Today I want to say it is very cold outside. Less than 50 degrees and even though the sky is blue the wind is cold and the air colder. So with the fireplace going I decided I wanted to write what I can about the last few months and show my gratitude for some people that I need.
Between life and my body and a rough hurricane season I have had a tough time these last few months. I was anxious about my out of wack periods and Hurricane Irma, so nervous I wasn't sure which thing to worry about. So I talked to a friend about my anxiety and saw the doctor about my period, and we then had Hurricane Irma and tree fell on our house but by December we had a new roof. So, Thanks to John and his crew for fixing the roof and it is as good as new.
The period thing was not so quick to resolve. I had ultrasounds and other tests that you probably don't care to know about and I had trips to the doctor and finally a recommendation for a DNC. This seems simple but I am not a simple person. It took some convincing, hand holding, reassurance and more convincing that this needs to be done. But the day before Thanksgiving it was done.
So prior to this outpatient procedure you have to have pre-surgery registration and testing. Now I know you know that I am an anxious person but all this testing and what are they testing me for and what are they going to find and what are they going to make me do that I am not comfortable with. Well the answer was nothing. Checked my blood pressure and an ekg. Oh yeah that, well I knew that that would not be normal. My normal is not normal by others standards but the hospital wanted a second opinion on that. Now I have known for a while my mortality is a big part of my anxiety so going to a cardiologist is kind of scary for me but again. These nurses and doctors and other people of this office were so kind to me that really the things in my head were scarier than what happened. The cardiologist signed off and even did an echocardiogram. I am good to go for my outpatient procedure the day before Thanksgiving. So Thanks! to the people at this office that helped. And if you are in this position and you help others through what are everyday procedures to you but not for the rest of us again my very humblest thanks.
Surprisingly a huge weight was lifted when I left that office with the all clear. I was so surprised but realized I had worried about my heart being the problem with my blood pressure and all but my healthier choices this past year have helped with my weight and my heart is ok. Which is amazing to me. I know you are thinking I thought this was about her female problems. So did I. But it wasn't. The female stuff didn't worry me like my heart but I really didn't realize it until this moment. Anesthesia also scared me but that was because of a previous bad experience and this time the day before Thanksgiving. I had my DNC and it went well. The doctor was pleased, the anesthesiologist was like I would have been ok with that ekg and here I was doing this thing a month or so ago I would have sworn I would not. Even though the outcome still concerned me the doctor said that she couldn't see everything she wanted. All results benign. So great back to work in a few days and we are good. I feel a big but coming...
Well then I get a call from the doctors office and she would like to talk about the results. The results were good they just told me that morning. But ok. I made another appointment and I thought I know where she is going and if everything is good and they said it was, why would she still want to do a hysterectomy? I am not going to worry about it. How mature of me to think.
Well I didn't worry. I was pretty darn sure I was not going to have a hysterectomy when I walked into her office two weeks later. It is the middle of December and here I am back at the doctor. Unless she tells me something really convincing I am not having a hysterectomy. That period is both literal and figurative. I mean I haven't had one since October life is good. Absence even makes my heart grow fonder of my period. I had no intention of removing this appendix of my female organs. I swear I know I get my stubbornness from my parents but man sometimes I even amaze myself how stubborn I am. But this doctor and I we have a history and let me say she is a gift from God. She has withstood my stubbornness only because she has practiced with my mother beforehand but I have subjected myself to more tests than I can shake a stick at and as stubborn as I am I know she has my best interest at heart. And having periods for months at a time is not normal and not good for anyone and even though everything before came back benign and with some medical details added that I prefer not to share with the class I said yes. Wait I said yes. Much quicker probably than she thought. But let me say she would have spent as long as it took to show me she why I needed to have this done. Just as she did 4 weeks earlier for a procedure. No cutting, no hospital stay and no recovery to speak of. So it is getting close to the end of the year and I know I have already paid my deductible for this year but there is no way. Oh this lady thinks of everything. She saved a surgical spot for me before the end of the year. She knows I am not made of money and as much as I wanted to go home and think about it I was going to have a hysterectomy in 5 days. This lady is so special to me and if you ever need a recommendation I will gladly tell you her and her staff are awesome. And as I re-read what I just wrote the tears are coming down my face because they all made me feel like it was ok to worry and be upset and anxious.
So we are getting deep here but 5 days later and here we are with a new roof and yes I am having a hysterectomy. All the things that worried me are behind me. I know that I have cried and worried a lot about this over the last few months but this is it and it is all happening so fast I don't really have time to worry but I have nothing left to worry about. This is in my best interest. The doctor has done every test and tried to find a way to allow my worry and attachment to my uterus to allow me to keep it but it is not in the cards. Again the pre-surgery testing, less than before and good thing because we only have 2 days now since it was Friday when I found out and today is Monday and my surgery is on Wednesday. I let my family know and a few friends but that was it. I am doing this.
Wednesday morning I was nervous but good to go. Let's just do this thing. In 4 weeks I will be back to work and in 6 weeks a new women some say. I don't know that I want to be new but here we go.
Here she is the doctor of doctors waiting for me to be prepped. I asked what are musical selection is for today and she said that they had 50s music on tap but she said no we were going to have Christmas Carols. She told me I would probably not remember any of this but wait there is more. The anesthesiologist his name would make you laugh and yes I remember he who I told I was so nervous he tried to lighten the mood by sharing some anesthesia humor. As I am signing the paper to say ok again these people don't think I am going to remember any of this but I do, he said, " This lady once asked what happens if I don't sign the paper and he replied a lot of screaming." I laughed then I think it was the drugs but honestly I was beyond anxious and if he would have been the guy a few weeks earlier I may have called the whole thing but I went with it and thought Brian would appreciate his humor and signed off and here we gooooooo.
