Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies,
Today how would you round your real friends up to help you move a body or bodies? In the days of my youth I would pick up the phone at the house. Pull the phone cord into the bedroom and talk to one of my school friends on the phone until 3 in the morning. If I needed to let two friends know something that would mean 2 phone calls. Hmm.
As I got older and had less contact with the friends of my youth I would send a Christmas card or for a few write a letter. The same way my mother and hers before her. I have my friends addresses and phone numbers written in an address book that I have had since I was 18. Everything has been status quo, and I am good with that.
Then email came along. I was never one for forwarding the joke that everyone in the world had already heard and refuse to pass on a chain letter. That was old in middle school. But I have a small group of friends that I have kept in touch with through email. We plan lunch and get togethers. Comfort each other in times of loss and celebrate each others joys. Email has been an easy way to get a message out without making multiple phone calls and everyone can read it on their own schedule and reply back. Plans can be made. Remember we have a body to move.
I have noticed lately that I talk on the phone less with even the friends that I regularly used to talk on the phone to. Texting and Facebook have come into play. Texting is fine you still have the one on one communications. I have a friend that we text each other once a week back and forth a few times. Talk about work and whatever else is going on. Again not limited to a single conversation. We can text back and forth all afternoon while working on break or at home. And still make plans and communicate about this body we need to move. I like the one on one conversation.
So we are down to Facebook. This would obviously not be the best method to contact a real friend to help you move a body.
1. It is posted online for all your friends to read. Maybe even one of the bodies you need help with moving.
2. People that read it could share it and then well your gonna have a real mess on your hands.
3. What if your real friend is not a Facebook friend or worse yet they are but they are busy playing Candy Crush Saga and did not see your message. Sorry, I mean Status.
See this is where I have not quite got it. I started using Facebook just last summer. After spending a few weeks with my teenage and 20 something nieces. They lived away from us and this gives me a way to see what they are up to. They do not send email they are better with texting. It is like pulling teeth to get someone this young or younger to talk on the phone. The youth of today have so many more distractions than during my youth. Yet they multitask like fools. They can watch tv and text and Facebook and never notice you are in the same room. Well sometimes they notice. Just kidding girls. But the youth today can do all those things at once. At dinner instead of saying we need to turn off the tv, Now it is don't bring your phone to the table. A little face time. No, not Facetime but actual face time. You know person to person.
I know this is crazy talk for some of you but now we still have a body to move and it is 3:22 in the morning. So do I unfriend the person on Facebook that I want to get rid of. Do I leave them as friends even though I don't care for what they have to say? No. That is not the answer because if you are my friend on Facebook you are my friend. Well for the most part. There are a few people who sent me friend requests that I have accepted that I have no interest in what is going on in their lives and never did. Not when we worked together or when they obviously thought we were friends. I know I am carrying on but again friends are complicated now. It used to be cut and dry. You don't send me a Christmas card for a few years and I think well they dropped off the face of the earth or they have no interest in hearing from me. No more card.
So another thing about Facebook friends. I do not have a lot. I did not know that until I was looking at someone's profile the other day and saw they had 500 friends. And what the heck are followers? Stalkers? People you are not friends with that want to know what you are doing anyway? So I looked to see how many friends I had only about 50, Hmm. Well let me check out a few more people oh well. I guess I am not doing something right in the Facebook world or am I. I do prefer to limit my friends to friends. To share things with my new Brighthouse friends and my old Eckerd friends. A few friends from my youth and my 2 of the 3 nieces. Well one decided that Facebook is not for her right now. I am good with that to. But I see that people cut off their friends not quietly in the night under the cover of darkness do they unfriend them but publicly call out the people that do not agree with them and tell them to unfriend them.
Friendship is not always about agreeing with everything your friend says. Sometimes you have to disagree. I prefer again the phone call ot face to face but sometimes when asked or not I will answer and let someone know they are wrong. It is not that I am not your friend. I am always your friend. I have always been your friend. We have been there for the fun and for the sorrow. For the birth of kids and weddings. If your life is moving on and you are leaving me and your other friends behind that is ok for now. Because when you come back and ask for that help with the body and 3 AM I am going to be here to help you however I can. If it means telling you something you don't want to hear. If you are a real friend. You will listen and argue and we will come to a conclusion or agree to disagree but we will still be friends. Thick or thin. Facebook or not.
I thought about naming names but then I thought you know who you are. We have always been friends. And always will be in my book. Maybe not on Facebook.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Kentucky Blue Blood
We have 2 weeks to go until our trip to Mammoth Cave. Gonna meet up with some family and see some sites. Go on a Cave Tour. Take a hike or two. Connect with some fresh air and maybe my nieces and nephew. Maybe teach them some of the things that I like. Show them what I see. History.
I have been to Mammoth Cave maybe 3 or 4 times before. And like I said before. My mother, grandmother and great grandmother before me have been there. We have pictures of my grandma and grandfather in front of a sign there maybe in the late 1930's. A picture of my grandma's mom and dad maybe the early teens. So the family has been visiting the park for over a hundred years. The kids are the 5th generation visiting this place that has stood still in time. Well not quite still but as for the rest of the world that is wizzing by just like the interstate passing by outside the park. The park makes us pull off that exit and stop a while. The land seems to move at a much slower pace. Which in turn makes you slow down a little. Not quite as much a rush. See the deer and the wild turkey as you drive around the park. Almost like they know that they are safe because their land protects them. Thanks to forward thinking people the progress of time stopped at the gate. And was asked to hold up awhile for the future.
Wish they still had the boat ride. It was great. Sunset cruise down the Green River. Now their is a job for me. I would get my Captains license for that kind of gig. See the racoons washing up before dinner some deer getting a drink. Just a lot of quiet green trees and cool breeze off the water. Kinda reminds me of another place I have visited.
These places make me want to turn off the tv go outside. Take a walk. Read a book. Not just take a tour have lunch and move on to the next place on our list of places to visit down the highway.
It makes me wonder if the tie back in time to the bluegrass of Kentucky and the hills is not deeper than my memories. Maybe it goes back further. Maybe somehow I know how peaceful it is there because it is in my blood. My very DNA has blue grass, green water and bourbon running through my veins. I really don't care for the bourbon but I thought it sounds good.
