Pretty funny title. So I must give credit. Brian is the one that said it should be the name of this post. This could become its very own blog.
Yesterday and today are my days off and after not doing much of anything yesterday I decided I was going to take a shower and do something. So this is what happens when my brain does not turn off. I am going to describe what goes through my mind before the hot water runs out.
See when I was a kid my mom used to say I did not need to use soap when I bathed because I took such a hot bath that a would scald the dirt right off me. I did and have always used soap but this is something my mother would say. Anyhow here is the what happened in my head.
As I undressed I thought "Why do women's bras have a bow on them". That would be a good name for a book. Who wouldn't pick that up? I can see the dust jacket on the back it would have reviews all from women named Jane Russell. Get it. A book about the bow on a bra and reviewed by women named Jane Russell. You would have to be over the age of 45 to get the reference.
Since Brian did not get this reference I will only tell you Jane Russell was a movie star and she used to do Playtex 18 hour bra commercials. Get it now? Pretty damn funny.
Back to the shower.
Six degrees of separation to Kevin Bacon and I can go from a bow on a bra to Jane Russell to my best friend in band in high school was Jane Russell. Not the bra lady but my friend's name was also Jane Russell. Jane and I were only friends for a few years she was a year older than me and after she graduated we did not see each other anymore but while we were friends we did so much stuff together. Jane taught me to drive a stick shift in her old VW station wagon on my 16th birthday that gear shift did not have a ball so it would leave a mark on your hand from shifting gears. We would drive around and listen to Bonnie Tyler tapes. Jane owned a horse but we only went to see it together once. Jane worked at Maas Brothers. Her mom was the Music Director at Trinity Presbyterian Church. The first time I went to church with her I sang in the choir and at that church during the service they ask who is new and call them up to the front to welcome them. I remember Jane pushing me to go and the Pastor made a big deal that it was my first time attending their church and I sang with the choir. We also would stand in for people in bell choir for practice and we were in a play at her church. Listen People was the name of it. All of this while I was a junior and she was a senior. Band camp was at a church camp up near Moon Lake that year. We had so much fun. Getting in trouble or causing trouble which ever was easier that day. Wish I knew how she is doing. Never can find her when I check on FB. There are just too many Jane Russell's in the world and I have no idea what she did after she graduated. Man I miss her.
Well we are to the point that I am turning off the cold water because the hot is not hot enough anymore and I really need to finish taking a shower so I can do something. Think I am going to take Princess for a walk.
So I know it kinda jumps around but that is what my brain does. I think it could be why sometimes I feel tired even when I have done nothing. My brain does not stop. Now I have learned over the last few years I can do breathing exercises and slow it down and for a time may even stop jumping from one thing to another.
Just thought I would share.
Have a great day. I have already taken my shower for today and ready to go.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Are you smart or just a smart ass?
So I thought I knew this week what I would write about. I was sure I was going to write about the Olympics and the way people treat each other for the sake of ratings or whatever it is that drives people to say something that is totally not necessary on television. I know millions were watching. I know we were probably the only ones that turned the channel and watched something else. I am not a sports person. I am really not that competitive. I like to win but sometimes just knowing I am good at something is good enough for me. That is perfect.
See when I was young I worked for Eckerd and I was not afraid to be right and it did not matter who I was talking to. The District Manager came in once and told me that my price changes were not up to date. I did not say I will get on that. I took him to the book and showed him that what was on the shelf was correct and that I had initialed myself that it was done because I knew I was right. I did not care that he was with his boss. I did not care who was standing there. The man told me I was wrong. That was not the last time I would do such a thing. No one ever told me not to until I had made my mark on everyone. So as I got older and I applied for a promotion as a Service Assistant and my DM asked me why I should get the job. Well there was only one reason because I bleed blue (the color of the trim in the store and the name was always as we called it Eckerd Blue). Those were my exact words. I knew this DM. He had been a Pharmacist for years and I had worked for him. Funny thing was I had always called him Phil as a Pharmacist but now as a DM people thought I should call him Mr. S... I did not get this. How did our relationship change because he got a promotion. I was taught to work side by side with your people until they did the job as best they could then let them go on their own. That was how I taught people how to straighten shoes and hats and fill the coolers. Seemed when you put this divide you were no longer working with someone, now you are working for them. Not the same. Can you go tell someone you work for the same thing you tell someone you work with. Not usually.
So Phil he did promote me to Service Assistant. I had been with Eckerd now for about 10 years and I made more money hourly as a Service Assistant than most Assistant Managers but you know that girl that was 16, 17 or even 20 that said whatever she wanted is now 26 and can not get promoted to save my life. It has became a quest. I was put in some terrible stores but made the best of them. Worked in a store that was one of the companies oldest with a manager that had been the golden child but as all do somehow fell from the Grace of the company. But we made the best of this old store that we could and when it was time to close the store we were there to the last day. Then after that I spent time in Gulfport. This is a small town along the water near south St. Petersburg. On the verge of a beautiful waterfront community and the otherside of the railroad tracks set a small plaza with a Winn Dixie and an Eckerd. This store was as small as can be. So small we had to get the truck in the morning before the store open because it had to be unloaded through the front door. I worked with an Asst Manager and we share the responsibility of opening and closing the store doing all the ordering and payroll but no title for me. A store manager came in once every couple weeks and left a list of what she wanted to see done. Otherwise we ran the store as we saw fit. Now this Asst. Jimmy he had an older brother who was a manager for Eckerd. His brother would come in all the time and tell me I should be promoted and he said he would help me get promoted. I thought great. I have to get transferred to South St. Pete to find someone who does not know my reputation or doesn't care. So either way I had been at this store for months and Jimmy got transferred. Now it is me and another Service Asst. Her and I did not get along. Still had the Manager checking in on us. Now I had been there for almost 8 months and it is almost time for inventory and I have gotten most of the backroom ready by myself and working on the ledge. I thought if I get this store through inventory, I don't have anything to prove to anyone. I know I can do this job with or without the pay or the title and I am. So 2 days before inventory the Manager in charge came in and said that I did not have enough done and that she was going to have to bring someone else in to help get ready for inventory. That was crazy. It did not matter what list she left I would have gotten it done and I knew she was not right. But that afternoon I got transferred to another store in St. Pete. Now I am working for Jimmy's brother Rob. I was pissed.
But like everything else with Eckerd it was another grain of salt that was probably my own fault because of my smart mouth. Rob and I worked together like crazy. This store was right on US 19 and busy and huge. This was a store that probably could have used 2 Asst Managers but all Rob got was me. But he did have faith in me. As we came into the holidays he said I can give you overtime as long as everything is good in the store. So we kept the store up and I was working 50 hours a week or more depending on how busy. This store the pharmacy was busy and when someone came in I would go back and type for the pharmacist or answer the phone or whatever they needed. That is what I was taught to do. One day Rob walked by the pharmacy and looked up and said I thought you went home I said, no there was a line and well here I am.