Next thing I remember I was in a hospital room with Brian and my friend Lisa. Hmm. I don't remember the ride to the OR like I did a few weeks ago or being transferred to the table in OR. Yeah. The first time I remember all that. But here I am and it is all over and Brian is telling me I did great. The doctor talked to him and said everything was good. I remember laying there thinking what was I so worried about. The nurses were great. The only thing is that my glasses were with my clothes and they had not kept up with me. I ate soup and kept it down and that evening still no glasses some nice lady read the menu to me and I ordered food. No pain med pump so they took that. My IV was annoying because every time I moved it would start beeping. Not that they minded but they did have it moved even though it did beep more not nearly as much as it had. My sister came by and my friend Tracy and Brian came back I think.
I slept through the night and at 6 am after have blood drawn at 4 and watching tv for a couple hours the doctor came in and asked me some questions and she said, I didn't want to say it ahead of time but I thought this would be less painful for you than your worst period. Errrk. That is the sound of me hitting the breaks. But surprisingly so far less painful. Now I am still getting some pain meds through my IV but I am feeling pretty good at this moment and I told her the story about the anesthesiologist and she couldn't believe that and that I remembered that and the whole Christmas Carol thing. She said I had to go to the bathroom and walk a little and I was good to go home.
By 12:30 that afternoon. Less than 24 hours after having my surgery I was on my way home and feeling good. I know Christmas and New Years they passed me by but with just some ibuprofen for pain the first few days home I think I have done really well. I know there are those of you thinking when does the other shoe drop. But today is two weeks later and I have been following the doctors instructions and taking it easy and not driving and have stayed home a lot but I am feeling pretty good. Tired at times but really pretty damn good. Not lifting anything. No pain. The doctors office called this morning and again benign results. I love this doctor of mine. I know all her patients are not like me and she is probably thankful for that. So tomorrow I am allowed to drive and take myself to the doctors office and follow up.
Knowing all is well I want to Thank all the people who have held my hand and told me things were going to be ok. If you have driven me in the last two weeks or brought me food or flowers or taken me to lunch your friendship is worth so much to me I could spend all day thanking you and to those of you who have listened to me on the phone or at work or anywhere else I could have told someone what I feared. Thanks for helping me through all of this. Even friends that had their own things going on and took their time for me. I know but these people mean the world to me and they are probably the only ones left reading. Thanks and if I can ever return the favor I would be happy to.
So as a rule I don't name names but I am making an exception today. Dr. Jennifer Hayes and her staff have hearts as big as the world. I didn't just start going to her office a few months ago when this last bout of problems started. Dr. Hayes and I have a history. I have been seeing her for more than 5 years. I have always felt that whatever she recommended was in my best interest but sometimes the fear of the unknown stood between me and my best interest. Not this time. Everything in its time and this was my time to have the surgery. Thanks Dr. Hayes and everyone in your office.
Happy New Year 2018! Here she comes that new woman.
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
What a difference a day makes.
So never posted to my blog from my phone by Lantern light. The last time I went this long without power was the "No Name storm" 1991. There were t-shirts we sold at Eckerd that said,"I survived the No Name storm and had a map with it's path across the southeast US. The person that I lived with back then and I went more than 3 days without power and after the 3rd night of coming home after 12 hour days working he called the power company and I laugh now picturing the image of him and I calling from the wall phone in our kitchen and he said not so kindly to the person on the phone that he was getting frustrated with not having power every night when we got home and just had to look up the phone number in the phone book for the blanking power company like Benjamin Franklin by candlelight. I don't remember after the power was back on like that night.
God has a funny way of shining a light on important things and sometimes he has to turn off the lights for us to see. Last week before the storm my mind was having it's own tropical depression but a few visits with a couple doctors who are worth their weight in gold and I was ready to weather the storm. I know most don't want to know how scared others were and don't want to admit to themselves how real Irma was. But the few days prior to that to me was worse. I know worse than a tree falling on the house that didn't come through and the hours of sitting on the floor in the hallway praying that the guys on the weather were right before our power went off and said the worst should pass us by midnight. As I listened to my clock chime though the sound of the wind and rain thinking we just have to hold on for another hour, ok maybe one more hour, ok may be one more. That feeling for those who have never experienced it my friend is what it feels like when a person is having a panic attack. It is not the wind and rain but the quiet moment in my head trying to say the Lord's prayer for the 50th time and forgetting the words. Trying to keep your self together when the world around you is blowing by. There are a few events in life that I felt like I at least deserve a t-shirt for getting through and for the last two weeks I deserve 2. The panic like the storm has passed and my mind is as peaceful as the weather today. I am a thankful person because those moments of anguish lead to peace and tonight my friends I can say all the words to the Lord's prayer in order and will rest for tomorrow brings new challenges to all of us. Not all of them have a name or date to be remembered by. Some are just a day in the life of me. Our Father who art in heaven...
God has a funny way of shining a light on important things and sometimes he has to turn off the lights for us to see. Last week before the storm my mind was having it's own tropical depression but a few visits with a couple doctors who are worth their weight in gold and I was ready to weather the storm. I know most don't want to know how scared others were and don't want to admit to themselves how real Irma was. But the few days prior to that to me was worse. I know worse than a tree falling on the house that didn't come through and the hours of sitting on the floor in the hallway praying that the guys on the weather were right before our power went off and said the worst should pass us by midnight. As I listened to my clock chime though the sound of the wind and rain thinking we just have to hold on for another hour, ok maybe one more hour, ok may be one more. That feeling for those who have never experienced it my friend is what it feels like when a person is having a panic attack. It is not the wind and rain but the quiet moment in my head trying to say the Lord's prayer for the 50th time and forgetting the words. Trying to keep your self together when the world around you is blowing by. There are a few events in life that I felt like I at least deserve a t-shirt for getting through and for the last two weeks I deserve 2. The panic like the storm has passed and my mind is as peaceful as the weather today. I am a thankful person because those moments of anguish lead to peace and tonight my friends I can say all the words to the Lord's prayer in order and will rest for tomorrow brings new challenges to all of us. Not all of them have a name or date to be remembered by. Some are just a day in the life of me. Our Father who art in heaven...