Just like Mammoth Cave when I visit Churchill Downs, I have been there before. Even been there on a race day for a Family Reunion. We had a box. This is not an affair to show up in shorts. There is a dress code. But I found it to be part of the experience. Sit at the table have a meal and a drink. When a race starts place your wager at a box where you don't wait in line and then walk out on the balcony and watch the race. Then back inside for another drink and drowned your sorrows or bask in the glory of a good race. Not a Derby but I would like to do it once. No hat for me that day but Another place the family has been going for a long time. I would like the kids to know that Grandma used to go when she was a young girl and hang out on the back side of the track with the jockeys. She would take mom and her sister to the track when they were kids. If I don't teach the kids who one will.
No one else is going to tell them that one of the their great great grandfathers built the base of the Daniel Boone statue in Cherokee park in Louisville a place we went when we were kids and my mom before that and hers too. See how the pattern goes so if not me who else will tell the kids that if they go to St. Louis Cemetery and you drive to the back and look towards the back wall there is a concrete statue of a old time English Bobby (policeman) when they see that statue and turn around their great great grand parents graves are right there along the road. There used to be a concrete curb that said Raser (their last name). And if you turn back towards the policeman at head to their 10 o'clock and walk half way up the hill is more family. Mathison's they would be my great great grandma's people as they say up there. And from there we drive over to Calvery Cemetery and stay on the road to the right and on a hill you will see a large statue of Jesus praying, right in front of him are some more family. Which is funny because in Sylvan Abbey here in Clearwater when you drive in and stay to the left find the same statue and my grand parents are in front of it about half way in from the road.
Does anyone else know or cares about this stuff but me. So it is gone once I am gone. I doubt my 3rd cousins that live up there take their kids to the cemetery. I don't even know anyone else that knows their 3rd cousins. It is only on my mom's side of the family tree this one branch that stayed in the same area for so long. Over 100 years, since the Civil War. Abraham Lincoln was president. And my family lived in Louisville.
During the flood in the 1937 when the Ohio River rose over 50 feet my grandmother's cousins had to stay at her house because theirs was flooded. There are signs on posts downtown that show that this was one of the worst disasters of it's time. When looking up at the post and try to imagine what it was like I am amazed. Another sign of the past that is ignored by the present. My mom said the only thing that used to be outside the flood walls were fishing shacks but not anymore. River front is water front and that is pricey land. Why would anyone build there? Because nothing like that has happened in years. Well we all know that sort of reasoning will not save you from rising water. Just ask residents of New Orleans.
All of this is history. My history. Emily, Ashley, Paul and Alex's history. Some of these people I knew some not. Some of the stories I have heard my grandma and her cousins talk about. Those memories are gone if I do not pass them on to the future. So what is the point. Well the point gentleman is they lived. (Line from Ever After one of my favorite movies.) I just want the kids to know that life did not start when they were born and will not end when we are all gone.
I have been to Mammoth Cave maybe 3 or 4 times before. And like I said before. My mother, grandmother and great grandmother before me have been there. We have pictures of my grandma and grandfather in front of a sign there maybe in the late 1930's. A picture of my grandma's mom and dad maybe the early teens. So the family has been visiting the park for over a hundred years. The kids are the 5th generation visiting this place that has stood still in time. Well not quite still but as for the rest of the world that is wizzing by just like the interstate passing by outside the park. The park makes us pull off that exit and stop a while. The land seems to move at a much slower pace. Which in turn makes you slow down a little. Not quite as much a rush. See the deer and the wild turkey as you drive around the park. Almost like they know that they are safe because their land protects them. Thanks to forward thinking people the progress of time stopped at the gate. And was asked to hold up awhile for the future.
Wish they still had the boat ride. It was great. Sunset cruise down the Green River. Now their is a job for me. I would get my Captains license for that kind of gig. See the racoons washing up before dinner some deer getting a drink. Just a lot of quiet green trees and cool breeze off the water. Kinda reminds me of another place I have visited.
These places make me want to turn off the tv go outside. Take a walk. Read a book. Not just take a tour have lunch and move on to the next place on our list of places to visit down the highway.
It makes me wonder if the tie back in time to the bluegrass of Kentucky and the hills is not deeper than my memories. Maybe it goes back further. Maybe somehow I know how peaceful it is there because it is in my blood. My very DNA has blue grass, green water and bourbon running through my veins. I really don't care for the bourbon but I thought it sounds good.
Just like Mammoth Cave when I visit Churchill Downs, I have been there before. Even been there on a race day for a Family Reunion. We had a box. This is not an affair to show up in shorts. There is a dress code. But I found it to be part of the experience. Sit at the table have a meal and a drink. When a race starts place your wager at a box where you don't wait in line and then walk out on the balcony and watch the race. Then back inside for another drink and drowned your sorrows or bask in the glory of a good race. Not a Derby but I would like to do it once. No hat for me that day but Another place the family has been going for a long time. I would like the kids to know that Grandma used to go when she was a young girl and hang out on the back side of the track with the jockeys. She would take mom and her sister to the track when they were kids. If I don't teach the kids who one will.
No one else is going to tell them that one of the their great great grandfathers built the base of the Daniel Boone statue in Cherokee park in Louisville a place we went when we were kids and my mom before that and hers too. See how the pattern goes so if not me who else will tell the kids that if they go to St. Louis Cemetery and you drive to the back and look towards the back wall there is a concrete statue of a old time English Bobby (policeman) when they see that statue and turn around their great great grand parents graves are right there along the road. There used to be a concrete curb that said Raser (their last name). And if you turn back towards the policeman at head to their 10 o'clock and walk half way up the hill is more family. Mathison's they would be my great great grandma's people as they say up there. And from there we drive over to Calvery Cemetery and stay on the road to the right and on a hill you will see a large statue of Jesus praying, right in front of him are some more family. Which is funny because in Sylvan Abbey here in Clearwater when you drive in and stay to the left find the same statue and my grand parents are in front of it about half way in from the road.
Does anyone else know or cares about this stuff but me. So it is gone once I am gone. I doubt my 3rd cousins that live up there take their kids to the cemetery. I don't even know anyone else that knows their 3rd cousins. It is only on my mom's side of the family tree this one branch that stayed in the same area for so long. Over 100 years, since the Civil War. Abraham Lincoln was president. And my family lived in Louisville.