As it got closer to holidays we were working so much when I walked in the door one day I said Hi, honey I am home. I was not sure why I was driving home just to get back up and come back in the morning but that was what it was taking. Well you knew the day would come didn't you. I mean I am still a Service Asst and really I know more about Eckerds than a lot of the managers out there but you know there I was. So on the phone the week before Thanksgiving was the DM calling for me? Rob was not there. Well now of course this is not Phil he was not the DM in that area but this DM he didn't like me at all. So he called to tell me he was promoting me. Well of course he is. I have over 60 hours on the schedule for next week and I can make more money than Rob and I think this is what finally did it. The dollar wins, or did I or did they. I am not sure. How come I feel defeated for getting promoted. Years, I worked hard. Year after year. Rob was proud like a father who's child finished kindergarten but I was frustrated.
Now I would not work with Rob much longer. I would get hurt at a work party at another store in St. Pete during a remodel the same day my store got robbed. The same day another Asst Manager was killed being robbed leaving the store that night. Not really a good day in Eckerd.
Where are we going here. Hard work and perseverance does not always get you what you want, or sometimes what you want is not what you need? I am not sure.
So for the big tie in. Olympians are people too. They work really hard for years for their goals. And sometimes they get a gold and sometimes they don't. Sometimes the story is pretty but the finish isn't. Sometimes the finish is pretty and the story is not. Everything is not a made for tv mini-series. These people have to go on and live a lifetime after these games are over. Some of them are going to retire from a sport they have done since they were 4 and they are now 24 or 34. Either way they have so many good years to live and their whole life is not summed up on the podium today. It will be summed up 30 or so years from now when they are showing their medal or telling the story of the one that got away to their grandchildren. And they can write the chapters afterwards knowing they did the best they could while competing and will continue in that same fashion whatever job they choose in life.
Now for the sideline reporter that ticked me off and the analyst that irritated me, I will assume you are past your prime in your sport and these are not your finest moments either and you to will go on to do better with your live and learn that knowing everything does not get you everything and being the smartest person in the class and being a smart ass are not the same thing. I know now. I was both when it came to a lot of things but sometimes I should have just kept my mouth shut.
See when I was young I worked for Eckerd and I was not afraid to be right and it did not matter who I was talking to. The District Manager came in once and told me that my price changes were not up to date. I did not say I will get on that. I took him to the book and showed him that what was on the shelf was correct and that I had initialed myself that it was done because I knew I was right. I did not care that he was with his boss. I did not care who was standing there. The man told me I was wrong. That was not the last time I would do such a thing. No one ever told me not to until I had made my mark on everyone. So as I got older and I applied for a promotion as a Service Assistant and my DM asked me why I should get the job. Well there was only one reason because I bleed blue (the color of the trim in the store and the name was always as we called it Eckerd Blue). Those were my exact words. I knew this DM. He had been a Pharmacist for years and I had worked for him. Funny thing was I had always called him Phil as a Pharmacist but now as a DM people thought I should call him Mr. S... I did not get this. How did our relationship change because he got a promotion. I was taught to work side by side with your people until they did the job as best they could then let them go on their own. That was how I taught people how to straighten shoes and hats and fill the coolers. Seemed when you put this divide you were no longer working with someone, now you are working for them. Not the same. Can you go tell someone you work for the same thing you tell someone you work with. Not usually.
So Phil he did promote me to Service Assistant. I had been with Eckerd now for about 10 years and I made more money hourly as a Service Assistant than most Assistant Managers but you know that girl that was 16, 17 or even 20 that said whatever she wanted is now 26 and can not get promoted to save my life. It has became a quest. I was put in some terrible stores but made the best of them. Worked in a store that was one of the companies oldest with a manager that had been the golden child but as all do somehow fell from the Grace of the company. But we made the best of this old store that we could and when it was time to close the store we were there to the last day. Then after that I spent time in Gulfport. This is a small town along the water near south St. Petersburg. On the verge of a beautiful waterfront community and the otherside of the railroad tracks set a small plaza with a Winn Dixie and an Eckerd. This store was as small as can be. So small we had to get the truck in the morning before the store open because it had to be unloaded through the front door. I worked with an Asst Manager and we share the responsibility of opening and closing the store doing all the ordering and payroll but no title for me. A store manager came in once every couple weeks and left a list of what she wanted to see done. Otherwise we ran the store as we saw fit. Now this Asst. Jimmy he had an older brother who was a manager for Eckerd. His brother would come in all the time and tell me I should be promoted and he said he would help me get promoted. I thought great. I have to get transferred to South St. Pete to find someone who does not know my reputation or doesn't care. So either way I had been at this store for months and Jimmy got transferred. Now it is me and another Service Asst. Her and I did not get along. Still had the Manager checking in on us. Now I had been there for almost 8 months and it is almost time for inventory and I have gotten most of the backroom ready by myself and working on the ledge. I thought if I get this store through inventory, I don't have anything to prove to anyone. I know I can do this job with or without the pay or the title and I am. So 2 days before inventory the Manager in charge came in and said that I did not have enough done and that she was going to have to bring someone else in to help get ready for inventory. That was crazy. It did not matter what list she left I would have gotten it done and I knew she was not right. But that afternoon I got transferred to another store in St. Pete. Now I am working for Jimmy's brother Rob. I was pissed.
But like everything else with Eckerd it was another grain of salt that was probably my own fault because of my smart mouth. Rob and I worked together like crazy. This store was right on US 19 and busy and huge. This was a store that probably could have used 2 Asst Managers but all Rob got was me. But he did have faith in me. As we came into the holidays he said I can give you overtime as long as everything is good in the store. So we kept the store up and I was working 50 hours a week or more depending on how busy. This store the pharmacy was busy and when someone came in I would go back and type for the pharmacist or answer the phone or whatever they needed. That is what I was taught to do. One day Rob walked by the pharmacy and looked up and said I thought you went home I said, no there was a line and well here I am.
As it got closer to holidays we were working so much when I walked in the door one day I said Hi, honey I am home. I was not sure why I was driving home just to get back up and come back in the morning but that was what it was taking. Well you knew the day would come didn't you. I mean I am still a Service Asst and really I know more about Eckerds than a lot of the managers out there but you know there I was. So on the phone the week before Thanksgiving was the DM calling for me? Rob was not there. Well now of course this is not Phil he was not the DM in that area but this DM he didn't like me at all. So he called to tell me he was promoting me. Well of course he is. I have over 60 hours on the schedule for next week and I can make more money than Rob and I think this is what finally did it. The dollar wins, or did I or did they. I am not sure. How come I feel defeated for getting promoted. Years, I worked hard. Year after year. Rob was proud like a father who's child finished kindergarten but I was frustrated.