Saturday, September 9, 2017
Bringing back balance
I know it has been a while since I have written anything here. I think of things but not sure what to say. Well these last few days Anxiety has been high on my list of things I have been thinking about. Lots of things have been getting to me but there is this looming hurricane Irma out there slowly moving through the Straits of Florida hanging out off the coast of Cuba. Just putzing along at about 6 miles per hour. At this rate Irma isn't going to get here until Monday and right now those that forecast things like this expect that we should start to see conditions diminish tomorrow afternoon but it will be tomorrow night or early Monday morning before we get the worst of it. This is much slower than she was cruising along at earlier this week which keeps pushing out the inevitable of Irma making landfall somewhere in Florida unless she does what I want and keeps heading west. I hear Mexico is beautiful this time of the year. No, I truly don't wish her wrath on anyone and well especially not us. There is part of me that says you know we have had a good run. More than 50 years without a major hurricane hitting the Tampa Bay area so if we are due I hope we are prepared.
So with everything closed and most people hunkered down. It has given me some time to sit and think. While Princess and I were out in the back yard tonight and I thought how the wind and the sky remind me of when I was younger probably about 1980 and we had some storms that were pretty bad and people prepared for. Since we grew up on the beach we picked up the yard. Put down the storm shutters and rode out the storm and then went out to see what happened afterwards. I remember before one storm sitting out on the dock across the street from our house and watching people anchor their sailboats out in the bay to protect them from hitting into the seawall or dock and some even riding storms out on a boat. My brother did a few times on the fishing boat he worked on. Him and the owner's son spent the night on the boat and let out the lines as the tide rose and kept the boat from hitting into the dock.
Even back then I was always thinking about how things work and that how hurricanes are just Mother Nature's way of bringing balance back to the warm waters of the Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico. The hurricane gets it's energy from the warm water and as it reaches cooler water it looses strength. If the water didn't cool off then neither would the air and it would just be hot year round and algae blooms like Red Tide would just get worse each year. As strange as it seems we need the hurricanes. Tonight I was thinking how the storm brings a balance back to nature and maybe that includes us. The human beings of the world that have to control everything are reminded that we have minimal control of anything. One of the thoughts I had was about how anxious I have been lately worrying about things I can't control and worrying that I can't control them. So I said a little prayer tonight to Mother Nature that she does have control and that I am prepared to ride out the storm and will do it knowing that maybe she is bringing balance back to me as well as the water temperature in the Gulf.
Surprisingly I felt better afterwards and thought it may be so. Maybe we all need the barometric pressure to drop and the wind and rain to remind us that family and friends are important and everything else can be replaced. To all my friends and family that are hunkered down at home I am praying that all of us come through this experience a little more balanced and that we all remember the things that are important are not things at all. Amen.
So with everything closed and most people hunkered down. It has given me some time to sit and think. While Princess and I were out in the back yard tonight and I thought how the wind and the sky remind me of when I was younger probably about 1980 and we had some storms that were pretty bad and people prepared for. Since we grew up on the beach we picked up the yard. Put down the storm shutters and rode out the storm and then went out to see what happened afterwards. I remember before one storm sitting out on the dock across the street from our house and watching people anchor their sailboats out in the bay to protect them from hitting into the seawall or dock and some even riding storms out on a boat. My brother did a few times on the fishing boat he worked on. Him and the owner's son spent the night on the boat and let out the lines as the tide rose and kept the boat from hitting into the dock.
Even back then I was always thinking about how things work and that how hurricanes are just Mother Nature's way of bringing balance back to the warm waters of the Atlantic and the Gulf of Mexico. The hurricane gets it's energy from the warm water and as it reaches cooler water it looses strength. If the water didn't cool off then neither would the air and it would just be hot year round and algae blooms like Red Tide would just get worse each year. As strange as it seems we need the hurricanes. Tonight I was thinking how the storm brings a balance back to nature and maybe that includes us. The human beings of the world that have to control everything are reminded that we have minimal control of anything. One of the thoughts I had was about how anxious I have been lately worrying about things I can't control and worrying that I can't control them. So I said a little prayer tonight to Mother Nature that she does have control and that I am prepared to ride out the storm and will do it knowing that maybe she is bringing balance back to me as well as the water temperature in the Gulf.
Surprisingly I felt better afterwards and thought it may be so. Maybe we all need the barometric pressure to drop and the wind and rain to remind us that family and friends are important and everything else can be replaced. To all my friends and family that are hunkered down at home I am praying that all of us come through this experience a little more balanced and that we all remember the things that are important are not things at all. Amen.
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Loyalty Anyone?
I was at the bank last week and at the end of my transaction the teller said to me,"You have been a customer here for 25 years. Thanks for your loyalty." I thought that was funny because I have had the same acct number for the last 25 years but I haven't had the same bank for 25 years. The bank I think has changed names at least 3 times. Which in this day an age is probably not a lot. Then I started thinking about other things that I have done the same for a long time. I mean the cell phone company we use can't believe we have been customers for 18 years. But again, we have had the same acct but the company has changed 3 times. All of this seems ordinary for me to have been doing things the same way for a long time but I guess to others it isn't the norm.
Even talking to a Financial Adviser about refinancing my house I only assumed that I would refinance with the same company that our home has been financed with for the last 13 years. He recommended shopping around. I understand I could possibly get a better price but the thing is I am used to the level of service I get now. That might change and I don't want to change just to save a few percentage points, do I? Then I thought would this person recommend me shopping around for a new adviser? Probably not.