During the flood in the 1937 when the Ohio River rose over 50 feet my grandmother's cousins had to stay at her house because theirs was flooded. There are signs on posts downtown that show that this was one of the worst disasters of it's time. When looking up at the post and try to imagine what it was like I am amazed. Another sign of the past that is ignored by the present. My mom said the only thing that used to be outside the flood walls were fishing shacks but not anymore. River front is water front and that is pricey land. Why would anyone build there? Because nothing like that has happened in years. Well we all know that sort of reasoning will not save you from rising water. Just ask residents of New Orleans.
All of this is history. My history. Emily, Ashley, Paul and Alex's history. Some of these people I knew some not. Some of the stories I have heard my grandma and her cousins talk about. Those memories are gone if I do not pass them on to the future. So what is the point. Well the point gentleman is they lived. (Line from Ever After one of my favorite movies.) I just want the kids to know that life did not start when they were born and will not end when we are all gone.
Friday, July 5, 2013
A Family Trip Down Memory Lane
My mother has decided that she would like to take her Grandchildren at least the smaller ones that she can get to go and her children go on a little trip (no a big trip) to her favorite place in the world. Mammoth Cave Kentucky.
Planning this trip makes me think of a lot of thing.s Last time we went Timmy and Alex were just kids. Emily, Ashley and Paul were not born yet. Grandma was with us and her and mom still travelled in the motor home. A great thing to have for someone else. I do not need to be that close to anyone for that long. I like space and privacy. Togetherness is great but not every second of the day. We cooked on the fire everyday even breakfast. Nothing like toast over an open fire and eggs and sausage before a hard day hiking and spelunking (caving).
So far we have Beth and the girls, Billie and Paul, Al, Mom and me. WooHoo. I am not sure how Tori's getting out of this but she should feel obligated to go but that is something only a few of us get. Which is kinda the point of this trip. I started going to Kentucky when I was about 8. I have been many more times than the rest of them and I know the drill. A trip to Kentucky means to hit the favorites and the obligations.
Depending on who you ask could be any or all of the items on the itinerary.
Mom wants to teach the kids about the family heritage and our history. This part I get. Well I get the whole thing but I am the only one who see's every ones agenda. Billie would like to do something with Paul that Paul will not only enjoy but learn something from so we are going to Springfield, Kentucky where Abraham Lincoln was born. He is cool in Paul's book right now. Mom wants to go to Mammoth Cave and hit the highlights in Louisville, Bardstown and Perryville. This takes care of the family history back to the Civil War which is cool but may be lost on the kids and their mothers. Oh and don't forget Al who would just like to find a bar to hang out and have a few beers. I get it all. I don't even want to mention that I would like a pit stop in Nashville to go to the Antique Archeology store. You know the American Pickers.
See this is a tough group to travel with. Why are we not taking husbands. Well someone needs to watch the dogs. Jeff is on crutches and who needs to add those wasps in the hornets nest of women and Al anyway. Wally would like to go Brian wants to have a party and like I said Jeff is on crutches.
A few days apart isn't going to kill any of us. And adding all those opinions to what to do next and where to eat and who is going to drive and when do we stop. Please.
So today Beth and I tried to work out the details at least a rough draft of a plan so we know if it is all do able or not.
Do able it is but I will need a vacation when I return. This is the problem with going this distance with so many people. Brian and I used to be able to make the trip in 15 hours in one day. Oh that brings me back to how many times I have made this trip. I would guess I am probably on trip 8 or 9. Sometimes Brian and I have done it on own. We have met mom and grandma and we have done the whole family thing.
When it comes to Louisville, Ky this is where my mom, grandmother, great-grandmother and great-great grandmothers were born. Which is how we get to the Civil War and Perryville, Ky, One of my g-g-greatgrandfathers was killed in the battle of Perryville. It is now a State Park but I did feel a tie to the area when I have visited. I guess I would like the kids to feel it to. Maybe just one of them. That can take from the trip a sense of place, a place that they are from but have never lived. A sense of the history from the War to the L&N Railroad that my Great Grandfather worked for. Churchill Downs a place where my Grandmother went when she was young. The cemetery where all these ancestors are buried has always been on the list. Grandma has been with us all the times in the past and her parents are buried in Calvary(the newer of the old cemeteries), her grandparents are in St. Louis the older cemetery and now this time Grandma's cousins are in the newest of the ones our family is in Evergreen. Facts that will be lost after me if no one cares to remember. This is what Mom doesn't want to happen. I left out Louisville Slugger, and a family visit at least dinner.
My Grandmother would travel with her father on the railroad to Florida every year when she was young. Another place near Bardstown we used to stop is Nazzareth, Ky which is as we say where the nuns live. The Sisters of Charity was one of the groups that my Great Grandfather used to travel with. Grandmother used to like to stop in and see the place and reminisce. Brian and I have stopped on our own as well. We pulled in one morning and the Chapel windows were open and we could hear the sisters singing as we pulled in. We said it was angels singing. The place changes every time we visit but we stop and say how we relate to the place. How we tie back to it. Bardstown. Is very cool. Just a town that has the oldest Pony Express stop west of the Appalachian mountains. A bullet hole in the wall where supposedly Jesse James was shot. Fried Green Tomatoes, Fried Chicken and a Hot Brown and a very cool Tavern. This is also Bourbon Country, not to far is the home of Makers Mark and many other fine bourbons.
Have I missed anything oh yes. Mom said last night she has always wanted to go to Plains, Georgia. The hometown of President Jimmy Carter. I lost Beth hear but had to reel her back for the Louisville, Bardstown part.
It is going to be a fun trip that we will all remember forever. I know we still talk about the last time we did this trip. Not often as adults you travel with your parents. There is probably a reason for it but it will be fun.
3 weeks to go.
Planning this trip makes me think of a lot of thing.s Last time we went Timmy and Alex were just kids. Emily, Ashley and Paul were not born yet. Grandma was with us and her and mom still travelled in the motor home. A great thing to have for someone else. I do not need to be that close to anyone for that long. I like space and privacy. Togetherness is great but not every second of the day. We cooked on the fire everyday even breakfast. Nothing like toast over an open fire and eggs and sausage before a hard day hiking and spelunking (caving).