Now I would not work with Rob much longer. I would get hurt at a work party at another store in St. Pete during a remodel the same day my store got robbed. The same day another Asst Manager was killed being robbed leaving the store that night. Not really a good day in Eckerd.
Where are we going here. Hard work and perseverance does not always get you what you want, or sometimes what you want is not what you need? I am not sure.
So for the big tie in. Olympians are people too. They work really hard for years for their goals. And sometimes they get a gold and sometimes they don't. Sometimes the story is pretty but the finish isn't. Sometimes the finish is pretty and the story is not. Everything is not a made for tv mini-series. These people have to go on and live a lifetime after these games are over. Some of them are going to retire from a sport they have done since they were 4 and they are now 24 or 34. Either way they have so many good years to live and their whole life is not summed up on the podium today. It will be summed up 30 or so years from now when they are showing their medal or telling the story of the one that got away to their grandchildren. And they can write the chapters afterwards knowing they did the best they could while competing and will continue in that same fashion whatever job they choose in life.
Now for the sideline reporter that ticked me off and the analyst that irritated me, I will assume you are past your prime in your sport and these are not your finest moments either and you to will go on to do better with your live and learn that knowing everything does not get you everything and being the smartest person in the class and being a smart ass are not the same thing. I know now. I was both when it came to a lot of things but sometimes I should have just kept my mouth shut.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Choices
I went yesterday to see the movie August-Osage County. I think I was looking for dark and funny and found it to be more dark and sad and less funny. I was there in the afternoon on a weekday so the audience was older and some were not happy. They did not like the language and did not like the subject matter. I could have done without some of the language but to be this dark somebody is going to say the F word. I get the story everyone in the movie except for the hired help comes to the house with their own personal secret and tragedy going on in their lives but now Dad is gone and Mom has cancer and is addicted to pain meds. And we haven't even started to scratch the surface of this families secrets. But I get that. I get that everyone has something they bring to the table. In the movie they literally bring it to the dining room table during the funeral dinner for their father. The scene that got me was the three sisters trying to decide what is going to happen with their mom. Do we send her to rehab, a home or will someone draw the short straw and have to stay and take care of her. While at the table 2 of the 3 say they are leaving and the one who has stuck around through this much says she can't and won't do it any longer. Which leaves the oldest. Daddy's little girl is stuck holding the bag with mom. As the movie draws to a close each sister leaves the house in tears because their own drama takes them away the last one is told that she is just like her mother. Standing there midday in her pajamas and what is next. She gets mad and takes off in the family truck the movie ends she has stopped along an open Oklahoma road and gets out of the truck she looks back towards home and forward away from that mess. She gets back in the truck and I was not sure which way she would go, but in the end she has to make the choice for herself. No one is going to make it for her this time.
So I know I gave away a lot but there is a lot more cussing in the movie. A lot of sadness in this family. More drama than any family I know. But you know all fiction has a hint of the truth hidden inside it. Everyone in all families face decisions they don't want to make and sometimes you make the choice and sometimes you wait long enough and the choice is made for you. Not sure which is less painful. Do you want to believe you choose to leave your mom alone or do you want to believe you have no other choice.? That is what I left with. And no matter who or what it is, I am like a Marine. No man left behind. So no matter what I have to do I am going to drag my mom or anyone else to a point where they can take care of themselves or someone else steps up to help.
But as you can see it is about choices today and I made one the other night at work. It was not a big choice when I made it. It was really a simple choice when I made it but in the end I was the one who made the choice and someone else had to work later than he should have because of it. I have played out the way things went down and how they could have been different in my head so many times but I still see the end result being the same but I would not have been the one making the call it would have been someone else. I am mentioning this to get it out of my head. This is the sort of thing that sticks with me until something else does. So as I finish my weekend off I will go back to work tomorrow with a clear conscience and will make good choices even though I know they will not always be right they will be all mine.
So I know I gave away a lot but there is a lot more cussing in the movie. A lot of sadness in this family. More drama than any family I know. But you know all fiction has a hint of the truth hidden inside it. Everyone in all families face decisions they don't want to make and sometimes you make the choice and sometimes you wait long enough and the choice is made for you. Not sure which is less painful. Do you want to believe you choose to leave your mom alone or do you want to believe you have no other choice.? That is what I left with. And no matter who or what it is, I am like a Marine. No man left behind. So no matter what I have to do I am going to drag my mom or anyone else to a point where they can take care of themselves or someone else steps up to help.
But as you can see it is about choices today and I made one the other night at work. It was not a big choice when I made it. It was really a simple choice when I made it but in the end I was the one who made the choice and someone else had to work later than he should have because of it. I have played out the way things went down and how they could have been different in my head so many times but I still see the end result being the same but I would not have been the one making the call it would have been someone else. I am mentioning this to get it out of my head. This is the sort of thing that sticks with me until something else does. So as I finish my weekend off I will go back to work tomorrow with a clear conscience and will make good choices even though I know they will not always be right they will be all mine.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
What is your name?
Nerves, nervousness, scared to death. Don't know which I am? Biggest fear on Monday was that I would show up at the new job and it not be my job. That I did not get the job. See I had not talked to anyone from the new office and even my contact with HR was through IM so I worried that when I got to the new office they would ask who I was and what I was doing there.
Now that I have worked a few days I have the feeling I am not sure what I am doing. I don't have the confidence I had last week at work at the other office. You know the feeling after you have been a a job for a while and the days pass by and you see the same people, take your break at the same time. Walk the same halls. You know who the new people are and you are not one of them. You feel for them and want them to fit in but are thankful for the familiarity that comes with being at the same place for a while.
But now I am the new person. The person no one knows that has to introduce themselves to everyone. Yes, and with my name that adds a whole new worry. Most people don't remember your name when they first meet you but they can look at your name tag and all play along until they know who you are. Nope. Got to be different. Don't look at my name tag you will mess yourself up for sure. And then I have a choice ignore or correct? It isn't really a choice it has become a rule. Will I have to talk to you on a regular basis then correct, a person I meet in passing that will rarely have contact with ignore. Again since I don't know who the people are that I will talk to everyday I am correcting or reminding people when they try to introduce me to another co-worker and stand there with a look I am all to familiar with and I have to introduce myself and say my name is Jeanne oh well for those of you that don't know me personally you probably think I pronounce it Jean or Jeannie, no it is Jean like Jean-Claude Van Damme (actor) or Jean Luc Picard (Captain on Star Trek Next Generation), Jean Lafitte (Pirate), my dads favorite as a kid was Jean-Claude Killy (an Olympic snow skier from the 1960's). He had to reach when I was a kid. So by the 1980's and Jean Claude Van Damme came along it did make it easier at least there was someone out there that used the pronunciation that I do. Do not use Jon Benet Ramsey. That is not the same at all and I did not like the idea of being tied to a child pageant star but definitely do not want to be tied to a child murder victim.