My first full time job I worked for the same company for over 20 years. I worked many different jobs within the company and would still be there if it wasn't for a buy out and the corporate office moving out of state. I have joked that no one ever told me I was supposed to quit my first job. So I waited for them to quit me. I am sure the company I work for now like every other one I have ever worked for I will not leave til they quit me which should make many happy. And I am sure the company I work for wouldn't recommend you shopping around for a new cable provider. I am sure my insurance agent of God knows how many years who worked with my mom and grandmother wouldn't want me to change either.
Yet for some reason now a days people change cell phone carriers every other year and jobs just as often. One thing I learned when I was about 20 years old from one of my best friends who was quit by his first job and had to start over with another company was that the grass is not greener on the other side. It is merely the angle which you are looking at the grass I believe that makes it appear greener. So why do people change things so often?
I have had the same best friend more than half of my life and I am not looking for best friend 2.0 or husband 2.0 as Brian likes to joke. I am happy with the same friend and same husband I have always had.
So I looked up the definition of Loyalty: faithfulness to commitment or obligation, the quality or state or instance of being loyal.
Well this is definitely me. I am committed to my obligations and faithful to a fault. Til death do us part is not just words I said in front of a bunch of people to Brian almost 20 years ago. I mean them as much today as I did then. But I would also say that even if you are a friend of mine and we never stood in front of our friends and family and pledged allegiance to each other I extend the same to you. I will not quit you until you have quit me.
I don't know if everyone in the world is as lucky as I to have worked for the same company for so long but in those 20 years I worked for the same company I made lots of friends that also worked for that company for a long time. There was a group we called the "Lunch Bunch" that ate lunch together every day for maybe 10 years and even now 12 years since the last time we worked together we still try to get together a few times a year and have a meal and talk about what is new.
I am not sure if it was nature or nurture that caused me to be so loyal. But for people that have lots of new things and new friends don't you sometimes want someone that shared the old times with to talk to. Someone that knows your story that knows the ups and the downs of your life and you know theirs to share time with. To laugh and cry about the things that were done years ago but to go and have new adventures with. So while you are in some new place doing some new thing you remind each other of some time years ago that you did something similar but yet the experience is different today. It is different because you had that experience years ago. You knew what to now expect. Isn't that what I said in the beginning about why I was loyal. I know what to expect.
Hmm. I am happy with the friends I have and the family God gave me and the job I have. I may cry about all of them and whine about some of them but I know what to expect and the same goes for the companies I have done business with for years. You know me and I know you and well until you change I am not going to change either.
Even talking to a Financial Adviser about refinancing my house I only assumed that I would refinance with the same company that our home has been financed with for the last 13 years. He recommended shopping around. I understand I could possibly get a better price but the thing is I am used to the level of service I get now. That might change and I don't want to change just to save a few percentage points, do I? Then I thought would this person recommend me shopping around for a new adviser? Probably not.
My first full time job I worked for the same company for over 20 years. I worked many different jobs within the company and would still be there if it wasn't for a buy out and the corporate office moving out of state. I have joked that no one ever told me I was supposed to quit my first job. So I waited for them to quit me. I am sure the company I work for now like every other one I have ever worked for I will not leave til they quit me which should make many happy. And I am sure the company I work for wouldn't recommend you shopping around for a new cable provider. I am sure my insurance agent of God knows how many years who worked with my mom and grandmother wouldn't want me to change either.
Yet for some reason now a days people change cell phone carriers every other year and jobs just as often. One thing I learned when I was about 20 years old from one of my best friends who was quit by his first job and had to start over with another company was that the grass is not greener on the other side. It is merely the angle which you are looking at the grass I believe that makes it appear greener. So why do people change things so often?
I have had the same best friend more than half of my life and I am not looking for best friend 2.0 or husband 2.0 as Brian likes to joke. I am happy with the same friend and same husband I have always had.
So I looked up the definition of Loyalty: faithfulness to commitment or obligation, the quality or state or instance of being loyal.
Well this is definitely me. I am committed to my obligations and faithful to a fault. Til death do us part is not just words I said in front of a bunch of people to Brian almost 20 years ago. I mean them as much today as I did then. But I would also say that even if you are a friend of mine and we never stood in front of our friends and family and pledged allegiance to each other I extend the same to you. I will not quit you until you have quit me.
I don't know if everyone in the world is as lucky as I to have worked for the same company for so long but in those 20 years I worked for the same company I made lots of friends that also worked for that company for a long time. There was a group we called the "Lunch Bunch" that ate lunch together every day for maybe 10 years and even now 12 years since the last time we worked together we still try to get together a few times a year and have a meal and talk about what is new.
I am not sure if it was nature or nurture that caused me to be so loyal. But for people that have lots of new things and new friends don't you sometimes want someone that shared the old times with to talk to. Someone that knows your story that knows the ups and the downs of your life and you know theirs to share time with. To laugh and cry about the things that were done years ago but to go and have new adventures with. So while you are in some new place doing some new thing you remind each other of some time years ago that you did something similar but yet the experience is different today. It is different because you had that experience years ago. You knew what to now expect. Isn't that what I said in the beginning about why I was loyal. I know what to expect.
Hmm. I am happy with the friends I have and the family God gave me and the job I have. I may cry about all of them and whine about some of them but I know what to expect and the same goes for the companies I have done business with for years. You know me and I know you and well until you change I am not going to change either.
Monday, June 12, 2017
The Home Version
Today I am writing the home version of Before the hot water runs out. One of my favorite posts ever about how my brain never shuts down and the crazy places it can go in the time it takes me to take a shower.