So far we have Beth and the girls, Billie and Paul, Al, Mom and me. WooHoo. I am not sure how Tori's getting out of this but she should feel obligated to go but that is something only a few of us get. Which is kinda the point of this trip. I started going to Kentucky when I was about 8. I have been many more times than the rest of them and I know the drill. A trip to Kentucky means to hit the favorites and the obligations.
Depending on who you ask could be any or all of the items on the itinerary.
Mom wants to teach the kids about the family heritage and our history. This part I get. Well I get the whole thing but I am the only one who see's every ones agenda. Billie would like to do something with Paul that Paul will not only enjoy but learn something from so we are going to Springfield, Kentucky where Abraham Lincoln was born. He is cool in Paul's book right now. Mom wants to go to Mammoth Cave and hit the highlights in Louisville, Bardstown and Perryville. This takes care of the family history back to the Civil War which is cool but may be lost on the kids and their mothers. Oh and don't forget Al who would just like to find a bar to hang out and have a few beers. I get it all. I don't even want to mention that I would like a pit stop in Nashville to go to the Antique Archeology store. You know the American Pickers.
See this is a tough group to travel with. Why are we not taking husbands. Well someone needs to watch the dogs. Jeff is on crutches and who needs to add those wasps in the hornets nest of women and Al anyway. Wally would like to go Brian wants to have a party and like I said Jeff is on crutches.
A few days apart isn't going to kill any of us. And adding all those opinions to what to do next and where to eat and who is going to drive and when do we stop. Please.
So today Beth and I tried to work out the details at least a rough draft of a plan so we know if it is all do able or not.
Do able it is but I will need a vacation when I return. This is the problem with going this distance with so many people. Brian and I used to be able to make the trip in 15 hours in one day. Oh that brings me back to how many times I have made this trip. I would guess I am probably on trip 8 or 9. Sometimes Brian and I have done it on own. We have met mom and grandma and we have done the whole family thing.
When it comes to Louisville, Ky this is where my mom, grandmother, great-grandmother and great-great grandmothers were born. Which is how we get to the Civil War and Perryville, Ky, One of my g-g-greatgrandfathers was killed in the battle of Perryville. It is now a State Park but I did feel a tie to the area when I have visited. I guess I would like the kids to feel it to. Maybe just one of them. That can take from the trip a sense of place, a place that they are from but have never lived. A sense of the history from the War to the L&N Railroad that my Great Grandfather worked for. Churchill Downs a place where my Grandmother went when she was young. The cemetery where all these ancestors are buried has always been on the list. Grandma has been with us all the times in the past and her parents are buried in Calvary(the newer of the old cemeteries), her grandparents are in St. Louis the older cemetery and now this time Grandma's cousins are in the newest of the ones our family is in Evergreen. Facts that will be lost after me if no one cares to remember. This is what Mom doesn't want to happen. I left out Louisville Slugger, and a family visit at least dinner.
My Grandmother would travel with her father on the railroad to Florida every year when she was young. Another place near Bardstown we used to stop is Nazzareth, Ky which is as we say where the nuns live. The Sisters of Charity was one of the groups that my Great Grandfather used to travel with. Grandmother used to like to stop in and see the place and reminisce. Brian and I have stopped on our own as well. We pulled in one morning and the Chapel windows were open and we could hear the sisters singing as we pulled in. We said it was angels singing. The place changes every time we visit but we stop and say how we relate to the place. How we tie back to it. Bardstown. Is very cool. Just a town that has the oldest Pony Express stop west of the Appalachian mountains. A bullet hole in the wall where supposedly Jesse James was shot. Fried Green Tomatoes, Fried Chicken and a Hot Brown and a very cool Tavern. This is also Bourbon Country, not to far is the home of Makers Mark and many other fine bourbons.
Have I missed anything oh yes. Mom said last night she has always wanted to go to Plains, Georgia. The hometown of President Jimmy Carter. I lost Beth hear but had to reel her back for the Louisville, Bardstown part.
It is going to be a fun trip that we will all remember forever. I know we still talk about the last time we did this trip. Not often as adults you travel with your parents. There is probably a reason for it but it will be fun.
3 weeks to go.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Anxiety
I have been a little slacking on the blogging front. You know the feeling when things are going good and you don't have anything to worry about. In those times I don't really have a lot to say. Pre-vacation euphoria. Vegas was Great. Brittany's birthday was a success. Did not rest much those last few days but would have liked to squeeze more in. Life is good. Then Bam. Back to reality.
So my anxiety level is up since returning. Lots of things going on. Brian reminded me today that sometimes I absorb other people's anxieties and worries but I have plenty of my own. I just don't like the feeling that my skin is electrified. Maybe vibrating. Not chills but actual vibrations. I have to go back to my ninja training to remember to picture a lake with no ripples. This is the picture I use to calm my heart rate. I imagine something a photographer told me once. Clyde Butcher who takes incredible images of The Everglades showed us a picture and said that he was in the water when taking this particular shot and he was using a large format camera which is probably about 60 or 70 lbs of tripod and camera. The tripod is in the water so that he has the least motion he floats during the exposure and the ripples you see in the water is from his heart beating and him breathing. So I try to picture that and make my heart beat so slow that it would not cause a ripple in the water.
Another trick I use is the deep breathing like I am blowing up a balloon and letting the air out. Deep breath in... Then long breath out... and count One...Two... One...Two... This does two things slows my breathing and all the thoughts that are zipping through my head have to pause for me to count. These things probably seem silly to those of you who do not worry. Those of you whose thoughts pass through your brain smooth as an ice cold lemonade on a summer day. Well Thank God for you.
Funny thing about anxiety. Some people like to talk through it others are quiet. I am the quiet one who wants to sleep through it. Oh yeah they call that depression. It is but not. That t-shirt I have hanging in the closet you know like "Got Milk" mine could say "Got Depression" or "Got Anxiety". I laugh but when these feelings come back after being gone for so long. I wonder why. Life, Work, Family all of it contributes I guess but now that I am over the cliff, I am just trying to bring myself back to where I was. Pull myself back up over the cliff. Which reminds me that I am not always strong in this category. Not sure I can do it. Always questioning if what I am doing is right or not. This is crazy. No. Not crazy, just depressing. Suffocating.
I want to be successful but when I get these feelings I am not sure I can. Sometimes it seems easier to fail. I know this does not seem like something I would say but it is how I feel. I am not to the point of tears at the drop of a hat but I am not far off either. Wish I understood what makes me this way. Mentally, physically. But there is no blood test for this. It is life and life is a work in progress. So I will reflect back on previous posts and remind myself that I have gotten through worse before and again this feeling will pass.