I know I say it all the time I did not know this was what I was going to write about tonight I thought it was going to be about being nervous about being new but as I typed I remembered my name. I had not ever addressed the fact that the casual reader does not know how to say my name which all ties to this whole being the new person. No one named Shelly or Kelly or Susan have to explain how to pronounce their name and they do not have to explain how they got their name when they meet new people. They do not have to repeat their names so many times that whatever the other person is saying I just say yes Dawn. That is it. And my all time favorite question, can you hear the sarcasm? Again if you can't you do not know me but is there, but is there something else I can call you? No. Not "no" like maybe make up some cute name for me. "No". Like I do not have a nick name. The only names other than my own I have ever been called were mean and yes, I do remember them and will not repeat them today. Already not feeling confident so I don't need to remind myself of how people would pick on me and make up names to call me in school.
So, I am not sure if my anxiety is exactly the same as everyone elses or if I make it worse because of my name and the feeling of am I going to make someone feel bad or feel like I am being rude when I say just call me my name I have used all my life. Or Ok, if I call you by the wrong name then it will be fine for you to call me the wrong name. People do not realize how personal a name is until they mess with mine. There were times when I was young I was going to change my name as soon as I was old enough. I could not decide what I would be. I would think about names and I even thought of using my middle name Marie which is also my Grandma Helen's middle name but Marie is not really me. This was when I was in 9th grade. I know that because it was the year of my Confirmation at church and you have to pick a Saint's name and I stuck with Marie but I then looked at a name I had always known to be Joan of Arc but did not know until then that Joan was not Joan at all, she to was Jeanne or Jean but definitely the french pronunciation the same as me. Then when the Joan of Arc movies came out in 1999 I knew why my name was Jeanne. Yes, I was 32 years old and maybe a slow study but I knew that my name was my name because I was like her. I did not think she was crazy. Joan that is. If you don't know that Joan of Arc went to the Prince of France as a young girl and said she could help him win the war and keep his country from the English. Well she was just a girl from a small town who has visions from God. Skip to the end she is found to be guilty of witchcraft under the English Law and is burnt at the stake in the middle of town at the age of 19. She believed what she believed to be true and would not say she was crazy or a witch to save herself. The messages she was hearing were from God. I do believe that strongly in the truth and I understood that is why my name is Jeanne and not Jean or Jeannie. And now you do to.
Now that I have worked a few days I have the feeling I am not sure what I am doing. I don't have the confidence I had last week at work at the other office. You know the feeling after you have been a a job for a while and the days pass by and you see the same people, take your break at the same time. Walk the same halls. You know who the new people are and you are not one of them. You feel for them and want them to fit in but are thankful for the familiarity that comes with being at the same place for a while.
But now I am the new person. The person no one knows that has to introduce themselves to everyone. Yes, and with my name that adds a whole new worry. Most people don't remember your name when they first meet you but they can look at your name tag and all play along until they know who you are. Nope. Got to be different. Don't look at my name tag you will mess yourself up for sure. And then I have a choice ignore or correct? It isn't really a choice it has become a rule. Will I have to talk to you on a regular basis then correct, a person I meet in passing that will rarely have contact with ignore. Again since I don't know who the people are that I will talk to everyday I am correcting or reminding people when they try to introduce me to another co-worker and stand there with a look I am all to familiar with and I have to introduce myself and say my name is Jeanne oh well for those of you that don't know me personally you probably think I pronounce it Jean or Jeannie, no it is Jean like Jean-Claude Van Damme (actor) or Jean Luc Picard (Captain on Star Trek Next Generation), Jean Lafitte (Pirate), my dads favorite as a kid was Jean-Claude Killy (an Olympic snow skier from the 1960's). He had to reach when I was a kid. So by the 1980's and Jean Claude Van Damme came along it did make it easier at least there was someone out there that used the pronunciation that I do. Do not use Jon Benet Ramsey. That is not the same at all and I did not like the idea of being tied to a child pageant star but definitely do not want to be tied to a child murder victim.
I know I say it all the time I did not know this was what I was going to write about tonight I thought it was going to be about being nervous about being new but as I typed I remembered my name. I had not ever addressed the fact that the casual reader does not know how to say my name which all ties to this whole being the new person. No one named Shelly or Kelly or Susan have to explain how to pronounce their name and they do not have to explain how they got their name when they meet new people. They do not have to repeat their names so many times that whatever the other person is saying I just say yes Dawn. That is it. And my all time favorite question, can you hear the sarcasm? Again if you can't you do not know me but is there, but is there something else I can call you? No. Not "no" like maybe make up some cute name for me. "No". Like I do not have a nick name. The only names other than my own I have ever been called were mean and yes, I do remember them and will not repeat them today. Already not feeling confident so I don't need to remind myself of how people would pick on me and make up names to call me in school.
So, I am not sure if my anxiety is exactly the same as everyone elses or if I make it worse because of my name and the feeling of am I going to make someone feel bad or feel like I am being rude when I say just call me my name I have used all my life. Or Ok, if I call you by the wrong name then it will be fine for you to call me the wrong name. People do not realize how personal a name is until they mess with mine. There were times when I was young I was going to change my name as soon as I was old enough. I could not decide what I would be. I would think about names and I even thought of using my middle name Marie which is also my Grandma Helen's middle name but Marie is not really me. This was when I was in 9th grade. I know that because it was the year of my Confirmation at church and you have to pick a Saint's name and I stuck with Marie but I then looked at a name I had always known to be Joan of Arc but did not know until then that Joan was not Joan at all, she to was Jeanne or Jean but definitely the french pronunciation the same as me. Then when the Joan of Arc movies came out in 1999 I knew why my name was Jeanne. Yes, I was 32 years old and maybe a slow study but I knew that my name was my name because I was like her. I did not think she was crazy. Joan that is. If you don't know that Joan of Arc went to the Prince of France as a young girl and said she could help him win the war and keep his country from the English. Well she was just a girl from a small town who has visions from God. Skip to the end she is found to be guilty of witchcraft under the English Law and is burnt at the stake in the middle of town at the age of 19. She believed what she believed to be true and would not say she was crazy or a witch to save herself. The messages she was hearing were from God. I do believe that strongly in the truth and I understood that is why my name is Jeanne and not Jean or Jeannie. And now you do to.
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Merry Christmas
So it has been almost a month since my last entry. Funny thing about my writing, I feel that when I am happy I do not have much to say so it seems strange this time of year for me not to write.