Tomorrow was to be the day that my brother closed on mom's house but as things go it happened a few days early. And I didn't know until it was over that it was done. I was sad. Felt like that last trip down to the house by myself to clean the pool was ripped away. I know no one cries over not getting to clean the pool. I have been doing it for about 20 years. But I have added checking the mail and taking out the trash or pulling back the trash cans in the last 5 months since the house has been empty and for the most part the others had stopped going. Last week I had picked up the chlorine jugs to return to the pool supply store and didn't do it basically because it was too sad of a thing to do. So this week I thought it was crazy to be sad over such a thing and returned the jugs and cried. Yes, I cried while returning the chlorine jugs to the pool supply store. Through the years of me taking mom and grandma out on their Friday outings to when it was just me and mom and for this last year it has been me by myself. The guy was very nice as he has always been. He said, "it has been a pleasure to serve you and your family all these years and if you ever have a pool..."
So as I showered today I was thinking: Well, I don't think we could have a pool because of the way our back yard is. It would cost a fortune, there is no access except the gate we walk through and there is a huge oak tree that would hang over the pool if it survived the pool being built. But as long as we have lived in this house I have wished to buy the house next door and tear it down and build an addition to our house it would like our house have big windows and bright rooms and clay tile floors and yes out back have a pool. The house has even been foreclosed on in the time we have lived here but it was not a time that we could have bought it.
While I was thinking all these thoughts and a quote from the end of a movie came to mind. I knew it was one of my favorite movies. My first guess was wrong but after I thought again I knew it was from Hope Floats: Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it is what's in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."
And today I find myself again at a new beginning and at the same time at an end of a very long run so yes, I am sad. My youngest sister went down to the house for the one last visit and took some pictures which we have all the way. Pictures of how it was and how it is. I wanted one last family picture but it wasn't meant to be. Maybe not as sad as I thought I would be. Which may be a good thing. My heart has accepted what I knew had to come. I always think of a quote from American Pickers, " I just want to buy the piece, not your memories." Because the value you put on something you find to be sentimental is way more than the value of the object. Somethings are never going to be for sale and others will with time be able to be parted with. I have learned through this process that sometimes the person buying the object wants the memories as well but just to know them not to take them and appreciates the love you have for the person that owned the object before them.
The last thing I wanted to do was leave a note for the people buying the house. Again my sister said, she did leave a note stuck to the refrigerator. Just something short saying a really great family lived here and hope you enjoy the house as much as they did.
So here is my letter to the family that now owns the house that I called home for most of my life and then I referred to it as mom's house. I will miss that house but I will always have the memories.
Dear Family,
I hope you have a big family enough to fill all the bedrooms of this house with love and laughter. They don't have to be young children but if they are make sure they get outside and play. There are so many things to see and learn on this beach. They may have to look a little harder with all the condo's and hotels and beach umbrellas but they are still there. The sand and the shells are full of live creatures that are begging to be found. The water at the beach is best in the early morning or in the evening before the sun sets. Usually pretty calm at those times and not as many people out. When the water is calm and the tide is low you can get out to the sand bar and find sand dollars and see other things along the bottom. Maybe even some fish. Be sure to shuffle your feet there are sting rays out there and no one wants a day at the beach spoiled by that. Whatever you do find if it is still alive let it live unless you plan on eating it. The shells are pretty but there are plenty that aren't housing live creatures that you can take home.
We always had a small sail boat another must have on the beach. Once you have explored everything within walking distance you can go further north past the end of the houses and there is lots more to find. A lot less people. The small islands in the bay are called spoils created by the water moving the sand around. Be careful of the weather in the summer a storm can come up out of no where and it will probably pass just as fast but you need to be prepared.
As for at home. The pool has been a great addition even though we never had that luxury as a kid we had to cut the grass where all that concrete lays now. We also had a garden back there. Back under the tree. Mom loved that Spanish Laurel Tree. It drops berries that smell as they ferment but the birds love them so they will take care of most. Don't let them lie at the bottom of the pool. It will stain it. If you get back under that tree and clean out all the over growth don't dig to deep. That was our pet cemetery it was used for the rabbits and birds we had as kids and for some of the cats I had as an adult. They were all great animals and were placed there with love and some even with pictures.
Inside, mom always had a chair in the kitchen so whomever was over could sit with her while she cooked or as she got older so she could sit with whomever was cooking for her. It was always nice hanging out in there. The dining room leads right into the living room to the fire place so you can easily seat 25 or so people for a big family meal if you have enough folding tables and chairs. Mom always kept the folding tables and chairs in the front closet so they were easy to get to. You never knew when there would be extra people for dinner.
Speaking of extra people. For years the house had an open door policy. Pretty much the door was always open and after we added the pool and there was no door bell on the back door you would just walk in and holler, "hey mom are you in here". If not in the house she would have been outside working in the yard pulling weeds. Be careful you may consider some of the things weeds that she considered to be plants. A weed is just a plant growing where you don't want it. But the yellow flowers that open during the day and grow wild in the yard are called Cuban Buttercups. They grow great where they want but we never had much luck with moving them. The succulent plant under the oak tree in the front yard is referred to as Al's plant. He brought home a little pot of it in maybe 4th grade and it took over out there over the years. mom liked that it was less grass to cut but then more weeds to pull. Under that front window is a row of rain lillys. Those were always mom's favorite. We even have some planted for her at the cemetery. There is also the wild periwinkles again they grow great where they want but don't if moved and the hibiscus near the front door. Mr and Mrs Lindsey planted that for mom oh so many years ago. They were the sweetest people in the world and when you see those beautiful yellow flowers remember the ones that planted it and the lady that loved it all these years.
I know the house needs a coat of paint and a little work but one thing you will never take away is all the love that was in that house. Love for a family and love for the house itself and like everything sometimes you have to let one thing go to take care of something else. So add the coat of paint and some fancy appliances and fill them with food because that house will fill itself with people to eat the food and enjoy the house and the yard and the pool and fill itself with love and laughter again.