So as I climb this mountain that the top is fogged in and not sure where the crevasses are either. I know I can make my way to the top. I have to. Others rely on me to show them the way.
So my anxiety level is up since returning. Lots of things going on. Brian reminded me today that sometimes I absorb other people's anxieties and worries but I have plenty of my own. I just don't like the feeling that my skin is electrified. Maybe vibrating. Not chills but actual vibrations. I have to go back to my ninja training to remember to picture a lake with no ripples. This is the picture I use to calm my heart rate. I imagine something a photographer told me once. Clyde Butcher who takes incredible images of The Everglades showed us a picture and said that he was in the water when taking this particular shot and he was using a large format camera which is probably about 60 or 70 lbs of tripod and camera. The tripod is in the water so that he has the least motion he floats during the exposure and the ripples you see in the water is from his heart beating and him breathing. So I try to picture that and make my heart beat so slow that it would not cause a ripple in the water.
Another trick I use is the deep breathing like I am blowing up a balloon and letting the air out. Deep breath in... Then long breath out... and count One...Two... One...Two... This does two things slows my breathing and all the thoughts that are zipping through my head have to pause for me to count. These things probably seem silly to those of you who do not worry. Those of you whose thoughts pass through your brain smooth as an ice cold lemonade on a summer day. Well Thank God for you.
Funny thing about anxiety. Some people like to talk through it others are quiet. I am the quiet one who wants to sleep through it. Oh yeah they call that depression. It is but not. That t-shirt I have hanging in the closet you know like "Got Milk" mine could say "Got Depression" or "Got Anxiety". I laugh but when these feelings come back after being gone for so long. I wonder why. Life, Work, Family all of it contributes I guess but now that I am over the cliff, I am just trying to bring myself back to where I was. Pull myself back up over the cliff. Which reminds me that I am not always strong in this category. Not sure I can do it. Always questioning if what I am doing is right or not. This is crazy. No. Not crazy, just depressing. Suffocating.
I want to be successful but when I get these feelings I am not sure I can. Sometimes it seems easier to fail. I know this does not seem like something I would say but it is how I feel. I am not to the point of tears at the drop of a hat but I am not far off either. Wish I understood what makes me this way. Mentally, physically. But there is no blood test for this. It is life and life is a work in progress. So I will reflect back on previous posts and remind myself that I have gotten through worse before and again this feeling will pass.
So as I climb this mountain that the top is fogged in and not sure where the crevasses are either. I know I can make my way to the top. I have to. Others rely on me to show them the way.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Happy Birthday Gemini
Well today is Memorial Day. The end of this week is my best friend from my teen years birthday and on Sunday will be my husband Brian's.
Funny they are both Gemini. Some words I found that describe them energetic, clever, witty and imagintive.
So most of you know Brian: And if clever and witty isn't that his middle name not sure what is. I also read one of their traits is that they can talk and talk and talk. Well if that is not Brian. Sometimes I am amazed at how much he has to say when we are out with others. And I read that Gemini's make for interesting and exciting friends. We certainly never have a dull moment.
And when I was a teen I worked with this guy Keith. He started working with me on his 16th birthday. For some reason it was a family tradition to work for Eckerd's. His big sister Lisa had made quite a name for herself in the company. Youngest assistant manager, youngest store manager and a girl. This was the early 1980's. Later I would also work with his younger brother Jeff. All of which are friends forever.
Don't know who started it but Keith was referred to as "Cool Keith". Oh if you didn't know him in the 80's he started off with the clean cut look that he has today but then after high school the hair started growing and growing. This was the days of the Hair Bands. Keith had the look. I mean "Cool Keith". Oh and he had the car a 1979? Trans Am. gold of course. Nothing too flashy. Not. I did get to drive it a few times. Once right after it had been painted he had me take it to my house so it would not get scratched in the parking lot while he worked. Those guys and their cars. Oh well I did have a Mustang II and Steve had a Duster. Those were the days. Girls loved that Cool Keith. The hair the car all of it. They would be jealous because of our friendship. That is all it ever was. But it was the best. We both knew we were like siblings.
We both got the chance to work at a tiny AM radio station together in our late teens early 20's. Another dream job. Not very glamourous but it was a fun experience.
Keith and I were the fastest friends.. I could never have imagined when I met him. I remember him learning how to turn off the lights in the store. My god this kid was full of energy. Really kid next I will teach you how to sweep the floor. How could he get excited over learning how to switch off breakers. You know I was a whole 9 months older than him. We worked together for about 2 years. He and I closed most nights. Midnight back then and got up in the morning and went to school. How many teens do you know that worked whenever they could. Overtime was a given when available. He and I would pay each other to work when we wanted off like it was a game. Straightening the store and goofing off were one in the same. Everything was a game or a race. Who could do it faster, better and with the least mistakes. And when I say mistakes I mean not catch whatever the other did to stand in the way of your prerfection. We would walk through the other's aisles and see something out of place and think, "He will never find that." and smile. Knowing that at the end of the night we would check each others work and be thrilled to find that they did miss whatever it was. The more out of place the better. The more it mixed in the happier we were.
We would look at the list left for us in the evening and decide a time which we would complete the list by and meet in the pharmacy waiting area and then decide how long we could hide and not get called to the register or not be spotted by the assistant manager.
One time someone had put a greeting card that played happy birthday in the baler and everytime you went in the back room you would hear it over and over until we had to make a bale to get it out of there. The best and stupidest story well I have 2 stupid bale stories. When I was pretty young and I have the scar to show for it. If you couldn't roll the top part from one side to the other you would push down whatever was stopping it with one arm and pull with the other. Putting one arm in the way of the metal rollers. Get the idea. My one arm got caught in the metal roller and did it leave a mark. And the oh so caring assistant told me something along the lines of guess you won't do that again. But one night Keith was hiding from work and had climbed inside the baler and pulled the smashing part over the top of himself part way of course so that the saftey release was still pushed in and it would not go down. I scared him to death by pressing the button which just made a sound but he came jumping out. We had to be crazy right.