I have always been a Christmas blues kind of person and I have been trying to figure out how to explain it. But this last month has been pretty good so I will start with the good.
I applied for a new job and had an interview the day before Thanksgiving. The interview went well. Really well. Which followed a few days after I found out that if I stayed in the department I am in I got a schedule better than I have now. So I thought either way the new year will be OK. But after 2 weeks of not hearing anything about the job I was starting to feel like I would have heard something by now then I got a 4 in Care.Which means I had a call listened to and I hit all 24 dimensions that they want us to in a call which is pretty cool because some of them I struggle to get. I have only gotten two 4's in a year and a half and then finally I heard from HR, I got the job. Woo Hoo! So the first full week in January I start my new job. It is closer to home than my current job. Only about 10 minutes away at a satellite office. I will be doing dispatching of techs and helping techs solve problems. During my interview they had asked if I wanted to stay and see what they do. I felt like that was very positive. Why would they ask me to stay if they didn't like me? Right. Both people I sat with both before and after the interview were very good at what they do but man were they multi-tasking to the max. I have in the past worked at jobs where I had to do lots of things at once and try to keep all the balls in the air. So I thought this is going to be a challenge. But I do feel it is one I am up for. So just one more week of taking calls from customers and then off to a new department and new people and new bosses in a new building. So just a little nervous. But I have one friend that I sat next to in training a year and a half ago and she has been in the department for a few months and loves it, so I am glad there will be a familiar face to go with all this change.
Alright so, So far so good right. Well this time of year always brings sappy commercials that make me cry and Christmas episodes of shows that are always touching which make me cry and Christmas music oh yes, it makes me cry. So this time of year I feel like everything makes me cry. One of the songs that has always been a tear jerk-er for me is Silent Night. The words and the meaning of this song make me cry every time I hear it. An image that comes to my head is Christmas 2004, my nephew's first Christmas. Seeing him in church his little green onesie that had a Christmas tree on it. and just knowing he was what this song is about when they say mother and child. Seeing the priest hold him up as a proud new addition to the church on Christmas Eve. But a more recent song that seems to do the same is Happy Xmas. As I looked up the lyrics this morning I did not know that this was not an original U2 song but was originally sung by John Lennon. Hmm. It figures but honestly did not know it.
"And so this is Christmas and what have you done." So you already got me looking back on the last year. Did I do the things I set out to do. Last year I thought it good that Brian and I survived. We did not put up a tree my sister and her kids decorated a table top live tree for us. But this year we did. But I still had to rely on another sister to bring it to the house. I used to enjoy picking out a tree. But I love a real tree. I don't care what anyone says. Right now the only thing I can smell is that fresh pine scent and I wish we could keep it all year. I love the lights. But still this year things have been a challenge for me. I have felt like sometimes I am still stuck and can not get past something. I have some good days and feel like I accomplish things but most days I feel like I have merely existed. That part needs to stop because then I feel regret for wasting the past year on what. So I have really been trying to pick small things I want to change. And fix them. I am talking small household projects and putting a little effort in so that I remember what it is like to feel like I accomplished something..
"I hope you have fun." We did go Christmas Caroling again this year. This is something my family and my friend's family did 2 years ago. I decided my gift to all of them was really going to be a gift to me. When we were kids a family that we babysat for took us caroling on the Trolley that runs on the beach. The family rented one of the trolley's for the evening and we went and looked at Christmas lights and sang carols. This is by far my happiest Christmas memory. And 2 years ago when I was unemployed I decided that to give something to everyone and give myself a pick me up I would rent a trolley and put some music on the ipod and a caroling we went.
"The near and the dear ones, the old and the young." That was the last Christmas we had Grandma and she went. She had all her Grand kids and Great Grand kids together and she had a great time. It was freezing that night but we had hot chocolate and treats of all kinds. This year it was my mom who has been in the hospital a few times and the thought of my own mortality is always in my head when visiting someone in the hospital so I am glad we did it again.
"For the weak and the strong and the rich and the poor ones the road is so long." This line makes me think of all the people who don't have anything material in life but try to do right and give to others and charity. This is where I try but seem to fall short of my own expectations. Which reminds me of when I was in 6th grade. I was volunteering at my old elementary school in the library and the the librarian who was a very strict lady for the life of me I can not think of her name but I know her last name began with a V. Strange that I remember that but the way my mind remembers things I will usually picture a letter or number in my head that relates to what I am trying to remember but it will come to me with time when I least expect it. She told me that it was my responsibility to do for others because I am smart and have the ability. She used the example that some people it is difficult to pick up a pencil and hold it in their hands and some will have to try and practice just to do this simple task that for me comes so easily. I am sure most would not remember this lecture I got in the back of the library but it always stuck with me that I do not try hard enough and I should appreciate the things that come easy. I wish I knew how to tell the children of this generation to savor their joys in life in a way that would be memorable and maybe not leave the guilt that I feel when I try to remind myself of that.
"Let's hope it's a good one without any fear." This is a hard one to explain. I have mentioned my fears already my own and the mortality of others. I worry there is not enough time to do everything for everyone and sometimes that brings me to a point where I can do nothing for anyone. Not even myself. In the past I have been told by numerous people that I need to worry more about myself and less about others and not be so Co-Dependent. Funny thing about this advice. It has come from all different sources. But the best is when it comes from someone I am doing for. And I have asked... Which thing I do for you should I stop doing? Well now there is a question that will stop the other end of Co-dependence it it's tracks. It is easy to say don't do for others but what are you willing to give up. Again, This is a lesson I would like to teach people to be good to yourself but there is so much joy in doing for others. I am the it is so much better to give than receive person. That is the point behind the trolley. I got so much out of giving it to others. This year others were having a hard time agreeing on a date or if they had the money to spend on going. I did not think I could put out the entire price again. But it is funny once I put up the money and said, "the Trolley will be here on Friday night at 7" we had a trolley full. We have so many others that want to go we may need to do it twice or have 2 trolley's next year. Last stop we stopped at a house and there he was the man in red himself. The kids got to go see Santa and he even posed with the big guys. My brother probably was not thrilled but it made me smile oh yes and cry. And guess what. The money all came back. The saying goes whatever you give you will get back. Not only the joy of going but everyone found the money to go as well. Even if they hadn't it did not matter to me.
I mentioned above how I did not know what to write about and how I remember things like seeing a letter or number. Well as I was trying to think about what to write this song was what popped in my head. I looked up the lyrics and realized that they explain the blues I feel. And maybe when you hear the song you will think of the near and the dear, the old and the young and I will finish with the simple lyric "Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope it's a good one without any fear."