Love, Jeanne
Tomorrow was to be the day that my brother closed on mom's house but as things go it happened a few days early. And I didn't know until it was over that it was done. I was sad. Felt like that last trip down to the house by myself to clean the pool was ripped away. I know no one cries over not getting to clean the pool. I have been doing it for about 20 years. But I have added checking the mail and taking out the trash or pulling back the trash cans in the last 5 months since the house has been empty and for the most part the others had stopped going. Last week I had picked up the chlorine jugs to return to the pool supply store and didn't do it basically because it was too sad of a thing to do. So this week I thought it was crazy to be sad over such a thing and returned the jugs and cried. Yes, I cried while returning the chlorine jugs to the pool supply store. Through the years of me taking mom and grandma out on their Friday outings to when it was just me and mom and for this last year it has been me by myself. The guy was very nice as he has always been. He said, "it has been a pleasure to serve you and your family all these years and if you ever have a pool..."
So as I showered today I was thinking: Well, I don't think we could have a pool because of the way our back yard is. It would cost a fortune, there is no access except the gate we walk through and there is a huge oak tree that would hang over the pool if it survived the pool being built. But as long as we have lived in this house I have wished to buy the house next door and tear it down and build an addition to our house it would like our house have big windows and bright rooms and clay tile floors and yes out back have a pool. The house has even been foreclosed on in the time we have lived here but it was not a time that we could have bought it.
While I was thinking all these thoughts and a quote from the end of a movie came to mind. I knew it was one of my favorite movies. My first guess was wrong but after I thought again I knew it was from Hope Floats: Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it is what's in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will."
And today I find myself again at a new beginning and at the same time at an end of a very long run so yes, I am sad. My youngest sister went down to the house for the one last visit and took some pictures which we have all the way. Pictures of how it was and how it is. I wanted one last family picture but it wasn't meant to be. Maybe not as sad as I thought I would be. Which may be a good thing. My heart has accepted what I knew had to come. I always think of a quote from American Pickers, " I just want to buy the piece, not your memories." Because the value you put on something you find to be sentimental is way more than the value of the object. Somethings are never going to be for sale and others will with time be able to be parted with. I have learned through this process that sometimes the person buying the object wants the memories as well but just to know them not to take them and appreciates the love you have for the person that owned the object before them.
The last thing I wanted to do was leave a note for the people buying the house. Again my sister said, she did leave a note stuck to the refrigerator. Just something short saying a really great family lived here and hope you enjoy the house as much as they did.
So here is my letter to the family that now owns the house that I called home for most of my life and then I referred to it as mom's house. I will miss that house but I will always have the memories.
Dear Family,
I hope you have a big family enough to fill all the bedrooms of this house with love and laughter. They don't have to be young children but if they are make sure they get outside and play. There are so many things to see and learn on this beach. They may have to look a little harder with all the condo's and hotels and beach umbrellas but they are still there. The sand and the shells are full of live creatures that are begging to be found. The water at the beach is best in the early morning or in the evening before the sun sets. Usually pretty calm at those times and not as many people out. When the water is calm and the tide is low you can get out to the sand bar and find sand dollars and see other things along the bottom. Maybe even some fish. Be sure to shuffle your feet there are sting rays out there and no one wants a day at the beach spoiled by that. Whatever you do find if it is still alive let it live unless you plan on eating it. The shells are pretty but there are plenty that aren't housing live creatures that you can take home.
We always had a small sail boat another must have on the beach. Once you have explored everything within walking distance you can go further north past the end of the houses and there is lots more to find. A lot less people. The small islands in the bay are called spoils created by the water moving the sand around. Be careful of the weather in the summer a storm can come up out of no where and it will probably pass just as fast but you need to be prepared.
As for at home. The pool has been a great addition even though we never had that luxury as a kid we had to cut the grass where all that concrete lays now. We also had a garden back there. Back under the tree. Mom loved that Spanish Laurel Tree. It drops berries that smell as they ferment but the birds love them so they will take care of most. Don't let them lie at the bottom of the pool. It will stain it. If you get back under that tree and clean out all the over growth don't dig to deep. That was our pet cemetery it was used for the rabbits and birds we had as kids and for some of the cats I had as an adult. They were all great animals and were placed there with love and some even with pictures.
Inside, mom always had a chair in the kitchen so whomever was over could sit with her while she cooked or as she got older so she could sit with whomever was cooking for her. It was always nice hanging out in there. The dining room leads right into the living room to the fire place so you can easily seat 25 or so people for a big family meal if you have enough folding tables and chairs. Mom always kept the folding tables and chairs in the front closet so they were easy to get to. You never knew when there would be extra people for dinner.
Speaking of extra people. For years the house had an open door policy. Pretty much the door was always open and after we added the pool and there was no door bell on the back door you would just walk in and holler, "hey mom are you in here". If not in the house she would have been outside working in the yard pulling weeds. Be careful you may consider some of the things weeds that she considered to be plants. A weed is just a plant growing where you don't want it. But the yellow flowers that open during the day and grow wild in the yard are called Cuban Buttercups. They grow great where they want but we never had much luck with moving them. The succulent plant under the oak tree in the front yard is referred to as Al's plant. He brought home a little pot of it in maybe 4th grade and it took over out there over the years. mom liked that it was less grass to cut but then more weeds to pull. Under that front window is a row of rain lillys. Those were always mom's favorite. We even have some planted for her at the cemetery. There is also the wild periwinkles again they grow great where they want but don't if moved and the hibiscus near the front door. Mr and Mrs Lindsey planted that for mom oh so many years ago. They were the sweetest people in the world and when you see those beautiful yellow flowers remember the ones that planted it and the lady that loved it all these years.I know the house needs a coat of paint and a little work but one thing you will never take away is all the love that was in that house. Love for a family and love for the house itself and like everything sometimes you have to let one thing go to take care of something else. So add the coat of paint and some fancy appliances and fill them with food because that house will fill itself with people to eat the food and enjoy the house and the yard and the pool and fill itself with love and laughter again.