Now I know this all sounds like fun and games but there was a lot of putting away shoes and filling combi loungers and my god the coolers. I think then we may have had 8 doors. We couldn't keep them filled to save our lives. This was Clearwater Beach in the 80's. Our Saturday's were fill the chairs, fill the coolers, fill the shoes, fill the chairs again and set the ad. Don't forget whomever was doomed to the register was trapped in a cage. At first everyone has to run the register but as you had been there for a while you could find your freedom in the store. Freedom to work until you could not work anymore. But in the same right you could play until you got caught. Did I mention everything was a game. We were teenagers. It wasn't just me and Keith but Steve, Margie, Karen, Nelson, Shawn, Kim, Valerie, Cindy, Tracy and the God Father to all of us, Frank.
Frank taught us everything we know about retail and I am sure the lot of us know quite a bit about it even if we never straighten a shelf for pay again in our lives. We know that he knew how to make that store run like a well oiled machine and he could do it all from the parking meter out front with a cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Later after I had been there a while he would joke that I was the worst employee he ever had. Well I had never worked before in a store and his way of teaching was not exactly the hand holding type. It was more do it right or don't do it at all. Even if you have no idea how the right way to do it is. You will figure it out quick or you got yelled at again.
Oh the best Frank story I have is the day we found out that he was getting transferred and Keith's sister Lisa was going to be the new manager. I was devistated. I did not know Lisa at the time except for that she was his sister but I knew that meant Keith and I could not work together anymore at that store. Siblings could not work together. So I knew he would be transferred as well. I was so sad. I cried. Frank and I were standing out back and I was crying and he was smoking and he said can just one of those tears be for me. I smiled and said yeah I guess.
All the friendships from then that I still have I cherish. I don't imagine any of us will ever have the fun we had then. We even knew it was fun then. And not many kids today or even back then realize the friends they make at their first jobs are better than friends from school and the influences they have on your life (I do not still have any friends from school) but friends from Eckerd I can count them name them and now we have all been friends for more than 20 years almost pushing 30 and remember resets and floor cleaning and making bales and filling shoes with a smile on my face. Not always a smile when doing shoes but when you were teaching someone new how to do it and could walk away. That was when we smiled. 15 boxes of shoes. Have them all put up and straightened. See you later I will be back in the pharmacy hiding from this real work.
Now I wanted this blog to be about my friend Keith and our friendship but I see there was a lot that made Keith and I friends. All of the funny stories which had to do with working together. But I also realized that this is about lasting relationships. Of the people I listed earlier and me 4 of us married someone we met working with them at Eckerd. Margie married Scott, Cindy married Frank, Lisa married Erik and I married Brian.
So I am tying this back to what Brian and Keith have in common. The day I met Brian was 7 years to the day after I had met Keith. I met Brian in the back room of the same Eckerd. It was his first day working in the same Clearwater Beach store. Hired by my dear friend Lisa (Keith's sister). Funny thing Brian had a rat tail hanging off the back of his head and Lisa had recommended that he lose it before he started working. I promise I would not looked twice at a guy with a rat tail. Next day Lisa tells him he cleans up pretty good. I come in to visit my friend Lisa and here is this new guy who is a smart ass, know it all and I start talking to him. A few days later would be his birthday and we went out and played a game of darts together. This Brian guy and I were friends right away. Like nothing I had seen in a long time. And 5 years later we were married. Funny how fate and Eckerd brought all of us together.
So today I say Happy Birthday Keith. My dear friend. Whom I never talk to but feel as close to as the days we worked together and got ice cream at Howard Johnson's with Steve and Margie after work and the day you and Steve pulled the ladder out from under me up on top the office where the paper supplies were. I smile anytime I tell an Eckerd story and think of the fun and the work and how we learned to do both really well together. And I think of the fate and magic how the stars had to align for all of us to meet and work together and become friends and some of us got married and even had kids. All started with two teenagers meeting in May of 1984. Amazing.
Happy Birthday Keith and Brian. Love you both.
Funny they are both Gemini. Some words I found that describe them energetic, clever, witty and imagintive.
So most of you know Brian: And if clever and witty isn't that his middle name not sure what is. I also read one of their traits is that they can talk and talk and talk. Well if that is not Brian. Sometimes I am amazed at how much he has to say when we are out with others. And I read that Gemini's make for interesting and exciting friends. We certainly never have a dull moment.
And when I was a teen I worked with this guy Keith. He started working with me on his 16th birthday. For some reason it was a family tradition to work for Eckerd's. His big sister Lisa had made quite a name for herself in the company. Youngest assistant manager, youngest store manager and a girl. This was the early 1980's. Later I would also work with his younger brother Jeff. All of which are friends forever.
Don't know who started it but Keith was referred to as "Cool Keith". Oh if you didn't know him in the 80's he started off with the clean cut look that he has today but then after high school the hair started growing and growing. This was the days of the Hair Bands. Keith had the look. I mean "Cool Keith". Oh and he had the car a 1979? Trans Am. gold of course. Nothing too flashy. Not. I did get to drive it a few times. Once right after it had been painted he had me take it to my house so it would not get scratched in the parking lot while he worked. Those guys and their cars. Oh well I did have a Mustang II and Steve had a Duster. Those were the days. Girls loved that Cool Keith. The hair the car all of it. They would be jealous because of our friendship. That is all it ever was. But it was the best. We both knew we were like siblings.
We both got the chance to work at a tiny AM radio station together in our late teens early 20's. Another dream job. Not very glamourous but it was a fun experience.
Keith and I were the fastest friends.. I could never have imagined when I met him. I remember him learning how to turn off the lights in the store. My god this kid was full of energy. Really kid next I will teach you how to sweep the floor. How could he get excited over learning how to switch off breakers. You know I was a whole 9 months older than him. We worked together for about 2 years. He and I closed most nights. Midnight back then and got up in the morning and went to school. How many teens do you know that worked whenever they could. Overtime was a given when available. He and I would pay each other to work when we wanted off like it was a game. Straightening the store and goofing off were one in the same. Everything was a game or a race. Who could do it faster, better and with the least mistakes. And when I say mistakes I mean not catch whatever the other did to stand in the way of your prerfection. We would walk through the other's aisles and see something out of place and think, "He will never find that." and smile. Knowing that at the end of the night we would check each others work and be thrilled to find that they did miss whatever it was. The more out of place the better. The more it mixed in the happier we were.