I would like to thank John Lennon for putting my feelings to words.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Need to be Thankful
We know by now some of my best ideas come to me in the middle of a dark cold night. It is 4:40AM and I have lit the fireplace because our house heat is not able to keep up with the cold outside. Brian is in bed sleeping and Princess is laying by the fire and all I have to do today is make cranberries and brussel sprouts and show up at my sisters this afternoon. I will watch the Macy's Day parade with the same excitement that an avid football viewer watches the commercials during the Super Bowl. I love to watch before hand the Broadway actors performances and of course the bands. Just a small local plug, Tarpon High School's band made the big trip to NYC this year. Congrats to them. This is one of the days they will always remember.
Last night on my last break before Thanksgiving I was in the break room because it was too cold to go outside and walk a couple laps around the parking garage. So I sat down and on the tv as usual was HGTV. Here is another episode of people looking to purchase a new home and the journey through the process. Yeah right. I do not know anyone who would qualify to be on the show. Tonight's episode brings us to Suburban somewhere in the US and the husband is a computer engineer and the wife is a radiologist. Does that even happen in real life. I thought the husband works retail and the wife works in a call center. Oh that must be a different show.
So this not so normal couple and their 2.5 kids that each need their own bedroom and we need a Master Suite are looking for their new home with a budget of $800,000. This must be a dream because our little household will take about 10 years to earn that amount of money. So off we go now remember I am only on a 15 minute break.
The first house is a colonial over 5,000 square feet. For those of you that are normal and have no idea how large that is, when I worked for Eckerd the average store was 10,000 square feet. So you now can understand how they need that kind of space for their family of almost 6. Back to show. As they walk in they notice the beautiful grand entryway and staircase. In my house this is the called the front door and front step. In the old days the stoop. We are noticing the woodwork and as we head into the formal dining room again the fine workmanship and large room would be perfect for seating a State Dinner. Now it is almost time for me to get up and bam they walk into a kitchen that is bigger than my living room and it is gorgeous. Beautiful cabinets, appliances enough counter space for 10 cooks and an island that could be used for a stage in a Broadway production and the first thing out of the woman's mouth is I do not like these counter tops. We need granite. Now I am done. I watch and I realize tv is unrealistic even this so called reality tv. But here is what got me she said she "NEEDED GRANITE COUNTER TOPS". Let me say it again so it can sink in she NEEDED GRANITE COUNTER TOPS. Well I look over at the lady that is there on most of my breaks and I said she may NEED rice to eat but she does not NEED granite counter tops. This lady on tv has no idea what she actually needs. Now back to the phones.
So just so you know I am not crazy a customer tonight's modem would not power on. No power, no internet that simple. We have very few but we did have a tech available on Thanksgiving for the emergency but it is not until 4-6 pm. I set the appointment because I knew as this lady yelled at me about how she could not possibly be expected to spend Thanksgiving day without internet I knew that time slot could disappear before reality set in and she realized the only other option was waiting until Friday afternoon. I listened and tried to be sympathetic to her needs but in the end she wanted a supervisor because I could not help her.
I continue to think about the show and this customer the same way I do every time I watch that stuff on tv. How shallow have we as a people become? I understand that watching a show like this on tv is like going to the movies and seeing some block buster movie that cost millions of dollars to make so that the actor can have a new trailer and fresh water from particular ravine in some tropical rain forest to drink and only bananas from the rarest of trees to snack on but come on people. Do we have no sense of reality anymore.
Just 60 years ago you would have on Thanksgiving gotten up in your humble abode and maybe lit a fire in the fireplace and gathered all the family together in one house and made a dinner fit for a king. Your mom in her pearls and apron would have slaved over a hot stove and not gotten a single spot on her dress and at the end of the night prepared herself a drink and kicked off her high heels. But not every house had Barbara Billingsley cooking dinner. Again, please look it up. I loved Leave It to Beaver and if you don't know who June and Ward Cleaver are and Eddie Haskell and my favorite character Judy. The little busy body girl in the Beave's class that was in every one's business. Oh yeah. My high school PE teacher referred to me as Judy. And in the show the teacher or parent would always correct her and say Judy, Judy, Judy. I might have been her a little bit. Ok. A lot. It was the 80's and it was high school. I digress. Anyway it is worth the 30 minutes and you may even get a cavity from watching because everything is so sweet.
Now of course June Cleaver was not reality either but June did not need Granite Counter tops or a Master Suite with an on Suite for those of you that don't speak 5,000 square foot home that is a bathroom off the master bedroom for just the master of the house and his wife with of course dual sinks and glass shower and Jacuzzi tub. Here I go again. We never got to the bathroom I am not sure how unrealistic her needs were there.
But I do have a point to this. We do not need Granite counter tops or Jacuzzi tubs. We do not need dual sinks in our master bathroom. We need to put food in our belly each day so that we have the energy to get up and do our job to the best of our ability. We need a roof over our heads that keeps out the cold wind and the rain. Most of us need some mode of transportation to get to and from work and the grocery store. And we need a job to earn the money to purchases these things "We need".
We also need to be Thankful that we live in a country that we are free to eat with whomever we choose and we do not have worry that the native people of this land will kill us on the way to grandma's because they do not understand why we are here on their land and taking their food and women without asking.We can gather together outside knowing the police will not come and make us break up our gathering. We can go to church where ever we wish and pray to whomever we choose. It is not state run. We do not have to hide our religious choices. We can even light our menorah and have our Thanksgiving dinner at the same time. Why because we live in the United States. A place where for over the last 390 years we have been able to gather together and celebrate the harvest and our bounty the good weather of the summer has brought us. And that as two different peoples they were able to help each other survive another year and prepare for a long cold dark winter with enough food and seeds in the root cellar and smoked meat to survive again until the spring thaw and they can plan next years crop. I know everyone does not believe my version of the first Thanksgiving but I know the English would not have survived without the help of the Indians in this new land so there had to be some give and take in the relationship.
As you sit down this afternoon with whomever you are close to and eat your meal of plenty with leftovers to last until Sunday. Please remember to be Thankful for the the things that you have that are way, way, way beyond your needs. And tonight and tomorrow when you go shopping be kind to the retail employees who are working so they can provide for the needs and wants of their families as you purchase your Christmas gifts for the ones you love and yourself. Do not fight over the last big screen tv. It is not the last loaf of bread and your family will not go hungry without it. Be kind to each other on the road and in the parking lot. The parking space closest to the door of the mall with the handicapped sign is not for you unless you are truly handicapped. You can walk off that dinner as you cross the parking lot.
I am thankful today for all that I have which is more than I need. And my family that is here and far away and those that have passed on. I am thankful for my friends who like the Pilgrims and the Indians all celebrate our bountiful harvest and prepare for long cold winter in Florida. Well you know. I am thankful I live in Florida too.