Love, Jeanne
Sunday, May 21, 2017
Thanks for being a friend
I wrote back in 2013 about being friends in this day and age and the likes of Facebook (just a little play on words). And over the last few years people I haven't seen in years have requested me to be friends with them again. So many are people that I went to elementary school with and some even still live in the area and it is nice to see what they are up to and what is going on in their lives. Nice to see they are doing well and just like any friend to support them when they are going through a rough patch. But there is nothing quite like getting together and having a meal and talking.
Over the last few weeks I have been out with or talked on the phone with 3 different friends that I have know for about 30 years each. I have always said that one thing that I learned as a kid was to be loyal. And I can say that the friends I have are amazing. I have written about all the funny stories from back in my store days at Eckerd and the trouble I should have gotten into but the funny thing is that if I pick up the phone and call any one or all of the people from back in the day or if they called me I would do anything for any of them. Friendship is like marriage you can always fall back and one of them will be there to pick you up.
So a couple weeks ago I had lunch with my friend Sandy, We were in band together. She said the other day how I always said the funniest things at the right time. I always remember us that we could just look at the other and start laughing just like with our friend Jane from back in the day. I don't know if every kid enjoys band like we did but God those were the days. Well, I hadn't seen Sandy since soon after high school. Not sure why we lost touch with each other but it happens. Funny thing when we met up it was as if it had only been a few months except for the fact that we had to catch up on all those 30 years. What happened after high school and that I had been with Brian for more than 20 years and that I worked for Eckerd's for that long as well but have another job now that I have been at for 5 years. She had been in the Air Force when I last saw her but she went to college afterwards. She has moved all over the country and me well I have been right here keeping the home fires burning. We talked about all the love and loss and we shared a lot. The waitress at the restaurant thought we would not stop talking long enough to order and then probably thought we would never leave after we were done eating. We talked about the people we kept up with and the ones that we miss. It was a great afternoon. Can't wait to see her again.
Then just this Friday I had breakfast with Tracy and we had the best time together. I just don't think I could ever express how appreciative I am to her for her friendship. It takes us just as long to catch up on a few weeks but it is our thing we do. Have breakfast and talk and laugh and sometimes cry. I thank God for her every day.
Yesterday after having the house tented for Termites and finally getting back in after being out for 3 days I got a call from Scotty. I always laugh at us, two unassuming friends we started off together in the store and moved on to corporate together and we ate lunch together everyday for more than 10 years and now when we get on the phone we have to catch up on all the things we would have discussed over lunch. Which movies has he seen and which Brian will watch and ones he isn't going to sit through. He tells of the plays or other cool New York stuff he has done. We talk about work and everything else in life and remind each other how great it is when we get to talk.
May not seem like anything exciting for most. Certainly not worth getting up at 5AM to write about but these are just a few of my friends that I try to keep in touch with. These are the people that keep my head above the water in the ocean of life and encourage me to keep swimming. That I can get through whatever it is I am going through and I am there for them to reassure them that they are much stronger than they believe as well. No one is in this ocean alone, There is always someone to reach out to and grab hold of when you need a lift. I know people try to do the same on the internet and there are people that will reach out but no imoge can do what a hug or visiting with an old friend over a meal can do. Maybe we should all plan to get together more and put down all these smart devices and hang out with some really smart friends. I am just glad that over the years I have always remembered my love for these and many more friends. And getting together with them for an hour every few months is way better than anything else in the world.
So to all of you who read this far. As the Golden Girls theme says, "Thank you for being a friend."
Over the last few weeks I have been out with or talked on the phone with 3 different friends that I have know for about 30 years each. I have always said that one thing that I learned as a kid was to be loyal. And I can say that the friends I have are amazing. I have written about all the funny stories from back in my store days at Eckerd and the trouble I should have gotten into but the funny thing is that if I pick up the phone and call any one or all of the people from back in the day or if they called me I would do anything for any of them. Friendship is like marriage you can always fall back and one of them will be there to pick you up.
So a couple weeks ago I had lunch with my friend Sandy, We were in band together. She said the other day how I always said the funniest things at the right time. I always remember us that we could just look at the other and start laughing just like with our friend Jane from back in the day. I don't know if every kid enjoys band like we did but God those were the days. Well, I hadn't seen Sandy since soon after high school. Not sure why we lost touch with each other but it happens. Funny thing when we met up it was as if it had only been a few months except for the fact that we had to catch up on all those 30 years. What happened after high school and that I had been with Brian for more than 20 years and that I worked for Eckerd's for that long as well but have another job now that I have been at for 5 years. She had been in the Air Force when I last saw her but she went to college afterwards. She has moved all over the country and me well I have been right here keeping the home fires burning. We talked about all the love and loss and we shared a lot. The waitress at the restaurant thought we would not stop talking long enough to order and then probably thought we would never leave after we were done eating. We talked about the people we kept up with and the ones that we miss. It was a great afternoon. Can't wait to see her again.
Then just this Friday I had breakfast with Tracy and we had the best time together. I just don't think I could ever express how appreciative I am to her for her friendship. It takes us just as long to catch up on a few weeks but it is our thing we do. Have breakfast and talk and laugh and sometimes cry. I thank God for her every day.
Yesterday after having the house tented for Termites and finally getting back in after being out for 3 days I got a call from Scotty. I always laugh at us, two unassuming friends we started off together in the store and moved on to corporate together and we ate lunch together everyday for more than 10 years and now when we get on the phone we have to catch up on all the things we would have discussed over lunch. Which movies has he seen and which Brian will watch and ones he isn't going to sit through. He tells of the plays or other cool New York stuff he has done. We talk about work and everything else in life and remind each other how great it is when we get to talk.
