. That doesn't mean to hurt others for your own gain. The people you meet on your way up the ladder of life, they will be there on your way back down. Weather they help you or hurt you may depend on how you treated them.

Whoever you are know you are loved. That those that came before you, tried to make the world better for you. When I say hello to a stranger it was in hopes that someday someone will say hello to you when you need it. Smile and let them know how much it means to you. It may be what they needed to hear.

Love,
Aunt Jeanne

Thanksgiving

I suppose my Thanksgiving started like yours. I started by making my favorite food fresh cranberries. Followed up by my first attempt at a pumpkin pie. Last nights pecan pie wasn't quite the success I wanted a little over cooked but hopefully edible. This morning's pumpkin pie was a little runnier than I would have liked but seemed to shape up ok. Funny thing with pie is there is no way to know for sure until you cut into it. I might be a failure but won't know for sure until I present them to my whole family later today. Hopefully not.

So my favorite thing for Thanksgiving morning is to watch the the Macy's day parade. Not really the parade but the Broadway show actors that highlight songs and dancing before the parade starts. It is really to fill the space in front of Macy's for the hour it takes for the parade to get to that spot. But always ends with the Rockettes another favorite of mine. All of these homey moments brought to you by Hallmark or something like that was interrupted by kids outside.

Now these neighborhood kids are not the children or grandchildren of my neighbors. These kids are residents at a group home. The house has been a group home the entire time we have lived here and has changed the types of kids that have lived here over the years. When we first moved in it was runaway kids and foster kids needing a place to stay. Sometimes just until their parents picked them up and others much longer. Back then the man that ran the house was very involved and Brian and I would make donations when we could of items they needed. Sometimes that was games and toys or books. Sometimes it was sharing a few moments on Christmas morning with kids that didn't have anywhere else to be and no one else to be with. We would get them a new set of pajamas and a backpack full of things that kids normally have. They each got their own. Some of my best Christmas moments with kids were spent with kids that I don't know their names or what happened to them next. I just wanted us to be a positive moment for kids that don't have a lot of positive in their lives.

Later the home changed to housing teenage pregnant girls again. When we could we would share things with the girls. This was fun to buy nail polish, fluffy socks and things teenage girls would enjoy. Well last year when the government shutdown the house lost their funding and closed. It sat empty for probably 6 months. Then we started to see the stirring of people around the house but this time things are different. Mostly boys now I don't know what they are there for but they seem to have quite a bit of trouble at the house because almost daily we have a squad of police cars in front of our house. Now in the beginning we would have the police usually dropping off runaways a safe place for them until their parents could pick them up. But now the police are coming to arrest kids. I don't know what for but in the last couple months it has been daily events of police cars, paddy wagons and ambulances.

Our neighborhood is not very neighborly most of the people that live on our street are renters of duplexes, some houses are empty and even after more than 15 years we only know a few neighbors.
So back to this morning and the boys out front smoking in front of my house. It frustrated me because one of the adults that works at the house walked out and was watching but since the boys were in the street he didn't do anything. After a few minutes I walked outside and asked what they were doing. The two younger boys went back across the street and the older stood there and smoked. He didn't care. I get it he is 18 but the adults running this place have no control and clearly these kids have no respect. The best the adult could say was that lady is going to call the cops. So now it is my fault that these kids are going to get in trouble.

I have asked the police about the house and what is going on and Brian has joked that they might as well have a sub station there. We have now found out the name of the company that runs the home. I will be making a phone call on Friday. But while I took a shower this morning. You know that is where my best thinking comes. I thought I need to spin this in a positive way. Not for the company but for the kids. My interest is selfish. I want to be safe at my home but I also don't want these kids to believe all adults are the enemy. They also need to believe that they can make their situation better.

Who am I to believe I have any idea what these kids are going through. I can only imagine what these kids think of the world. In times of tragedy like after Hurricane Katrina I told Brian I can't watch anymore of the suffering if I am unable to help. So here I stand in my own house and I look out the window seeing these kids and the only reason to lash out like this is that no one has shown them a better way. Or if they have they haven't shown them that they are capable of changing their ways.

So I am going to make a phone call not to complain but to try to fix this problem. If whomever this group is that is running the house is interested in fixing the problem. I will help them find a way but if they aren't well. Then I will have to work a different direction. But these kids aren't going to think of the lady across the street to be the one that calls the cops. I will also not stop the cops from doing their jobs. I taught some of the girls that many years ago when I helped.