Happy Thanksgiving
Last night on my last break before Thanksgiving I was in the break room because it was too cold to go outside and walk a couple laps around the parking garage. So I sat down and on the tv as usual was HGTV. Here is another episode of people looking to purchase a new home and the journey through the process. Yeah right. I do not know anyone who would qualify to be on the show. Tonight's episode brings us to Suburban somewhere in the US and the husband is a computer engineer and the wife is a radiologist. Does that even happen in real life. I thought the husband works retail and the wife works in a call center. Oh that must be a different show.
So this not so normal couple and their 2.5 kids that each need their own bedroom and we need a Master Suite are looking for their new home with a budget of $800,000. This must be a dream because our little household will take about 10 years to earn that amount of money. So off we go now remember I am only on a 15 minute break.
The first house is a colonial over 5,000 square feet. For those of you that are normal and have no idea how large that is, when I worked for Eckerd the average store was 10,000 square feet. So you now can understand how they need that kind of space for their family of almost 6. Back to show. As they walk in they notice the beautiful grand entryway and staircase. In my house this is the called the front door and front step. In the old days the stoop. We are noticing the woodwork and as we head into the formal dining room again the fine workmanship and large room would be perfect for seating a State Dinner. Now it is almost time for me to get up and bam they walk into a kitchen that is bigger than my living room and it is gorgeous. Beautiful cabinets, appliances enough counter space for 10 cooks and an island that could be used for a stage in a Broadway production and the first thing out of the woman's mouth is I do not like these counter tops. We need granite. Now I am done. I watch and I realize tv is unrealistic even this so called reality tv. But here is what got me she said she "NEEDED GRANITE COUNTER TOPS". Let me say it again so it can sink in she NEEDED GRANITE COUNTER TOPS. Well I look over at the lady that is there on most of my breaks and I said she may NEED rice to eat but she does not NEED granite counter tops. This lady on tv has no idea what she actually needs. Now back to the phones.
So just so you know I am not crazy a customer tonight's modem would not power on. No power, no internet that simple. We have very few but we did have a tech available on Thanksgiving for the emergency but it is not until 4-6 pm. I set the appointment because I knew as this lady yelled at me about how she could not possibly be expected to spend Thanksgiving day without internet I knew that time slot could disappear before reality set in and she realized the only other option was waiting until Friday afternoon. I listened and tried to be sympathetic to her needs but in the end she wanted a supervisor because I could not help her.
I continue to think about the show and this customer the same way I do every time I watch that stuff on tv. How shallow have we as a people become? I understand that watching a show like this on tv is like going to the movies and seeing some block buster movie that cost millions of dollars to make so that the actor can have a new trailer and fresh water from particular ravine in some tropical rain forest to drink and only bananas from the rarest of trees to snack on but come on people. Do we have no sense of reality anymore.
Just 60 years ago you would have on Thanksgiving gotten up in your humble abode and maybe lit a fire in the fireplace and gathered all the family together in one house and made a dinner fit for a king. Your mom in her pearls and apron would have slaved over a hot stove and not gotten a single spot on her dress and at the end of the night prepared herself a drink and kicked off her high heels. But not every house had Barbara Billingsley cooking dinner. Again, please look it up. I loved Leave It to Beaver and if you don't know who June and Ward Cleaver are and Eddie Haskell and my favorite character Judy. The little busy body girl in the Beave's class that was in every one's business. Oh yeah. My high school PE teacher referred to me as Judy. And in the show the teacher or parent would always correct her and say Judy, Judy, Judy. I might have been her a little bit. Ok. A lot. It was the 80's and it was high school. I digress. Anyway it is worth the 30 minutes and you may even get a cavity from watching because everything is so sweet.
Now of course June Cleaver was not reality either but June did not need Granite Counter tops or a Master Suite with an on Suite for those of you that don't speak 5,000 square foot home that is a bathroom off the master bedroom for just the master of the house and his wife with of course dual sinks and glass shower and Jacuzzi tub. Here I go again. We never got to the bathroom I am not sure how unrealistic her needs were there.
But I do have a point to this. We do not need Granite counter tops or Jacuzzi tubs. We do not need dual sinks in our master bathroom. We need to put food in our belly each day so that we have the energy to get up and do our job to the best of our ability. We need a roof over our heads that keeps out the cold wind and the rain. Most of us need some mode of transportation to get to and from work and the grocery store. And we need a job to earn the money to purchases these things "We need".
We also need to be Thankful that we live in a country that we are free to eat with whomever we choose and we do not have worry that the native people of this land will kill us on the way to grandma's because they do not understand why we are here on their land and taking their food and women without asking.We can gather together outside knowing the police will not come and make us break up our gathering. We can go to church where ever we wish and pray to whomever we choose. It is not state run. We do not have to hide our religious choices. We can even light our menorah and have our Thanksgiving dinner at the same time. Why because we live in the United States. A place where for over the last 390 years we have been able to gather together and celebrate the harvest and our bounty the good weather of the summer has brought us. And that as two different peoples they were able to help each other survive another year and prepare for a long cold dark winter with enough food and seeds in the root cellar and smoked meat to survive again until the spring thaw and they can plan next years crop. I know everyone does not believe my version of the first Thanksgiving but I know the English would not have survived without the help of the Indians in this new land so there had to be some give and take in the relationship.
As you sit down this afternoon with whomever you are close to and eat your meal of plenty with leftovers to last until Sunday. Please remember to be Thankful for the the things that you have that are way, way, way beyond your needs. And tonight and tomorrow when you go shopping be kind to the retail employees who are working so they can provide for the needs and wants of their families as you purchase your Christmas gifts for the ones you love and yourself. Do not fight over the last big screen tv. It is not the last loaf of bread and your family will not go hungry without it. Be kind to each other on the road and in the parking lot. The parking space closest to the door of the mall with the handicapped sign is not for you unless you are truly handicapped. You can walk off that dinner as you cross the parking lot.
I am thankful today for all that I have which is more than I need. And my family that is here and far away and those that have passed on. I am thankful for my friends who like the Pilgrims and the Indians all celebrate our bountiful harvest and prepare for long cold winter in Florida. Well you know. I am thankful I live in Florida too.
Happy Thanksgiving
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Socially Speaking
So I have written about social networking before. I just re-read my post on Friends and it still makes me smile. Yes. I had a particular friend in mind when I wrote that post but today I am thinking of some other people.
Facebook to me is ironic at it's best. Sometimes an oxymoron, I like that one best because sometimes things people post are exactly what they are and other people well, not so much.
You may recall from my Friends post for the most part my friends on Facebook are really my friends. I know this is crazy but they are. Some even family. Anyway. Remember the social media thing was really a start to keep up with our nieces who really don't post stuff too often and but when they do it is nice to see they are having a good time and look damn cute doing it.
The thing that has been rattling around in my head lately is the things people will post online. Now if you review back to the very beginning I have rules that I live by.