May not seem like anything exciting for most. Certainly not worth getting up at 5AM to write about but these are just a few of my friends that I try to keep in touch with. These are the people that keep my head above the water in the ocean of life and encourage me to keep swimming. That I can get through whatever it is I am going through and I am there for them to reassure them that they are much stronger than they believe as well. No one is in this ocean alone, There is always someone to reach out to and grab hold of when you need a lift. I know people try to do the same on the internet and there are people that will reach out but no imoge can do what a hug or visiting with an old friend over a meal can do. Maybe we should all plan to get together more and put down all these smart devices and hang out with some really smart friends. I am just glad that over the years I have always remembered my love for these and many more friends. And getting together with them for an hour every few months is way better than anything else in the world.
So to all of you who read this far. As the Golden Girls theme says, "Thank you for being a friend."
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Good-bye friend
So I learned a secret last week at work. A secret that the person that I sat next to had gave their notice and was leaving. Now in the three years I have sat at my desk this person has sat by me for maybe a year and a half.
I feel as though I have lost a friend. Not the friend that you gossip about work or the friend that you eat lunch with but this is the friend that at the end of the night while my mom was sick I would cry to in the middle of the parking lot about how hard it is to take care of her and this person listened. Listened in the way only a person who had been a caregiver of a sick relative can listen. Listen as only a person who had walked more miles in those shoes than I would have a chance to. Listen like a life long friend.
This person was so private and yet so giving. Sharing only what had to be shared but always knowing what had to be shared. Not giving away too much. So this very private person told the management not to let others know that notice had been given. And in return they didn't. So no fanfare for a partner in crime or no cake or cookies to be had. Just a quiet good-bye at the end of the night with post it notes exchanged with phone numbers between us.
I actually had a dream last night of what it will be like tomorrow when I go in and the desk is empty. I already know because I had a call at the end of the night that kept me later so my dream was pretty close.
In the world of work I know there is no time for grieving for the loss of a comrade. Just one of the newer people will be given that desk and and they will wipe it down and adjust the chair and put up their name on the wall and it will become theirs. This is the part of working in a place where turn over is part of life and it is a part I don't care for. Back in my Eckerd days I was known to not be open to new people and basically because they wouldn't stick it out for the long haul. In my almost 33 working years I have worked for 3 companies full time. 21 years at the first, 6 years at the second and now I have been here 5. At Eckerds my friends had all been around and I am still friends with them and most of us would still be at those jobs had CVS not closed the office we worked at. I know I am a good employee but good employee's don't last forever and change is so hard. And no matter how hard I work I worry that the job I do well just may not be good enough.
Seems today people think a job is like well everything in life is replaceable. And I the employee well I am replaceable as well. I mean if all you have to do is wipe down a desk and adjust a chair who's to say my chair won't be taken up by another new person another day. My friend next to me was hired by my supervisors but had to be a gift from God. I wish I could share all the laughs in our corner and all the tears. I am usually the one listening to people's stories and trying to guide them along their path but this person my friend was definitely sent to show me that I could move on and that I could change. And that life can be good maybe not in the way it was good before but good none the less.
I know there are some that are thinking well that person is probably moving on to better things. And knowing this person the way I do which really is not at all. That person will be fine. See I thought about calling this post by the person's name and I thought about using letters of the person's name through out the blog to be clever but this person is so much more clever than that. So instead I will not give away the sex or the age or any other clue of the person that sat next to me. I will only say to the next person that shares a space with this person will be the lucky one.
Good Luck my friend in whatever you do and know that you will not soon be forgotten in my little corner of the office.
I feel as though I have lost a friend. Not the friend that you gossip about work or the friend that you eat lunch with but this is the friend that at the end of the night while my mom was sick I would cry to in the middle of the parking lot about how hard it is to take care of her and this person listened. Listened in the way only a person who had been a caregiver of a sick relative can listen. Listen as only a person who had walked more miles in those shoes than I would have a chance to. Listen like a life long friend.
This person was so private and yet so giving. Sharing only what had to be shared but always knowing what had to be shared. Not giving away too much. So this very private person told the management not to let others know that notice had been given. And in return they didn't. So no fanfare for a partner in crime or no cake or cookies to be had. Just a quiet good-bye at the end of the night with post it notes exchanged with phone numbers between us.
I actually had a dream last night of what it will be like tomorrow when I go in and the desk is empty. I already know because I had a call at the end of the night that kept me later so my dream was pretty close.
In the world of work I know there is no time for grieving for the loss of a comrade. Just one of the newer people will be given that desk and and they will wipe it down and adjust the chair and put up their name on the wall and it will become theirs. This is the part of working in a place where turn over is part of life and it is a part I don't care for. Back in my Eckerd days I was known to not be open to new people and basically because they wouldn't stick it out for the long haul. In my almost 33 working years I have worked for 3 companies full time. 21 years at the first, 6 years at the second and now I have been here 5. At Eckerds my friends had all been around and I am still friends with them and most of us would still be at those jobs had CVS not closed the office we worked at. I know I am a good employee but good employee's don't last forever and change is so hard. And no matter how hard I work I worry that the job I do well just may not be good enough.
Seems today people think a job is like well everything in life is replaceable. And I the employee well I am replaceable as well. I mean if all you have to do is wipe down a desk and adjust a chair who's to say my chair won't be taken up by another new person another day. My friend next to me was hired by my supervisors but had to be a gift from God. I wish I could share all the laughs in our corner and all the tears. I am usually the one listening to people's stories and trying to guide them along their path but this person my friend was definitely sent to show me that I could move on and that I could change. And that life can be good maybe not in the way it was good before but good none the less.
I know there are some that are thinking well that person is probably moving on to better things. And knowing this person the way I do which really is not at all. That person will be fine. See I thought about calling this post by the person's name and I thought about using letters of the person's name through out the blog to be clever but this person is so much more clever than that. So instead I will not give away the sex or the age or any other clue of the person that sat next to me. I will only say to the next person that shares a space with this person will be the lucky one.
Good Luck my friend in whatever you do and know that you will not soon be forgotten in my little corner of the office.
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