Those moments make differences. Maybe not today. But one day some of these kids will remember that there was a positive influence in their lives and there was someone to show them the way to a better future for themselves and my little corner of the world.

Battle of Perryville

Deep breath, and then a sigh. I have been so busy lately with so much stuff. I have now been working with the Historical Society for 2 years now. And I have been volunteering weekly and enjoy it more than I probably should. A lady that came in the museum the other day said something as I was telling her about what we had we started talking and she said, "I don't know if I want to look around or sit and talk to you." That was a great compliment for a person who likes to tell stories about this place that I grew up. Another lady I met one day wrote a book about Dunedin and the Fenway Hotel. It was a very slow day at the museum but as soon as she said she was published I was fascinated by every word she said. She was so nice once I told her of my interest in writing she asked me to join her writing group.

 This bunch of ladies are so smart. They all have experience I don't as far as writing. To me writing is me and a piece of paper and pen or a blank screen and a keyboard. My brain barely engaged. My fingers know what to type sometimes when I have no idea what I need to say. So this group of ladies has not only inspired me to work on getting something I have written published but in the back of my head I have always wanted to get my Aunt Jan's manuscript published. It is about the Civil War.

She wrote about being a soldier and my great-great-great grandfather's part in the war. Speaking of battles and brigades and things I remember her researching when I was a kid. After travelling to Perryville, Kentucky she came home with a civil war button and a bullet for each of my brother and sisters.

The last couple weeks I started typing word for word her words. Matching her comma for comma. I had never sat down and read the whole thing until I finished last night. And as I got to the end I wondered how she would end it. I mean the battle that in that day was known to be one of the bloodiest battles the shear number of men lost just made me stop when you say 54,000 Union soldiers.Over 4,000 left on the battlefield is just so many people. For a comparison in 1860 in Louisville, Kentucky which is where my relative was from the population was only 100,000. Then I think about Bardstown Road probably the path they took marching from Louisville to Bardstown and then to Perryville. Well thanks to Google I know that walking that far would take about 24 hours. Now imagine being thirsty because they were short of water and the water they had was contaminated. It is October and probably cool at night again Google says 45 for a low and 68 for a high.

 About 14 years ago Brian and I went to a re-enactment there at Perryville. The battlefield is now a park. There was a house that was still standing at that time that had been used by a doctor to try to help the injured. While we were there that day they had what they called a ghost walk in the evening it was like walking through a cemetery and having the ghosts stop and tell you how it was for him. They read letters that were written from the battlefield and told accounts of the battle. Then there is a part of me that was there that day. Edmond didn't know that over a hundred years later someone would write about him. Or that I would travel to the place one day. Or that I would come back years later with two more generations of his descendants. He didn't know any of that back then. I am not even sure why he was there. He had only been here in the US less than 10 years. Was he just trying to make money or did he believe in the cause or did he not want to deal with the death of his wife and his two small daughters at home. Whichever way it was for Edmond. I know it seems strange but I know some bit of me was there. Even though these are not places that I have ever lived I have visited many times in my life that somehow I am connected to that place. My mother's side of the family lived in Louisville since before the Civil War until 1962 when her family moved to Florida.

As usual I got a little off but someday 100 years from now one of my great great nieces or nephews may read these words and know that some part of them was here with me tonight. There is a part of my heart that is old as the sun and the moon. And it is in that old soul that I connect with things most don't.

My aunt ended with a short family tree and some of the documents from Edmond's time as a Union soldier. So I am getting closer to my goal of getting it published. I need to scan her images, maps and documents then I am going to try to send an excerpt to a publisher. I know when I do Edmond and Jan will be there. Wish them luck.

Friends forever

Tonight, I wanted to write about Friendship.. I am not a person with a million followers on Facebook or Snapchat (which I don't even have). I have what I would call true friends. Those are friends that you know, in person. Friends that you share life with not just share pictures of your live with. These are the friends that you call and will always answer. The ones that you can reach out to and they will be there to catch you, hold you or listen to you.

Romanticizing friendship on Social Media people say how important their friends are but how often do you hold your hand out and know there is going to be someone reaching back. It doesn't matter if life is good or not. If I am happy or sad. There are friends in my life that I know that if I pick up the phone they are there. And even if God only knows I would never not be there for them.