1. Never write anything down you do not want everyone to read.
So even though I started writing this blog purely to get things out of my head at some point I knew people I know are going to read it. For that reason I do not usually use peoples names when I am speaking of them. This is not to point fingers if it sounds like you maybe it is or maybe it is not. Just gives you something to think about. Sometimes there are clues for the one written about. I have used the first letter of every paragraph of a blog to spell out the person's name. I will wait while you look back and see if it is you. It was not the Friends blog.
Since I mentioned that I had a post this week on Facebook where I used adjectives that described a person and the first letter of each word was a letter in their name. I asked Brian and he knew who it was for but did not notice that the first letter of the words spelled the person's name. Maybe if I would have written the words one on top of each other instead of side by side it would have been more obvious. Maybe I just like people to wonder. What the heck is she talking about today?
So now my fair friends it makes me wonder. What is going through people's heads when they post things. Is it just something they saw and it caused them to hit Share or Like. Why sometimes when people post bad news do people Like the comment. Is that a I am with you Like or a I feel for you Like?
Why do some people post things that are crude? I know that I do not have to look at who posted the item it is always the same person. Some people always post something positive. Some people follow the crowd. If one person did it they will to. Some wear their hearts on Facebook and others show their mind is in the gutter.
This all makes me think. When a person that lies post something like the Truth will set you Free. Do they not know they are a liar? I have seen people call out friends on Facebook and disown them. Delete them in front of everyone. Some things are so personal done on such a public venue it is like having your life on TV. This is not Jerry Springer. And as far as I know none of my friends would qualify for the show. Well maybe one. But I digress.
I think some things people post are taken out of context. The casual reader that checks out what is going on once in a while. The things they read may not make sense. They may only make sense to the person writing it and maybe one other person reading it. And if it is weeks later you may not have known what happened then or why whatever it is was posted. It may have been funny or a memory might have triggered something more serious at the time but it seems strange now. Sometimes the audience the Post is for is just one person. I don't know. These strange things I read that do not make sense to me I shrug my shoulders and move on. I try not to comment that the crude person is always crude and the liar well lies. But others it bothers. Some can not scroll idly by and ignore the thing that bothers them. They must speak out. I used to be that way in real life. If you lied or spoke an untruth or were just wrong no matter where I was and who we were with I would tell you right there and then you were wrong. I still take pride in being right always but I also have learned when to stay quiet.
Now here is where the problem comes in. Because one person posted something another person posts something about that but not necessarily as a comment. Someone else reads the post which even for the daily follower is out of context and now we got 3 different people thinking 3 different things. One is mad, one upset and the other is just moving on.
It is getting late and I guess I need to steer this bus towards the school so I can get to bed. When you post something online consider that not only your boss may read it but so might your kids one day. If you love the person you are posting about. Just share the love. Leave the garbage for in person where it is just between the two of you and no one else is involved or gets their feelings hurt. If you post what is true in your heart you may want to make sure you walk the talk as well.
As a side note no person was intentionally hurt in the writing of this blog. If it bothers you and you think you may be the crude person or the liar don't worry about it. I am not. We are still friends aren't we.
Facebook to me is ironic at it's best. Sometimes an oxymoron, I like that one best because sometimes things people post are exactly what they are and other people well, not so much.
You may recall from my Friends post for the most part my friends on Facebook are really my friends. I know this is crazy but they are. Some even family. Anyway. Remember the social media thing was really a start to keep up with our nieces who really don't post stuff too often and but when they do it is nice to see they are having a good time and look damn cute doing it.
The thing that has been rattling around in my head lately is the things people will post online. Now if you review back to the very beginning I have rules that I live by.
1. Never write anything down you do not want everyone to read.
So even though I started writing this blog purely to get things out of my head at some point I knew people I know are going to read it. For that reason I do not usually use peoples names when I am speaking of them. This is not to point fingers if it sounds like you maybe it is or maybe it is not. Just gives you something to think about. Sometimes there are clues for the one written about. I have used the first letter of every paragraph of a blog to spell out the person's name. I will wait while you look back and see if it is you. It was not the Friends blog.
Since I mentioned that I had a post this week on Facebook where I used adjectives that described a person and the first letter of each word was a letter in their name. I asked Brian and he knew who it was for but did not notice that the first letter of the words spelled the person's name. Maybe if I would have written the words one on top of each other instead of side by side it would have been more obvious. Maybe I just like people to wonder. What the heck is she talking about today?
So now my fair friends it makes me wonder. What is going through people's heads when they post things. Is it just something they saw and it caused them to hit Share or Like. Why sometimes when people post bad news do people Like the comment. Is that a I am with you Like or a I feel for you Like?
Why do some people post things that are crude? I know that I do not have to look at who posted the item it is always the same person. Some people always post something positive. Some people follow the crowd. If one person did it they will to. Some wear their hearts on Facebook and others show their mind is in the gutter.
This all makes me think. When a person that lies post something like the Truth will set you Free. Do they not know they are a liar? I have seen people call out friends on Facebook and disown them. Delete them in front of everyone. Some things are so personal done on such a public venue it is like having your life on TV. This is not Jerry Springer. And as far as I know none of my friends would qualify for the show. Well maybe one. But I digress.
I think some things people post are taken out of context. The casual reader that checks out what is going on once in a while. The things they read may not make sense. They may only make sense to the person writing it and maybe one other person reading it. And if it is weeks later you may not have known what happened then or why whatever it is was posted. It may have been funny or a memory might have triggered something more serious at the time but it seems strange now. Sometimes the audience the Post is for is just one person. I don't know. These strange things I read that do not make sense to me I shrug my shoulders and move on. I try not to comment that the crude person is always crude and the liar well lies. But others it bothers. Some can not scroll idly by and ignore the thing that bothers them. They must speak out. I used to be that way in real life. If you lied or spoke an untruth or were just wrong no matter where I was and who we were with I would tell you right there and then you were wrong. I still take pride in being right always but I also have learned when to stay quiet.
Now here is where the problem comes in. Because one person posted something another person posts something about that but not necessarily as a comment. Someone else reads the post which even for the daily follower is out of context and now we got 3 different people thinking 3 different things. One is mad, one upset and the other is just moving on.
It is getting late and I guess I need to steer this bus towards the school so I can get to bed. When you post something online consider that not only your boss may read it but so might your kids one day. If you love the person you are posting about. Just share the love. Leave the garbage for in person where it is just between the two of you and no one else is involved or gets their feelings hurt. If you post what is true in your heart you may want to make sure you walk the talk as well.
As a side note no person was intentionally hurt in the writing of this blog. If it bothers you and you think you may be the crude person or the liar don't worry about it. I am not. We are still friends aren't we.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)