We would look at the list left for us in the evening and decide a time which we would complete the list by and meet in the pharmacy waiting area and then decide how long we could hide and not get called to the register or not be spotted by the assistant manager.
One time someone had put a greeting card that played happy birthday in the baler and everytime you went in the back room you would hear it over and over until we had to make a bale to get it out of there. The best and stupidest story well I have 2 stupid bale stories. When I was pretty young and I have the scar to show for it. If you couldn't roll the top part from one side to the other you would push down whatever was stopping it with one arm and pull with the other. Putting one arm in the way of the metal rollers. Get the idea. My one arm got caught in the metal roller and did it leave a mark. And the oh so caring assistant told me something along the lines of guess you won't do that again. But one night Keith was hiding from work and had climbed inside the baler and pulled the smashing part over the top of himself part way of course so that the saftey release was still pushed in and it would not go down. I scared him to death by pressing the button which just made a sound but he came jumping out. We had to be crazy right.
Now I know this all sounds like fun and games but there was a lot of putting away shoes and filling combi loungers and my god the coolers. I think then we may have had 8 doors. We couldn't keep them filled to save our lives. This was Clearwater Beach in the 80's. Our Saturday's were fill the chairs, fill the coolers, fill the shoes, fill the chairs again and set the ad. Don't forget whomever was doomed to the register was trapped in a cage. At first everyone has to run the register but as you had been there for a while you could find your freedom in the store. Freedom to work until you could not work anymore. But in the same right you could play until you got caught. Did I mention everything was a game. We were teenagers. It wasn't just me and Keith but Steve, Margie, Karen, Nelson, Shawn, Kim, Valerie, Cindy, Tracy and the God Father to all of us, Frank.
Frank taught us everything we know about retail and I am sure the lot of us know quite a bit about it even if we never straighten a shelf for pay again in our lives. We know that he knew how to make that store run like a well oiled machine and he could do it all from the parking meter out front with a cigarette in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Later after I had been there a while he would joke that I was the worst employee he ever had. Well I had never worked before in a store and his way of teaching was not exactly the hand holding type. It was more do it right or don't do it at all. Even if you have no idea how the right way to do it is. You will figure it out quick or you got yelled at again.
Oh the best Frank story I have is the day we found out that he was getting transferred and Keith's sister Lisa was going to be the new manager. I was devistated. I did not know Lisa at the time except for that she was his sister but I knew that meant Keith and I could not work together anymore at that store. Siblings could not work together. So I knew he would be transferred as well. I was so sad. I cried. Frank and I were standing out back and I was crying and he was smoking and he said can just one of those tears be for me. I smiled and said yeah I guess.
All the friendships from then that I still have I cherish. I don't imagine any of us will ever have the fun we had then. We even knew it was fun then. And not many kids today or even back then realize the friends they make at their first jobs are better than friends from school and the influences they have on your life (I do not still have any friends from school) but friends from Eckerd I can count them name them and now we have all been friends for more than 20 years almost pushing 30 and remember resets and floor cleaning and making bales and filling shoes with a smile on my face. Not always a smile when doing shoes but when you were teaching someone new how to do it and could walk away. That was when we smiled. 15 boxes of shoes. Have them all put up and straightened. See you later I will be back in the pharmacy hiding from this real work.
Now I wanted this blog to be about my friend Keith and our friendship but I see there was a lot that made Keith and I friends. All of the funny stories which had to do with working together. But I also realized that this is about lasting relationships. Of the people I listed earlier and me 4 of us married someone we met working with them at Eckerd. Margie married Scott, Cindy married Frank, Lisa married Erik and I married Brian.
So I am tying this back to what Brian and Keith have in common. The day I met Brian was 7 years to the day after I had met Keith. I met Brian in the back room of the same Eckerd. It was his first day working in the same Clearwater Beach store. Hired by my dear friend Lisa (Keith's sister). Funny thing Brian had a rat tail hanging off the back of his head and Lisa had recommended that he lose it before he started working. I promise I would not looked twice at a guy with a rat tail. Next day Lisa tells him he cleans up pretty good. I come in to visit my friend Lisa and here is this new guy who is a smart ass, know it all and I start talking to him. A few days later would be his birthday and we went out and played a game of darts together. This Brian guy and I were friends right away. Like nothing I had seen in a long time. And 5 years later we were married. Funny how fate and Eckerd brought all of us together.
So today I say Happy Birthday Keith. My dear friend. Whom I never talk to but feel as close to as the days we worked together and got ice cream at Howard Johnson's with Steve and Margie after work and the day you and Steve pulled the ladder out from under me up on top the office where the paper supplies were. I smile anytime I tell an Eckerd story and think of the fun and the work and how we learned to do both really well together. And I think of the fate and magic how the stars had to align for all of us to meet and work together and become friends and some of us got married and even had kids. All started with two teenagers meeting in May of 1984. Amazing.
Happy Birthday Keith and Brian. Love you both.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Peace be with you.
Funny these words I have heard my entire life. At church I would hear them said at the beginning, The Grace and Peace of the Lord be with you all. A simple message to say, I wish you all Grace and Peace unlike you could ever imagine in this world.
I have mentioned before that I do not speak of Lilly, I did not know her but on her birthday this year I posted a picture of her with the simple phrase, Peace Lilly. There is no more to say.
Pastor Vicki spoke today of Peace. This same Peace that I wish for Lilly I truely wish for myself and others. I have read so much lately of the events of last year. Probably too much. So many are still saddened by these events and the loss of their friends and family members. A few do not seem to have found their Peace yet. Unfortunately Vicki said, she doesn't have a cape or flashlight to offer as protection against the things that scare us. But to me she does. She offers her smile in the face of her own Grief. She offers a hug when she knows you need it. That is Peace.
I started off going to write about the church I grew up in and the one I attend today. But now. I think of a person that feels blame for the events of last year. This is another person I do not know. A person I may have laid some of the blame on myself. But today I wish him Peace. He has family and friends around but I don't think he see's them for the comfort that they are. He only see's what he is missing. Peace be with you.