A week or so ago, I was telling someone at work about one of my friends and said how we had been friends for more than 30 years. I actually have more of those than work friends. Somehow my work friends usually become the 30 year kind. I am sure she can't fathom having friends that long since she probably isn't 30 years old. I feel like just like furniture and everything else in a 20 something's life friends are also disposable. There is nothing further from the truth. To have a friend you knew in middle school at my age each time we get together we can talk about the same good times and have the same memories and same feelings good or bad, happy or sad. Feelings of appreciation for the times we have shared even if they are years apart.

Changes happen and sometimes I don't see an old friend for a long time but then meet up with one of those 30 year friends that I haven't seen in that amount of time but it doesn't matter. There is something about a true friend no matter when the last time you talked or why it has been so long. When we get together all that matters is that we are there. I had another that I met up a few years back and we shared so many of the same things in life you don't realize all the ups and downs until you are reviewing that many years in one sitting.

You ask what is the purpose of all this friend talk. It is to say Thanks. Thanks for always being there. For always having my back. And if you are reading this and I have know you forever I consider you one of those people that if you reach out I will be there and please never forget. I am here for you. Even if you aren't 30 years old. There are a few of you out there that just aren't as old as me but I have probably known you most of your life. I am there for you as well.  Love you.

Sailing Away

I started this post about 6 months ago after I watched a video called "Stories from the Stage" one of my newer loves is someone standing up in front of total strangers and telling a bit about them self. That day a woman of about my age told of wanting to quit everything to live her dream and after much anguish she did. Since I am the reliable steadfast type it is hard for me to imagine sticking my neck out that far. I mean I wouldn't have a steady paycheck or insurance. How could I be so reckless?
My dream would be to sail a sailboat up the Mississippi River and then the Ohio River. Why? Because it is something my dad talked about when we were kids building a boat and sail it up to Ohio and see if he could get all the way to where his brother, my Uncle Chuck lived. That was from when I was less than 10 years old. Uncle Chuck died when I was in middle school but I have never forgotten that my dad wanted to do that. Maybe it was his dream to get away but more likely with him it was to prove that he could do it. That is why I do most of the things I do. Just so I can prove to myself I can do anything I put my mind to.

Dad did build that sailboat in our driveway as kids. We used to sit on the deck in the driveway sunning ourselves. We have pictures of every step of the building process from plans. First the wooden frame and then he built the fiberglass hull and created something from nothing. He had a party when the hull was finished to flip it over. I can't remember how many guys it took to get the hull flipped from upside down to right side up in a cradle that still holds it today.. That boat moved from one driveway to another at least 3 times.  That boat has never floated. It has never quite been finished and now that I am well past the age which he started it still seems like a project that needs to be finished and honestly I have no idea what it would take other than hard work.

I think about the sailing adventure and stopping along the way and meeting new people and having old friends visit me as I travel along. I have watched plenty of movies about sailing adventures and most don't end up as the sailor expects. There is always that unplanned hurricane, crashing into a cargo container or the mast breaking. These are scenes from one of those movies Brian wouldn't watch All is Lost. Now the title does kinda give away it isn't gonna be the best trip ever. But it is one of those movies that there is no dialog except for a few expletives that Robert Redford says to himself. Even though this isn't a movie about visiting lush islands and sinking barefoot into the sand as you jump off your boat on a tropical island. It is about how things can go.

In the months that have past since I started this I found a book by an author that I really liked his first book that I read Blue Highways by William Least Heat Moon. I really love travel adventures. Finding places you have never been and then going. Another thing I have in common with my dad. Since his retirement every few years there is a trip that lasts a month or so. He plans from the time one trip ends until the next starts. I am not sure which part he likes more planning or doing but when he does it he goes all in and lives the life. Well William Least Heat Moon has a newer book called River-horse about crossing the United States by boat. Trying to use rivers and interior bodies of water. I read the first chapter online the other day and ordered the book.At the beginning he speaks of his road atlas the way some would speak of their favorite book. It may be taped together but it can not be replaced.

It is like I tell Brian just because we don't know where we are we aren't lost. I love turning the corner and finding a new way to get somewhere. Maybe one day the boat will be finished and I can sail it.