Funny how things work out. I wanted to say that my favorite part of church as a child was the offering of Peace. Right before Communion. The home stretch. The time you got to talk to your neighbor without being shushed. A time that a total stranger would say Peace be with you. Last year as my nieces and nephew prepared for their First Communion I would just say Peace. No matter how I felt it is always said with a smile. Well. This week has been a year since that First Communion. I celebrated Communion this morning in a church I had maybe been to twice before last year at this time but in the last nine months we have become regulars. A lady said Hello this morning and said how glad she was to see us an how she misses us when she doesn't see us sitting in the front. Who knew?
Honestly we do not go to be seen. We go to feel Peace. Somedays it seems to come easier than others.
I have offered prayers for Peace of the people of New York after Hurricane Sandy, those of Connecticut after the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School and to those of Boston after the bombing. In all those offerings it is not just the peace that President's seek for their country but for true Peace in their hearts. So as mass ended one last reminder to go in Peace and Love and Serve the Lord.
Amen.
Today as every Sunday Vicki ends with a charge which reminds us to do the same:
Go out in the world in peace; have courage; hold on to what is good; return no one evil for evil; strengthen the fainthearted, support the weak and help the suffering; honor and respect everyone; love and serve the Lord, rejoicing in the power of the Holy Spirit. And all God’s people said: Amen
A simple message of Peace. Words we may all say as we walk out the door each morning.
Peace. Amen.
I have mentioned before that I do not speak of Lilly, I did not know her but on her birthday this year I posted a picture of her with the simple phrase, Peace Lilly. There is no more to say.
Pastor Vicki spoke today of Peace. This same Peace that I wish for Lilly I truely wish for myself and others. I have read so much lately of the events of last year. Probably too much. So many are still saddened by these events and the loss of their friends and family members. A few do not seem to have found their Peace yet. Unfortunately Vicki said, she doesn't have a cape or flashlight to offer as protection against the things that scare us. But to me she does. She offers her smile in the face of her own Grief. She offers a hug when she knows you need it. That is Peace.
I started off going to write about the church I grew up in and the one I attend today. But now. I think of a person that feels blame for the events of last year. This is another person I do not know. A person I may have laid some of the blame on myself. But today I wish him Peace. He has family and friends around but I don't think he see's them for the comfort that they are. He only see's what he is missing. Peace be with you.
Funny how things work out. I wanted to say that my favorite part of church as a child was the offering of Peace. Right before Communion. The home stretch. The time you got to talk to your neighbor without being shushed. A time that a total stranger would say Peace be with you. Last year as my nieces and nephew prepared for their First Communion I would just say Peace. No matter how I felt it is always said with a smile. Well. This week has been a year since that First Communion. I celebrated Communion this morning in a church I had maybe been to twice before last year at this time but in the last nine months we have become regulars. A lady said Hello this morning and said how glad she was to see us an how she misses us when she doesn't see us sitting in the front. Who knew?
Honestly we do not go to be seen. We go to feel Peace. Somedays it seems to come easier than others.
I have offered prayers for Peace of the people of New York after Hurricane Sandy, those of Connecticut after the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School and to those of Boston after the bombing. In all those offerings it is not just the peace that President's seek for their country but for true Peace in their hearts. So as mass ended one last reminder to go in Peace and Love and Serve the Lord.
Amen.
Today as every Sunday Vicki ends with a charge which reminds us to do the same:
Go out in the world in peace; have courage; hold on to what is good; return no one evil for evil; strengthen the fainthearted, support the weak and help the suffering; honor and respect everyone; love and serve the Lord, rejoicing in the power of the Holy Spirit. And all God’s people said: Amen
A simple message of Peace. Words we may all say as we walk out the door each morning.
Peace. Amen.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Along with the sunshine, There's got to be a little rain sometimes.
These words have been going through my head the last few days. I could not think of the song but I kept thinking these words apply. For those of you who are not fans of Lynn Anderson's I Never Promised you a Rose Garden. Who? She used to be on the Lawrence Welk Show back in the 1970's. What? Look it up.
Well these words have been zinging around. I would change them up in my head and say Along with the rain there's got to be a little sunshine. Either way it takes both to grow flowers. Some days are dark and cloudy and rainy and the next the sun comes out and the blooms open but as the title says, We were never promised a Rose Garden.
This last few weeks I feel like I have walked through the desert and looked for the Oasis. Searching for something, that I started to believe was not there. When I found the Oasis it was in the strangest place. I found it watching 2 angels not with wings but with cell phones and cameras taking pictures of a beautiful sunset at the beach. Along with 2 proud fathers and their uncle that were glad to share this time together. A little boy that doesn't know any better than to dance when music plays and his mom. I love that smile and his innocents. If you could bottle the joy that little one spreads it would be priceless.
We shared not only a meal and a sunset. The water was calm, just a ripple, the wind was blowing offshore and the clouds were drifting around to make the sunset perfect.
After dark we let go Chinese Wishing Lanterns for each member of the family that can no longer be here with us. It was the most incredible sight. Awesome was the word thrown around that night. The video of it brings tears to my eyes. Those lanterns did not drift or float but flew straight to heaven. Where Lisa, Amber, Lilly and Jim were there to catch them and toss them around like beach balls in heaven or is that what the stars are. We could see them for miles.
Absolutely Amazing.
Well these words have been zinging around. I would change them up in my head and say Along with the rain there's got to be a little sunshine. Either way it takes both to grow flowers. Some days are dark and cloudy and rainy and the next the sun comes out and the blooms open but as the title says, We were never promised a Rose Garden.
This last few weeks I feel like I have walked through the desert and looked for the Oasis. Searching for something, that I started to believe was not there. When I found the Oasis it was in the strangest place. I found it watching 2 angels not with wings but with cell phones and cameras taking pictures of a beautiful sunset at the beach. Along with 2 proud fathers and their uncle that were glad to share this time together. A little boy that doesn't know any better than to dance when music plays and his mom. I love that smile and his innocents. If you could bottle the joy that little one spreads it would be priceless.
We shared not only a meal and a sunset. The water was calm, just a ripple, the wind was blowing offshore and the clouds were drifting around to make the sunset perfect.
After dark we let go Chinese Wishing Lanterns for each member of the family that can no longer be here with us. It was the most incredible sight. Awesome was the word thrown around that night. The video of it brings tears to my eyes. Those lanterns did not drift or float but flew straight to heaven. Where Lisa, Amber, Lilly and Jim were there to catch them and toss them around like beach balls in heaven or is that what the stars are. We could see them for miles.
Absolutely Amazing.
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